Anyone here with experience with online/long-distance relationships?

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I’m wondering if anyone here has experience with a long-distance relationship. If so, how did it work out? What sort of things did you do to get to know each other?

Even if you haven’t been in one, I take general advice too.
 
My husband and I were introduced by his sister and were long distance for most of our relationship before getting married. We talked on the phone or Skyped every day. Visits are definitely important. You need to see how neat they keep their home, how they treat others, their family dynamics, etc. Ideally you want to meet fairly early so you know if there is any chemistry or any deal breakers that reveal themselves.
 
I have. And while it didn’t work out, I don’t chalk it up to the fact that it was an online-met thing.

We met in World of Warcraft (I know, I know) and got to know each other for about 6 years before we moved in together. Spent a lot of time together (online) and I got to know her family before she moved out here. It didn’t work thanks to personal issues on her part and she has since apologized to me for them.

I also have friends who met online in other MMORPGs that eventually got married and it worked out well. Two couples have done this. And they’re still together more than 10 years later.
 
I’d also like to know how people communicate or act for online or long distance relationships.

In my experience, for those guys who have reached out to me online, what happened is that the conversation peters out. I would’ve wanted to meet some of them in person and wished they suggested it.

Right now though, there’s this guy who still messages me, but so far only our first chat conversation was pretty long, and it was about politics. There’s this other guy who’s also been frequent in messaging me, but I haven’t been entertaining him much, because I’m pretty pretty ambivalent about it and didn’t think he was interested. He told me he was looking for a drinking buddy.

The successive chats were uneventful, but it’s like we both got tongue tied didn’t have anything to talk about. :confused: The first guy did ask if we could meet already, but I’m busy preparing for my trips, so maybe sometime in December. So yeah, I admire those people who have online/LDR relationships and keep on talking.
 
I met my wife on CAF. We initially began chatting via PM and then she asked me to chat to her on facebook. We didn’t really begin a relationship straight away. She was a convert and she asked me to pray the rosary with her on skype chat as nobody in her family was Catholic. So we started that and began to have really long chats as we prayed.

My advice would be not to keep it online for too long. If you think there’s something there then meet ASAP. Long distance can definitely work out if you want it to. My wife and I spent over a year in different countries before she moved to Ireland. (She’s from Latvia. It’s a bit like being in New York and your date being in Denver.)
 
Are you limiting this to long term opposite sex /marriage relationships?

I have one good friend met on a travel forum online. She has been coming over from the US every two years for 12 years now, bringing her grandchildren a few at a time.

She supports the work my family do overseas and we get on fine.

Another I met online; was fine until she visited then she dropped away.
 
Yeah. Ok so there are a couple of tricks to online relationships. Knowing there will be dry spells is one. Knowing a good way to keep the conversation flowing is another key. If neither of you are specially flavored with that you might find the whole thing falling down dead pdq. so it’s important to latch onto a common set of interests early to fill in for any gaps to keep that off.

It’s also can be better to talk a few times a week for longer, than every day for short bits. It can help you build momentum to deeper subjects and get past the routine of always treading shallow water. (Although I’ve done both and enjoyed both. I’m just talking in general because it depends on the company at hand. I’ve also been in situations where I’ve talked for long bits each day daily for almost a year at a time so it really can depend.)
 
I did this, successfully. Now-DH and I were in different countries.

I don’t personally believe that one can be “in a relationship” or “dating” until you have actually met somebody. Until then you are essentially just exchanging letters and developing “a” relationship (a different kind of a one) on that basis.

Meet absolutely as soon as possible. If you are seriously interested in each other then I would be questioning why you would not both be willing to make a serious effort to meet. If there is a serious reason (e.g. one of you is on a submarine for the next 9 months) then I don’t think that person is actually in an appropriate situation to be doing online dating and should wait until meeting is possible. I too got a lot of messages from people on the other side of the world, none of whom appeared to be actually thinking of meeting me. I found that very odd. After all,I was looking for a boyfriend not a penfriend. DH and I met within the month.

In terms of long-distance (once there is an actual relationship established) again, meeting as often as possible is the key. You need to spend time together to allow a relationship to develop. And Skype. Lots of Skype! The idea of an end-point also needs to be in the air. If it is literally unthinkable for either of you to move then again, this relationship has no future. We only made firm plans to be in the same place after we got engaged (which, again, was pretty quickly) but of course it was something we had discussed earlier.

There are lots of things you can do, but I won’t add more without knowing more of your particular situation. I took a very traditional, pragmatic view of online dating - it was strictly a means to an end, i.e. meeting somebody in real life - and I think that paid off.
 
Bad, bad, bad idea.

I assume you mean a “relationship” of the male-female or erotic type. But without physical expression, there would be literally nothing there.

I’ve tried it twice. Got burnt both times.

Give it up and find someone within holding distance.

IMINWHO.

ICXC NIKA
 
I met my husband online.
He was in Ireland.
Hours of chatting, hours of long distance phone calls (cheaper for him, much more expensive for me)
Skype, and eventually after 2 years a trip to Ireland to meet him, his father and the entire village.
Proposal.
Wedding.
Was very beautiful, but of course we were a bit older than you. I was a widow, and he was single. NO abby mama drama, no annulments to fret over.
Advice?
Ask all the right questions. Big ones. Important ones. IF they shy away, or are evasive, RUN.
Don’t get swept up in the “fun” of it. It can seem very romantic, but you have to keep your sensibilities straight.
Don’t downplay your faith. Wait until you find the one that shares your values.
Sense of humor: important. Not fun being apart. If you both can laugh about it without all kinds of drama…then it can work.
Best wishes!
 
AdamPeter said:
I met my wife on CAF. We initially began chatting via PM and then she asked me to chat to her on facebook. We didn’t really begin a relationship straight away. She was a convert and she asked me to pray the rosary with her on skype chat as nobody in her family was Catholic. So we started that and began to have really long chats as we prayed.

My wife and I spent over a year in different countries …
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Same for us. I met hubby on CAF. We initially began PMing each other, and I asked him to chat to me on Google Hangouts. We didn’t begin a romantic relationship straight away. He was a revert and I just wanted to be that instrument to help him get more intimate with God, and we prayed the St. Michael the Archangel Chaplet every day over the phone. We spent over a year in different continents. We visited each other two times a year for 30 days.

I believe that you get to know the person better and faster if long distance because there is not much to do except to dialogue. But it’s super important to get to see how he interacts with his family and how his family interacts with him. Super important.
 
E_7 said:
Same for us. I met hubby on CAF. We initially began PMing each other, and I asked him to chat to me on Google Hangouts. We didn’t begin a romantic relationship straight away. He was a revert and I just wanted to be that instrument to help him get more intimate with God, and we prayed the St. Michael the Archangel Chaplet every day over the phone. We spent over a year in different continents. We visited each other two times a year for 30 days.

I believe that you get to know the person better and faster if long distance because there is not much to do except to dialogue. But it’s super important to get to see how he interacts with his family and how his family interacts with him. Super important.
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That’s more of what happened here - we met up in a gaming group online and started kind of chatting over facebook. Not with romantic intent or anything, we both just enjoyed talking to a fellow Catholic with similar interests. Facebook moved to skype and over the years we found we were chatting almost every day, waiting for each other to get home from work, that sort of thing. We learned a lot about each other just talking as friends, found we have a lot of similar interests and values and the same sense of humor, that sort of thing.

We’re ironing out details of when and how we can meet up. My complete lack of vacation time at the moment (I’m 3 months into a new job and don’t start accruing vacation until 6 months in) isn’t helping matters.
 
GEddie said:
Bad, bad, bad idea.

I assume you mean a “relationship” of the male-female or erotic type. But without physical expression, there would be literally nothing there.

I’ve tried it twice. Got burnt both times.

Give it up and find someone within holding distance.

IMINWHO.

ICXC NIKA
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Don’t agree…there are at least two other people besides me who married a person they met on CAF.
 
E_7 said:
Same for us. I met hubby on CAF. We initially began PMing each other, and I asked him to chat to me on Google Hangouts. We didn’t begin a romantic relationship straight away. He was a revert and I just wanted to be that instrument to help him get more intimate with God, and we prayed the St. Michael the Archangel Chaplet every day over the phone. We spent over a year in different continents. We visited each other two times a year for 30 days.

**I believe that you get to know the person better and faster if long distance because there is not much to do except to dialogue. **But it’s super important to get to see how he interacts with his family and how his family interacts with him. Super important.
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Yes. This is exactly how we feel as well. We were so thankful for all the late night skype conversations and we really felt we’d been friends for years by the time we met. I don’t really agree with those who say that you can’t say you’re “dating” until you meet the person. I had almost made up my mind to propose by the time we met!

I do agree with your point about family interaction though.
 
AdamPeter said:
Don’t agree…there are at least two other people besides me who married a person they met on CAF.
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I met my husband on CAF. Hours of talking and long trips to visit. We met in person and we were married a year later. Now five year later, we have a two year old boy and couldn’t be happier.
 
Met my husband on Catholicmatch.com. He was about eight hours away. We visited each other often and when he came to STL he stayed at my apartment while I stayed with my sister. When I went to visit him, I stayed at his apartment and he stayed in a spare room at the rectory. It’s been working out pretty well so far. We’ve been married for four years and have two kids.
 
Over the years, I have found that the idea of long-distance relationships elicits strong responses. People tend to either be all for it or completely against it, usually based upon their own experience or that of someone close to them.

I spent three years in a long-distance relationship with a man on another continent. At the time, I was open to the idea of marriage but not actively looking to marry (not sure if that makes sense). Skype didn’t exist yet, so most of our interaction was through instant messaging. Like E_7 said, distance leaves little left to do except dialogue. At first I didn’t think much of the hours we spent conversing, thinking the novelty would eventually wear off and we’d stall at the friendship level. Sixteen months later, we were still at it. We never ran out of things to talk about. So I figured we should probably find a way to meet.

Long story short, we’ve been married for fourteen years.

Just because it worked for us doesn’t mean I would recommend it for everyone, however. Approaching a potential spouse in this manner is not for the risk-averse. The greater the distance, the less control you may have over the situation. If you are easily heartbroken, spooked or frustrated, looking closer to home would probably be more prudent.

In addition to the advice given by other posters, I strongly recommend taking measures to protect yourself. Don’t pursue a long-distance relationship without telling your family and real-life friends about it. The world is full of crazy people and true motives are difficult to judge when people are far from each other, a task made all the more complicated when the heart is invested in the outcome.
 
I met my ex-husband online. Turned out he lived only three miles away from me and we had a lot in common. We chatted online for a month before meeting in person. Dated two years and were married for ten years.

I had been away from the Church for years when I met and married him. Main reason we are divorced is my return to the Church.

If I had any interest in marrying again I would consider meeting someone online through CatholicMatch or a similar Catholic dating site.

As others have said, it is best to meet in person sooner rather than later.
 
I’ve never really considered it. I would imagine it would take an extra effort for the relationship to work. But other poster’s on this thread have spoken of successful relationships that have started from online communication, so it’s possible.
I think it would be wise to talk with them on Skype before meeting them in real life.
 
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