Anyone feel like they won't ever get married?

[Harmony1988]

Wrong - I’m fairly happy being alone. I’d probably be happier married, though, which is why I’d probably marry if I found the right partner. But if I were miserable being alone there’s no doubting I’d be just as miserable or more so were I to marry.

If you don’t have at least a certain level of contentment within yourself as a single then you’ll have nothing worthwhile to contribute to a relationship. Kinda like going into your marriage with an empty bank account rather than one that has at least a little money in it

I obviously agree to that - the bolded part. I am not saying all your unhappiness is solved in a marriage. I never implied that, as you can see, I even said there is toil in a marriage.

I generalized anyways, I know not every single person is unhappy when being alone. I know that, but the vast majority are unhappy when they are single. Hence why many ‘rush’ into relationships. I don’t want to rush, I got my standards, everyone should do.

The fact that being single should keep you happy then should apply to everyone, until they are 80. The fact that people can’t handle living until 80 (arbitrary) alone shows the fact that there is a natural desire within us to be with someone, ofcourse there needs to be control.

Anyways…

 

[Sierrah]

Yeah being single sucks big time. I grew tired of it years ago. Sometimes is worse then other times. A guy I worked with that goes to my church introduced me to his beautiful family at Mass after that I went home and cried. Not that I wanted that guy or had any romantic intentions it’s just the fact that he seemed to have what I’ve always wanted and took it for granted. I feel like it’s God saying here’s what you could have but will never get. The guys I run into are either freeloaders, users, players, commitment phobics, totally into themselves and what they want, unable to communicate or just at odds about the church. So what’s a girl to do. I’m already almost 40. Sometimes I thinks about totally giving up. (

 

[ComputerGeek25]

I definitely feel that way. I have trouble finding guys I’m attracted to and share my values. It’s hard. Most of the guys I know are just way too immature to even consider dating. All they care about is keg parties and football. I’d rather be alone than settle, but I really want to find someone.

And the problem with drinking beer and watching football is…?

 

[Bataar]

And the problem with drinking beer and watching football is…?

And that’s why so many women can’t find someone

 

[Gisella]

And the problem with drinking beer and watching football is…?

I want someone deeper than that.

 

[beckers]

And the problem with drinking beer and watching football is…?

Well your talking to a texas born and raised women. We know our football. There is nothing wrong with enjoy the game but when that becomes the main focus of your life and is somehow woven into every conversation then there is a problem.

 

[hasikelee]

Just as the thread title says. Also, some married people now, did you have such thoughts when you were younger. I do not mean this in a way such as a vocation regarding celibacy, but rather that they won’t ever find someone and doomed to live a single life.

Of course this depends on whether you feel the ‘single life’ is ‘doom’ - Personally, for me, I do.

Actually, I was the only girl of all the girls I knew including my sisters who wasn’t boy crazy and could have cared less if a guy even looked at me.

I was planning on going to prom by myself and never gave a boyfriend a second thought.

I’m the first person married out of that group.

 

[JustinL]

wow… i feel like i hit the jackpot. i am a single catholic guy, who cant find any girls who are actively practicing there faith, and everyone here posting are women saying the same about guys!? where do you girls hide!

 

[bookgirl32]

Oh my gosh! I’ve gotten this. I want to get married, but I don’t date very often (due to a lack of dateable young men around). I’ve been asked (by my own mother, no less) “Do you even like men?” It frustrates me, because my high standards lead me to be perceived as being “abnormal”. Whereas my brother, who was always fairly promiscuious, was seen as the “normal” one. In our sex-obsessed culture, it doesn’t occur to people that you could voluntarily remain single rather than date for the sake of dating. I miss being in a relationship, but when the alternative is a bad relationship, I’d rather be own my own. Besides if I’m not content as a person, comfortable in my own right and on my own, how could I possibly think that being with a man will somehow give me a measure of worth that I otherwise lack?

That happened to me too, but stick to your guns, b/c it’s worth it!!! God sees you doing it, I promise.

 

[bookgirl32]

Some good points, but the problem is, people aren’t necessarily happy on their ‘own’, especially once you hit your 20’s. Sure celibate people wish to offer up their single-ness as a sacrifice to God who sees it pleasing. That’s acceptable and that’s a choice.

But people were created for one another ultimately, that’s what gives us the desire. So no matter how many people say “Hey you got to be happy alone by yourself” - That’s just not going to work, if you were happy by yourself alone, then why did you get married? Which is no doubt going to bring toil? Hypocritical I think. If I was happy by myself, I wouldn’t seek a mate, neither would most people in a situation similar to ours.

I am not directing this at you of course, I was speaking in the 3rd person.

This is the thing Harmony: I’ve been in your position, I’ve been (and am) married. Neither state is true happiness. True happiness is being with God, and being with Him entails following His plan, which is why you have to be open to it. I DO think that it’s His plan for some people that they remain single. And I DO think that they can be just as earthly fulfilled by that as much as married people. And I think that priests and religious are sacrificing, but not anymore than a married couple that are sacrificing for eachother. Does that make sense?

I just don’t want you to think that you’ll get married and all your problems will be solved, b/c that will not happen, and will only set you up for some more problems.

 

[bookgirl32]

I want someone deeper than that.

I used to think that too. The truth is, they’re guys, and most like beer and football, and they can like it, even absolutely love, like my husband, and still be deep guys.

Do you like some shallow things, TV shows, shoes, shopping? Just don’t go looking for the perfect guy, go looking for the guy God wants you with!

 

[Felicity_in_TX]

I can relate to a lot of things y’all have said here! I always thought that I would be married by the time I was 23. As it turned out, I was engaged in my early 20s to some one who was not very kind to me and ended up breaking the engagement shortly before our wedding date. Since then I’ve enjoyed being single quite a bit, but recently the lonliness has started to wear on me. I HATE when my married friends talk about how much they envy my “freedom”! Sure, I can do pretty much whatever I want whenever I want, but at the end of the day, I’m alone. And I have to deal with all my problems alone. There’s no one to help with the yardwork, no one to take my car to the shop and protect me from shady mechanics, no one to do the heavy lifting. I can see the benefit of learning to do all that stuff myself, and I’m proud of my independence, but it is SO very tiring sometimes!

On top of all that, I have a deep longing to be a mother. I mean, nearly every single day I feel like crying because I want to have a child so badly. Everytime one of my friends announces yet another pregnancy, I feel like I’ve been kicked in the gut. I know that sounds really selfish, and I’ve come to love many of my friends’ children and am even a Godmother to two of them, but it still hurts.

The one thing that helps me get by is my faith that God wouldn’t give me such a strong desire to be a wife and a mother without having a plan for me and my future mate. I have to believe that there is some one out there for me, but that I’m not ready (or he’s not ready) for us to know one another yet. I’ve been working on having patience and trusting in God’s timing, but it is a daily struggle.

 

[Gisella]

I used to think that too. The truth is, they’re guys, and most like beer and football, and they can like it, even absolutely love, like my husband, and still be deep guys.

Do you like some shallow things, TV shows, shoes, shopping? Just don’t go looking for the perfect guy, go looking for the guy God wants you with!

I agree that no guy is perfect. I’m just not attracted to most guys I see because they seem too all-American and unexciting. I want someone like Eduardo Verastegui or Kaka. Those are guys I’m both attracted to physically and intellectually. That’s hard to find.

 

[bookgirl32]

I agree that no guy is perfect. I’m just not attracted to most guys I see because they seem too all-American and unexciting. I want someone like Eduardo Verastegui or Kaka. Those are guys I’m both attracted to physically and intellectually. That’s hard to find.

That’s my point though. I wanted an intellectual. I was an English and Music major in college, and I wanted a man who could understand those things, and discuss them with me, and get excited about culture and music. I dated quite a few guys who were like that, and some of them were very nice.

And you might find someone like that. But my point is: my husband was a basketball coach – but he was also a history teacher! And ESPN is constantly on in my house. He loves being a silly “boy” with the boys. He hates wearing anything other than jeans, khakis, or polos, and baseball caps are his favorite. He doesn’t know a thing about Shakespeare or Milton, he doesn’t know how to read music, and classical music is never on in his car. But somehow, he’s the perfect guy for me. And the thing is, all those things that I wanted that were like me, he compliments, and he loves those things about me, and he tries to be interested, and is sometimes. Just don’t close any doors solely based on who you’ve known yourself to be attracted to!

 

[bookgirl32]

The one thing that helps me get by is my faith that God wouldn’t give me such a strong desire to be a wife and a mother without having a plan for me and my future mate. I have to believe that there is some one out there for me, but that I’m not ready (or he’s not ready) for us to know one another yet. I’ve been working on having patience and trusting in God’s timing, but it is a daily struggle.

It is soooooooooooooooooo hard, and you feel very alone, but this is exactly correct. Especially what’s in red above. You will be very very very happy that you didn’t marry before he wanted you to, I promise!!

 

[JustinL]

It is soooooooooooooooooo hard, and you feel very alone, but this is exactly correct. Especially what’s in red above. You will be very very very happy that you didn’t marry before he wanted you to, I promise!!

i know and understand this, but sometimes its just so hard to wait. i recently broke up with the girl of my dreams, and now i feel like there wont ever be anyone else.

 

[Harmony1988]

Yeah being single sucks big time. I grew tired of it years ago. Sometimes is worse then other times. A guy I worked with that goes to my church introduced me to his beautiful family at Mass after that I went home and cried. Not that I wanted that guy or had any romantic intentions it’s just the fact that he seemed to have what I’ve always wanted and took it for granted. I feel like it’s God saying here’s what you could have but will never get. The guys I run into are either freeloaders, users, players, commitment phobics, totally into themselves and what they want, unable to communicate or just at odds about the church. So what’s a girl to do. I’m already almost 40. Sometimes I thinks about totally giving up. (

The fact that you’ve hung on for so long…gee, I could never go that long. I’ll pray for you.

 

[Harmony1988]

I want someone deeper than that.

Surely you wouldn’t pass over someone because they drank beer and watched football? I can understand if they were drinking and watching football everyday why you’d be against it. I’m sure everyone here would. People who are ‘deep’ are often the ones that enjoy a bit of everything, open minded.

 

[Harmony1988]

Actually, I was the only girl of all the girls I knew including my sisters who wasn’t boy crazy and could have cared less if a guy even looked at me.

I was planning on going to prom by myself and never gave a boyfriend a second thought.

I’m the first person married out of that group.

Ah, I was waiting for a response like this It appears that people who could care less about relationships always end up getting one that lasts/they want.

It’s funny the way you stated it though, your sisters must have been like…wahh

 

[Harmony1988]

This is the thing Harmony: I’ve been in your position, I’ve been (and am) married. Neither state is true happiness. True happiness is being with God, and being with Him entails following His plan, which is why you have to be open to it. I DO think that it’s His plan for some people that they remain single. And I DO think that they can be just as earthly fulfilled by that as much as married people. And I think that priests and religious are sacrificing, but not anymore than a married couple that are sacrificing for eachother. Does that make sense?

I just don’t want you to think that you’ll get married and all your problems will be solved, b/c that will not happen, and will only set you up for some more problems.

I never said this, I clearly said earlier that marriage has toil and I agree with what someone said that there has to be a certain happiness in yourself before getting into a relationship.

I know that marriage is not true happines, I never said that. I feel like I’m repeating things over and over again here.