Anyone else feel constrained by family life?

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I used to feel constrained by family life until I realized that God had put me where I am and if it is good enough for Him, than it is Great for me. After buring two babies, I can’t think of anything better than to be Mom and Wife. I have three children I am priveleged to be raising and it is a challenge, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I remember when I felt that I was one of the less learned. Then it hit me, “I know how to read!” Now if I have an interest, I go learn about it. I love being free to study about anything I choose. I also have the freedom to explore all sides of an issue, not just the side the professor finds interesting. Explore your faith, it will pay off!
 
dkoinzan said:
I used to feel constrained by family life until I realized that God had put me where I am and if it is good enough for Him, than it is Great for me. After buring two babies, I can’t think of anything better than to be Mom and Wife. I have three children I am priveleged to be raising and it is a challenge, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything. Explore your faith, it will pay off!
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You have a great perspective and upbeat attitude! Thanks for the shot in the arm and a bit of a gut check as well!:o
 
sighs

And I wish I had kids to annoy and constrain me. Maybe the grass really is greener. :confused:
 
I ofetn feel tied down, although my children are grown. When we were young, we lived all over the world while having our babies. We traveled everywhere with the babies in tow (you might consider that!). We just packed them all up and took them with us.
Fast forward to now living in my old hometown I left when I was 18: I feel like I have come full circle and I don’t like it a single bit. I like going all over, living in a big city and having all kinds of things going on.
So you know what I did? Renewed my passport and decided that I would go abroad once a year. Doesn’t really matter where, as long as I get out of the country. Last year it was Mexico on a cheap vacation. This year it was Colorado, again cheap. Next year I am considering maybe Amsterdam. The reason I am telling you this is because Americans tend to think it costs mega-bucks to travel abroad and it really doesn’t have to. We traveled all over Europe and Mexico on pennies. Save up nickels and dimes and get “Let’s Go” travel books and you can save a fortune.
Personally, I think every mother deserves a vacation a year even if it is no further than down the street in a B&B for one night.
I know everyone is telling you to count your blessings but my advice is to take time for yourself.
Another thing you can do while saving money to go on a trip is to learn another language. When my babies were little, I made it a priority to learn languages and boy, am I glad I did. I learned Spanish, Italian, German, and French. It keeps you feeling intellectual and it is very useful for traveling. I had a friend who learned over NINE languages while her children were little. She was my inspiration!
Anyway, keep your chin up, you are still young. Apply for a passport and start planning a trip. Save your pennies. You really can do it!
 
Rob_s_Wife said:
See now, I take a different attitude.
I’m thrilled to have my children when I was (am?) young so they can experience all those things right along with me.
**Why can’t you travel and write? Having a 3 year old is not an impediment to any of that.:confused: **
And you need to stop thinking you aren’t fulfilled unless you are similiar to those around you.
I can’t tell you how many people I know with supposed financial freedom and globe-trotting, who deeply regret putting off children to do all those things and later find they can’t have any or more children.
Starting thinking outside the box.
It’s a myth that children tie us down.
They free us to be kids and explore the world all over again.
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I completely agree with you!!! I love rediscovering the world through my son’s eyes, it’s so refreshing!!! Although, I must say, I just turned 32 when I had him:o. I am a single mother though and I travel everywhere with ds, it took a few trips before I figured out how to pack correctly and do the airport check-in & security thing smoothly:thumbsup:. I must admit, I wish I would have found the person God wanted for me earlier in life, I would have loved to be married and have many children by now:shrug:.

I agree with other posters, when you are close to God you can overcome anything and find joy in everything:)!!!
 
RWMorris said:
I ofetn feel tied down, although my children are grown. When we were young, we lived all over the world while having our babies. We traveled everywhere with the babies in tow (you might consider that!). We just packed them all up and took them with us.
Fast forward to now living in my old hometown I left when I was 18: I feel like I have come full circle and I don’t like it a single bit. I like going all over, living in a big city and having all kinds of things going on.
So you know what I did? Renewed my passport and decided that I would go abroad once a year. Doesn’t really matter where, as long as I get out of the country. Last year it was Mexico on a cheap vacation. This year it was Colorado, again cheap. Next year I am considering maybe Amsterdam. The reason I am telling you this is because Americans tend to think it costs mega-bucks to travel abroad and it really doesn’t have to. We traveled all over Europe and Mexico on pennies. Save up nickels and dimes and get “Let’s Go” travel books and you can save a fortune.
Personally, I think every mother deserves a vacation a year even if it is no further than down the street in a B&B for one night.
I know everyone is telling you to count your blessings but my advice is to take time for yourself.
Another thing you can do while saving money to go on a trip is to learn another language. When my babies were little, I made it a priority to learn languages and boy, am I glad I did. I learned Spanish, Italian, German, and French. It keeps you feeling intellectual and it is very useful for traveling. I had a friend who learned over NINE languages while her children were little. She was my inspiration!
Anyway, keep your chin up, you are still young. Apply for a passport and start planning a trip. Save your pennies. You really can do it!
Click to expand...
How did you afford the airfare to travel overseas? If there is an inexpensive way to get to Europe other then swimming I am all for it.👍
 
"I am literally the least traveled person I know. "

I think you just need to get to know more people. You should be getting to know other wives and mommies…people who you can share interests/experiences with. Sometimes we “out grow” our old friends. Don’t hang around people who make you feel the need to be free of the “burden” of your blessings.
 
You have to research cheap fares on line; don’t exclude package deals. When you go overseas get an apartment rather than a hotel, it’s much cheaper and more accommodating. Try to get one that offers breakfast or go out and shop in the markets, which we alwasy did rather than eating out. We had an apartment in Rome that cost $50 per night, and I’ve seen Paris apartments for under $400 per month.
When you’re there, do stuff the cheap way; i.e., see things that are free and save your splurges for say, a trip to the Louvre. We stayed at a hotel in Paris that was about $35 per night and included breakfast (Hotel de Trois Gares). It was perfectly nice and near the Bastille.
When we go to Mexico we find inexpensive package deals that include breakfasts. We went to Mexico last year for under $1000. Most airlines have child fares so you save money that way; if they don’t, ask if the child can sit in your lap. Uncomfortable but worth it. Don’t know if they do this nowadays.
And use the train and metro systems; in Europe they are wonderfully reliable!
The biggest thing you can do to fund a vacation overseas is to invest in the “Let’s Go” travel series, written by impecunious students always on the look-out for something cheap.
Having said all that, airfare is still expensive; my best bet is to fly to London and go from there on the train (after crossing the Channel). You’d be surprised how easy it really is! We criss-crossed Europe many times with our babies in tow and children are a wonderful way of opening doors to other cultures. We always got a warm welcome having our children with us.
 
RWMorris said:
You have to research cheap fares on line; don’t exclude package deals. When you go overseas get an apartment rather than a hotel, it’s much cheaper and more accommodating. Try to get one that offers breakfast or go out and shop in the markets, which we alwasy did rather than eating out. We had an apartment in Rome that cost $50 per night, and I’ve seen Paris apartments for under $400 per month.
When you’re there, do stuff the cheap way; i.e., see things that are free and save your splurges for say, a trip to the Louvre. We stayed at a hotel in Paris that was about $35 per night and included breakfast (Hotel de Trois Gares). It was perfectly nice and near the Bastille.
When we go to Mexico we find inexpensive package deals that include breakfasts. We went to Mexico last year for under $1000. Most airlines have child fares so you save money that way; if they don’t, ask if the child can sit in your lap. Uncomfortable but worth it. Don’t know if they do this nowadays.
And use the train and metro systems; in Europe they are wonderfully reliable!
The biggest thing you can do to fund a vacation overseas is to invest in the “Let’s Go” travel series, written by impecunious students always on the look-out for something cheap.
Having said all that, airfare is still expensive; my best bet is to fly to London and go from there on the train (after crossing the Channel). You’d be surprised how easy it really is! We criss-crossed Europe many times with our babies in tow and children are a wonderful way of opening doors to other cultures. We always got a warm welcome having our children with us.
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Thank you. I was waiting until I won the lottery but this sounds more practical.😉
 
Wow, I didn’t expect to get so many replies!

I think you all are right - I definitely suffer from “grass-is-greener-ism” and compare myself to other people too much. There are advantages and disadvantages to every stage in life. I think I need to pray that God will help me appreciate the things I have and not dwell on what I don’t have, because overall I am very lucky.

Part of the problem is we don’t know many people who have kids. Most of our friends are just starting to get married, and none have kids yet. Most people with kids are at least 5-10 years older than us, at least in this area. Which is ok - I’ve found that the older you get, the age range you can consider your peers is wider. There’s a mother’s group at church, but they meet during the day so I can’t go because I work.

That’s another thing that’s hard - it’s harder financially to have kids when you’re young. I would love to be a stay-at-home mom but we can’t afford it. One thing I actually *don’t * want that much is a corporate job. I would quit my job in a heartbeat to stay home if I could. Fortunately, my mother-in-law watches our daughter during the day, which is great. So she’s not in daycare. Also, my job is quite flexible and allows occasional working from home, which is also great. Both sets of grandparents live nearby. I really have the best possible situation next to being able to stay home with my daughter.

Just to clarify, the DC area actually is our hometown - we both grew up here. That’s why we’re here, to be near our families. Also, in a year or two we should be able to afford to have me work part-time instead of full-time, which will be nice. That’s the goal we’re working towards. A lot of moms at my company work part-time. We’ll probably try for another baby once I can work part-time.

The main reason we haven’t traveled much is because it’s expensive. I didn’t realize there were so many cheap deals – I’ll have to check those out. We are actually thinking about going on a second honeymoon next year. We were thinking about going to Europe, but we’re not sure if we can afford it. We might go to Quebec, which my husband has been to and says is kind of like Europe, but cheaper.

And don’t get me wrong, I ADORE my daughter and wouldn’t trade her for anything. She’s literally the cutest kid I’ve ever seen. (Not that I’m biased or anything…🙂 ) Most of our friends are actually Catholic. We just happen to be the only ones in our circle who married young. Our friends are not materialistic or anything. They just happened to have more opportunities to travel and pursue higher education. Some probably woudn’t have minded marrying younger, but it just didn’t happen. They don’t “make” me feel bad - I just make myself feel bad. Which is something I now see I need to work on.
 
Sdeco,

Your post was so familiar to me that I actually registered here just to be able to respond to you. I married at 21 and have no regrets because I have the most wonderful husband imaginable. However, we had 10 pregnancies in 10 years (despite trying just about every type of NFP out there and working with many NFP instructors :eek: ), and I am hardly the maternal sort. We had six children in less than ten years (4 of our pregnancies sadly ended in miscarriages), and it was a huge struggle for me. I spent YEARS miserable and depressed (looking back, I can clearly see I was experiencing some serious postpartum depression but didn’t know enough to seek help for it at the time), not to mention RESENTFUL because I truly felt I had a vocation as a nurse and felt like I couldn’t get back to school and do that with so many little kids. I was stuck in “I can’t” land, and it was a bad place to be. Plus resentfulness is a personal weakness I have which is very hard for me to resist sometimes!

To make a long story short, I finally started getting over some of the PPD, went back to school when my 4th was a baby, managed to graduate with my RN despite having a 5th baby while in school, and now I am seriously considering a return to school for a very challenging master’s degree. Going back to school was the best thing that happened to me and my family because I finally realized it was time to get out of the “poor me” mode and DO something about it. Now I am much happier, and consequently I am able to be a much better mother to my children (not to mention a much happier wife to my very understanding and patient husband 😃 ). Working in my field, I see people every day who have things so much worse than I do, and I guess I am the type of person who needs that kind of constant reminder of just how blessed I am. I find the more grateful I am, the happier I am, and the happier the rest of my family is. Gratitude has been one of the greatest gifts God has given me!

I know I am rambling, but with six kids and all the holiday prep plus working, I don’t have a lot of time for writing a well-thought-out piece :rolleyes: I just wanted you to know you are NOT alone, I’ve BTDT and lived to tell about it. The feelings you have are not wrong—feelings are never wrong, it’s what you do with them that matters. You can PM me anytime if you need somebody to vent to.

Hang in there, remember that it’s not having what you want that makes you happy—it’s wanting what you have. Get your head out of the mindset that being married with children means any chances of travel, education, work outside the home, socialization are over for you. Your life if just beginning! It’s a wild adventure, so hang on tight :extrahappy:

lovemysix
 
sdeco said:
Wow, I didn’t expect to get so many replies!

I think you all are right - I definitely suffer from “grass-is-greener-ism” and compare myself to other people too much. There are advantages and disadvantages to every stage in life. I think I need to pray that God will help me appreciate the things I have and not dwell on what I don’t have, because overall I am very lucky.

Part of the problem is we don’t know many people who have kids. Most of our friends are just starting to get married, and none have kids yet. Most people with kids are at least 5-10 years older than us, at least in this area. Which is ok - I’ve found that the older you get, the age range you can consider your peers is wider. There’s a mother’s group at church, but they meet during the day so I can’t go because I work.

That’s another thing that’s hard - it’s harder financially to have kids when you’re young. I would love to be a stay-at-home mom but we can’t afford it. One thing I actually *don’t * want that much is a corporate job. I would quit my job in a heartbeat to stay home if I could. Fortunately, my mother-in-law watches our daughter during the day, which is great. So she’s not in daycare. Also, my job is quite flexible and allows occasional working from home, which is also great. Both sets of grandparents live nearby. I really have the best possible situation next to being able to stay home with my daughter.

Just to clarify, the DC area actually is our hometown - we both grew up here. That’s why we’re here, to be near our families. Also, in a year or two we should be able to afford to have me work part-time instead of full-time, which will be nice. That’s the goal we’re working towards. A lot of moms at my company work part-time. We’ll probably try for another baby once I can work part-time.

The main reason we haven’t traveled much is because it’s expensive. I didn’t realize there were so many cheap deals – I’ll have to check those out. We are actually thinking about going on a second honeymoon next year. We were thinking about going to Europe, but we’re not sure if we can afford it. We might go to Quebec, which my husband has been to and says is kind of like Europe, but cheaper.

And don’t get me wrong, I ADORE my daughter and wouldn’t trade her for anything. She’s literally the cutest kid I’ve ever seen. (Not that I’m biased or anything…🙂 ) Most of our friends are actually Catholic. We just happen to be the only ones in our circle who married young. Our friends are not materialistic or anything. They just happened to have more opportunities to travel and pursue higher education. Some probably woudn’t have minded marrying younger, but it just didn’t happen. They don’t “make” me feel bad - I just make myself feel bad. Which is something I now see I need to work on.
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You probably have itchy feet to go somewhere! I found a fare online that was less than $400 roundtrip from your area to Amsterdam. Amsterdam is absolutely lovely and worth the trip, if you have the inclination. It is one of my favorite spots in Europe. Feel free to PM me if you need more advice on this issue.
BTW, I know what it is to feel tied down by young children. It is very common for those of us who married young and had babies right away. Don’t feel ashamed of these feelings, they are normal. Just remember that YOU are blessed by even having a baby when so many around us can’t have children…then pack your bags and your daughter’s bag and go on a trip! It is a lot of fun and you will feel like you are “getting out there”. Another thing I do is go to coffee bars, exhibits, museums, etc. to feel like I am actually living a social life. Take your baby with you and it opens a lot of doors.
Hugs,
Lissa
 
yes sometimes i do feel “boxed in” by my life. But i have to laugh because your life is a lot like what i wish i could have had! We were parents before we were married, well i was pregnant. we were 19. Now we are 26 with 4 children, one on the way. I dream of having been married for a year without a baby, and having only a 3 year old! When my daughter was little before we had more we traveled a ton, not to other countries but around the US. Still its so darn easy with just one!! Now with 4 we cant fly anywhere!!! We drive once a year to the grandparents 3000 miles away but for the most part that is it for us.

I also think of things like this. We are having kids now while we are young when we wouldnt be able to afford to travel anyhow. When they are all grown we will actually have some money and be able to go places. Most of my childless friends are not big globe trodders.
 
There have been times when I start to feel dissatisfied in my marriage. When that happens, I take a look at myself and what I am spending my time and attention on. Every time, I am watching TV shows, reading books, or listening to songs that glamorize the single life.

When I refocus on the marriage commitment, I tend to become happier and more fulfilled in my role as a wife and mother. When I expend my energies on following through with my marriage vows, loving my husband in ways that speak to him, I become a better wife and get a better husband. When I start to appreciate my children, they get to be more fun to be around.

If you have dreams, share them with your husband and figure out together how you can make them happen. Classes might be out of reach right now, but the best writing comes from real life. You are living real life right now, just put it on paper. So what if you’re not following the rules; maybe you’ll be the one making the new rules.
 
My dream would be to get an RV, watch the Food Network, and then travel around to all the diners, drive-ins and dives they feature!

Does that sound mental? 😛
 
Sailor_Kenshin said:
My dream would be to get an RV, watch the Food Network, and then travel around to all the diners, drive-ins and dives they feature!

Does that sound mental? 😛
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My son watches a program on Food Network about diners-can’t remember the name. He would love this type of lifestyle. So yes, you are mental but so is my 18 year old son. :rolleyes: 😛
 
deb1 said:
My son watches a program on Food Network about diners-can’t remember the name. He would love this type of lifestyle. So yes, you are mental but so is my 18 year old son. :rolleyes: 😛
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We can pick him up on the way. 😉

If anyone wants to get me a Christmas present, I’ll take a diner-style grill top so I can make greasy spoon fare at home!
 
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