Anticipatory Grief

  • Thread starter Thread starter katesmom
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
K

katesmom

Guest
My dad started Hospice on Monday 4/1. He has cancer (recently metastized to his bones) He is only 63 years old…
Oh my goodness this is the hardest thing I have ever experienced.

He isnt able to eat or drink. His body is so frail and he has a difficult time getting around. He is on morphine…He is still carrying on conversations and taking care of his financial matters and household matters with family members.

Luckily my family is so amazingly supportive and we have had a house full of family this week.

As his primary care giver, my mom is not taking time for herself. Lack of sleep and stress have really taken over. Its so sad to not be able to talk to her about this because she is so angry and defensive. I completely understand she is grieving - I really do. I just wish she would consider talking about her grief instead of being angry at everyone. Please pray for her.

Its difficult because we dont want him to suffer anymore, but we dont want to lose him either. I continue to pray & find strength through my faith in God. Im trying to keep it together because my Mom is going to crack soon… While she accepts Hospice, my mom is very controlling and is questioning all their decisions. Its just exhausting. Please pray for my Dad and my family during this time. Thanks for reading
 
Watching your parent die can be very difficult. As can watching your spouse die.

Every grieves in their own way. And although you would like your mom to talk about it, if that is not what she wants to do, you really shouldn’t push her to do it.

I do speak from experience. I was the primary caregiver for my mother. I didn’t sleep, more than cat naps, for 5 days. I am sure I wasn’t the nicest person to be around. Heck, I was tired. But I also wanted to be with her. Leaving her, when I knew my time with her was so limited, was not an option.

And the last thing I wanted to do was to talk about her dying.

Do what you can for her. Be there if she wants to talk. But otherwise I would let her be.
 
I am so sorry you are going through this. I have been where you are and know the pain you are all feeling. My heart goes out to you.

I offer you my prayers and (((hugs))) for you also xo

Perhaps if you post this in the prayers forum also you will get others to pray for your father and all of you

May God bless you and your dear father and all your family.

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death.
Amen
 
I am sorry. I will pray for all of you. Hospice really helped my aunt when my uncle was in it.
 
kate(name removed by moderator) said:
My dad started Hospice on Monday 4/1. He has cancer (recently metastized to his bones) He is only 63 years old…
Oh my goodness this is the hardest thing I have ever experienced.

He isnt able to eat or drink. His body is so frail and he has a difficult time getting around. He is on morphine…He is still carrying on conversations and taking care of his financial matters and household matters with family members.

Luckily my family is so amazingly supportive and we have had a house full of family this week.

As his primary care giver, my mom is not taking time for herself. Lack of sleep and stress have really taken over. Its so sad to not be able to talk to her about this because she is so angry and defensive. I completely understand she is grieving - I really do. I just wish she would consider talking about her grief instead of being angry at everyone. Please pray for her.

Its difficult because we dont want him to suffer anymore, but we dont want to lose him either. I continue to pray & find strength through my faith in God. Im trying to keep it together because my Mom is going to crack soon… While she accepts Hospice, my mom is very controlling and is questioning all their decisions. Its just exhausting. Please pray for my Dad and my family during this time. Thanks for reading
Click to expand...
Try to just let your mom be…She’s handling the stress in her own way, and no one loses someone they love in the perfect way. Give her hugs when you can. Pray with her when you can. My stepmom’s last husband died at their home…She told me it was very hard on everyone when he could no longer eat or drink, because then they knew that the end was directly in sight. We are so programmed to try and get people to eat, it is very distressing watching a body withdraw from food.

All eyes are focused on your dad, and that is normal, but remember to try and help care for you mom as well. Even if she pushes you away, keep trying.

You will be in my prayers.
 
**Our Father, Who art in heaven,
Hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy Kingdom come.
Thy Will be done, on earth as it is in Heaven. Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
as we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil. Amen.

Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death.
Amen.

Glory be to the Father,
and to the Son,
and to the Holy Spirit.
As it was in the beginning,
is now,
and ever shall be,
world without end.
Amen.**
 
Hail Mary,
Full of Grace,
The Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou among women,
and blessed is the fruit
of thy womb, Jesus.
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
pray for us sinners now,
and at the hour of death.
Amen
 
I am so sorry for you and your family. Having gone through it, I know how painful it is for everyone. Try not to worry to much about your Mom…she will be ok. Everyone handles this differently. Later on, you can focus on Mom.

Praying for you all.
 
I am very sorry to hear of the painful situation your family is facing. I can relate to it completely…

It really is true that “everyone grieves in their own way,” and it’s not something anyone else can really understand. From my own experience, I might suggest that your mom feels a special responsibility to see/know that she has done “everything she can” for her husband in his last days. She loves him.

She loves you too, and she is going to really need you in the near and distant future. But just being present -and I don’t mean physically all the time- (so she can better weather that feeling of being alone) will be something that no one else can do in quite the same way.

I hope you and your family find peace and comfort in these days.:gopray2::gopray2:
 
For me, the last 3 months of my husband’s life were both agonizing and precious. We both knew what was happening. We were stuck between not wanting to say goodbye and wanting the pain to stop.

Sometimes I felt angry because I felt cheated - I should have had more time with him, but then I remembered how lucky I was to have found my true love, how blessed we were in our marriage: we were true to our vows - we never gave up, we never turned away from each other and we had no regrets.

It is very common for people to become ‘overly controlling’ when they are stuck in a situation where they feel like they don’t have many choices. Your mom can’t control losing her husband, so when she does have control over any aspect of her life - she might seize it with both hands. Little things that were once trivial are suddenly crucial. Remember where the frustration originates, give options when possible, and be patient.

My prayers are with you and your family.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top