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Nanny_PK
Guest
What a wonderful way to say it!!!
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Norseman82
Guest
Look at it from the other side.Well if you want to get technical a lot of the 50s plus guys that show interest just want a nurse or baby machine. A guy in his 50s who suddenly says “hey wait…now I want a family” that’s scary, sad and a little too late in life.
You have posted about your lack of success in finding a good Catholic spouse for whatever reason. Many of these males in their 50s and beyond may have encountered the same difficulties as you have, so please cut them some slack. They may have been seeking all this time only to be given the runaround and have thrown in their faces the excuses of “you might have the single vocation”, “you don’t need to be married to have a happy life”, “you are seeking marriage for all the wrong (secular) reasons”, “you need to accept lifelong singleness first before being ready to be married” (on this last subject, there is actually a thread by a poster who has been duped by this nonsense - poor guy!). Others may have had to care for aging or sick family members; others may have spent time discerning priesthood / religious life. So it’s not just guys all of a sudden waking up and deciding to start a family in their 50s.
Again, cut them some slack. someone in that age range may not be what you want in YOUR husband, but please don’t look at all of them with scared eyes; if anything, be scared about how they were constantly rebuffed in their search for a spouse for al these years, many times with Church young adult and singles ministries standing idly by or even joining in the negative reinforcement.
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chevalier
Guest
Yeah, I caught a sentimental mood.
Single life’s good, of course, but it’s not for everyone.
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Belgarion
Guest
You’re telling me…Moans in self pityYeah, I caught a sentimental mood.
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zaramarie81
Guest
Yeah, I’d like to jump in here and share what my twin told me recently:
“Married life is harder than single life, but far more fulfilling.”
I am not looking to get married to avoid hardship, but (hopefully) fulfill a call to a vocation. Sharing a life is always harder than living by yourself and doing whatever you want, but I’ve lived long enough to know that the most important things in life usually involve sacrifice. On my deathbed, I will not be thinking “Thank God I got to flirt shamelessly for all these decades…” My twin sister says all the time “I would never go back to being single!”
Of course, there is a point where we have to accept our lives and be thankful for what we do have even if we’re not married. But yeah, singlehood - for those of us who desire marriage - is not the better situation. Just my two cents here.
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Matrix_Refugee
Guest
I have no trouble with being single at age 31. I was in a bad relationship, but I got out of it and decided that being single was better than being in an abusive relationship. If I find a nice guy, that will be a lovely thing, but if I don’t it will be a lovely thing as well. I describe myself as bicelibate, and if God wants me to stay that way, so be it.
What bugs me are the people (co-workers, friends at church) who ask me “When are you going to get a man in your life/married/have kids/What about your biological clock?” I could use some advice on what to say since some of these people are utterly bossy about it.
What bugs me are the people (co-workers, friends at church) who ask me “When are you going to get a man in your life/married/have kids/What about your biological clock?” I could use some advice on what to say since some of these people are utterly bossy about it.
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CWBetts
Guest
Why don’t you say, “I’m still waiting for God to send me one”
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Sierrah
Guest
**Sorry if you been rejected or they have but we all have and I still believe they need to concentrate their search on ladies nearer their own age. **
Everybody has their preferences in what they are looking for. Mine is someone close to my own age. Sorry if that offends to people but to be fair some guys prefer ladies of a certain coloring, height, build or what have you.
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Julianna
Guest
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Norseman82
Guest
People “nearer their own age” are most likely past childbearing age.
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Lady_Bug
Guest
sigh
I know what you mean. I’m 28 and already feeling like roadkill in the fertility department. I’ve given up telling Christians in real life about my loneliness - for the most part. They overspiritualize singleness towards those who are circumstantially single without the gift of celibacy. They act as though you can “fill yourself up with God” and you won’t feel the need/loneliness for a spouse because God’s love is infinitely greater.
Then those same people tell you that the definition of marriage is the demonstration of Jesus Christ’s love for his Church. Which makes me want to throw something.
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Belgarion
Guest
Married people make me jealous…
Singleness always looks different when you’re on the other side…Oh how quickly they forget…
anyways, lately I’ve been telling my family how certain I am that I’ll never be able to get married…I hope I’m wrong…but I doubt it. I’m always wrong…unless being wrong makes me happy!
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CWBetts
Guest
You hit the nail on the head. My personal favorite: “Maybe the time isn’t right for you yet”
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ChadS
Guest
Lady Bug, I feel the same way when you meet married people that rhapsodize about how wonderful being single is, yet they’re the ones that have somebody to go home to or be with when us single folks don’t have that same luxury. It can be very maddening and it doesn’t make being single any easier when they try to cheer you up using that logic.
Just know there are plenty of people in the same boat as you with the same feelings and worries.
One of my favortie experiences was any time I’d see my grandmother she’d ask me when I was going to meet a girl and get married and if that wasn’t enough quickly following that question was when are you going to make your parents grand-parents. Talk about pressure. I’d just tell her my parents were too young to be grand-parents and that usually ended the conversation there.
ChadS
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Lady_Bug
Guest
That’s nothing
There’s another platitudinous comment - “God is using your single state to bring you closer to Him.”I want to scream to the tops of the Himalayas on that one. God doesn’t stop working in you just because you get married. Besides, if that statement was true 100% of the time, God would not have created Eve for Adam.
Another one: “Marriage shouldn’t be your end goal. Getting to heaven should be.” Well - assuming that I live til 85 - that does that mean I have to wait 60 years til I am allowed to think about marriage? Come on. And who said marriage was the end? For me it’s a new beginning.
Honestly I quit talking to 99% of Christians about singleness. Most of them are wrong. Period. And I won’t listen to that nonsense any more.
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Lady_Bug
Guest
thank you for understanding.
I’m sorry if I have appeared a bit harsh in my sentiments. Certain platitudes about singleness tend to evoke bitterness from me - that I usually keep inside. It’s rare that I come out with this type of candor because so few people get it.When the holidays come, the pain of singleness is unbearable. Other familial relationships are important and some even consider volunteering but neither replace the bond between a husband and a wife. I have little family left, and they’re old, except my brother, who I can’t connect with very well. I practically want to lose it on Thanksgiving and Christmas.
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ChadS
Guest
No you weren’t too harsh at all. I’m single and have been single most of the time and all the feelings, thoughts, and emotions you expressed are ones I have dealt with and are dealing with. No need to apologize.thank you for understanding.
When the holidays come, the pain of singleness is unbearable. Other familial relationships are important and some even consider volunteering but neither replace the bond between a husband and a wife. I have little family left, and they’re old, except my brother, who I can’t connect with very well. I practically want to lose it on Thanksgiving and Christmas.
ChadS
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cthulhubryan
Guest
Unfortunately due to death and divorce there are surely women nearer their age with children. Get married and Voila! instant family.
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beckers
Guest
I think the holidays are the worst time for singles. I could deal with christmas or thanksgiving but not both so close together. I have a huge family and i love them to death but it saddens me that i have no one to bring home or enjoy the time with during the holiday.thank you for understanding.
When the holidays come, the pain of singleness is unbearable. Other familial relationships are important and some even consider volunteering but neither replace the bond between a husband and a wife. I have little family left, and they’re old, except my brother, who I can’t connect with very well. I practically want to lose it on Thanksgiving and Christmas.
I also hate the fact that my schudule doesn’t matter. I am single and don’t have any other family committments so i should bend to the whims of eveveryone. Atleast this thanksgiving will be easier. I am going to be studying so i will just stop by for dinner and leave. And no one is coming in from out of town since my sister is getting married in Feb everyone is holding off to come in then.
I don’t know what post someone made about men should find women closer to their age. I happen to like older men. i am 28 but don’t really find myself attractive to men my age. I like established men. I’ve always had an “old soul”. I have tons of guy friends in their late 30’s and early 40’s. They are great gentlemen and i wish one atleast one of them would see me as “more than just a friend” but atlas i don’t think its going to happen. A lot of them are “afraid” of women. They have been burned in the past or believe they are meant to be bachelors.
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Belgarion
Guest
Ain’t that the truth. Its practically unbearable.
Valentine’s day and the Holiday season (which I’m simply using to refer to New years and Christmas) are just horrible for singles.
Jealousy is felt, seeing all the happy couples. And an overwhelming shadow of loneliness and sorrow descends upon even the strongest of us. Needless the say, the light of the season is somewhat eclipsed by the mere fact that we have no one to share that joyous time with. Ironically, joy brings sorrow to those of us who are alone.
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