Any advice on how to not care if people don't like you?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Rozellelily
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
R

Rozellelily

Guest
I’m too sensitive to whether people like me or not/what people think of me (not in arrogant way but in sensitive way).
For example even if a “bitchy” receptionist gives me a nasty or judgmental look I will internalise it and be hurt.

I have tried saying to myself it doesn’t matter what they think,not everyone is nice and who are they that I should value their opinion but it doesn’t really work.

Has anyone overcome this type of thing or,better yet,not had it in the first place so I can be “offered” a clearer way of thinking?
 
You will always care about what you feel about others not liking. It is ‘normal.’ It is your acceptance that you need to address. There will always be those kinds of people in your life. At least they are not hanging you on a tree and driving nails into you hands feet. Dirty looks will never cause you death or injury. You don’t know what others are thinking about you> You may encounter others that are over-worked and stressed out and YOU may be the last person on their minds. Time and experience will smooth the rough edges of life. Remember the old adage “Kill them with kindness?” Put that in practice. Kind words and gestures will take you a long way. What if someone really does not like you? Unless you have given a reason for them not to care about you…it is their problem, not yours. There isn’t a lot of advice that can be given to make others like you. Either they don’t or won’t. However, you might wish to cultivate a demeanor or attitude that will draw people to you and that would lessen your sense of insecurity. We never know what someone else is going through. Be at peace with yourself and then with others.
 
Thanks @maryestelle2,

If try to be kind and smile at a “bitchy” receptionist and they don’t smile back and be judgmental then I get affected.

It’s like I view them as being higher than me or something.
I must be somehow putting them as “higher” because otherwise they wouldn’t have so much power over me to affect me?
 
Only The Lord has power over you. No one is better than you on this earthly plane. We all into this world naked and screaming and go out the same way. Remember the story “The King has no Cloth?” That should give you the giggles. The King thought he was fully dressed in magnificent robes, but all the while he was naked. We are truly naked before the Lord and that no matter what we ware, posses, or how we appraise ourselves it won’t matter to the Lord 'cause He makes the final call. You are Somebody Special to the Lord and that is what matters.!
 
It is normal to feel that way. We meet people who for no reason are unkind and negative. Some of them are those who do not even know about us. It will make you upset, not so much about anything but rather about the injustice of it all.

I have no solution for you actually. You will feel bad and upset until you get over it. I can only say that in the meantime, try not to retaliate because it can only aggravate the already bad situation rather than solving it.

Yes, we are tempted to give the person ‘a piece of our mind’, but it is of no use. Even if it feeds our ego, it still is of no use, because after that we would probably feel just as bad. The idea should be to get it over as quickly as possible and not to allow it to linger on any more than is necessary.

Some of the things that you can think of if you are deep spiritually, is to tell yourself that you are God’s daughter, and that Dad loves you. If God loves you, what else does it matter if she is bitchy towards you. It only shows her own brokenness which has not been sufficiently healed for her to be like Jesus. Just feel sorry for her.

God bless.
 
Last edited:
I had issues with this same thing for a very long time. I think gaining confidence in my own worth has done a lot to help me change that. I’ve also learned to accept that some people are just jerks. I don’t have to “own” their bad behavior by making it about me.
 
Say the Beatitudes daily.

Especially the last two

(And don’t barrack for the Pies).
😎😀
 
Last edited:
BIn the example you gave, the receptionist, you don’t know what she is thinking. You don’t know that she is judging you, or dislikes you. Honestly, the fact that you would call someone sitting at their desk doing their job what you did says more about you. You don’t even know her.

It sounds like you have some insecurities and maybe you base things on externals that have nothing to do with reality.

Sometimes on the checkout line, there is a cashier for example, that has a stern or gruff look on their face. I usually say hello, how are you today? Most of the time, they smile and we make small talk the rest of the time. If I had merely gone by their stern look, we both would have missed out on a pleasant conversation.

You don’t know what goes on in other people’s lives…
 
Last edited:
You dont know where they are coming from. Their response to you may not be about you at all. Problems at home, stressful job, they are not managing well.
 
One has to have a proper balance. It’s actually good to care about what people think about you to some extent. That’s part of having empathy. It is required in order to make decisions that are fair and kind to others. It makes you self-aware enough to realize that going around scowling at people makes them feel uncomfortable and it isn’t their fault that someone cut you off this morning and you’re still mad about it. However, you have to also be able to realize that some people are just jerks and if you’ve considered your behavior, determined that you aren’t being unkind or unfair, then you have to just realize that this time it’s their problem and not yours. Someone on the old forum once presented a good analogy, though I think it was for guilt, but it applies here too. Think of those feelings like a fire alarm. If it goes off, you search the house (aka your behavior) and determine if there is any danger. If there is, you fix it (apologize) or call for help (therapy) but if you search the house and you realize that there’s nothing wrong, you turn the alarm off and go about your business.
 
I probably do have some insecurities but keeping in mind that these particular receptionists are people that other people have repeatedly stated too that they perceive them as being rude.
 
Last edited:
We all have our innate personalities and levels of sensitivity. I’m usually the opposite of the OP and don’t care a flying flip about what others think of me - most of the time. I’m fairly insensitive to those around me and would like to be less self-centered. Empathy, as @Allegra mentioned, is a good thing to have. It’s all a matter of balance.
 
Ouch.
I’m kind and nice to literally everyone because I was blessed to be raised that why.
Like everyone though,I have flaws.
Maybe it’s not the nicest descriptive term to refer to someone as “bitchy” but at the same time time, isn’t it good to deal with the reality that some people are this way?
 
Last edited:
Print this on a paper and keep it on your nightstand. Pray it when you go to bed at night and before you get up in the morning.

Litany of Humility

O Jesus! meek and humble of heart, Hear me.
From the desire of being esteemed,
Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being loved…Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being extolled …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being honored …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being praised …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being preferred to others…Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being consulted …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the desire of being approved …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being humiliated …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being despised…Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of suffering rebukes …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being calumniated …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being forgotten …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being ridiculed …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being wronged …Deliver me, Jesus.
From the fear of being suspected …Deliver me, Jesus.

That others may be loved more than I,
Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.

That others may be esteemed more than I …Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That, in the opinion of the world,
others may increase and I may decrease …Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be chosen and I set aside …Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be praised and I unnoticed …Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may be preferred to me in everything…Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
That others may become holier than I, provided that I may become as holy as I should…Jesus, grant me the grace to desire it.
 
"Rozellelily:
Maybe it’s not the nicest descriptive term to refer to someone as “bitchy” but at the same time time, isn’t it good to deal with the reality that some people are this way?
Click to expand...
I think you missed my point. You don’t know that she is what you attribute to her just by looking at her. It doesn’t matter that other people say she is a certain way. She did nothing to you. So don’t assume anything based on what you imagine.

Furthermore, “dealing with the reality that some people are this way” to me, is to not stoop to their level if they truly display bad behavior.
 
LOL! People used to think I was in a bad mood or angry because I was always frowning. Nope, just needed glasses! However, I now have a perminate frown or crease between my eyes. Just goes to show you!
 
I doesn’t matter what people think of you; 1. it’s their business what they think. 2 It’s not part of Christianity to have the goal of being liked or loved(God loves you, and that’s all that matters), because the goal is about you.
3. When people whom you may even like, show rudeness(?) ,just thank them for any help they’ve given and walk away.

You might want to read the prayer, “litany of Humilty”.
 
What about impression you get from other people? Do they seem to like you/you them?
 
When that happens to me, not every time but most times, I think of Jesus hanging on the cross. All those people scoffing, spitting, prodding to increase his pain. And he said: “Forgive them for they know not what they do.”

Then I imagine Jesus looking down from the cross at the rude receptionist, offering love and forgiveness. I try to love her as Jesus loves her, offering a prayer that she finds peace in her life, repentance and a change of heart. It is what Church means, lifting up the weak (even through our silent pleas to God) so that all may be saved. Yours is a sensitive spirit with a calling to intercessory prayer.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top