Anybody else have a bad WWME experience?

[rayne89]

We loved our weekend. It was awesome for our marriage and we are not extroverts.

 

[Joan_M]

Maybe it’s better for extroverts.

Probably you are right! I am an introvert and felt emotionally raw for a couple of weeks after the weekend my husband and I went on. I felt as if my soul had been skinned with a dull knife

That was in 1999, and I have never had anything else to do with WWME since - it put me off totally.

There was also liturgical abuse at the Sunday Mass at our weekend. Sure, we were a small group, but that is no reason to insist on us forming a circle around the altar, holding hands, and standing throughout the Consecration. I felt violated, specially as it was my parish priest celebrating Mass and pushing these abuses on us.

Never again!!

 

[JohnJohnJohn]

Opinions…gotta love 'em. OK here’s mine.

This weekend experience for me and my wife gave us an opportunity to review our relationship. The value we received was dictated soley on the effort put in.

The presenters were not paid. The presentations were not contrived. The talks were very well written examples and experiences from couples who, like us, face the normal reprioritizating forced on us by life.

I came into the weekend skeptical, tired, and needing a break. I had no idea what I was in for. I had not heard of WWME until that time.

From what I remember, dialoging was just 1 of 5 tools they teach to help. It got the most attention because it took the most effort.

The presenters were there to make a difference. Once I found out they were not paid and that they created all of that presentation themselves, I learned they really cared about our happiness. Going to events and celebrating with the community after our weekend has made a real difference. That was one of the 5 tools. I think the other 3 besides dialoging and community, was sex, prayer, and self evaluation. If I am wrong will someone reply?

God was there with us. That was a challenging weekend for me to get a lot of information out and I needed God’s help the whole way.

The money request floored me a bit because cash is hard to come by it seems all the time but Christmas . Once we dialoged about it I realized we had used the money already for this weekend that was for our benefit. To not donate would have been using and it seemed Christian to me that if we left without paying they would have been fine with that. It was us they were concerned with and that is special.

Lastly, PLEASE stop with the comments on celebrating communion as individual. There is NOTHING individual about receiving communion. It’s very definition is the celebration of Christ’s body into his Church: you, me, him, her, everyone. When 2 of you are gathered in my name… If the Church could find a way to have every piece of Eucharist torn off of the same loaf at the same time and given to everyone simultaneously they would. Why? It just makes the point. We are all the same, loved the same, and need to recognize and celebrate that in our daily lives. Folks having an issue with this are probably like me, organizers, and that is OK in my opinion. Ask your priest about it. It’s OK to be upset about something you hold dear. That is why the Vatican keeps looking at itself.

I think those that attend a WWME weekend wanting to fix their marriage are going to be dissappointed. Willingness to participate has to happen for both parties. I think that any couple that participates fully will find the weekend not only rewarding, but something they will remember for a lifetime as my wife and I do. God bless.

 

[EasterJoy]

We went, expecting renewal. By Saturday evening, we had one of the worst weekend of our lives. I honestly think it was one of the most damaging events in our almost 30 year marriage. We left on Sunday morning, citing family reasons for leaving. (It was true, we needed to save our marriage )

I think it might work for marriages with serious communication problem, but for us all it did was resurrect all the bad stuff that happened over the years, and it a very bad way .

I’ve had a priest who used to do these encounter weekends tell me that he thought it potentially very damaging that people are asked to be very frank, to drag out all sorts of “truth”, but are not given the tools to deal with it. If your problem was only that you don’t know how to say what is really on your mind, it is apparently great. I know many couples who came back just thrilled. (The men actually seemed relieved…as in: wow, this talking about feelings did not in fact kill me, and she is so happy, I wish I’d figured THAT out a long time ago!)

If your problem is that you know very well what the problems are but have no idea how to cope with the raw emotions when they’re pulled out into the open, not so much. Very bad idea.

 

[mamaslo]

Well it also seems to be draped with secrecy. WWME, EE, Cursillo. To me that is a turn-off. I want to know what I am in for. So I can say “yes”.

My mom and her husband went on separate Cursillo retreats. He loved it, she wanted to come home but stuck it out because she made the committment. He is an extrovert, my mom is not.

I am introverted, yet, in small groups I may open up, but it would be very embarrassing to get too personal.

Some times, I think it depends on the people giving the retreat. For instance, we have a youth minister who is very good at retreats. She could take the topic and make it awesome and still be within the structure of the event. That is probably the difference.

For me though, tell me what is going to be expected so I can prepare my mind, my heart and whatever else is needed to get the most out of such a weekend. Don’t tell me "Oh, I can’t tell you. " That might just keep me away. I don’t do good on spur of the moment. I take to preparation.

Peace.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

Well it also seems to be draped with secrecy. WWME, EE, Cursillo. To me that is a turn-off. I want to know what I am in for. So I can say “yes”.

I agree completely, especially when people are spending money, taking time off work, entrusting their children to other caregivers, etc. etc. etc… I can appreciate the fact that sometimes you are turned off to the middle of the program because you haven’t experienced the beginning of it yet, so I can appreciate the dilemma. Ultimately though, grown ups deserve to have information they’re seeking, and can take the responsibility for not being open to the process if that’s what happens. I wonder if groups like that would make more or less money if they were less secretive. It’s hard to believe that finances aren’t considered when making these rules (and I don’t begrudge any organization the concern about finances).

I also believe that any good retreat would never require public participation of the attendees. That is true of Marriage Encounter. Presenting couples share THEIR issues to the entire group, because they have planned on doing that, and they are giving examples of how to communicate. But the attending couples go off on their own, away from other couples to have all of their discussion. So that’s the good thing. I would never attend a retreat that required me to share. Forced sharing would inhibit the spiritual experience and turn my thoughts into something more intellectual and concerned about other people. Something like that would be more aptly defined as a conference.

 

[HouseArrest]

I already commented once on this thread way back in 2010, but I want to be more specific about the forced sharing at meals…

I have no problem sitting at a table with strangers and getting to know them, i.e., how many kids do you have, where are you from, what is your line of work, etc., etc., and then maybe later on talking about issues that may come up… no problem at all. We were not “allowed” to do that. We were instructed not to ask those introductory questions and discuss ONLY the questions on the sheet in the middle of the table. They weren’t REALLY personal, but that is just not the way to get to know someone. When have you EVER met someone and the next sentence that came out of your mouth after you knew their name was “What does the second commandment mean to you?” It is just not natural.

That’s what I thought of the whole weekend. Forced togetherness that just was not natural. Even with my husband of 17 years.

 

[Sailor_Kenshin]

We just got back from a marriage encounter weekend and hated most of it. Anybody else get a bad taste in their mouth by having one overly simplistic psych101 communication method jammed down your throat like it was the 11th commandment? Or get turned off by the idea that a supposed Catholic group feels they need to “renew the Church” when in reality they need to renew themselves for the sake of the Church. And did anybody else feel like you could have just been handed the book and left instead of getting lectured to for an entire weekend?

Oh and what was your experience at the Sunday ending… ours involved lay people blessing a priest and couples receiving communion together.

Any thoughts? Seems like WWME censors any opposing views and is believes they are the key to the very salvation of the world.

Never been to one, never wanted to, and from your description alone I’d prolly hate it too.

 

[rayne89]

I already commented once on this thread way back in 2010, but I want to be more specific about the forced sharing at meals…

I have no problem sitting at a table with strangers and getting to know them, i.e., how many kids do you have, where are you from, what is your line of work, etc., etc., and then maybe later on talking about issues that may come up… no problem at all. We were not “allowed” to do that. We were instructed not to ask those introductory questions and discuss ONLY the questions on the sheet in the middle of the table. They weren’t REALLY personal, but that is just not the way to get to know someone. When have you EVER met someone and the next sentence that came out of your mouth after you knew their name was “What does the second commandment mean to you?” It is just not natural.

That’s what I thought of the whole weekend. Forced togetherness that just was not natural. Even with my husband of 17 years.

Its been 15 years since marriage encounter but I know the forced table sharing didn’t happen at our weekend. There may have been suggested questions on the table I don’t remember but I know nobody was forced to share. My husband is not comfortable in required sharing type situations and he really liked our weekend because it was so private. The only “requirement” that I remember was removing watches so we didn’t keep track of the time and not watching TV in the hotel room.

 

[RedSoxWife]

We just got back from a marriage encounter weekend and hated most of it. Anybody else get a bad taste in their mouth by having one overly simplistic psych101 communication method jammed down your throat like it was the 11th commandment? Or get turned off by the idea that a supposed Catholic group feels they need to “renew the Church” when in reality they need to renew themselves for the sake of the Church. And did anybody else feel like you could have just been handed the book and left instead of getting lectured to for an entire weekend?

Oh and what was your experience at the Sunday ending… ours involved lay people blessing a priest and couples receiving communion together.

Any thoughts? Seems like WWME censors any opposing views and is believes they are the key to the very salvation of the world.

We went through the Engaged Encounter and I have to say that I was married in the Catholic Church knowing that we had to be open to children (at some point) but not knowing that the Church had any teaching against contraception. Didn’t hear it in RCIA either. When I found out from a old catechism book my husband was reading on his own (while in RCIA) I was shocked. It never did come up in RCIA either… kind of disturbing in retrospect…

 

[Bluegoat]

I don’t understand what this receiving communion as a couple is?

 

[rayne89]

I don’t understand what this receiving communion as a couple is?

I do not see what the big deal is. You walk up side by side to receive. Obviously you can’t receive at the exact same time. At our parish we kneel for communion (we have prie dues long enough to accommodate two people). At Sunday Mass hubby & I often end up receiving side by side anyway.

 

[Bluegoat]

I do not see what the big deal is. You walk up side by side to receive. Obviously you can’t receive at the exact same time. At our parish we kneel for communion (we have prie dues long enough to accommodate two people). At Sunday Mass hubby & I often end up receiving side by side anyway.

This is what confused me. We always receive kneeling, so I am always next to several people.

 

[HouseArrest]

I do not see what the big deal is. You walk up side by side to receive. Obviously you can’t receive at the exact same time. At our parish we kneel for communion (we have prie dues long enough to accommodate two people). At Sunday Mass hubby & I often end up receiving side by side anyway.

Yeah I guess that is the way it used to be back when communion rails were used.

 

[pnewton]

This is an interesting thread. I have been asked to go on this and have always declined. I do not think I could commit to follow the rules, knowing that I would not. I appreciate all the frankness. It sounds like this is not for me.

 

[Paul_D]

Hi everyone,

I think we have to remember that the nature of the question will bring out all the negative comments around the topic. If you were to post a question, “Anybody else had a bad experience at Parish XYZ?”, I am sure that negative comments would come out of the woodwork on that Parish. Does that mean that no one should visit Parish XYZ, I would think not. Is it useful information, absolutely! Does it give a complete picture of Parish XYZ, I would say no. So, I hope anyone reading this thread would keep that perspective in mind when thinking about WWME (World Wide Marriage Encounter)

As someone who has been on a weekend and involved with the WWME community, I would like to add another perspective. (obviously I am pro ME, but hear me out).

ME Weekends are put on by Catholic couples who **volunteer **their time to write out a weekends worth of talks. These often take months to prepare. Couples are not paid in any way for the time to do this. They are not professional counselors or professional speakers. They simply want to share the gift of growing in your relationship God and your spouse that they got on their original WWME weekend.

There is a point (as with any retreat you may go on) to make a free will donation. This is totally optional and completely private with WWME. These donations pay for the hotel rooms and the food you eat and the handouts for the weekend. This is done so that no couple would be refused a weekend for financial reasons. It is truly “money to keep the lights on”, but the donation is completely optional.

The weekend is really about the couple having a private retreat. You listen to a lecture by one of the presenting couples and then you and your spouse go off and talk to each other in the privacy of your room. Yes, you eat meals with other people and there are questions that are provided during meals. It is not a silent retreat Beyond that, interactions with other couples are not really encouraged. We actually ask people to respect the boundaries of other couples on the weekend. We state that this is not about hanging out and meeting other couples. ** The weekend is about a couple spending time with themselves.** My wife is somewhat of an introvert and she was not bothered by the meal conversations etc.

Regarding the comments on liturgical abuses (I think those are strong words). Each weekend does seek permission from the local Bishop to have permission to have Mass. I would check out a book such as “Mass Confusion” by Akin as a good reference to see if there was something that was an abuse or not. Talk to the Priest or local Bishop if you have concerns. Some ME couples do walk up side by side when they walk up to communion. When they reach the priest or Eucharistic minister they each receive it individually. It is really no different that when you walk up in two lines via the middle of the church and there is one Priest who simply alternates from one side to the next.

Finally, there was a comment on making “good marriages better”. That phrase is used as a ME weekend is NOT for couples in crisis, those who are separated or divorced or who have serious relationship issues. There is a great program called Retrovaille for that. The phrase “good marriages better” simply helps to explain that. **If you are a couple in crisis, the ME weekend is not for you. **

Anyone in Marriage Encounter will tell you, that only God is perfect and our relationships are obviously not perfect either, as we are all human. That said, we are all working to be better persons, parents, spouses, we are all working to make ourselves better than we already are. We are all on a journey to try and improve ourselves and our marriages, but we never “arrive” as we are not perfect. Will we fall down, yes, will we mess up, yes, but will we then pick ourselves up, make amends and try again, absolutely! We are all good people, we are all working toward the better. The joy and personal growth is a part of that journey and a worthy goal.

I hope this provides some wider perspective on WWME. I am not here to deny the experiences that anyone on this forum has had. The weekends are good, but they are not perfect ** I will promise you this, the people that are working to put them on know this and volunteer their time to make them better on an ongoing basis.**

If you want more information, visit the WWME website, wwme.org. There is normally a local couple you can talk to about the weekend. They often have dinners or other get togethers to talk about what a weekend is. Maybe it is for you, maybe it is not. Regardless, I hope you work to take a broader perspective on things. It is a journey that is usually worth it!

Love,

Paul_D

 

[FullOfThought]

Okay, I am so confused! How does a couple recieve communion together? Doesn’t everyone present in a Church always recieve it together?

My FH and I did Engaged Encounter last month, it was amazing! We laughed, we cried… we put everything we have into it and are already reeping the benefits! We pray together every single day, even if sometimes it can only be over the phone!

After we left my FH said he wanted to be one of those couples who run the program and we decided we’d try and do a WWME every year! Is this not a good idea then?

 

[Phemie]

Okay, I am so confused! How does a couple recieve communion together? Doesn’t everyone present in a Church always recieve it together?

My FH and I did Engaged Encounter last month, it was amazing! We laughed, we cried… we put everything we have into it and are already reeping the benefits! We pray together every single day, even if sometimes it can only be over the phone!

After we left my FH said he wanted to be one of those couples who run the program and we decided we’d try and do a WWME every year! Is this not a good idea then?

My understanding, from this and other threads like it, is that the couple walk up to Communion side by side, receive the Host one after the other but wait until both have received it to consume it simultaneously. That is sooo hokey, not to mention that it removes the choice of receiving on the tongue from both parties. When the priest puts the Host in your hand you are supposed to consume immediately and it’s a private encounter with Jesus.

 

[Paul_D]

Okay, I am so confused! How does a couple recieve communion together? Doesn’t everyone present in a Church always recieve it together?

My FH and I did Engaged Encounter last month, it was amazing! We laughed, we cried… we put everything we have into it and are already reeping the benefits! We pray together every single day, even if sometimes it can only be over the phone!

After we left my FH said he wanted to be one of those couples who run the program and we decided we’d try and do a WWME every year! Is this not a good idea then?

You can go on a retreat every year if you wanted. Even better, call back the couples who presented your weekend. There is a whole ME community out there that usually meets at least monthly that you can circle up with on a regular basis. That is really your best option.

 

[Paul_D]

My understanding, from this and other threads like it, is that the couple walk up to Communion side by side, receive the Host one after the other but wait until both have received it to consume it simultaneously. That is sooo hokey, not to mention that it removes the choice of receiving on the tongue from both parties. When the priest puts the Host in your hand you are supposed to consume immediately and it’s a private encounter with Jesus.

Nope - really no different. Just like you are standing side by side in two lines (or if you were up at a communion rail) as mentioned above. Once it is placed on your tongue you simply consume it.