We never really got much in the way of instruction on what it’s like to be an eternal wife and have spirit children. There is Heavenly Mother who is the supreme example of motherhood, but we were never taught much about her or her role, and we were never really allowed to even talk about her. If we talked about anything, we talked about if we really would have to share our husbands. That is a huge fear among LDS womenfolk which is rarely discussed. Most of them, especially those who married young, tell themselves that Heavenly Father would never command THEIR husbands to have plural wives. It would always be someone else who would have to share her husband. I was a single woman in the LDS church for a long time (married at 30) so the fear of polygamy was forefront in my mind. I did not want to be some man’s bonus wife who just bears spirit children and not have any kind of real relationship. I cannot tell you of all the pain and heartache I felt in my 20’s because I thought that this would be my eternal lot.
Eternal polygamy is the unspoken fear of many LDS women who actually think about LDS doctrine. I struggled with it as long as I could remember until I figured out that Joseph Smith was a false prophet. Huge burden lifted when I finally realized that.
In all honesty, I never really felt that marriage and family life was my vocation. I felt like I had to get married because that is what was expected and required of me. Don’t get me wrong, I love my husband and children but my identity does not revolve around them. I would be just as happy without marriage and children. I am also a working mom, so I was also a bad Mormon mother, even though my children always stayed with grandparents and have never been in daycare.
I actually always admired Catholic nuns. Many years ago, I was visiting Trinity University in Dublin with my parents and saw the Book of Kells exhibit. I made the comment that if I were alive back in the Middle Ages, I would have wanted to be a nun. My good Mormon mother was shocked that I wouldn’t want to get married and have children. It was my eternal destiny!