so I came across a site…
chastitysf.com/depanx.htm
and it said something that has really freaked me out! I suffer from anxiety on a constant basis and now the website says this…
***Psychologically, locating and treating the unconscious final cause of the symptoms can be the most critical aspect of the treatment because it can have a curative effect on the other causes as well. Treating only the material cause, however—as if it were the rational and only cause—will leave the final cause untreated and free to continue exerting its harmful influence. In regard to depression and anxiety, the psychological treatment usually centers around unconscious feelings of anger and guilt and victimization.
From a Christian perspective, the root of anxiety is a lack of trust in God’s providence, such that, when facing the unknown, you worry endlessly about how to “figure it out” on your own. The root of depression is a lack of trust in God’s justice, such that when encountering any hurt or insult you fall into a desire to take matters into your own hands to get revenge, but, feeling helpless to overpower others, you turn your anger onto yourself as unconscious self-blame.
This means, therefore, that some persons cling with unconscious determination to a childlike desire to make their parents admit their mistakes. These persons use their own disability as evidence of their parents’ failures—evidence to be thrown back into their parents’ faces—and, in so doing, they effectively reject divine love for the savor of revenge.
“What?” you ask. “Revenge? That’s ridiculous. I don’t want revenge. I’m past that.”
Well, no one is “past” the capacity for self-deception, and only when you can be honest about your entanglement in the unconscious can you extricate yourself from it. So, if you truly were past revenge, you would do anything it takes—pay any price and overcome any fear—to be healed, and then you would turn to your parents and, as a gift of true love, offer to them your healing, as evidence that, despite all their mistakes, they really didn’t cripple you after all. But by continuing in your self-sabotaging behavior you show that you would prefer to send yourself to hell just to prove to someone how much he has hurt you. It’s simply impossible to open yourself to God’s healing grace until you let go of the secret hope that your own self-destruction will bring you the sweet satisfaction of . . . well, revenge.***
seriously!!! I can’t help what my subconcious does!