Anyone called to be single?

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LilyM said:
How about single lay people like St Catherine of Siena, and St Rose of Lima (both secular/lay Dominicans rather than nuns)? Their examples help many to reach sainthood so in that sense they perform that same function of wives.

And no-one can say they were less than totally dedicated to God in spite of not taking religious vows nor marrying in order to sanctify a husband.
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I did not know that St. Catherine of Siena & St. Rose of Lima were lay Dominicans :eek: I had always assumed they were nuns.😊 because they are pictured wearing the habit.

When I think of a single holy lay person I think of Dorothy Day, a single mother, who supported her family as a free lance journalist* then along with Peter Maurin founded the Catholic Worker Movement. The Vatican has given its approval to the process by which Dorothy Day may become canonized as a saint of the Roman Catholic Church, declaring Day a “Servant of God.”

*she had a child out of wedlock and during the pregnancy converted to Catholicism
 
sprout said:
He told me that a calling to the religious life is not a negative; as in the absence of a conjugal life or the running away from conjugal life. He said that in order for him to be a good priest and have a true calling he first had to know that he would make a good husband and father and through that knowledge freely choose to be a husband to the Bride of Christ, His Church, and a father to Christ’s followers.
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That’s a beautiful insight! 🙂
 
sprout said:
I did not know that St. Catherine of Siena & St. Rose of Lima were lay Dominicans :eek: I had always assumed they were nuns.😊 because they are pictured wearing the habit.

When I think of a single holy lay person I think of Dorothy Day, a single mother, who supported her family as a free lance journalist* then along with Peter Maurin founded the Catholic Worker Movement. The Vatican has given its approval to the process by which Dorothy Day may become canonized as a saint of the Roman Catholic Church, declaring Day a “Servant of God.”

*she had a child out of wedlock and during the pregnancy converted to Catholicism
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Don’t forget the most important person, OUR LADY!!! She chose a celibate life but she accepted an espousal to St. Joseph for the sake of the Incarnate Word through God’s redemptive plan. Even when married to SJ, she remained celibate and so was he. After SJ passed away, she still remained celibate. Wow, wasn’t that ecstatic!!! ❤️
 
Grace283 said:
I have heard others ask this question. Here are a couple of answers that I have heard from priests:
  1. NO. A person is called to be married or is called to enter into the religious life.
or
  1. POSSIBLY. Because the greater modern trend can itself call a person into BLESSED SINGLEHOOD a person may be single and yet consecrated to God. (just like some members of the OPUS DEI)
In my opinion? No. Just because you either dedicate your whole self to God by entering the religious life or you dedicate yourself to your husband where togeter you help eachother reach sainthood.
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Well, in our fallen culture that has so readily embraced pansexualism you have a goodly number of folks who are not considered fit for priestly life and not necessarily candidates for religous life either.

At my parish we have a ministry (Courage) run for folks who have dealt with Same-sex attraction/sexual activity and now seek to live in chastity according to the precepts of the Church. Formerly, many of them identified themselves as “gay”. Now they identify themselves as Catholics living in chastity according to their unmarried state. The significance of the nuance is that they do not understand themselves as indetifiable for their predilection in attractions, but to be identified by virtue of their faith and baptism.

Some good but struggling people, they make effort to lead chaste lives and implore God for the grace of state as single people to be holy. Vatican ruling is that the men who deal with this are not to be ordained priests, and asking some of these guys in their 30/40/50s to find a monastery or order with brothers to take them, might be more than what is to be expected of them.
 
Norseman82 said:
And what about married people and people seeking to be married? Don’t they have love for Jesus Christ? And is not love for Jesus Christ also manifested in love for each other?
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This is an important question. Often non-celibate Catholics admire celibate Catholics because of the notion that they have more totally dedicated themselves to God and serving God. How many have heard someone say they are married to Christ, with the implication that they are more focused on Christ? Married Catholics can be just as focused and married to Christ, if not more so in many cases.

Michael
 
mjdvike said:
Look around your parish - you wil see many single persons serving! We are necessary to the Church - just like any other state there are special graces to the calling!

PEACE.
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:amen:

Single people tend to have fewer duties in our home life, so we have more time to serve. My parish would be in a pinch without the single people who are involved in committees and ministries.

While I do see single life as a vocation, something about this thread gets me. Seems like we’re always popping up our hands to say “me too, me too, I matter in the world too, even though I’m not married!”. It’s like searching for validation from the rest of society who will always view marriage as the norm and singleness as the “abnorm”. Frankly, I think we should care a little less about how society sees us and just go on our happy, God-serving ways.
 
passioncrosslov said:
Of course, they love Christ but their love for Christ is mediate, through a spouse, and that’s beautiful.

Do you not think married Catholics can love Christ immediately? Do some think married Catholics are not capable of living Jesus immediately, and thus can only do so through their spouse and others? Did they give up their ability or desire to love Jesus immediately? Or perhaps it is their immediate love for Jesus that allows them to love their spouse as Christ loves them?

But those who chose a single life for the love of Christ alone love Him immediately, like that of a religious.

How about those who chose married life for love of Christ alone? If marriage forces one to divide on’e love for Christ, then why marry? If loving your neighbor forces one to divide one’s love for Christ, then why love your neighbor? All are called to love Christ with all our heart, mind, and soul.

To truly love someone (an opposite sex) in an intimate way is, which I think, the most beautiful and highest form of love that a human being could experience.

Isn’t love of God the most beautiful and highest form of love that a human being could experience?

Those who chose to love Christ immediately love Him with that very love, espousal love, and I don’t think they need to become a religious to have such a intimate relationship with Our Lord. But yet, it is a gift.

Agreed, one does not need to become a religous to have an intimate relationship with Our Lord. Single and married Christians can have that intimate relationship.

Michael

🙂
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cecilia97 said:
:amen:

Single people tend to have fewer duties in our home life, so we have more time to serve. My parish would be in a pinch without the single people who are involved in committees and ministries.

While I do see single life as a vocation, something about this thread gets me. Seems like we’re always popping up our hands to say “me too, me too, I matter in the world too, even though I’m not married!”.

Something about this thread get me as well. In my view it seems like some raise their hand and let everyone know they are loving and serving Christ by giving up marriage, as if they are loving and serving Christ more than married people do. Look at me, I do this ministry or that ministry, and have more time to serve on committees, so I’d rather been seen as a leader and public server, instead of love and service of spouse and children that often goes unnoticed by others.

It’s like searching for validation from the rest of society who will always view marriage as the norm and singleness as the “abnorm”. Frankly, I think we should care a little less about how society sees us and just go on our happy, God-serving ways.

Exactly, Instead of drawing attention to what one gives up, “look at me, I love Jesus so much I renounced marriage”, one should not draw attention to their love and service of God and others. As marriage is the norm, as we see in Genesis 1 and 2, that seems right in line with going on our happy, God-serving ways without drawing attention.

Michael
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Mt_28_19_20:
Good point and that goes for all humans…married people should also not need to broadcast their good doings to get attention or praise from others.

I don’t see being single as selfish or attention-seeking at all, though. Many of the single women who run ministries at my church are widowed. I’m divorced because my husband decided to run off with another woman. Do I need to marry another man in order to serve God? No. Yes, God established marriage from the very beginning. But that does not mean it’s mandatory. A single person is not a half missing the other piece of the whole. Even Adam called Eve his helpmate, not his other half.

I don’t think the single people on this thread are asserting that they’re better than anyone or wanting extra recognition for their charities, etc. I think we just want to be seen as whole members of the Church seeking to accept what God wants for us, not sad “halves” missing our “other halves” and therefore unable to give anything until said other half shows up and fulfills us.

We will each face our judgement as a single, whole human being.
 
Norseman82 said:
I thought the Cathechism stated that we choose our own spouses?

But what you said underscores another view: that being single is more of a (hopefully temporary) state of life than a permanent vocation.
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Those who are married were single before they were married. Hopefully they are more in love with God now than they were when they were single, since we should be growing in love for God, and not being stagnant.

Some are not capable of marriage, or marriage is not a priority for them. That does not necessarily mean they are more devoted to God than other single and married Catholics. For those who are not capable, or for whom marriage is not a priority, are they really renouncing marriage, or has marriage renounced them?

Michael
 
I am not a Catholic right now but I feel called to the Church and want to discern that in RCIA this year.
I am in midlife and have been involved with a lot of men, but really was close to asexual almost that whole time, with a few years in my 20’s as an exception I don’t know how to explain. I struggle with SSA and thought I was a lesbian when I was 17-18 but decided I wasn’t. I don’t know what that means. It was so long ago I wouldn’t be able to recall my thinking without distortion. But this is a slight and only now-and-then struggle. Mostly I struggle with fears and bad memories from years of activity with men and boys I didn’t always want. I still live with the echoes of all the intense fights over sex in my head and all the accusations of being gay and all the worry that I was. I also love living alone.
But does all this add up to anything? Am I called to be married? To join a convent? To be a hermit? To be single? To therapy? How can I figure out how God wants me to spend my remaining years?
I love the Lord and want to serve Him in a big way but am not always very disciplined and sometimes have trouble concentrating and paying attention. Anyone else just like me, any ideas? 🤷 :confused: 😦 🤷
 
holly_potter said:
hmm…perhaps I am supposed to be single…I’ve never dated, and I’m 19. I feel like I must be defective, if nobody is interested enough in me to ask me out. (And honestly, I’m fairly good looking. nearly everybody says I’m “cute” :rolleyes: )
I was (and still am) considering a vocation to the religious life, but it just doesn’t seem right, at the moment anyway. I’m not quite sure about marriage, either, though I want a lot of kids. maybe even be a foster mom 🙂

There seems to be a stigmata to being single (and celibate) in today’s world…you’re not producing children and you’re not wholly giving yourself up to God. What should us single people do?
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19, and you’re worried?? Try 25. 😦
 
cecilia97 said:
… No. Yes, God established marriage from the very beginning. But that does not mean it’s mandatory. A single person is not a half missing the other piece of the whole. Even Adam called Eve his helpmate, not his other half.

I don’t think the single people on this thread are asserting that they’re better than anyone or wanting extra recognition for their charities, etc. I think we just want to be seen as whole members of the Church seeking to accept what God wants for us, not sad “halves” missing our “other halves” and therefore unable to give anything until said other half shows up and fulfills us.
…
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Oh very well said! I decided to abandon this thread sometime back as I was starting to feel, being a single person who feels called to the single state, that I was perhaps deceived and getting depressed somewhat about it…I began to doubt myself! I really dont know why since my single state is affirmed by a couple of nuns, priests and one Archbishop (in writing):eek: …

I ran from the thread before I became convinced I was only half a person…

So well said and thank you, Cecilia!!!👍

Blessings and God Bless all…Barb:)
 
Mt_28_19_20 said:
Of course, a vow is a vow, and breaking it, well Jesus teaches about that clearly in Mt 5.

Interestingly, it seems some young widows enter into religious vows, which appears to contradict what Paul teaches about young widows less than the age of 60.

Michael
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Hi Michael, to what passage in Mt. Chapter 5 do you refer…I am unsure - it is a genuine question:o …

Matthew as follows in Chapter 5 does raise some interesting questions about making vows…
33 Again you have heard that it was said to them of old, Thou shalt not forswear thyself: but thou shalt perform thy oaths to the Lord. 34 But I say to you not to swear at all, neither by heaven, for it is the throne of God: 35 Nor by the earth, for it is his footstool: nor by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the great king:
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I do agree with you, however, that to break a vow or promise to God is a very serious matter indeed, but in some cases it can be validly dispensed with it seems…The Church will dispense priests (liacization) from celibacy and active priesthood, and the priesthood is a Sacrament - and also nuns who make vows to God, though such is not Sacramental…but not married people. While I raise the point, I am afraid it is all murky unclear waters to me, though I uphold The Church’s position without understanding.
(The bold type is unintended, for some reason I can’t remove the bold lettering)

Blessings to you and yours…and ours… - Barb

**🙂 **
 
Hi all,

I’m 35 and still single. This may have been touched upon earlier, but there may be psychological issues with the OP’s situation.

I grew up in an abusive home and was also the ‘kid that everyone picked on’ throughout school/childhood. I have some serious trust issues and such that stem from my childhood.

I have never had a strong desire to get married/have children–but this is probably coming from my childhood experiences–fears of being hurt and unable to trust is behind this.

I still don’t know if I’m destined to be married or single–I’ve still got more emotional scars to deal with.

I’m sure God will reveal His plan for me when I’m ready, and He will reveal His plan to the OP’s when she’s ready.

God Bless,

Barbara
 
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