Anyone called to be single?

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I’m so glad someone submitted this question! The only time I feel “weird” about being single is when OTHERS make me feel weird: “So why aren’t you married yet?” “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” “Do you like being single?” Leave me alone, gah! 🙂
It is totally out of my hands, unless I mosy up to every man on the sidewalk and ask him for a date. Because, really, how else are you supposed to “solve” your singleness? God knows who and when you’ll date, and I’m so not into the bar scene/want ads/eHarmony, so it’s easier to leave it up to Him!
Enjoy the time while you are single because I have a feeling, if I get married someday, I’ll sure miss my “alone” time!
 
I agree with you Westcoast…My best girlfriend and I are roomates and several people at work think we’re gay. No…we are 2 divorced women in our 50s enjoying finding out who we are and enjoying having the time that we wasted as young married adults to enjoy having time to focus on who I am instead of who the world says I should be…ie: married w/ 2.5 children. Some of us stuck it out in an abusive marriage for far too long and never knew who we were. we knew who our husbands made us be and that was not acceptable to us or to God. If God forgives us in divorce, why can’t others? As a single woman, I have time to give to others and my church. I could never have dreamed of that when I was married. My ex wouldn’t let me. I am a much better person single than I could have ever been married, tho this is who I wanted to be. God has given me this gift and I intend to use it to His glory.

Yes, sometimes I think about dating, but I don’t think God wants me to have that distraction right now.

Sorry…got off on a rant…😊
 
Hello everyone…I would like to share with you some insights about being single. Yes there are people who are called to served God as Priests (diocesan and religious), Nuns/Sisters, Brothers or some are called to remain in the world as single “Single Blessedness”. There are many ways that a single person can serve the Church. Some religious Orders in the Church have this thing called “associates” members of this group are lay people (single and married). In particular, the Congregation of the Religious of the Virgin Mary also known as the RVM Sisters has an associate program for the laity. The RVM Associates are men and women who respond to the unique call of God to live out the charism and spirituality of Mother Ignacia del Espiritu Santo and share the vision-mision of the Congregation and participate in her ministries. All Christians are called to be disciples of our Lord Jesus Christ at baptism. They are members of His body, the Church. If any of you is interested to know more about the RVM Associates, let me know and I will be happy to give you more information. Thank you and God Bless.
Yggi
 
I have many adult friends and family members called to be single. My aunt, 2 SILs, my college buddy. They all have very full lives and careers and travel and spend a lot of it sharing time and $$ with nieces and nephews and taking care of older siblings and parents. That is a true calling if you ask me.

We are blessed to have them and feel secure knowing they around to watch aging relatives when we can’t be there. They are all dutiful Catholics and serve as Godparents to many. They are indeed a blessing and pitch in whenever any of us are sick or need extra loving hands. One SIL stayed with wife and son at St. Jude for her entire summer (she’s a teacher). We couldn’t have gotten through it all without her.

Bless the single catholics for the caring and open hearts.
 
How about being a “secular” nun?. These are nuns that do not wear any parapharnelia like others do, and they simply remain unmarried, they teach in schools and they probably go in missions around the world. They are not constraint to any convent, or anything like that.
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There is a small school for girls run by these “secular” nuns located very close to my house. I was personally taught by one of their teachers for both years of Confirmation and she was GREAT. A very holy woman, but also very fun and down to earth. I learned a lot from her, and I believe she was one of the people that helped my vocation to really grow through high school.

If that’s your vocation, go for it. You can do SO much good! 👍
 
westcoast said:
I’m so glad someone submitted this question! The only time I feel “weird” about being single is when OTHERS make me feel weird: “So why aren’t you married yet?” “Why don’t you have a boyfriend?” “Do you like being single?” Leave me alone, gah! 🙂
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Don’t worry; the day will come when they will all stop asking. 😃 At my ripe middle age, nobody ever asks anymore. :o
westcoast said:
It is totally out of my hands, unless I mosy up to every man on the sidewalk and ask him for a date. Because, really, how else are you supposed to “solve” your singleness? God knows who and when you’ll date, and I’m so not into the bar scene/want ads/eHarmony, so it’s easier to leave it up to Him!
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I agree – if God wants me married, He’ll send the right guy my way. I’m not a hermit, so there are plenty of opportunities.

I never felt called to the single life, but maybe I am, because here I am, ahem older, and never marrried. I am professed in a Secular Order, but I’ve never felt called to be a nun.

What is God’s reasoning? I don’t know. That bit about having all this free time to serve others gets blown to pieces when you live in an extremely high-cost-of-living area – takes full time work, and then some, just to pay the bills when there’s only one income. :hmmm:
 
CarolAnnSFO said:
I agree – if God wants me married, He’ll send the right guy my way. I’m not a hermit, so there are plenty of opportunities.

…

What is God’s reasoning? I don’t know. That bit about having all this free time to serve others gets blown to pieces when you live in an extremely high-cost-of-living area – takes full time work, and then some, just to pay the bills when there’s only one income. :hmmm:
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Good greetings, CarolAnnSFO,

God’s reasoning for you to be single could be that your very presence on the job serves as a Catholic witness that is sorely needed in our world. 👍

As for me, I actually rather like the sound of being a hermit, even if only as a single lay woman. Especially after seeing the film on Carthusian monks called “Into Great Silence.” 🙂

~~ the phoenix
 
Oh, my dear sister in the Lord! :hug3:

You need to bookmark and participate in my new blog, Apostolic Anchoress. This is one of the themes of the blog.

I am a red-blooded American female (ha!) and really honestly tried to date…but it made me miserable, even if he was a good man.

It’s just that…I have an intense love of my profession in the world as a lay person, which serves people and is very social and is my work of mercy in the world; and then, I have to have my solitude.

Solitude isn’t exactly right; because the presence of God is with me. I love study and prayer and experiencing His presence. I am never lonely; I am never alone.

I can’t just be apostolic: in the world, working and socializing with other people. I can’t just be an anchoress (hermit): too much solitude is not good for me. I have to have that balance in life.

Keep your prayer life stoked; don’t feel you have to profess a decision any time soon. God made you and has a plan for you, personally, and He will speak to you through the circumstances in your life: who you are, what happens, where you find peace and joy…your life is God’s will for your life.

Anyone who is happily married that I know recognized that peace and joy pretty early on when they met their spouse. Happy priests and religious I know felt the same thing. Being single for the Lord in the world is an unusual path, and not many know how to guide you, so be careful in selecting your spiritual director. Don’t be pushed into anything or made to feel wrong or bad or freakish.

Just pray, pray, pray and live your life and seek Him.

This song (with lyrics from the Song of Songs) says it for me and my Beloved:

Draw me, O King, I will follow You eagerly!
Draw me, O King, to Your rooms!
The love You give is sweeter than wine!
How rightly You are loved!
How rightly You are loved!

apostolicanchoress.blogspot.com
 
Jesus’ teaching on “eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven” isn’t about being unable to marry; it is about being called and gifted to the celibate life in the kingdom of heaven! (Not a lack, deprivation, negative; but a plus, a gift, a grace, a call, a charism–according to Paul).

Jesus teaches that there is no marriage in heaven.

Single for the Lord is an **eschatological sign!

**If you doubt it, you have not experienced the witness of the sign in the midst of those who think we’re just thinking animals who can’t control ourselves and everyone must have a sex life and have babies (unless they’re retarded or deformed or something)! They HATE the sign as the darkness hates the light.

There are no pictures of Larry Flynt embracing Mother Teresa.
 
the_phoenix said:
As for me, I actually rather like the sound of being a hermit, even if only as a single lay woman. Especially after seeing the film on Carthusian monks called “Into Great Silence.” 🙂

~~ the phoenix
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That film sounds good! As a Secular Franciscan, though, I can’t exactly be a hermit, at least not full-time. We are called to spend time in prayer and contemplation, but also out in the world. Sort of like the balance kentuckyliz posted about. 🙂

(By the way, not everybody knows that about Secular Franciscans; that we have a contemplative dimension as well as the active one. 🙂 )
 
hmm…perhaps I am supposed to be single…I’ve never dated, and I’m 19. I feel like I must be defective, if nobody is interested enough in me to ask me out. (And honestly, I’m fairly good looking. nearly everybody says I’m “cute” :rolleyes: )
I was (and still am) considering a vocation to the religious life, but it just doesn’t seem right, at the moment anyway. I’m not quite sure about marriage, either, though I want a lot of kids. maybe even be a foster mom 🙂

There seems to be a stigmata to being single (and celibate) in today’s world…you’re not producing children and you’re not wholly giving yourself up to God. What should us single people do?
 
holly_potter said:
There seems to be a stigmata to being single (and celibate) in today’s world…you’re not producing children and you’re not wholly giving yourself up to God. What should us single people do?
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The Catechism has this to say about infertility:
Spouses who still suffer from infertility after exhausting legitimate medical procedures should unite themselves with the Lord’s Cross, the source of all spiritual fecundity. They can give expression to their generosity by adopting abandoned children or performing demanding services for others.
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usccb.org/catechism/text/pt3sect2chpt2art6.htm

I think it is reasonable to say that single persons, without children, should try to serve and enrich the community. They should devote themselves to the common good.
 
Holly,

Don’t choose religious life or single-for-the-Lord-in-the-world because you feel like a “loser” in the dating world. I dated, and had marriage proposals (and other proposals), so I did not feel like a loser in the dating world. I had to say no because it didn’t feel right, but I couldn’t really anticipate that until I was faced with the decision. I only got that far in a relationship because I felt I should date and get married and have children–I was listening to society’s expectations and ignoring the truth in my heart. Once I started listening to my heart, then I knew. But that was after long experience…I had no guidance to help me get the lesson sooner, and I think there are few who can properly understand this vocation and guide a person.

If you want your own children, you are called to the married state. If you love kids, consider going to college and majoring in early childhood education/child development or elementary, middle grades, secondary–whichever age group you want to work with. Not like you have to go to college to be a good mom! Just an idea. At the same time, consider joining Ave Maria Singles (online) if you are a devout and orthodox Catholic (their target audience). You don’t want to just marry any man that will have you, the first one that comes along and “saves you from yourself;” there’s plenty of miserable marriages as a result of this plan. You are a wonderful, unique woman and a rare, precious treasure; you want to find a man who has the same faith and values and desire to live that out in your family life, who also wants lots of kids and to foster more, because some men don’t want more than one or two kids; and a man who will make the sacrifices needed to work to enter a profession to be able to support a family so you can be a full time mom. Your goals and desires (if I’m guessing correctly here) are VERY ATTRACTIVE TO MEN…the right man. Ave Maria will be the most effective place to present yourself to the right candidates. Instead of meat market dating in the bars with your peers, or sexually pressured online dating, try this route that promotes holiness. Check out the site and you will see what I mean.

If you want to be a mother to a multitude of poor children who need you, consider joining a religious order where you can work in an orphanage or a school, perhaps in the third world if you have a heart for missions. The Missionaries of Charity (Mother Teresa of Calcutta’s order) would be one place to check out. Talk to a vocations director for help in identifying other possibilities.

If you are single for the Lord in the world, you will be working and supporting yourself so you need an occupation and enough pay to live on. (Unless you live with family.)

You can ask your bishop about becoming a consecrated virgin in your diocese; that’s another way, not a religious order but not totally flying solo like me. The bishop performs the consecration.

God is not going to smack you in the head with a two-by-four. You have to get out there and try a few things…so set up an AMS profile, talk to a vocations director, visit some religious orders, take a few college classes in child development; but above all, attend Mass, daily if possible, and spend time praying in front of the Blessed Sacrament if possible. The answer will come to you, and it will be based on knowing the options through experience and giving it a chance, through confidence, through peace and joy in embracing your call, and through prayer. Who knows, maybe God will smack you on the head with a 2 x 4! But it will be while you’re visiting a religious order to check it out…or while meeting a man from AMS that you’ve been emailing and talking to on the phone for months, getting to know each other!

God bless you, Holly…He already has, He is now, and He will continue to do so. Just trust and receive the blessing!
 
Dale_M said:
The Catechism has this to say about infertility:
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A vocation to single for the Lord in the world or to the religious state would normally involve never-married people*, so infertility is beside the point. A single person should not be fornicating to test whether they’re fertile or infertile. (Medical diagnosis of infertility requires TRYING to get pregnant.)

Of course, it is possible that unusual medical conditions exist and you know you’re infertile as a single person, like a young woman I knew in college who had had a hysterectomy for cancer, IIRC. She knew she couldn’t have kids; but that’s no reason not to get married and adopt or foster. It is important to be up-front about this situation during dating, though, because you should not deceive another person through omission, and they think they’re going to have kids with you the old fashioned way. In fact, it would be a sacramentally invalid marriage if I understand canon law correctly.

Sometimes people don’t want to adopt or foster; they really want to have children with their own DNA. It would be mean to spring a surprise on them after marriage.

Men and women don’t enter religious life because they’re infertile, but because they are called and chosen.

Infertility would be a later discovery of a person who is called to the vocation of marriage and family life; they are already in their vocation.

*(although some receive a call to religious life or single for the Lord in the world, after divorce, or widowhood, or single parenting once the kids are grown and gone)
 
Holly, I left something out in my response that didn’t address one of your questions.

If you don’t get married and have kids, and you don’t give yourself over to religious life, what does a single person do?

First of all, work, hopefully at a profession that uses your gifts and talents at their best, and therefore serve others. If you are going into a career because it really expresses your values, engages your interests, and uses your skills (existing or future), you will love it and shine like a diamond.

What serves others? If you provide a product or service that someone else needs (as long as it is legal and moral).

Of course, it must be something that provides you enough means to survive. (Salary/benefits)

Then…you could be in a profession that eats up all your time (like my thyroid oncologist–he works amazing hours, round the clock, weekends…but people come from all over the world because they need his unique expertise!)–or, it could be a normal-hours kind of job, and you have free time. Outside taking care of your own hobbies, home, fitness, and faith life, you can spend some time serving others.

What I do is get involved in many community service organizations. I have the time to volunteer and love doing it.

But whatever you choose to do to serve others, you must do it if you’re single for the Lord in the world. You can’t receive a big pile of grace and blessing and then hoard it for yourself…you have to pass it on. Choose the particular works of mercy (spiritual and/or corporal) for which you feel called and gifted and devote yourself to it.

The Divine Mercy shrine in Stockbridge MA has lots of good info about the works of mercy and a spirituality for living it out.

Single-for-the-Lord-in-the-world doesn’t mean you get to sit around and play video games and eat pizza. (Unless it’s with the youth group you lead, during the rec time in their weekend retreat! Ha!)
 
Thank you so much for your replies, kentuckyliz, they really helped me! 🙂 I feel better now, knowing that there are options for the single person to give 🙂
But I will check out that Ave Maria singles site…
Anyway, thank you!
 
kentuckyliz said:
A vocation to single for the Lord in the world or to the religious state would normally involve never-married people*, so infertility is beside the point.
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My point wasn’t meant to suggest that single people are infertile or that people enter the religious life because they are infertile. What I was suggesting is that married people who are infertile and single persons are called to similar tasks.
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kentuckyliz:
If you don’t get married and have kids, and you don’t give yourself over to religious life, what does a single person do?

First of all, work, hopefully at a profession that uses your gifts and talents at their best, and therefore serve others
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This was my point. But you expressed it better than I did. 🙂
 
OK, I understand what you’re saying now, Dale!

Holly, you’re welcome! Be not afraid! This is a process of discovery–enjoy it!
 
I am single, but being a nun is something I never had a calling for. I have no interest in a service or medical type profession, so teaching or nursing are out. I have no calling to go live in a convent away from the world, either. So religious life is not for me.

I investigated the Associates for the Sisters of Notre Dame, but did not discern a calling to their spirituality. For now, Associations and/or Third Orders are not where I am called.

At the present time, I am trying to decide what type of further education to pursue in order to change careers. I worked for 11 years in a unfullfilling job, since I could not find work in the field I studied in college. I am looking to pursue something I would enjoy and has career potential.
 
holly_potter said:
hmm…perhaps I am supposed to be single…I’ve never dated, and I’m 19. I feel like I must be defective, if nobody is interested enough in me to ask me out. (And honestly, I’m fairly good looking. nearly everybody says I’m “cute” :rolleyes: )
I was (and still am) considering a vocation to the religious life, but it just doesn’t seem right, at the moment anyway. I’m not quite sure about marriage, either, though I want a lot of kids. maybe even be a foster mom 🙂

There seems to be a stigmata to being single (and celibate) in today’s world…you’re not producing children and you’re not wholly giving yourself up to God. What should us single people do?
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Holly,

You’re only 19! You’re still young and still have time! Only in Granny Clampett Land are you over the hill if you are still unmarried at 16…
 
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