Any tech savvy people that can answer a question for me?

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exiled1

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Curse that Incognito mode.
Lots of history with my husband that I won’t repeat here. For whatever reason I feel compelled to keep giving our marriage another shot. A non-negotiable point, though, is full transparency with his phone and computer, which really is quite meaningless because he can delete anything, and because of incognito mode. Now, that said…
I was looking through his phone and noticed that under the google app, the option was presented to Sign In or Incognito Mode.
Now, on my computer the incognito mode doesn’t show up anywhere on any screen. I have to click on those dots in the corner to find the option.
It is my assumption (and correct me if I’m wrong) that the option is showing up automatically because my husband is actually using it. Much like pornographic emails; they don’t show up unless you go to those types of sites.
Is anyone here knowledgable enough to tell me if that is an indicator of my husband hiding his searches with this option?
Thanks
 
I can’t answer the question about “incognito mode”. I’m not that tech savvy myself. I don’t know what the nature of the issues you have had with your husband are, however, my stepfather is recovering from a really severe porn addition and he does not own a smartphone and the only computer in the house is a desktop in the living room.
 
exiled1 said:
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Good to eliminate history when searching for gifts, for example, but your internet service provider still knows where you’ve browsed. The browser may have the option and there are many different browsers with different instructions to see and enable the incognito mode.
 
Hi exiled1,

Incognito Mode just allows someone to be on the Internet without being tracked while they’re on when they’re using their browser.

As someone else mentioned, each browser has a different setting for using this feature.

As you already know, you usually have to go into the browser’s Settings functions/features, and turn it on/choose it in order to use it.

I wouldn’t know about it automatically showing up for your husband in his browser, unless he is keeping the feature selected in his browser.
 
oldgraymare2 said:
As you already know, you usually have to go into the browser’s Settings functions/features, and turn it on/choose it in order to use it.

I wouldn’t know about it automatically showing up for your husband in his browser, unless he is keeping the feature selected in his browser.
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While this is true for a windows/OSX based computer it is not true for an app.
 
One solution for blocking bad websites in your home is to do so through your router with OpenDNS. This will block those sites on all devices in your home and it has the added bonus that you won’t come across “adult” content by accident.

But as others have been saying here, trust is key because there are always workarounds to blocked content.
 
Dacinom said:
God bless you I’m praying for you.

I’m sorry to say that there is no “dumb phone” that has no internet access. At least not that I have found. If you find one please post the link here. Even dumb phones with a screen can get porn on the internet.
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You need to look in the right places. My dad works for top security places. He needs a phone without a picture screen or a camera to work in those facilities. I know he has several options.

Here’s one


You also have the Nokia 105, alcatel OneTouch 2051x, binatone M250. If you want more I can ask my dad what phones were on the OK list.

I know CAT (the company that makes the heavy equitment) has some job site phones with no interent but they do have cameras so they aren’t allowed where my a works.
 
I can’t find the option to set the home screen to what your husband set. The alternative I can see is if you can install a keylogger onto his phone and computer. That will get around incognito and any VPNs he sets up. Ban him from the administrator account on Windows so he can’t wipe the log.
Getting a dumb phone would also help.

If you are from the UK then your ISP can block adult content (not full proof- but something). If you are not from here your ISP may be able to do it, worth asking them.

Hope things improve in your relationship.
 
Incognito mode shows up as an option without having to enable it or anything, at least in Chrome. You don’t need to set up an account or sign in or anything to use it (that would sort of defeat the purpose). You just click the option to open an incognito window, that’s it.

Also, paying 15 bucks a month for Covenant Eyes is highway robbery when there’s so many open source (free) options out there that you can sort out with a little bit of effort.

Here’s a link to some key-logging/tracking programs that are free -


These are only for computers though, not other devices, which seems to be the issue at hand. I just get annoyed when I see companies charging a lot of money for something that you can download for free. But any apps that are put on a phone can be temporarily disabled or otherwise neutralized with a little bit of ingenuity.

And even if you block sites manually (good luck, there’s an entire network of mirror sites that cater to countries like India where the government does that anyway that crop up like mushrooms) you still got to remember he can use either his data plan or other people’s wifi.

However, the caveat is is that there are ways around all this, of course, and if your husband knows how to do it and wants to do it, he absolutely can. Internet capable devices are cheap as chips, so going “oh he can’t look at porn because I gave him a dumb phone/we use Covenant Eyes” is pulling the wool over your own eyes. There’s places in the house I could hide a smart phone from my husband from that he’d never find, and vice versa. So either sort out this out with your husband, or live in paranoia for the rest of your life.
 
I appreciate all of the responses, and I will look into checking history at the “router level”. Working on the trust, not the technology sounds great, but my husband absolutely will not be “micromanaged”. I am left with my best efforts to “trust, but verify”. After all of his lying, I cannot just “trust”. Yes, I am looking for proof that he is, or he is not, telling me the truth about the changes.
 
“Micromanaging” is the word my husband used when I found his hidden bottle of gin. Do I have to let go of my determination to find evidence, or proof of his fidelity and alcohol recovery? Yes, according to Al-anon, I am supposed to stop this. If I was not a Catholic, if I did not have children, this would be a no-brainer and I would be out of this marriage and relationship. But, I cannot act on my own wants, and I feel compelled to forgive 70x7 and I cannot shake that lesson that has been drilled into me from childhood. I’m trying to wrap my head around the idea that maybe my understanding of that church teaching is wrong, God knows I’m trying everything in my power. God knows I’m battling my own sinful nature that just wants to quit this whole thing.
We have done this pattern ad nauseum.
 
That sounds awful, I’m sorry. I can’t imagine it’s really ‘sinful’ to want to be out of a relationship that’s so disrespectful and unhappy.
 
“Love is patient, love is kind. It is not jealous, is not pompous, it is not inflated,
it is not rude, it does not seek its own interests, it is not quick-tempered, it does not brood over injury,
it does not rejoice over wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.
It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.”
1 Corinthians 13:4-8

Dear Sister in Christ,

You are in my prayers . The above is an interesting scale for everyone of us to measure and see where our love stands towards others .

Bible says in the Gospel of St John ,
"For God so loved the world that he gave his only Son, so that everyone who believes in him might not perish but might have eternal life. "
What always puzzled my mind is, After the first sin, Why did’t God create a new earth after crushing everything in the old together with Adam and Eve ?

It is His love ,
It’s not that God has love in Him , BUt He himself is love .

St John again in his letter says : “Whoever is without love does not know God, for God is love.”
The one main reason why our prayers go unnoticed before God is because of the quality of our love towards others .

In your case Its time for you to rethink how much you love your husband and where your love stands in respect to the scale of love in 1 Corintians 13

Because only love can succeed in the end . Only love can bear true fruit . And in the end we will be judged on the basis of love .

Once we wash ourselves from our weakness, we will be worthy enough to correct others and in helping them.
I am so grateful to God that he has helped me immensely to confess my failures in regard to love and has helped me to find great joy in loving others .

Once after you correcting yourself(Possibly in Confession), the best way to protect your husband from blemishes is by praying rosary for him .

In our family life the day we forgotten praying rosary together with my wife , We have seen it clearly we loosing love between us .

“No one can live continually in sin and continue to say the Rosary: either they will give up sin or they will give up the Rosary” ~Bishop Hugh Doyle

With Lots of prayers
 
Good morning, Faithful, I go to weekly Confession and have been in Spiritual Direction for years and years. My heart is not hardened towards my husband; on the contrary, I feel so sorry for him (and this has grown out of Confession) but I do not have the skills to rehabilitate him. He is an alcoholic. Whether his anger is fueled by alcohol or his alcoholism is fueled by anger, I don’t know.
I can’t fix him, I can only pray and protect myself and my children. My husband has gotten worse, not better, over the last 5 years or so. The kids’ spiritual well being is definitely compromised, and their physical well being as well. He caused an accident last fall that sent our 10y/o daughter to intensive care.
This is the last thing I want to do.
 
So, you are no longer separated from your husband?
If your husband is still drinking and hiding things on his phone, why are you back with him? Please, go for help to be strong enough to separate from him for the sake of your children until the time he is willing to change for good. You are harming your children by the life they are experiencing with their father. Be the hero for your family even if they don’t see it that way.
 
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We have been in phone counseling for 4-5 mos. while separated. He has persisted is saying that I needed to come back to see that he has changed, so with the counselor we decided on a “practice session” of 3 weeks or so. Here I am and I found the hidden alcohol, and he has also told me he would rather divorce than be “micromanaged”, as well as threatened to sue me to keep the kids here. Most of me believes he is shooting his mouth off to shut me down, and that he really wouldn’t do that, but I can’t assume that. I absolutely hate to consider that I need to see a lawyer.
 
Sadly, I believe that I am finally at that point that the next step needs to be taken. I came in good faith, but it’s just not what it is supposed to be.
 
No way the judge is going to give your alcoholic husband that landed your daughter in the ICU custody.

You need to end this charade and go back to your family 600 miles away. You have given him more than enough chances.

You know the right thing to do. Now do it.
 
exiled1 said:
, I can only pray and protect myself and my children. My husband has gotten worse, not better, over the last 5 years or so. The kids’ spiritual well being is definitely compromised, and their physical well being as well. He caused an accident last fall that sent our 10y/o daughter to intensive care.
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Imagine for a moment that your daughter came to you and said these words about HER husband.

I am going to bet you would help her and her kids to get away.

There is not one crumb of Catholic teaching that requires us to stay with an abusive husband.

Not one.

Yes, love is greater than everything. Living under a safe roof does not mean you stop loving your husband. It means you love him so much you will not let him harm other people.
 
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