Anyone Ever Feel Like Leaving the Church?

[ac_claire]

From your replies, seems like you’ve already made your decision…?

I can only offer my experience. I have felt as you did, and I ended up leaving the Church. Worst mistake of my life. It started (well, and was sort of hand-in-hand with) a strong of bad choices that had consequences I’m still dealing with, and still am crippled by in some ways.

Like you, I just wanted to get married and settle down, have babies, etc. That didn’t happen for me until I came back to the Church. But then it happened perfectly…met the perfect husband for me, conceived our first baby on our honeymoon, etc. Everything is falling into place by the grace of God. Wheras, when I didn’t have the Church, my life was basically chaos. Some of that was apparent at the time, some of it I can only see now, in retrospect.

 

[CountrySinger]

From your replies, seems like you’ve already made your decision…?

I can only offer my experience. I have felt as you did, and I ended up leaving the Church. Worst mistake of my life. It started (well, and was sort of hand-in-hand with) a strong of bad choices that had consequences I’m still dealing with, and still am crippled by in some ways.

Like you, I just wanted to get married and settle down, have babies, etc. That didn’t happen for me until I came back to the Church. But then it happened perfectly…met the perfect husband for me, conceived our first baby on our honeymoon, etc. Everything is falling into place by the grace of God. Wheras, when I didn’t have the Church, my life was basically chaos. Some of that was apparent at the time, some of it I can only see now, in retrospect.

I haven’t made my decision, mostly because of my mom (she was a devout Catholic until she died). She hammered in so much guilt (moms are great at that) about my faith and how you can never truly leave.

 

[ac_claire]

One more thing, re: the things you mentioned in post #13, about it being a “chore” to go to Mass and adhere to all the teachings, and feeling restricted/resentful, etc. I still go through phases where I’ll have those feelings too, maybe as often as every year or so. Going from my experience, what you describe sounds a lot like a “dry spell” and it’s something we all go through to varying degrees. It’s something fleeting, and the trick is to just hang in there and get through it without abandoning your faith. Doing so will, in itself, be an act of faith and submission, since your heart isn’t in it right now. The whole point though, is to *not *give up on God. Time to prove that the strong faith you describe as once having wasn’t just emotional zeal. Again going from my experience and also from things I’ve read (writings by the saints on spiritual dryness, etc.), God will reward you in spades. I’ll pray for you.

 

[GorgerCracker]

For the last month and a half. I’ve been having doubts, I mean serious doubts about my faith (like I have issues with most, if not all, of the Church’s beliefs). I’m just tired of defending it against other people, including my own family (I’m the only Catholic left after my mother died). It would be easier to give up and go back to my old life, I had a lot more friends, men, and fun. I guess I’m just tired, I’m tired of being the crusader, I just want to be a 28 year old woman, find a husband, and raise a family.

So my question is: has anyone else felt this way? Or am I just a weirdo? Or is this a sign from God that I should switch religions?

Dear CountrySinger,

I’m sorry you’re are having a really hard time and lots of doubts. I felt this way when I was a teenager, and left the Church. It was the biggest mistake of my life and I suffered a great deal as a result. I know it feels like you can go back to your old life, but you can’t. It will all be different and not fun the way it used to be.

I also feel your pain about not having a husband and a family. I’m 26 and I’ve wanted to be married since I was 21. The waiting seems endless and it’s hard to find good Catholic man. Also, as I’ve seen you post elsewhere, it’s really difficult to be chaste if you haven’t always been! I know how hard it is. I’m having a really difficult time because I had a much easier time with guys before I reconverted.

But I’m writing this because I hope you’ll hang in there, and I wanted to ask you to promise to pray the Rosary everyday for a year before deciding one way or the other. I’ve found it is the only thing that comforts me when I’m having doubts and sick of feeling like I’m the only Catholic left on the face of the earth. Please consider praying it every day.

Gorger

 

[Maui71]

Dear CountrySinger:

Well let me give you a quick synopsis, I left the church at about 16 tried the whole new age, magik, Crowley, golden dawn, AA, OTO and other occult humanist beliefs. You know kinda like St. Augustine, the party animal womanizing, night club promoting (south beach baby so I mean HARD CORE), take what I can and enjoy all I got. This party lasted till about 24. Then I came back home to Christ and His Church.

So what do I suggest for you; an Emaus retreat. If there is anything you do before you decide to leave the Church go on the retreat. I will even pay for your retreat. That is how much I believe in what you will get out of the Emaus retreat.

Faith is not built on guilt but love and reason. People always want to bring you down when you are on top. It happened so much while I was trying to get away from the scene. Yes, you will need to sacrifice some relationships (you know the ones). As the bard of Avon-upon-Stratford said: “Above all else, to they own self be true” meaning be truthful to yourself.

Peace be with you.

 

[Rsiewell]

For the last month and a half. I’ve been having doubts, I mean serious doubts about my faith (like I have issues with most, if not all, of the Church’s beliefs). I’m just tired of defending it against other people, including my own family (I’m the only Catholic left after my mother died). It would be easier to give up and go back to my old life, I had a lot more friends, men, and fun. I guess I’m just tired, I’m tired of being the crusader, I just want to be a 28 year old woman, find a husband, and raise a family.

So my question is: has anyone else felt this way? Or am I just a weirdo? Or is this a sign from God that I should switch religions?

Im only 18 and have felt that from time to time but I have seen way to much crazy stuff to stop believing. Just remember the easy road is almost never the right road when it comes to faith. If it was everyone would be religious

 

[Nec5]

I find that several of the psalms refer to this dynamic where people who reject God seem to thrive while the rest of us who attempt to follow God seem to falter. Psalm 10 is as good a one as any. I bolded a few lines for you. Sadly, nothing changes.
psalm 10:

1 Why, LORD, do you stand at a distance and pay no heed to these troubled times?
2 Arrogant scoundrels pursue the poor; they trap them by their cunning schemes.
3 The wicked even boast of their greed; these robbers curse and scorn the LORD.
**4 In their insolence the wicked boast: “God doesn’t care, doesn’t even exist.”

5 Yet their affairs always succeed; they ignore your judgment on high; they sneer at all who oppose them.
6 They say in their hearts, “We will never fall; never will we see misfortune.”**
7 Their mouths are full of oaths, violence, and lies; discord and evil are under their tongues.
8 They wait in ambush near towns; their eyes watch for the helpless. to murder the innocent in secret.
9 They lurk in ambush like lions in a thicket, hide there to trap the poor, snare them and close the net.
10 The helpless are crushed, laid low; they fall into the power of the wicked,

11 Who say in their hearts, “God pays no attention, shows no concern, never bothers to look.”
12 Rise up, LORD God! Raise your arm! Do not forget the poor!
13 Why should the wicked scorn God, say in their hearts, “God doesn’t care”?
14 But you do see; you do observe this misery and sorrow; you take the matter in hand. To you the helpless can entrust their cause; you are the defender of orphans.
15 Break the arms of the wicked and depraved; make them account for their crimes; let none of them survive.

16 The LORD is king forever; the nations have vanished from God’s land.
17 You listen, LORD, to the needs of the poor; you encourage them and hear their prayers.
18 You win justice for the orphaned and oppressed; no one on earth will cause terror again.

Following the “right” way today is much more difficult than it was 40-50 years ago. We’ve entered a time where good and evil are reversed.

I haven’t been to church in a long time, but I don’t think I really left it either. Keep to Christ’s beliefs. Maybe it’s not supposed to be easy.

 

[ChangeWorkPeace]

When I say defend my faith, I mean defend my choices to my non-Catholic friends. Why I can’t go out and have sex with men anymore (unless I’m married). Why I can’t dress in the way I used to dress. Why I have to get up early for Mass.

CS, this was the answer to my question. Thank you.

You may wish to consider whether you truly are experiencing faith or just going through the motions. One of the ills that Jesus fought against in his own time was the idea of going through the motions of faith without understanding or attempting to get at the true meaning of faith. This is not an uncommon problem. It was not then. It is not now.

If your only reason for not having sex, dressing provocatively, and getting up early for Mass is that you’re Catholic and you have to, I encourage you to really consider your faith. Catholic moral teaching is not just dogma to be followed without thought or reason. There are reasons behind all of our beliefs besides “'cuz the Church says so.” The first thing you might do is seek out the meaning behind the choices for chastity, modesty, and taking part in the Eucharist. These are choices that we make that have positive benefits besides salvation (and they don’t necessarily guaruntee salvation). They can bring joy in this world. But I don’t think they can bring joy if they are done merely for the sake of following dogma.

After this, you might wish to share these deeper reasons behind your choices with your friends. They might understand you better if your answers are more than just, “I can’t because I’m Catholic.” You might understand yourself more, which might lead you to more grounding in your faith.

 

[CountrySinger]

Dear CountrySinger,

I’m sorry you’re are having a really hard time and lots of doubts. I felt this way when I was a teenager, and left the Church. It was the biggest mistake of my life and I suffered a great deal as a result. I know it feels like you can go back to your old life, but you can’t. It will all be different and not fun the way it used to be.

I also feel your pain about not having a husband and a family. I’m 26 and I’ve wanted to be married since I was 21. The waiting seems endless and it’s hard to find good Catholic man. Also, as I’ve seen you post elsewhere, it’s really difficult to be chaste if you haven’t always been! I know how hard it is. I’m having a really difficult time because I had a much easier time with guys before I reconverted.

But I’m writing this because I hope you’ll hang in there, and I wanted to ask you to promise to pray the Rosary everyday for a year before deciding one way or the other. I’ve found it is the only thing that comforts me when I’m having doubts and sick of feeling like I’m the only Catholic left on the face of the earth. Please consider praying it every day.

Gorger

Are you me? Lol.

The worst thing is seeing my friends who are doing what they shouldn’t, getting married (in my eyes, rewarded) for their behavior. While I’m single, and trying to be good. I can’t help but think, “I could be married now, if I didn’t revert.” I was dating someone when I reverted, and he left because of it. Grr. It doesn’t seem fair, you know?
I used to pray the rosary everynight, until it felt like a burden, and I felt stupid praying it.

 

[CountrySinger]

CS, this was the answer to my question. Thank you.

You may wish to consider whether you truly are experiencing faith or just going through the motions. One of the ills that Jesus fought against in his own time was the idea of going through the motions of faith without understanding or attempting to get at the true meaning of faith. This is not an uncommon problem. It was not then. It is not now.

If your only reason for not having sex, dressing provocatively, and getting up early for Mass is that you’re Catholic and you have to, I encourage you to really consider your faith. Catholic moral teaching is not just dogma to be followed without thought or reason. There are reasons behind all of our beliefs besides “'cuz the Church says so.” The first thing you might do is seek out the meaning behind the choices for chastity, modesty, and taking part in the Eucharist. These are choices that we make that have positive benefits besides salvation (and they don’t necessarily guaruntee salvation). They can bring joy in this world. But I don’t think they can bring joy if they are done merely for the sake of following dogma.

After this, you might wish to share these deeper reasons behind your choices with your friends. They might understand you better if your answers are more than just, “I can’t because I’m Catholic.” You might understand yourself more, which might lead you to more grounding in your faith.

I do understand the Catholic faith and the reasons I can’t do the things I used to do. I just can’t explain to them, they don’t care. All they think is that someone took their fun friend. They have said worse, but I won’t go into it. So I usually just don’t say anything (I don’t want to come off as judgemental) and if they start to do something that could be immoral, I head home.

 

[ChangeWorkPeace]

I do understand the Catholic faith and the reasons I can’t do the things I used to do. I just can’t explain to them, they don’t care. All they think is that someone took their fun friend. They have said worse, but I won’t go into it. So I usually just don’t say anything (I don’t want to come off as judgemental) and if they start to do something that could be immoral, I head home.

I guess I’m not convinced by your language. You wrote, “The reason I can’t do things.” This is quite different from the reason you choose not to do things. You can have sex. You can dress any way you like. You can sleep in on Sunday morning. Nothing is stopping you. You can do these things, but you chose not to.

Nevertheless, you seem to be expressing a situation in which you have no choice. Whether because of the guilt of your mother or some other reason, most of your language from your first post is lamenting how you are being constricted. Why do you feel this way? Being able to answer this question might lead you to a better understanding of where you need to be.

 

[Kasenka]

Hey!
I’ve read some of your posts here and you sound like the kind of woman I’d love to have a margarita with . Like you, I’m a single catholic woman in my twenties. I know exactly how frustrating it can be. I’m tired of having men interested in me and then slowly back away when they realized ( with horror) that I mean what I say about premarital sex and relationships. I’ve had my feelings crushed by both nonchristians and christians in this way. I’m a fun loving girl and as soon as men realized that I actually follow the Church’s teachings they immediately start viewing me like a nun! In the meantime, all of my other friends are dating, getting married, having babies etc. .Men who are very conservative seem to want a meek stay at home mom kind of wife (NOT that I think that there’s anything wrong with that, but it’s just not me) and non-conservative non-uber catholic men don’t want the hassle of waiting for marriage when they can get whatever they want from other women. Sometimes (like you) I think I don’t fit in anywhere.
Here’s what I think whenever I feel like not being Catholic would be easier:NOT worth it. Yes, you’ll get the dates. You may marry a a fun guy. You’ll have fun and get to do whatever “feels good” at the time. But, in the long run, you’ll feel that something is missing. You’ll have your heart crushed by men who’ll be with you for sex and for not for you. You’ll miss the Eucharist and the strength it gives. Without that anchor life becomes chaotic. You’ll give up on having a Catholic family rooted in faith and commitment that will stand the hardships that life brings. One thing that helped me was reading Theology of the Body. It helped me see that as I say “no” to certain things, it’s because I’m saying “yes” to something better. Good luck, hon. You’ll be in my prayers

 

[CountrySinger]

I guess I’m not convinced by your language. You wrote, “The reason I can’t do things.” This is quite different from the reason you choose not to do things. You can have sex. You can dress any way you like. You can sleep in on Sunday morning. Nothing is stopping you. You can do these things, but you chose not to.

Nevertheless, you seem to be expressing a situation in which you have no choice. Whether because of the guilt of your mother or some other reason, most of your language from your first post is lamenting how you are being constricted. Why do you feel this way? Being able to answer this question might lead you to a better understanding of where you need to be.

I know if I did those things I want to do (believe me, I would love to have sex, high libido sucks when you are single), I would feel this horrible guilt. It has kept me out of trouble on many occasions. I could do it, but the guilt would make it no fun, you know? If I fall off the wagon, I never could get back on. The guilt would be too much.

 

[Justin_Mee]

Yes i indeed have had these thought a lot in the last year. How I long for my Protestant Church. But since hubby is happy in the CC and would not go to another. So I just go and worship God in my old Protestant way in my heart. So no you are not the only one.

You have mentioned in previous posts that you instruct your Parish RCIA class and partake of the precious body and blood at Mass. How do you square that with your Protestant ‘longings.’ Just wondering.

 

[ChangeWorkPeace]

I know if I did those things I want to do (believe me, I would love to have sex, high libido sucks when you are single), I would feel this horrible guilt. It has kept me out of trouble on many occasions. I could do it, but the guilt would make it no fun, you know? If I fall off the wagon, I never could get back on. The guilt would be too much.

Yes. I could pick up that you feel constricted. That this constriction is probably derived from guilt. The question is: Why do you feel this way? I don’t believe that guilt is any kind of sign from God. It is how you feel. Discovering the reason behind how you feel might help you.

I don’t think this is a question you can answer on this forum. I don’t think this is a question that you can answer tonight. However, the answer may lead to better understanding of where you are.

This probably doesn’t seem helpful, but I think you have deeper questions to answer than whether you should become a Lutheran or not.

 

[CountrySinger]

Yes. I could pick up that you feel constricted. That this constriction is probably derived from guilt. The question is: Why do you feel this way? I don’t believe that guilt is any kind of sign from God. It is how you feel. Discovering the reason behind how you feel might help you.

I don’t think this is a question you can answer on this forum. I don’t think this is a question that you can answer tonight. However, the answer may lead to better understanding of where you are.

This probably doesn’t seem helpful, but I think you have deeper questions to answer than whether you should become a Lutheran or not.

Lutheran? No thank you, lol. If anything, I would claim no religion.
I always feel like I have to meet everyone’s approval, and I always had to be the best. So when I fail, I feel bad. And rules are not my friend, they are just more standards that I have to meet. My attitude growing up was: if you can’t be perfect, why do it?
It has given me a lot to think about though.

 

[ChangeWorkPeace]

Lutheran? No thank you, lol. If anything, I would claim no religion.
I always feel like I have to meet everyone’s approval, and I always had to be the best. So when I fail, I feel bad. And rules are not my friend, they are just more standards that I have to meet. My attitude growing up was: if you can’t be perfect, why do it?
It has given me a lot to think about though.

I don’t know you. From your words, you seem like you are in a place that I knew very well.

I was away from the faith. I didn’t deny it. I just didn’t practice it. I was still a pretty moral guy, but those morals really had no meaning. They were more about me proving to myself, and maybe others, how good I was. This made it easy to slip up, which I did from time to time.

At that time, I know that I was not very comfortable with myself. This doesn’t mean I didn’t like myself. Nor did it mean that I had low self-esteem. I just wan’t comfortable. I felt that I always had to be something more than whatever I was at the time. I had to be more interesting. I had to be more attractive. I had to be more. At the time, I really was attractive and interesting. I just wasn’t comfortable.

At that time, I was also not comfortable with my faith. I didn’t feel it. I could argue it. I could preach it. But I didn’t feel it. I didn’t truly understand it.

It was only after I was comfortable with myself that I was able to be comfortable with my faith. It was only after I was comfortable with my faith that I could truly experience it.

I don’t know you. This may not mean anything to you. But the words sound familiar to me.

 

[KC91]

I will never leave the Church and will always defend the Holy Roman Church and the Supreme Pontiff even at the cost of martrydom

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

Lutheran? No thank you, lol. If anything, I would claim no religion.
I always feel like I have to meet everyone’s approval, and I always had to be the best. So when I fail, I feel bad. And rules are not my friend, they are just more standards that I have to meet. My attitude growing up was: if you can’t be perfect, why do it?
It has given me a lot to think about though.

I know exactly what you mean about rules. I come from the opposite side of thinsg though. I was a member of a protestant church where I was not allowed to have a drop of alcohol, step foot in a bar for any reason, dance for any reason…well, you get the idea.

I have to say that in the catholic church, the rules can be viewed two ways:

1. A set of rigid rules you live and die by. You follow it to the letter, or you will forever burn!
2. A guideline that lets you know if you are growing closer to Christ, or father away. Take me for example. I can NOT reconcile the church’s teaching about ABC with any kind of logic. I have struggled with this since RCIA. However, as I grow in my catholic faith I have used this dissonance to grow in humility, patience, and obedience. I believe God may be choosing to withold the grace of understanding to help me grow in these areas. But because I know the church has the rules, and I feel I am approaching those rules, I feel I am making forward progress.

The point of Christianity is NOT RULES. Jesus had some very strong words for the people (Pharisees) who taught it was were. He said that all of the law could be expressed as “Love God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind, and all your strength” and “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Does this mean that if you screw up and masturbate or lust over a bare-chested Kenny Chesney photo you better get to confession immediately or burn? No. It means you messed up, and you’re human. You do need to confess it, but to focus on your sin to the exlusion of loving on Jesus is a sin in and of itself. LOVE GOD and do as you will!

 

[Shadark]

Seeing as I’m I can’t believe it’s not Catholic - Anglican, I can’t give the same perspectives as everyone else. But there is a commonality that we all go through a crisis of faith, and for me it happens on quite a regular basis.

You just need to start enjoying being a Christian, for being a Christian. Tell your friends, snotty church girls group, etc to bugger off and stop getting in the way of your relationship with God. If you want to ask questions in your church group, go ahead, and throw a chair at anyone who doesn’t like it. Tell your friends to bugger off if they are bothering your with inane questions. Also, you can tell people’s expectations to f*** off - who are they to place the benchmark of approval. You need to get some passion going, stoke that fire, and rage on with what you think is right.

Btw, If you want a good man and a husband to have lots of crazy incredible sex with, avoid the jocks and go for the geeks. They’ll appreciate it more.