Appropriate response as a cantor

[Whitacre_Girl]

So, I have been wrestling with this issue in my mind a lot, and I am having a hard time coming up with a solution. Maybe fellow cantors or church musicians will have some good feedback.

So, firstly, I am a church musician. Majored in music, and have performed in concerts more times than I can count. (Just last night I was in a choir that sang with the local symphony, and am auditioning for said symphony in a few weeks…) I have felt a calling to use my talents for the glory of God in the mass. I am working with other church musicians to revamp the music in the church to make it more…well, musical. Based mainly on what the mass USED to be…you know…Bach, Beethoven, Mozart masses for the longest time the church was THE HUB of music, and now that is not the case. Sad, but true. ANYWAY

Before I lead the congregation in worship via song, I pray that they see God and GOD ALONE in the music. THis is an attitude I adopted while in school. But after mass I am always in an awkward position where people come up to me and say that “I sounded lovely” or they thank me for “MY beautiful music” I always get awkward about it and say a hushed “uhh…yeah…uh…thanks…” and scurry away. I asked my husband if I should start telling them to give their thanks to God because I don’t want it…but he said that would be as if I were ungrateful for their appreciation, and just plain rude. I guess I just don’t like the wordings. I have been ducking out of masses as quickly as I can afterwards because I want them to be focusing entirely on GOD, rather than me. Or I find a task to do in the back room until people clear out.

I personally accept the thanks and thank them back if I just finished a secular concert. (such as last night) but I just feel that after church, they should be thanking God, and not me. I am just an instrument when I am in church. It seems to me as silly as thanking the piano, rather than the pianist.

How do I handle these situations after mass? I want to show them that I am grateful that they acknowledge the work I put in to singing or playing at mass, but at the same time I don’t really want them thanking me for it, I want them to thank God.

 

[Phemie]

You have a talent. It doesn’t matter whether you’re using it in the choir with the symphony or at Mass, it’s still your talent and you’re still the one making the music. I think an appropriate response would be 'Thank you. I’m happy to use the talent God gave me to His glory."

 

[agapewolf]

So, I have been wrestling with this issue in my mind a lot, and I am having a hard time coming up with a solution. Maybe fellow cantors or church musicians will have some good feedback.

So, firstly, I am a church musician. Majored in music, and have performed in concerts more times than I can count. (Just last night I was in a choir that sang with the local symphony, and am auditioning for said symphony in a few weeks…) I have felt a calling to use my talents for the glory of God in the mass. I am working with other church musicians to revamp the music in the church to make it more…well, musical. Based mainly on what the mass USED to be…you know…Bach, Beethoven, Mozart masses for the longest time the church was THE HUB of music, and now that is not the case. Sad, but true. ANYWAY

Before I lead the congregation in worship via song, I pray that they see God and GOD ALONE in the music. THis is an attitude I adopted while in school. But after mass I am always in an awkward position where people come up to me and say that “I sounded lovely” or they thank me for “MY beautiful music” I always get awkward about it and say a hushed “uhh…yeah…uh…thanks…” and scurry away. I asked my husband if I should start telling them to give their thanks to God because I don’t want it…but he said that would be as if I were ungrateful for their appreciation, and just plain rude. I guess I just don’t like the wordings. I have been ducking out of masses as quickly as I can afterwards because I want them to be focusing entirely on GOD, rather than me. Or I find a task to do in the back room until people clear out.

I personally accept the thanks and thank them back if I just finished a secular concert. (such as last night) but I just feel that after church, they should be thanking God, and not me. I am just an instrument when I am in church. It seems to me as silly as thanking the piano, rather than the pianist.

How do I handle these situations after mass? I want to show them that I am grateful that they acknowledge the work I put in to singing or playing at mass, but at the same time I don’t really want them thanking me for it, I want them to thank God.

I find that if someone compliments me, I say “Praise God”…they insist on complimenting me more. A simple Thank you seems to put things to rest more quickly.

Remember, that a compliment from them is good for them to give, not just for you to receive. As long as your motivations are straight and clear, to bring glory to God and not yourself, you need not worry. You are still a tool used by God to glorify Him,and you are choosing to use the gifts in a good manner. That is praiseworthy.

My office is on the hallway to the adoration chapel. There is a changing of the guard every hour, so often I have people stop in to say how good the music is. I use that as a gauge to what in particular is reaching people.

 

[PhilotheaZ]

“You are very kind. God bless you!” sometimes works for me.

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

Thanks guys.

I really like that idea of using their thanks as a good guage of what is reaching them. Especially since I am looking to inject some…ah…better music into the mix. So far they seem to enjoy the subtle changes.

 

[peary1]

How do I handle these situations after mass? I want to show them that I am grateful that they acknowledge the work I put in to singing or playing at mass, but at the same time I don’t really want them thanking me for it, I want them to thank God.

You accept the acknowledgment graciously and with humility. Take a compliment when you get one! Thanking you personally for your music is something that comes from their hearts. They are not looking for a lecture on who to thank. They already know.

 

[jpjd]

After reading all the complaints on this forum about the music in their parish: the awful songs, awful cantors, awful musicians playing awful instruments, I think it’s refreshing to hear of parishoners who are appreciative about the music they are hearing in church.

God is using your skills and talent to provide music to the parishoners. It’s not something just anybody can do, so you do deserve some thanks. Accept it graciously.

 

[Sarabande]

Whitacregirl - I totally understand how you feel. I tend to be the same way - feeling really awkward and hushed when that happens. I get really blushed and sweaty. So, like you, I always try to “hide” as quickly as possible or stay in the sacristy until mostly everyone leaves so that I can scurry up to the organ loft to get my things and speak with the organist/music director regarding the next week. It doesn’t help that I’m a total introvert, too.

I’m the same way with secular recitals, concerts, operas, etc. as well, especially after recitals when you’re required to have a receiving line and little reception to thank and greet those who paid (or not paid if free) to come to your performance. I guess it’s because I usually view the music I give as a prayer.

It has taken a few years, but I have found that the best way to handle the situation after mass or before or even with people who recognize you on the street and stop you (which may start to occur if you cantor at a parish in a city where it’s common to walk into so many different people) is to give them a sincere, humble and heartfelt, “Thank you,” back. Look at it in a way that God is using you as an instrument to spiritually inspire them in various different ways depending on what the music was, so their thanks and appreciation is really for God. And as others have mentioned, it is good a way to gauge how the music you give is being received.

Just continue to pray through your voice and what you give will be sincere. Your parish is fortunate to have you. :hug1:

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

Wow, Sarabande…thank you.

I am actually pretty extroverted and outgoing…I just clam up because I feel selfish for having even a smidgen of the glory that is due to God.

I actually do live in a small town (note: Seattle AREA LOL) so I frequently do run into parishoners and I always feel bad because they know who I am, but I don’t know who they are! LOL

Thank you everyone for your (name removed by moderator)ut. I will put it into practice, especially in this holiday season where I am doing a lot of musical work with the church!

 

[Hotchkiss]

We just had a brand-new cantor at the morning Mass. She looked so young that people around me were grumbling before she even sang a single note.

But once she did sing! Oh my goodness! A major-city orchestra-level singer! She also showed elegant and polished comportment at the lectern.

Afterwords many thanked her. She simply said “thank you, you are very kind.” Perfect.

 

[agapewolf]

Wow, Sarabande…thank you.

I am actually pretty extroverted and outgoing…I just clam up because I feel selfish for having even a smidgen of the glory that is due to God.

My point is that by you accepting a compliment, you are giving glory to God. By complimenting you, they are giving glory to God. It’s not 2 separate things.

 

[Sarabande]

Wow, Sarabande…thank you.

You’re welcome!

I am actually pretty extroverted and outgoing…I just clam up because I feel selfish for having even a smidgen of the glory that is due to God.

I understand how you would feel like this, but just keep remembering to think of their thanks to you as really appreciation and thanks to God. You are just an instrument God uses to inspire them spiritually in one way or another. I know I’m repeating myself from my other post. But it’s a good reminder for yourself. What I do before I sing is pray to God to use me in the best way possible for His will, remembering that He can quickly take away this gift as easily as He gave it to me.

I actually do live in a small town (note: Seattle AREA LOL) so I frequently do run into parishoners and I always feel bad because they know who I am, but I don’t know who they are! LOL

Yeah, it’s pretty strange and awkward when it happens on the streets. I have gotten to know some of them, so it has been a blessing to meet such nice people. Think of it that way. (P.S. I understand what you mean by small town. I have a lot of family who live in the Seattle area as well.)

Thank you everyone for your (name removed by moderator)ut. I will put it into practice, especially in this holiday season where I am doing a lot of musical work with the church!

Practice makes perfect. Really, just take all the good advice you got on this thread and put it into practice mentally, prayerfully and spiritually.

 

[zab]

I personally accept the thanks and thank them back if I just finished a secular concert. (such as last night) but I just feel that after church, they should be thanking God, and not me. I am just an instrument when I am in church. It seems to me as silly as thanking the piano, rather than the pianist.

How do I handle these situations after mass? I want to show them that I am grateful that they acknowledge the work I put in to singing or playing at mass, but at the same time I don’t really want them thanking me for it, I want them to thank God.

It is not the people thanking you that need to change. It is you that needs to humbly accept the gratitude of people for the service you give to the church. The awkward feeling you have is a good thing. It helps to keep you from being proud.

 

[baltobetsy]

I frequently do run into parishoners and I always feel bad because they know who I am, but I don’t know who they are!

That happens to me all the time, and it’s so embarrassing. Sometimes I recognize their faces, but not always. It doesn’t help that I used to work for a prominent doctor, and the same thing happens with his patients. People say hello to me, and I don’t know if they are patients or parishioners (a few are both!), so I just smile and pretend …

Betsy

 

[JaredR]

Maybe in your head you could “forward” all those compliments to God. You know the way people offer up their suffering? Offer up your compliments.

 

[Don9of11]

How do I handle these situations after mass? I want to show them that I am grateful that they acknowledge the work I put in to singing or playing at mass, but at the same time I don’t really want them thanking me for it, I want them to thank God.

I have been singing in our church choir for over 30 years and a cantor for last 10 or so. We have Christmas and Easter recitals and I have received many compliments as you describe and my advice is to take the compliment for what it is. God has given you a gift and if the people of the church praise you after mass then they are in deed praising God. Be more gracious and thankful. There is absolutely nothing wrong with acknowledging the gift God has given you.

 

[Cat]

I like to do as Corrie ten Boom used to do–in your mind, turn each compliment that you receive into a flower, and then hand the bouquet of flowers to God and tell Him “These are for You.”

 

[Whitacre_Girl]

I like to do as Corrie ten Boom used to do–in your mind, turn each compliment that you receive into a flower, and then hand the bouquet of flowers to God and tell Him “These are for You.”

hehe, I like this.

 

[Guitar]

Good musicians analyse what they do and why, and they have the vocabulary to articulate it.

Muggins-in-the-pew generally does not simply because he cannot.

Surely you have had the experience of trying to decode what a wedding couple actually want from their completely inarticulate and vague descriptions? To the point where you cannot understand how someone who has passionately wanted Piece X for their wedding all their life cannot even tell you the title or the words of the first line or who wrote it?

My point: don’t automatically assume they are offering their thanks to the wrong person for the wrong reason. They may well have just experienced a few minutes of shallow entertainment that was totally off-beam to what you intended. They could equally have been profoundly moved in a spiritual sense and just lack the vocabulary and the training to express it accurately or in a technical manner that you as an educated musician understand.

When someone tells me I have the voice of an angel, I know they are wrong - I can say without any false humility whatsoever that I do not. What they mean is that they felt they were listening to one - subtle but important difference. When I stop expecting folks to have my musician’s ability to analyse and and accurately express what they mean i.e. speak to me in “my” language, I can usually hear what they are really trying to tell me, however imperfectly.

Just thank them briefly and graciously, and don’t assume their words are an accurate depiction of what is in their hearts, would be my advice for what that’s worth.