Are Catholic priests allowed to advise using contraception?

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It’s really great that you’re being forthright about your past mistakes and looking to do better! And yes, contraception for contraceptions’ sake is always wrong.

However…are you absolutely certain that the priest is suggesting condoms just for the sake of contraception, and not as STD protection? It seems that if he’s suggesting poking holes in them, he’s thinking of them more as a protective measure for your wife and not just as contraception. I think that’s an important point to clear up, especially if you’re considering going to your bishop.
 
Also, if my husband had been unfaithful and was saying he was sorry, but also saying things like:

There are some grey aspects involved (such as long periods without intimacy)

or

I consider this very unfaithful, yet perhaps short of adultery.

that would not help me believe that he was committed to never doing it again. It sounds like trying to justify or minimize it.

Also:

*The problem is, is that it bothered my conscience too. And because I knew that it was having sex without true healing and trust first. *

Healing and trust will come from talking, work in therapy and with a priest, and in both of you showing your commitment to one another. Simply having unprotected sex won’t help bring you to that place of trust and healing. I really don’t mean to be harsh, I just mean that following this path may not get you to the goal you want.

I hope things work out with you and your wife.
 
Lookingforjoy said:
It’s really great that you’re being forthright about your past mistakes and looking to do better! And yes, contraception for contraceptions’ sake is always wrong.

However…are you absolutely certain that the priest is suggesting condoms just for the sake of contraception, and not as STD protection? It seems that if he’s suggesting poking holes in them, he’s thinking of them more as a protective measure for your wife and not just as contraception. I think that’s an important point to clear up, especially if you’re considering going to your bishop.
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Though it should be noted that one may not use contraception to prevent STD transmission either. In any event, the poking holes thing makes no sense because once the holes are there it neither prevents pregnancy nor prevents STDs. In fact, the presence of holes in the condom would make it possible to complete the marital act the way it was intended and would not be sinful at all (This is actually one of the licit ways to obtain a sperm sample for medical testing).
 
nodito said:
In fact, the presence of holes in the condom would make it possible to complete the marital act the way it was intended and would not be sinful at all.
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That’s what makes me think something is getting lost in translation. Perhaps the intent is not pregnancy prevention at all.
 
Lookingforjoy said:
That’s what makes me think something is getting lost in translation. Perhaps the intent is not pregnancy prevention at all.
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my question still stands. And no, the fear is pregnancy. I’ve never touched another woman. And my wife has never conveyed that concern.

And for everyone else, I still love this priest. He was relocated from my parish, and is missed very much. My current priest is retired and told me he has no desire to get involved in our situation. He doesn’t really care.
 
Rcwitness

Thank you for sharing so honestly your problems. I feel very sorry for you.

Abstracting from your personal issues there are problems that a priest suggested that the use of condoms is allowed for Catholics. On the face of it this is against Catholic teaching, but if every Catholic couple that use condoms or contraceptives were banished from the sacraments there would not be many Catholics left. I believe some priests may for pastoral reasons not condemn fully the use of condoms, citing the importance of following one’s conscience.

I see reported:
*
“After decades of fierce opposition to the use of all contraception, the Pontiff (Pope B XVI) has ended the Church’s absolute ban on the use of condoms.
He said it was acceptable to use a prophylactic when the sole intention was to “reduce the risk of infection” from Aids.”*

Pope Francis also approved the use of condoms, as I read
*“Speaking to reporters aboard a Vatican plane after a five-day trip to Mexico, Pope Francis suggested this week that it is okay to use condoms to prevent transmitting Zika infections.” *

However I also read

Ignoring the mountain of evidence, some maintain that the Church considers the use of contraception a matter for each married couple to decide according to their “individual conscience.” Yet, nothing could be further from the truth. The Church has always maintained the historic Christian teaching that deliberate acts of contraception are always gravely sinful, which means that it is mortally sinful if done with full knowledge and deliberate consent (CCC 1857). This teaching cannot be changed and has been taught by the Church infallibly. catholic.com/tract/birth-control
 
NoelFitz said:
Rcwitness

Thank you for sharing so honestly your problems. I feel very sorry for you.

Abstracting from your personal issues there are problems that a priest suggested that the use of condoms is allowed for Catholics. On the face of it this is against Catholic teaching, but if every Catholic couple that use condoms or contraceptives were banished from the sacraments there would not be many Catholics left. I believe some priests may for pastoral reasons not condemn fully the use of condoms, citing the importance of following one’s conscience.

I see reported:
*
“After decades of fierce opposition to the use of all contraception, the Pontiff (Pope B XVI) has ended the Church’s absolute ban on the use of condoms.
He said it was acceptable to use a prophylactic when the sole intention was to “reduce the risk of infection” from Aids.”*

Pope Francis also approved the use of condoms, as I read
*“Speaking to reporters aboard a Vatican plane after a five-day trip to Mexico, Pope Francis suggested this week that it is okay to use condoms to prevent transmitting Zika infections.” *

However I also read

Ignoring the mountain of evidence, some maintain that the Church considers the use of contraception a matter for each married couple to decide according to their “individual conscience.” Yet, nothing could be further from the truth. The Church has always maintained the historic Christian teaching that deliberate acts of contraception are always gravely sinful, which means that it is mortally sinful if done with full knowledge and deliberate consent (CCC 1857). This teaching cannot be changed and has been taught by the Church infallibly. catholic.com/tract/birth-control
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You can believe what the secular media says or you can believe what the Church has always taught. The latter doesn’t change.
 
rcwitness said:
my question still stands. And no, the fear is pregnancy. I’ve never touched another woman. And my wife has never conveyed that concern.

And for everyone else, I still love this priest. He was relocated from my parish, and is missed very much. My current priest is retired and told me he has no desire to get involved in our situation. He doesn’t really care.
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By whom do you expect your question to be answered? Do you think a bishop is going to login into his CAF account and give you an answer. Do you think one of the priests that frequent CAF is going to chime in?

You don’t seem to like the answer that you already have. Just from reading this thread, I would think the answer is yes.
 
1Lord1Faith said:
By whom do you expect your question to be answered? Do you think a bishop is going to login into his CAF account and give you an answer. Do you think one of the priests that frequent CAF is going to chime in?

You don’t seem to like the answer that you already have. Just from reading this thread, I would think the answer is yes.
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I haven’t seen anyone respond that a priest has “permission” to advise someone to use condoms.
 
Dignumetjustum
thank you for your post.
Can one believe what the two most recent popes have said?
Both claim in certain circumstances condoms may be used.
 
Lookingforjoy said:
Also, if my husband had been unfaithful and was saying he was sorry, but also saying things like:

There are some grey aspects involved (such as long periods without intimacy)

or

I consider this very unfaithful, yet perhaps short of adultery.

that would not help me believe that he was committed to never doing it again. It sounds like trying to justify or minimize it.
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Hi LFJ, I can appreciate your point. And it’s just the sentiment she has. I agree that I should not try to justify infidelity/cheating/betraying! But those acts cannot justify contraception either. They can justify my wife refraining from sex. But then, she ought to have an open dialogue with me and agree to go to counselling. That was rejected. And I waited way too long to seek help for my issues.
Also:
*The problem is, is that it bothered my conscience too. And because I knew that it was having sex without true healing and trust first. *
Click to expand...
Healing and trust will come from talking, work in therapy and with a priest, and in both of you showing your commitment to one another. Simply having unprotected sex won’t help bring you to that place of trust and healing. I really don’t mean to be harsh, I just mean that following this path may not get you to the goal you want.
Click to expand...
I hope things work out with you and your wife.
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I certainly don’t believe that simply having unprotected sex will give her trust. If her trust is that damaged, then she should refrain from sex. But to simply refrain from sex and expect me to overcome temptation is equally unreasonable.

Don’t worry, you aren’t being too harsh. I actually don’t want to get into these details. Not because I’m uncomfortable with it. But because there are many things that my wife and I need to work out with people we trust in the faith and field.

My point of this thread isn’t to debate my situation. It is to learn, from my brothers and sisters in the faith, if there are any Teachings of our faith which allow for priests to advise using contraception. I tried asking my pastor (ex-pastor) for some evidence of his instructions to use condoms. He said I won’t find it, because it’s something that is taught in seminary. I forget the term he used. I will have to ask him.

Also, I have no contempt for him. I think he is truly under this impression. He has been the most interested person in trying to help and make himself available for us. Yet we still have never spoke with him together. It’s been so difficult getting my wife to actually go speak with someone about things.

I also don’t think that this is the main issue. The main issue is my sinful infidelity. I have to own up to that myself.

All I want to know, for this question, is if my friend (priest) has a legitimate claim to grant permission to use condoms. It seems to go against everything else I’ve learned about the Church’s Teachings against contraception. And I have learned to appreciate NFP. I realize I’m not the one who was cheated on, so I am not opposed to getting help, and earning her trust before returning to intimacy. The difference lies in actually dealing with things in order to get to that place of trust, as opposed to strapping on a condom and doing the deed while not fully trusting one another.
 
rcwitness said:
I have been married for 10 yrs, and am currently separated. I have made mistakes over the yrs, and have struggled with sexual fidelity. I have two children from our marriage. I’ve never had intercourse with another woman, but have a history of masturbation, flirting and exposing myself to women. This has destroyed the trust of my wife. There are some grey aspects involved (such as long periods without intimacy), but that is the jist. My wife decided not to have sex without contraception. This was decided without seeking counseling. My struggles continued and we are now separated. Finally, she spoke with a priest (whom I love), and was supported in demanding contraception, because of my infidelity. I had spoken with this priest over the yrs, and was encouraged to use condoms, and told he had permission to advise me to use them, in my situation. I have never heard of this. Is there any truth to this?
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I think the ones in South America Can in the cases of Zika.
But, in general, no. Though a few have told me it was ok.
 
  1. Unless I’ve missed something I don’t understand why your wife insists on contracepting?
    What exactly is the reasoning here?
  2. Your attitude to the Priest sounds problematic to me. Here you are with your own serious difficulties and you are throwing stones at a priest who is trying hard to assist but may not have the octane needed to best handle this unusual pastoral situation.
If your conscience is not happy with his help then leave him alone and commit yourself to another priest but don’t keep going window shopping if he also advises you similarly. God doesn’t expect you to go the rounds of all the priests in your city. A point comes when you have to accept that God wants you to do as you are advised unless your conscience is absolutely in no doubt that the advice is wrong.

But if you go down that path you have to face some other tough decisions.
Especially if your wife is adamant that she will only have contracepted sex with you.
It may mean the marriage is irreconcilable and you need to start getting used to that reality.

Having said that - there is such a thing as materially cooperating in evil not of your making.
That is if your wife insists on using contraception (usually non Catholics) against your objections then you still have a duty to pay the marital debt and may do so without sin.

However your situation is not quite the same, it is you who seem to seek this not her.

May I ask if you suffer from scruples?
You do seem to have a response to use of contraceptives that seems a little extreme given the context.

In any case you should be discussing all these things with a different confessor not with us amateurs who can never fully understand the nuances of your situation anyways.
 
Blue_Horizon said:
  1. Unless I’ve missed something I don’t understand why your wife insists on contracepting?
    What exactly is the reasoning here?
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why do I need to explain it to anyone here? She doesn’t want to get pregnant with me, because she doesn’t trust me anymore.
  1. Your attitude to the Priest sounds problematic to me. Here you are with your own serious difficulties and you are throwing stones at a priest who is trying hard to assist but may not have the octane needed to best handle this unusual pastoral situation.
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What difference does my attitude have here? I’m asking a simple question. Is a priest able to advise contraception or not? It already happened, and he told my wife that he advised me to use condoms. Now, she feels justified in demanding contraception. Now, she thinks I am wrong for objecting to them.
If your conscience is not happy with his help then leave him alone and commit yourself to another priest but don’t keep going window shopping if he also advises you similarly. God doesn’t expect you to go the rounds of all the priests in your city. A point comes when you have to accept that God wants you to do as you are advised unless your conscience is absolutely in no doubt that the advice is wrong.
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You seem to think there are a plethora of priests available, and that our parish priest should not be expected to teach what the Church teaches. My current administrative pastor told me he has no desire to talk with my wife. And I don’t want, or need to get into these details with CAF. It’s a simple question.
But if you go down that path you have to face some other tough decisions.
Especially if your wife is adamant that she will only have contracepted sex with you.
It may mean the marriage is irreconcilable and you need to start getting used to that reality.
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my wife wants to divorce! She doesn’t want any sex now! She feels justified in the many times we used contraception, and demanding it when I wanted to stop. But for me, I knew it needed to stop, so I/we could work on the reasons.
May I ask if you suffer from scruples?
You do seem to have a response to use of contraceptives that seems a little extreme given the context.
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we have used contraceptives more times than we haven’t in our relationship. I began to plead with her to overcome and stop.
In any case you should be discussing all these things with a different confessor not with us amateurs who can never fully understand the nuances of your situation anyways.
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I did not intend to discuss all these things. I asked a simple question. You seem to want to complicate it. Are you actually interested in answering my question, or trying to open into my relationship?
 
nodito said:
It doesn’t seem extreme to me at all, given that contraception is intrinsically evil.
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Right. It’s no wonder why most Catholics use contraception. We get mixed messages, if any message at all.

It’s either wrong to contracept (for the intention of not conceiving), or certain situations can justify using contraception.

All the Church Teachings, that I’ve seen, lead me to believe there are NOT justifiable reasons to contracept for the purpose of frustrating the life giving property of sex between husband and wife.

My parish priest told me that priests DO have the authority to advise the faithful (in certain situations) to use condoms for the sole purpose of not getting pregnant.

What bothers me about this, is that I had intentions to work on my problems through the help of counselling AND putting an end to the sin of contraception.

I have no intention of judging my wife or my priest friend. I only want to know if they both had justifiable reasons to advise and insist on using birth control, or if it was wrong for them both to do so.

If they are wrong, I am not out to judge them. How could I? I am a worse sinner! My intention is to reconcile with my wife! And I expect my pastor to counsel and guide me towards that in ways that are not opposed to the Catholic faith.
 
To my knowledge, the use of items for the purpose of contracepting cannot be justified, but there’s not more that I could say that hasn’t already been said.

I will be praying for your marriage.
 
rcwitness said:
I have been married for 10 yrs, and am currently separated. I have made mistakes over the yrs, and have struggled with sexual fidelity. I have two children from our marriage. I’ve never had intercourse with another woman, but have a history of masturbation, flirting and exposing myself to women. This has destroyed the trust of my wife. There are some grey aspects involved (such as long periods without intimacy), but that is the jist. My wife decided not to have sex without contraception. This was decided without seeking counseling. My struggles continued and we are now separated. Finally, she spoke with a priest (whom I love), and was supported in demanding contraception, because of my infidelity. I had spoken with this priest over the yrs, and was encouraged to use condoms, and told he had permission to advise me to use them, in my situation. I have never heard of this. Is there any truth to this?
Click to expand...
Blue_Horizon said:
  1. Unless I’ve missed something I don’t understand why your wife insists on contracepting?
    What exactly is the reasoning here?
  2. Your attitude to the Priest sounds problematic to me. Here you are with your own serious difficulties and you are throwing stones at a priest who is trying hard to assist but may not have the octane needed to best handle this unusual pastoral situation.
If your conscience is not happy with his help then leave him alone and commit yourself to another priest but don’t keep going window shopping if he also advises you similarly. God doesn’t expect you to go the rounds of all the priests in your city. A point comes when you have to accept that God wants you to do as you are advised unless your conscience is absolutely in no doubt that the advice is wrong.

But if you go down that path you have to face some other tough decisions.
Especially if your wife is adamant that she will only have contracepted sex with you.
It may mean the marriage is irreconcilable and you need to start getting used to that reality.

Having said that - there is such a thing as materially cooperating in evil not of your making.
That is if your wife insists on using contraception (usually non Catholics) against your objections then you still have a duty to pay the marital debt and may do so without sin.

However your situation is not quite the same, it is you who seem to seek this not her.

May I ask if you suffer from scruples?
You do seem to have a response to use of contraceptives that seems a little extreme given the context.

In any case you should be discussing all these things with a different confessor not with us amateurs who can never fully understand the nuances of your situation anyways.
Click to expand...
Are you pro artificial contraception?
 
I think the RCC position is clear, that contraception (apart from NFP), with the aim of avoiding pregnancy/illness, is not allowed…though contraceptive “things” like The Pill can be allowed if they are treating a medical condition. So it appears that this priest may have given inaccurate counsel.
Yet we still have never spoke with him together. It’s been so difficult getting my wife to actually go speak with someone about things.
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I wonder if she’s waiting for you to make progress with your personal matters regarding sex before she commits to any reconciliation work.
But those acts cannot justify contraception either. They can justify my wife refraining from sex. But then, she ought to have an open dialogue with me and agree to go to counselling. That was rejected. And I waited way too long to seek help for my issues.
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Well, see, then there’s this:
I certainly don’t believe that simply having unprotected sex will give her trust. If her trust is that damaged, then she should refrain from sex. But to simply refrain from sex and expect me to overcome temptation is equally unreasonable.
Click to expand...
So…she should avoid you if she doesn’t want to have sex the way you want to have sex, but realize that if she does, you’re going to act out again as a consequence?!! If she’s hearing even a smidgeon of this, that it’s in ANY way her fault that you sought out other women and, um, did what you did, then I can certainly understand why she’s not interested in joint counseling…especially if your goal is to tell her a) she’s wrong about contraception, and b) you’re still obsessing about sex and demanding that it be “your way”. I suspect there are a lot of other issues at play.

I think you’re right - your church teaches what it teaches. She asked for something opposed by your church’s teaching, as a means to protect herself from you. It is absolutely your right (and your co-religionists concur that it is your duty) to refuse. Since you’re separated, it’s probably not going to move the needle in the way you want, if you make this The Big Thing in your effort to save your marriage. I can’t believe that she’s offering sex, at the moment. But if she does, you’re certainly free to respectfully decline (for the condom reason or any other). I hope that you have found a competent practitioner to help you deal with this compulsion - typically they are skilled at helping with family fallout of these conditions. If you want to persuade your wife to join counseling, this might be the better resource for finding a solution. Best wishes.
 
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