Anyone called to be single?

[Hatter]

Hi,

I’ve been thinking about my calling since I was just a little girl. I’ve tried a week in a convent, I’ve tried dating. I came to the conclusion a long time ago that I wasn’t called to the monastic life. But I don’t feel called to marriage either. To be honest the mere thought makes me feel ill. Is it that I am scared of marriage or could I be called to a life as single? I’m only 27, so perhaps I just havn’t “met mr right” yet. But I just don’t feel any desire to meet anyone. And no…I’m not a lesbian…I’ve never had a lesbian thought in my life (people sometimes assume that you’re gay just because you don’t have a boyfriend)

Anyone else in a similar situation?

 

[Dale_M]

Yes, although actually I did marry because it was the expected thing to do. Now post-marriage (and without kids) I can’t see marrying again. I’m just not good at it.

I have seen this topic come up here at CAF and at other Catholic forum sites. So no, we are not alone. But I do think the Church has been slow in responding to our growing numbers.

 

[NoPlaceLikeRome]

A holy priest I know said that he did not think there was a call to the single life. I don’t mean to be depressing but I do trust him, he is a very wise man.

 

[puzzleannie]

two of my best friends have, under excellent spiritual direction, discerned vocations to the single state. Both serve the Church in various ways, and are anchors for their extended families, and due to circumstances have both given strong pro-life example by direct action to their families in crisis situations. they have an influence on many, many others beyond their families and do untold good.

 

[dalesmom]

I have been married too…now divorced after 19 years and no kids. After the divorce, I felt God call me to the Catholic church. I have no desire to date and feel that God has called me to the single life at this stage of my life. I feel that His plan for me is to take care of my patients and their loved ones, serve the church, and take care of abandoned animals. That is a very important vocation just as marriage and children would be. But marriage and children is not what God needs for me to do.

And by the way…I love my life the way it is. God put me here for a reason.

 

[Hatter]

I’m just not sure if I feel this way because I have a genuine calling, or because I’ve been disapointed when it comes to dating. Also I have seen so many unhappy marriages. I wonder if it is worth it?

 

[Angel_Bradford]

I don’t know about being called to be single; I just don’t feel called to be married.

 

[fcbv]

I don’t know my vocation. I’m 25 and I never met anyone! I never had any boyfriend and I still didn’t try to discern any vocation because I’m not confirmed and I still didn’t find a job (for these reasons I’m not contacting any religious order…) and I’m not interested in marriage! I don’t feel that vocation (to the marriage) and I’m very afraid of remain single in the world because I’m scared of falling in love later! I don’t want that! Third Secular Orders aren’t for me, because the members can be married and can marry - and I don’t want to be in danger of fall in love! The single state is only for strong-minded people and I don’t think I’m strong-minded. In rest, there are many forms of single life: secular institutes, consecrated virgins, etc.

 

[goofyjim]

A holy priest I know said that he did not think there was a call to the single life. I don’t mean to be depressing but I do trust him, he is a very wise man.

John Paul II said that the single life could easily be a vocation. I for the present and will always have ssa so getting married is along shot. Doesn’t mean it can’t happen but if it never does it is because I was called to the single life. I go day by day and don’t worry about the future.

 

[dalesmom]

jIM…

WHAT IS SSA?

 

[DesertBrother]

A holy priest I know said that he did not think there was a call to the single life. I don’t mean to be depressing but I do trust him, he is a very wise man.

No disrespect to the priest you mentioned, but St. Paul himself encouraged single life:

1Corinthians 7:8 “I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I.”

7:27 “Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.”
7:28 "But and if thou marry, thou hast not sinned; and if a virgin marry, she hath not sinned. Nevertheless such shall have trouble in the flesh: but I spare you. "

" He that is unmarried careth for the things that belong to the Lord, how he may please the Lord:
7:33 But he that is married careth for the things that are of the world, how he may please his wife.
7:34 There is difference also between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit: but she that is married careth for the things of the world, how she may please her husband.
7:35 And this I speak for your own profit; not that I may cast a snare upon you, but for that which is comely, and that ye may attend upon the Lord without distraction. "

 

[goofyjim]

jIM…

WHAT IS SSA?

Same sex attraction.

 

[El_camino]

Hi,

I’ve been thinking about my calling since I was just a little girl. I’ve tried a week in a convent, I’ve tried dating. I came to the conclusion a long time ago that I wasn’t called to the monastic life. But I don’t feel called to marriage either. To be honest the mere thought makes me feel ill. Is it that I am scared of marriage or could I be called to a life as single? I’m only 27, so perhaps I just havn’t “met mr right” yet. But I just don’t feel any desire to meet anyone. And no…I’m not a lesbian…I’ve never had a lesbian thought in my life (people sometimes assume that you’re gay just because you don’t have a boyfriend)

Anyone else in a similar situation?

Although I do recognize that God may call many to be single (obviously, that is the case with all priests and nuns), you say that you are not called to the monastic life… How about being a “secular” nun?. These are nuns that do not wear any parapharnelia like others do, and they simply remain unmarried, they teach in schools and they probably go in missions around the world. They are not constraint to any convent, or anything like that.

So besides being called to be single, the question is are you call to the other vocations involved in a consecrated life?

beep beep… changing topics a little bit… I don’t know if this topic is appropriate here, but since you said you were not a lebian, I wonder… there is also a condition called ASEXUALISM, where the person does not feel attracted to either sex… could that be your case?

There is a big difference between a celibate person and a asexual person. A celibate person makes the CHOICE to remain single because he feels the call, but this person still feels attraction to the opposite sex (or same sex if that person is a homosexual … BTW, homosexuals are called to remained celibate… that is the cross they must bear), but an ASEXUAL person feel NO attraction to any sex, so IT IS NOT a choice. IT is a rare condition but there are some out there.

Many blessings,

E.C.

 

[Dale_M]

an ASEXUAL person feel NO attraction to any sex, so IT IS NOT a choice. IT is a rare condition but there are some out there.

A study of British residents estimates that about 1% are asexual. This is a small percentage, but not an insignificant number either. Would such people be called to a single or religious vocation? A Josephite marriage? Or a conventional marriage, but in which sex was cross to be carried?

 

[El_camino]

A study of British residents estimates that about 1% are asexual. This is a small percentage, but not an insignificant number either. Would such people be called to a single or religious vocation? A Josephite marriage? Or a conventional marriage, but in which sex was cross to be carried?

It is hard to say… I would think that it would depend on the circumstances and on the individual…

Personally, I think, a priest/pastor should be a “normal” person, that is a heterosexual who has decided or made the choice to be celibate. This should be so, because this individual is going to be guiding or leading others so I would expect that they would be in good psychiatric condition. If the priest is asexual, or homosexual, even if he is leading a CELIBATE life, I don’t think he is in good psychiatric condition to guide others… That is my personal opinion.

As far as marriage… either josephite or conventional, we must think that marriage takes TWO people to make it work… so we should think of the other person as well.

Our Lord tells that there are some that are BORN or that are made by the WORLD as unable to marry… So we ought to take our Lord seriously on this.

Blessings,

E.C.

 

[goofyjim]

Although I do recognize that God may call many to be single (obviously, that is the case with all priests and nuns), you say that you are not called to the monastic life… How about being a “secular” nun?. These are nuns that do not wear any parapharnelia like others do, and they simply remain unmarried, they teach in schools and they probably go in missions around the world. They are not constraint to any convent, or anything like that.

So besides being called to be single, the question is are you call to the other vocations involved in a consecrated life?

beep beep… changing topics a little bit… I don’t know if this topic is appropriate here, but since you said you were not a lebian, I wonder… there is also a condition called ASEXUALISM, where the person does not feel attracted to either sex… could that be your case?

There is a big difference between a celibate person and a asexual person. A celibate person makes the CHOICE to remain single because he feels the call, but this person still feels attraction to the opposite sex (or same sex if that person is a homosexual … BTW, homosexuals are called to remained celibate… that is the cross they must bear), but an ASEXUAL person feel NO attraction to any sex, so IT IS NOT a choice. IT is a rare condition but there are some out there.

Many blessings,

E.C.

Homosexuals are called to celibacy while their feelings persist. If heterosexual desires develop they can get married.

 

[El_camino]

Homosexuals are called to celibacy while their feelings persist.

Yes… that is the cross that they must bear…

goofyjim:

If heterosexual desires develop they can get married.

Yes… they don’t have that cross, specifically, to bear.

Many blessings,

E.C.

 

[fin]

interesting. how does one know if one’s asexual? maybe it’s better for them to be single?

 

[El_camino]

interesting. how does one know if one’s asexual? maybe it’s better for them to be single?

I don’t know much about the matter but I saw a show on TV where they were interviewing some of them… Some said that they simply don’t feel attracted to either sex and they have no sexual drive whatsoever. Other said that they see sex as something utterly disgussting. I imagine that a lot of people would find sex is disggusting if you take the sexual drive off of it.

Blessing,

E.C.

 

[Chrystal]

Hi,

I’ve been thinking about my calling since I was just a little girl. I’ve tried a week in a convent, I’ve tried dating. I came to the conclusion a long time ago that I wasn’t called to the monastic life. But I don’t feel called to marriage either. To be honest the mere thought makes me feel ill. Is it that I am scared of marriage or could I be called to a life as single? I’m only 27, so perhaps I just havn’t “met mr right” yet. But I just don’t feel any desire to meet anyone. And no…I’m not a lesbian…I’ve never had a lesbian thought in my life (people sometimes assume that you’re gay just because you don’t have a boyfriend)

Anyone else in a similar situation?

Yea lately I’ve been thinking about if God is calling me to be a Nun, and it does interest me. As far as marriage, I honestly feel like I don’t want to be married. The thought kinda scares me. I agree with you, on not wanting to meet anyone. I mean sometimes I may think about a guy that I find a little attractive, but I feel like I don’t want a boyfriend. Now that I think about it, I’ve felt like that for a long time. I don’t think there is anything wrong about not wanting to date, whichk makes me think about what you said when people think single people might be gay. That is so ridiculous. In fact, one of my family members asked me if I was a lesbian. I felt so hurt and embarassed by that.