Anyone called to be single?

[JohnnyReb]

Many of the cradle-robbers already have biological children (talking about widowers, for example). And not everyone is going to have biological children, although people seem to think it is their constitutional right to do so (hence all the in vitro procedures, etc., etc. – must be the same phony sense of entitlement that makes people think they can’t possibly live in a house smaller than 5,000 square feet with fewer than 5 bathrooms. )

Yes, some women want Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt. But take a look at any large newspaper with pictures of weddings and engagements – I see far more Elmer Fudd-Angelina Jolie combinations than Tom Cruise-Elmira Fuddess ones. Go downtown and look around you – same thing.

Its because these Angelinas that are with Elmer Fudd are digging for Elmer’s gold, sometimes. Think of Anna Nicole Smith, she did not love Howard Marshall just for himself.

 

[catherine_m]

I think maybe I am called to be single.I have never had a boyfriend and Im not interested in getting one.I could never do anything sexual, in fact it strikes me as disgusting, and I want to be chaste forever.I don’t think Im capable of being emotionally atached to someone,(even as a friend, and I prefer not to have intimate friends) and I prefer a simple life.So I dont think I’ll ever have a boyfriend or get married.

Hi Teeliumtrozzle,
Congrats on the website, I didn’t get a chance yet to read all of it. But the parts I did read were really excellent. You must have put alot of work into it. Well done.:clapping:

P.S. Sorry to the others on this thread that my comment isn’t related to the topic in question!

 

[goofyjim]

I figure wherever I am at in life that is what I am called to be. A vocation is any calling and doesn’t have to apply to just the religious life or married life.

 

[Norseman82]

I’m not talking about an official call. I’m talking about the ordinary ways people recognise a vocation. Taking careful stock of your strengths, weaknesses, resources and capabilities, and realising that you can best serve God in a chaste single life rather than marriage and motherhood OR the convent, priesthood etc.

OK, that is valid and necessary during discernment, but we must also be careful to recognize that some strengths, weaknesses, resources, and capabilities may be changeable (through an education, for example).

Are you suggesting that the examples I gave - St Catherine of Siena and St Benedict Joseph Labre - and there are others - were somehow ‘settling’, or didn’t truly have a vocation to be single laypeople?

Maybe…maybe not…I don’t know.

Maybe it was a “forgoing” of marriage that CCC 2231 speaks of.

Maybe back then it wasn’t as hard as it is now to find a good compatible Catholic spouse.

 

[Norseman82]

I I could never do anything sexual, in fact it strikes me as disgusting, and I want to be chaste forever.I don’t think Im capable of being emotionally atached to someone

There is NOTHING disgusting about sex within a valid sacramental marriage.

Have you considered discussing this with a priest?

I don’t know if this means that you have a vocation to be single, but I believe such warped views of sexuality could easily be factors/grounds in granting an annulment.

 

[LilyM]

OK, that is valid and necessary during discernment, but we must also be careful to recognize that some strengths, weaknesses, resources, and capabilities may be changeable (through an education, for example).

All the education in the world can’t make you suitable to be a spouse, parent, priest or religious if otherwise you’re not. The capacities that fit you for these vocations are emotional and to do with character, not just intellectual. Difficult if not impossible to change your character that radically.

Maybe…maybe not…I don’t know.

You think anyone gets to heaven or sainthood if God calls them to marriage or the religious life and they ignore that call? Of course not!

If God had wanted them to be anything other than single laypeople and they had ignored His will, that would be a mortal sin.

Maybe it was a “forgoing” of marriage that CCC 2231 speaks of.

Darn tooting. And so is every single layperson just as likely to be serving ‘honorable ends’ by BEING an unmarried layperson as any of the married, ordained or religious are in their respective states of life.

By the same token there are plenty of religious, priests, parents and spouses out there who shouldn’t be in their vocations for sure!

Maybe back then it wasn’t as hard as it is now to find a good compatible Catholic spouse.

What on earth are you getting at with this? If you’re meant to be married you’re meant to be married, God will send the right partner along for you even if they’re the only one on the planet!

 

[Norseman82]

If God had wanted them to be anything other than single laypeople and they had ignored His will, that would be a mortal sin.

SAYS WHO???

Sources please from OFFICIAL CHURCH DOCTRINE.

What on earth are you getting at with this? If you’re meant to be married you’re meant to be married, God will send the right partner along for you even if they’re the only one on the planet!

Sorry, I’m a Catholic, not a Calvinist. And according to CCC 2230, people choose their profession, state of life, and spouse.

 

[LilyM]

SAYS WHO???

Sources please from OFFICIAL CHURCH DOCTRINE.

‘He who loves me will keep my commands’. That means doing what He wants you to do with Your life. God calls, you answer.

Sorry, I’m a Catholic, not a Calvinist. And according to CCC 2230, people choose their profession, state of life, and spouse.

Yes, and they disobey God - sometimes mortally - in these choices as in all their others. They pursue the ‘profession’ of a drug dealer or an abortionist, have affairs and steal fiances from their siblings.

Think about it - if God’s will for you is to be married then he’s not going to stick you on a desert island with no other people around, yeah? There’s a certain amount of His providence involved.

 

[Norseman82]

‘He who loves me will keep my commands’. That means doing what He wants you to do with Your life. God calls, you answer.

Yes, and they disobey God - sometimes mortally - in these choices as in all their others. They pursue the ‘profession’ of a drug dealer or an abortionist, have affairs and steal fiances from their siblings.

Think about it - if God’s will for you is to be married then he’s not going to stick you on a desert island with no other people around, yeah? There’s a certain amount of His providence involved.

Well, neither of us is on a desert island, are we?

Again, apples and oranges.

The examples you cite of people disobeying God and “He who loves Me keeps My commands” refer to moral laws/10 commandments type precepts. There is no commandment against honest work. And the only restrictions on marriage are those regarding eligibility due to consanguinity, same gender, divorce or ordination or some serious defect.

And there is a difference between providence and micromanagement. Nothing in the CCC that I’ve read indicates that God micromanages our lives to the point we are mere puppets (do you stop to pray a novena to determine what to have for dinner or whether to take the express or locals?). If there is something there, please quote it and give the relevent paragraph. In other words, it’s “put up or shut up” time. Otherwise, in my opinion, manipulating people to think they are in mortal sin without concrete evidence (as posted in scripture or official Church teaching) is a red flag of a religious cult, and I certainly won’t be drinking any of your Kool-Aid.

This is CATHOLIC Answers, not CALVINIST Answers.

 

[fraisinette]

The solution to this is for women in their own age group to make themselves available for marriage before it is too late.

Th-th-th-th-that’s all folks!

I’ve found that men my age (yes, even the Catholic ones) are more interested in messing around until they feel like settling down. I’m in my 20s.

There are plenty of lovely modest women around. We’re just not throwing ourselves at you. Y’know, the whole “modest” thing.

 

[fraisinette]

I’m 26 and still single with no prospects, but I also know that my vocation is as a mother. It’s troubling to hear “well, if you’re meant to be a mother, then God will send you a husband” since sometimes I doubt that it works that way. I’ve been praying to find someone for over 10 years now.

 

[catherine_m]

I’m 26 and still single with no prospects, but I also know that my vocation is as a mother. It’s troubling to hear “well, if you’re meant to be a mother, then God will send you a husband” since sometimes I doubt that it works that way. I’ve been praying to find someone for over 10 years now.

Hi Fraisinette,
I’m 33 and not married! I know how you feel and it gets increasingly worrying for women as the years go by especially as your fertility declines and you get more and more lonely. I used to panic alot, even in my early 20’s but I’m glad now I didn’t marry then because I know it wasn’t the right time for me. I believe I will marry but only with the right man and the right time. I’ve come to believe you should leave it in God’s hands. He knows best. But keep on pestering Him with prayers for a good husband!!! I do, and He’ll have to give in sometime. Archangel Raphael, St. Anthony and Our Lady are also good to pray to for a husband.

 

[CarolAnnSFO]

I’ve come to believe you should leave it in God’s hands. He knows best. But keep on pestering Him with prayers for a good husband!!! I do, and He’ll have to give in sometime.

God doesn’t always “give in” – how many years or decades should we continue this prayer before just assuming that God means us to be single? Twenty years? Thirty? Forty? :bigyikes:

 

[LilyM]

Well, neither of us is on a desert island, are we?

Again, apples and oranges.

The examples you cite of people disobeying God and “He who loves Me keeps My commands” refer to moral laws/10 commandments type precepts. There is no commandment against honest work. And the only restrictions on marriage are those regarding eligibility due to consanguinity, same gender, divorce or ordination or some serious defect.

Now it’s time for you to put up some evidence that Christ was only referring to moral precepts.

On the contrary, every time we pray the ‘Our Father’ we pray ‘thy will be done’. Not ‘thy will be done - if you care enough one way or the other to have a will’. The words of the prayer are based on the assumption that the God who knows every hair on our heads has a will or plan for each of us.

I’m not talking micromanagement. I don’t think the toothpaste we use or the cereal we choose for breakfast really matters. I’m talking about the major things - career, marriage, children and so forth. Our vocations in these respects are crucial to God’s work being done on this planet.

Mary had to give birth to Christ, and have no other children before or after. Christ had to die and rise again, John had to baptise, Elizabeth to give birth to him, Moses to lead Israel out of Egypt and so on. And it had to be these particular persons, not others - do you think God had a spare prophet handy in the time of Moses or John? Or a second Immaculate virgin tucked away in case Mary didn’t feel like fulfilling the vocation he had planned for her?

What you do with your life in these type of matters is very necessary to God’s scheme of things, as is what they did.

And there is a difference between providence and micromanagement. Nothing in the CCC that I’ve read indicates that God micromanages our lives to the point we are mere puppets (do you stop to pray a novena to determine what to have for dinner or whether to take the express or locals?). If there is something there, please quote it and give the relevent paragraph. In other words, it’s “put up or shut up” time. Otherwise, in my opinion, manipulating people to think they are in mortal sin without concrete evidence (as posted in scripture or official Church teaching) is a red flag of a religious cult, and I certainly won’t be drinking any of your Kool-Aid.

This is CATHOLIC Answers, not CALVINIST Answers.

I’m not a Calvinist. I’m not talking that sort of micromanagement. Simply that God certainly has strong opinions about what He wants us to do, at least at times, I’m sure.

Remember that he preserved Mary from the moment of her conception from all sin, original and actual, knowing precisely what her task would be. He told Joseph to take Mary for his wife, and didn’t leave Mary to fend for herself as a single mother (even though she probably had male relatives who could serve as guardians for the child) or find another man for her husband as she possibly could have done.

He told Abraham that the child who would breed a nation from him would come from Sarah, and not from Hagar. He gave Pharoah and his servants some pretty detailed information in the dreams that Joseph interpreted, telling them exactly how long the famine would last and so on. Christ foretold that Peter would deny Him three times, and in Acts God sent a vision to Paul to tell him to go to Macedonia. So it would appear that God certainly has at least some of the detail of our lives sorted.

 

[catherine_m]

God doesn’t always “give in” – how many years or decades should we continue this prayer before just assuming that God means us to be single? Twenty years? Thirty? Forty? :bigyikes:

Hi Carol Ann,
I don’t mean that we should sit around waiting for someone to knock at the door and not get out there to meet someone. I know deep down God doesn’t always “give in”, but I’m such a romantic I just can’t give up hope of marriage. And yes I think I would pray until the day I died for someone - you’re never too old for love! I think people know if they are called to marriage and parenthood or not. You have to follow your heart. Opportunities in everything in life are put our way and it is how we react to them often determines the direction our life will take. But she was saying she is 26. I know I paniced when I was that age which was wrong of me because it is still young. If I had married in my 20’s when I thought I had to - it would have led to disaster for me and whoever I married I’m sure, because it wouldn’t have been the right time for me or the right person because of the situation of my life at the time. Now that I’m 33, I’m not as paniced as I was even though I feel it is the right time for me. The problem is - now I don’t have a man!

 

[CarolAnnSFO]

If I had married in my 20’s when I thought I had to - it would have led to disaster for me and whoever I married I’m sure, because it wouldn’t have been the right time for me or the right person because of the situation of my life at the time. Now that I’m 33, I’m not as paniced as I was even though I feel it is the right time for me. The problem is - now I don’t have a man!

I knew some women who were panicky and desperate to get married in their 20s – that was rather sad; I got the impression they would have settled for anyone, right or wrong, just not to be single at the age of 26.

I thought the time was right in my 30s – nothing. Same thing in my forties – nothing (and I do get out and around; I’m not a hermit). When I reached my 50s, I started to think God had other plans for me.

I’ve never actually felt called to be a nun, and now, I’m too old anyway, even for the orders that are very flexible in their age limits. I should mention that I’m a revert, and when I was young enough for that sort of calling, I was away from the Church. I did manage to get professed into a secular order, though.

 

[catherine_m]

I knew some women who were panicky and desperate to get married in their 20s – that was rather sad; I got the impression they would have settled for anyone, right or wrong, just not to be single at the age of 26.

I thought the time was right in my 30s – nothing. Same thing in my forties – nothing (and I do get out and around; I’m not a hermit). When I reached my 50s, I started to think God had other plans for me.

I’ve never actually felt called to be a nun, and now, I’m too old anyway, even for the orders that are very flexible in their age limits. I should mention that I’m a revert, and when I was young enough for that sort of calling, I was away from the Church. I did manage to get professed into a secular order, though.

I’m glad that you found your calling in life. You are never too old to love God. With my situation I really do want to get married and have a family. It is important to me because I never really had a traditional family life. My mother died when I was a young baby. I’m an only child and didn’t get on very well with my father as a child. (We get on better now). I didn’t have a happy childhood at all. In fact it would be hard for me to think of a happy memory. It’s not that am I trying to relive my childhood or anything like that but I do want to have a family and experience family life. The thought of a loving, kind, patient husband and having children with him makes me love life and sets me on fire for living. I don’t believe God will deny me that.

 

[lak611]

This is CATHOLIC Answers, not CALVINIST Answers.

It sounds like you are taking a Calvnist approach by saying everybody must marry. That is how many Calvinists interpret these verses:

1Ti 4:1 Now the Spirit manifestly saith that in the last times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to spirits of error and doctrines of devils,
1Ti 4:2 Speaking lies in hypocrisy and having their conscience seared,
1Ti 4:3 Forbidding to marry, to abstain from meats, which God hath created to be received with thanksgiving by the faithful and by them that have known the truth.

. As Catholics, we are not required to marry if we do not become priests, monks or nuns.

 

[westcoast]

I’ve always been told to, instead of pray to God for what you want, pray to God that His will be done, and that you accept his will for your life.
It seems easy to “put your life on hold” until you get married. Sometimes I tell myself, okay, pretend you are not getting married until you’re 55 years old (I’m in my twenties). Now that I know what age I’m getting married, what will I do UNTIL then?
I also work with a lady who is in her fifties, and she is so on fire for God and life, it is amazing. She is not, and never has been, married. She’s beautiful and friendly and intelligent. I’m sure there are many rejected men she has left in her path, but she obviously does not settle for Joe Schmoe. If it is God’s will for her to get married, it will be to one of the best! But until then, she has stuff to do!

 

[jaaraf]

Archangel Raphael, St. Anthony and Our Lady are also good to pray to for a husband.

You can add St. Joseph to your list of saints to pray to for a husband as well.