Anyone feel like they won't ever get married?

[Harmony1988]

wow… i feel like i hit the jackpot. i am a single catholic guy, who cant find any girls who are actively practicing there faith, and everyone here posting are women saying the same about guys!? where do you girls hide!

The thing is, in our perspective, girls who **we **like, seem to be off with guys who we class as losers. Now then, these same girls are usually the ones that complain that they are going out with someone that doesn’t understand them, or they need someone "deep.

Logically for us, if you want to be finding someone ‘deep’, you don’t go out with the guy that ‘makes me laugh the most’ or ‘is very confident in public’ - being ‘deep’ has nothing to do with any of that.

And the saga continues.

I bolded some bits, so people don’t take my words out of context.

For guys, it’s the other way around, we are more visual, so if a girl makes us laugh, it doesn’t mean we like them. Small chit-chat doesn’t entirely excite us either in itself.

 

[kristie_m]

I’m going on 8 years of marriage and my hubby and I BOTH struggled with that. We got married when I was 28 and he was 37. (yeah, big age gap, I know, but he’s a kid at heart!)

His mom was so worried about him never getting married that she actually sent me a thank you card after the wedding!

 

[chevalier]

The thing is, in our perspective, girls who **we **like, seem to be off with guys who we class as losers.

True that. But this means there’s something wrong with the image of those girls in our heads. If they were perfect for us, they wouldn’t be out with guys whom we were not quite inclined to admire.

This may quickly show that we’re as inclined to pursue the wrong women as those women are to pursue the wrong men.

Isn’t there, by the way, something wrong with someone who constantly pursues a type of person not at all attracted to him? Doesn’t it mean there’s something wrong with that person’s self-image?

Now then, these same girls are usually the ones that complain that they are going out with someone that doesn’t understand them, or they need someone "deep.

The world’s a messy place sometimes. And some attractive women are intimidating, so they end up with the first guy who’ll test his luck. Some simply make bad choices.

Logically for us, if you want to be finding someone ‘deep’, you don’t go out with the guy that ‘makes me laugh the most’ or ‘is very confident in public’ - being ‘deep’ has nothing to do with any of that.

You obviously haven’t met me. Oh, and yes, this was very deep.

For guys, it’s the other way around, we are more visual, so if a girl makes us laugh, it doesn’t mean we like them.

Come on, how not? There’s just a difference between liking and loving or liking and desiring.

We may also have the instinct thing with looks, but with many men a woman will go farther with a sense of humour than with looks. At this stage of my life, if I see a good-looking girl, well, so what, haven’t I seen a thousand already? Make me laugh, now that’s a challenge. Besides, it means she cares. That can’t be overestimated. Looks easily can. Just get another beer.

Small chit-chat doesn’t entirely excite us either in itself.

Perhaps, but it can be quite refreshing at times.

 

[marietta]

I didn’t marry until age 32. Daughter was born 4 years into the (civil) marriage; I filed for divorce when she was 15 months old. I raised her by myself with no communication from him except a few times through our attorneys. Daughter is now 21 and lives in another state, getting the hang of living alone.

I believe I didn’t marry in the Church because I wanted a trap door; no anullment necessary, just file the papers, go to court and pay, pay, pay the attorney. Behind substance abuse the relationship felt like love, but in reality it was a means to an end: He got out of his previous marriage to marry me, and I got the child I wanted. I was his fifth wife: that should have been an indicator, but substances do things to the mind, body and spirit that are beyond human control.

So, my twist on the questions is: I won’t ever get married again. Since my divorce in 1989 I have been in only one relationship and it was miserable and full of deceit. I have been absolutely abstinent for over ten years and I feel that the contentment I get from not having to “work on” a relationship trumps the pillow talk and the ability to take some glamorous vacation. I don’t hate men. That’s not it. I just resent the lies and communicable diseases and threats and gun-waving and infidelities I have endured at the hands of the men I have picked myself. An old therapist told me once, “Your picker’s broke!” No lie. I just decided to quit looking for happiness in a relationship. The men I always gravitated toward were bad boys; the responsible guys and sweethearts bored me to death and still do. No matter what your ideal of marriage, any woman should have her own money, economic security, good health, a vehicle that runs . . . self-sufficiency. If she’s looking for some dude to fix her or support her, it ends before it begins. Remember: expectations are planned resentments.

Can’t speak for the men. Never did understand them, from Dad on down.

marietta

 

[Harmony1988]

True that. But this means there’s something wrong with the image of those girls in our heads. If they were perfect for us, they wouldn’t be out with guys whom we were not quite inclined to admire.

This may quickly show that we’re as inclined to pursue the wrong women as those women are to pursue the wrong men.

Isn’t there, by the way, something wrong with someone who constantly pursues a type of person not at all attracted to him? Doesn’t it mean there’s something wrong with that person’s self-image?

The world’s a messy place sometimes. And some attractive women are intimidating, so they end up with the first guy who’ll test his luck. Some simply make bad choices.

You obviously haven’t met me. Oh, and yes, this was very deep.

Come on, how not? There’s just a difference between liking and loving or liking and desiring.

We may also have the instinct thing with looks, but with many men a woman will go farther with a sense of humour than with looks. At this stage of my life, if I see a good-looking girl, well, so what, haven’t I seen a thousand already? Make me laugh, now that’s a challenge. Besides, it means she cares. That can’t be overestimated. Looks easily can. Just get another beer.

Perhaps, but it can be quite refreshing at times.

This holds true once you have gotten to know the person. This makes no sense at all when you are actually discerning and looking for someone.

 

[bookgirl32]

I never said this, I clearly said earlier that marriage has toil and I agree with what someone said that there has to be a certain happiness in yourself before getting into a relationship.

I know that marriage is not true happines, I never said that. I feel like I’m repeating things over and over again here.

And I didn’t mean to imply that you think it’s all easy or anything, it’s just that it’s hard NOT to idealize it when you want it so badly. That’s all I was saying.

 

[bookgirl32]

This holds true once you have gotten to know the person. This makes no sense at all when you are actually discerning and looking for someone.

What holds true once you’ve actually gotten to know the person, that looks aren’t necessarily the thing that attracts you to them? It might be for you, but not for everyone.

And hey, if you’ve noticed, I’ve been defending the beer-drinking, football-watching, deep guy the whole time .

 

[Morwenna]

I’ve been struggling with this a lot lately.

I’m 39 now, and still waiting. The funny (and annoying!) thing is that I’ve been told so many times in my life by many men, mostly not in dating situations, but by friends/acquaintances, completely out of the blue, that I would “make someone a great wife someday.” I know that they all meant it as a compliment, but … :banghead:

About a year ago, I was extremely disheartened, so I prayed a Novena to St Joseph asking him to intercede for me, that God would lead my future husband and I to each other, or that He would give me grace if it was going to be awhile (or never). I got loads of grace, more than I could’ve imagined, which carried me through almost an entire year. Even though I’m still waiting, I was (and am) so grateful for this sustaining grace.

I just turned 39 a few weeks ago, and I’m starting to feel myself slipping back into despair again. I think it’s time for another Novena.

I will pray earnestly for all of us who are “still waiting”, especially for those who have posted to this thread.

 

[azgirl]

I’ve been struggling with this a lot lately.

I’m 39 now, and still waiting. The funny (and annoying!) thing is that I’ve been told so many times in my life by many men, mostly not in dating situations, but by friends/acquaintances, completely out of the blue, that I would “make someone a great wife someday.” I know that they all meant it as a compliment, but … :banghead:

About a year ago, I was extremely disheartened, so I prayed a Novena to St Joseph asking him to intercede for me, that God would lead my future husband and I to each other, or that He would give me grace if it was going to be awhile (or never). I got loads of grace, more than I could’ve imagined, which carried me through almost an entire year. Even though I’m still waiting, I was (and am) so grateful for this sustaining grace.

I just turned 39 a few weeks ago, and I’m starting to feel myself slipping back into despair again. I think it’s time for another Novena.

I will pray earnestly for all of us who are “still waiting”, especially for those who have posted to this thread.

I better post because I can always use more prayers . I am 3 weeks shy of turning 35 and waiting/praying/longing for my future husband .

 

[Harmony1988]

What holds true once you’ve actually gotten to know the person, that looks aren’t necessarily the thing that attracts you to them? It might be for you, but not for everyone.

And hey, if you’ve noticed, I’ve been defending the beer-drinking, football-watching, deep guy the whole time .

Noooooo lol, I meant that as guys, it’s more ‘visual’ based initially. I would never base a relationship on how a girl looks. Sure the initial attraction is the starting point. But what makes you go upto a girl and talk to them? 99% of the time, it’s looks.

Yea, I’ve noticed

 

[Harmony1988]

All this has made me realize that there are people who are much older than me, still waiting, why do I complain so much?

Well we all got our reasons. I’m going to do a novena for all of us.

 

[Ardent_Fire]

I didn’t have my first serious boyfriend until I was 22. I am 31 and marrying at 32!

It’s just as well this happened in a longer timeline in my case. For me personally, because I can be such a stubbornly independant pighead, God probably figured I had some life lessons to learn first. uch:

That’s not to say that anyone else waiting is having to do so because of some flaw on their part – I’m just talking about me.

 

[chevalier]

This holds true once you have gotten to know the person. This makes no sense at all when you are actually discerning and looking for someone.

Depends. A process which qualifies as “discerning” (when it’s not just a big word, but an actual meaning), is deeper than merely noticing the looks. When you’re looking for someone, you may notice looks first, but you surely aren’t looking for someone whose only pleasing characteristic is looks. What you look for doesn’t change, it’s just what kind and how much data you receive and how you react to it (it takes a while to adjust).

 

[chevalier]

Noooooo lol, I meant that as guys, it’s more ‘visual’ based initially. I would never base a relationship on how a girl looks. Sure the initial attraction is the starting point. But what makes you go upto a girl and talk to them? 99% of the time, it’s looks.

That’s a valid point, although in specific situations things will differ. Much depends on what you see the persons doing, what their clothes tell of them, if you can notice a Christian symbol or not, if they smile and/or if they seem to have some warmth about them. For example, you notice a not-so-ugly girl dressed with modesty and taste, in the act of feeding a hungry person, giving alms, taking care of a child, or some such. You probably don’t turn your head after a passing-by “hottie” in somewhat worldly clothes and not very deep expression… As much as in a normal situation a guy talking to two women will probably end up fixing his attention prevalently on the prettier one. I’ve been caught doing that, as much as I don’t like it.

Women also go largely by looks for picking targets, I think, they just seem to care less about how good you look in terms of what nature gave you. There’s a chance your voice or smell will get you farther with a woman that hers would get her with you, but that’s it.

 

[Harmony1988]

Depends. A process which qualifies as “discerning” (when it’s not just a big word, but an actual meaning), is deeper than merely noticing the looks. When you’re looking for someone, you may notice looks first, but you surely aren’t looking for someone whose only pleasing characteristic is looks. What you look for doesn’t change, it’s just what kind and how much data you receive and how you react to it (it takes a while to adjust).

I already said this, thanks for making me sound like a 15 year old kid.

 

[Bataar]

Everyone has different standards and opinions on what is “good looking” and what one finds attractive. My question to you guys is this:

Would you date someone if you’re not physically attracted to them at all? Say, a good practicing Catholic, follows all the church’s teachings to the letter, comes from a good family, etc, but you just can’t get yourself physically attracted to them.

 

[Norseman82]

But people were created for one another ultimately, that’s what gives us the desire. So no matter how many people say “Hey you got to be happy alone by yourself” - That’s just not going to work, if you were happy by yourself alone, then why did you get married? Which is no doubt going to bring toil? Hypocritical I think. If I was happy by myself, I wouldn’t seek a mate, neither would most people in a situation similar to ours.

WOW! I’m glad I’m not the only one who “gets it”!

 

[lampstand]

I’ve been struggling with this a lot lately.

I’m 39 now, and still waiting. The funny (and annoying!) thing is that I’ve been told so many times in my life by many men, mostly not in dating situations, but by friends/acquaintances, completely out of the blue, that I would “make someone a great wife someday.” I know that they all meant it as a compliment, but … :banghead:

About a year ago, I was extremely disheartened, so I prayed a Novena to St Joseph asking him to intercede for me, that God would lead my future husband and I to each other, or that He would give me grace if it was going to be awhile (or never). I got loads of grace, more than I could’ve imagined, which carried me through almost an entire year. Even though I’m still waiting, I was (and am) so grateful for this sustaining grace.

I just turned 39 a few weeks ago, and I’m starting to feel myself slipping back into despair again. I think it’s time for another Novena.

I will pray earnestly for all of us who are “still waiting”, especially for those who have posted to this thread.

Good post. Thanks.

 

[cecilia97]

Just as the thread title says. Also, some married people now, did you have such thoughts when you were younger. I do not mean this in a way such as a vocation regarding celibacy, but rather that they won’t ever find someone and doomed to live a single life.

Of course this depends on whether you feel the ‘single life’ is ‘doom’ - Personally, for me, I do.

I feel like I’ll be blessed to live a single life. I was married, a marriage since found invalid by the church. I suppose anything could happen, but I just don’t see myself being married again.

Not that marriage is a jail or anything…it’s a blessing too…but I cherish my freedom now and I try to fill my life with God, friends/family, activities, and meaningful work so that I’m truly not lonely.

 

[Cosmo23]

Lonliness is hard, and it seems as if I will never meet anyone. How do you even approach someone without seeming desperate? Plus I’m not matieralistic I’ve only had one car in my life, I live on $5000 a month. So to find a woman who is not put off by that is next to impossible