Are daily toddler temper trantrums a concern?

[Serap]

My 2.5 year old has intense temper tantrums everyday. I never went through this with DD. I am concerned about it. He loses control and starts screaming, kicking and biting. It will happen at least once a day and up to 3 times a day.

We have been isolating him in his bedroom until he calms down - may take up to 15 min, but b/c he’s kicking and biting, comforting him only makes it worse. Then we go and get him and cuddle him. Sometimes, when I come to him, he tells me he wants to be alone some more and I leave him alone until he calls me.

Should I consult with his doctor? Is this behaviour normal for a 2.5 year old? I worry about ADHD and unnecessary medications.

*Edited to add: * He also hits other kids at the park when my nanny is looking after him. He doesn’t do this under my watch b/c I give him a time-out. I’ve told my nanny to give him time-outs also, but I think she’s softer than me.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I’d say it’s not uncommon, but if it’s bothering you and it’s interfering with other aspects of his life, couldn’t hurt to talk to his pediatrician. Has he had his yearly well-child exam recently?

Did you say he’s not communicating well yet?

p.s. By 2.5 he should be finding more productive ways to deal with frustration, but it’s a process.

My son has ADHD and he didn’t tantrum that much.

 

[faithfully]

Given some of the other things you’ve mentioned about your little guy in other threads, I’d start talking with the pedi about sensory issues. In my state we have many pre school age programs run by the county to help in these sorts of evaluations. FREE You’re in Canada right? No idea what your programs might be.

My boys were speech delayed which is what triggered their eval. Once I learned about this stuff, it was very interesting. All people naturally seak some form of comfort when they are stressed. As I was watching the videos the Occupational Therapists had us watch, I could identify things throughout my entire family. Things that are “normal” by most standards. Things that most have under control.

You know those people that just can’t sit still. That’s just written on their DNA. That’s me. Then there are people who don’t move at all. A teachers dream. In fact they don’t like much motion at all, and would rather die than get on a roller coaster.

Some kids love to swing etc. some bang on everything (pressure needs)

Anyhow, all of this is to meet a need within their body. If your son is throwing an epic tantrum, chances are it’s because he’s 2.5 and has yet to learn how to cope. And the thing that feels good is yelling and screaming. Biting is often pressure related. When he’s older chewing gum might help him relax. Things like that. Clearly he’s getting his aggressions out in a physical forceful manner. He will need to learn how to deal with this. Hitting another person is not ok. Hitting a punching bag is fine.

This is one of the books that was recommended to me: The out of sync child.

Children that have some sensory issues but not autism, for example are often looked on as out of control children. Get ready for that. People are very judgemental. It helps the world when they can SEE the condition you are dealing with. And when they see an otherwise adorable little boy, they just decide you are raising a monster. It’s terribly annoying!

 

[faithfully]

Just saw Real’s post.

He’s not communicating much yet? He’s speech delayed?

One of my boys went into utter hysterics when he was about 3. He had very few words he could say.

Anyhow, I ended up putting him in his room so he could scream himself calm. Then when he calmed down, and I went in to talk with him. I don’t know what made me ask, but I asked him if he was trying to tell me something but he could not SAY it. He just nodded and started sobbing. His tantrum was his absolute frustration in trying to tell me something but not a single word came out. Clearly he understood me.

It was like he was trapped in his brain.

I would get an eval. Knowing that there is a reason for certain behavior helps you deal with it, and put it in perspective.

 

[Serap]

Given some of the other things you’ve mentioned about your little guy in other threads, I’d start talking with the pedi about sensory issues. In my state we have many pre school age programs run by the county to help in these sorts of evaluations. FREE You’re in Canada right? No idea what your programs might be.

My boys were speech delayed which is what triggered their eval. Once I learned about this stuff, it was very interesting. All people naturally seak some form of comfort when they are stressed. As I was watching the videos the Occupational Therapists had us watch, I could identify things throughout my entire family. Things that are “normal” by most standards. Things that most have under control.

You know those people that just can’t sit still. That’s just written on their DNA. That’s me. Then there are people who don’t move at all. A teachers dream. In fact they don’t like much motion at all, and would rather die than get on a roller coaster.

Some kids love to swing etc. some bang on everything (pressure needs)

Anyhow, all of this is to meet a need within their body. If your son is throwing an epic tantrum, chances are it’s because he’s 2.5 and has yet to learn how to cope. And the thing that feels good is yelling and screaming. Biting is often pressure related. When he’s older chewing gum might help him relax. Things like that. Clearly he’s getting his aggressions out in a physical forceful manner. He will need to learn how to deal with this. Hitting another person is not ok. Hitting a punching bag is fine.

This is one of the books that was recommended to me: The out of sync child.

Children that have some sensory issues but not autism, for example are often looked on as out of control children. Get ready for that. People are very judgemental. It helps the world when they can SEE the condition you are dealing with. And when they see an otherwise adorable little boy, they just decide you are raising a monster. It’s terribly annoying!

This must be it!!! Thanks so so much! It makes perfect sense that he has some kind of sensory issue. Perhaps I should get him evaluated. He’s due for immunization, so I can talk to his doctor then also.

The isolation in his bedroom is working. He cries there and then slowly calms down and eventually, he is singing to himself. That’s when we go to him and give him a hug…he’ll then join us and play nicely.

Tonight, it was triggered b/c he wanted to play longer at the park. His trantrum lasted about 1/2 hour and I put him in his room and he told me to go away. I think he somehow understands that he needs to be alone.

Perhaps I am teaching him coping skills by doing that?

 

[TheRealJuliane]

I think he is soothing himself - maybe being around others just gets to be too much and his little “cup” is overfilled and he tantrums.

 

[faithfully]

Yeah, he’s starting to understand he needs some quiet.

I would def. talk with the doc.

Your son will learn to deal with his issues. He really has no choice. If you have an eval. and work with an OT they will give you ideas to help you meet his needs. Over time he realizes what he needs to do, and stops acting out and does what he needs.

 

[Luna_Lovecraft]

This must be it!!! Thanks so so much! It makes perfect sense that he has some kind of sensory issue. Perhaps I should get him evaluated?

Please don’t presuppose your son has any issues until he’s been seen by a physician. I don’t know how things work in Canada, but a pediatrician in the US isn’t likely to diagnose any developmental problems until a child has been evaluated by a specialist, perhaps even several specialists.

And keep in mind that temper tantrums are normal for kids your son’s age. And yes, they can have them each and every day.

But do take him to his doctor and share your concerns with her and her staff.

Luna

 

[Serap]

Just saw Real’s post.

He’s not communicating much yet? He’s speech delayed?

One of my boys went into utter hysterics when he was about 3. He had very few words he could say.

Anyhow, I ended up putting him in his room so he could scream himself calm. Then when he calmed down, and I went in to talk with him. I don’t know what made me ask, but I asked him if he was trying to tell me something but he could not SAY it. He just nodded and started sobbing. His tantrum was his absolute frustration in trying to tell me something but not a single word came out. Clearly he understood me.

It was like he was trapped in his brain.

I would get an eval. Knowing that there is a reason for certain behavior helps you deal with it, and put it in perspective.

My son has really caught up in his speech in the last 6 months. He’s doing great. No speech delays.

I am on board with the sensory issues…it makes so much sense! I can look into this some more. You and Julianne are the best.

 

[Serap]

Please don’t presuppose your son has any issues until he’s been seen by a physician. I don’t know how things work in Canada, but a pediatrician in the US isn’t likely to diagnose any developmental problems until a child has been evaluated by a specialist, perhaps even several specialists.

And keep in mind that temper tantrums are normal for kids your son’s age. And yes, they can have them each and every day.

But do take him to his doctor and share your concerns with her and her staff.

Luna

Yes, thank you.

 

[Rainaldo]

…comforting him only makes it worse. Then we go and get him and cuddle him.

This may be part of the problem. Try handing him over to Daddy and let Daddy put him in his place without babying him.

 

[faithfully]

This may be part of the problem. Try handing him over to Daddy and let Daddy put him in his place without babying him.

This will work if 1) there are no sensory issues. and 2) daddy doesn’t mind coming home from work.

But really, I’m all for handing screaming kids to daddy’s.

 

[Aggies08]

When ours had that type of tantrum, we’d put her in her room, and let her know she could come out when calm and done crying. If she wasn’t calm and done crying, she’d go back in- we only did that once. After that, she’d calm herself down, and come out in a bit. We are very matter of fact about it. When she’s out, we don’t ask if she’d done, etc, just continue with the day. I treat the kids in my class (2yr olds) the same way if they have an extreme meltdown at school- go in the library/pillow corner until you are done and ready to join us. It can take 5-25m.

 

[TheRealJuliane]

My son has really caught up in his speech in the last 6 months. He’s doing great. No speech delays.

I am on board with the sensory issues…it makes so much sense! I can look into this some more. You and Julianne are the best.

That is great to hear, that he has made rapid strides in speaking!

 

[Mary_Gail_36]

Serap, don’t they have the terrible twos in Canada?

Two year old’s have tantrums.

My son has tantrums too, about 3 a day (lasting perhaps 5-10 minutes total)

He has them out of frustration when he want’s to do something and it’s to hard for him to do. Or, heaven forbid, I do it for him before he gets a chance.

The other day, in a parking lot major melt down, and would not get into the stroller. He reminded me of trying to get a cat into a cat carrier.

What bothered him was I picked him up out of his car seat.

He wanted to climb out of his car seat, and then out of the car, “By myself!!!”

So I let him go into the car, he got back into the car seat, and then climbed out and went into the stroller like a happy camper. I figured letting him re-do getting out of the car was easier than to stand there until he decided to calm down.

If he’s having tantrums more when you come home from work, it might just be that he’s been a good boy all day long for the nanny, mommy comes home, he can now be himself. He trusts you more to be “naughty” around you.

It will pass.

 

[Rainaldo]

This will work if 1) there are no sensory issues. and 2) daddy doesn’t mind coming home from work.

But really, I’m all for handing screaming kids to daddy’s.

Right. But get used to saying, “Wait till your father comes home, young man.”

 

[faithfully]

Right. But get used to saying, “Wait till your father comes home, young man.”

LOL!

Well, in my world my child may have to wait several days. Daddy works VERY hard, and has very long hours. He often leaves before they get up, and home after they go down.

Trust me, it’s ok if a boy respects his mother’s authority.

In the case that Serap presents, based on her descriptions of her child in other posts, and what I’ve personally experienced I would strongly recommend an evaluation.

The child is 2.5 years old. How he physcially feels when he gets upset really might not have much to do with his father putting him in his place. And if he actually has sensory issues, then his father doing so could be extremely damaging. Not only to the child and his ability to cope, but also to his relationship with his father for the rest of his life.

This is actually what I meant above. I’m sure her son looks perfectly normal. And he may very well be. But if he has sensory issues, it’s important to deal with them in a productive manner.

To be more extreme, if there were something obviously wrong with him. Obviously had autism or something, would you recommend the same. Have dad put the autistic child in his place? Have dad put the mentally challenged child in his place?

The thing is most people can’t see the sensory problems a child has. They are very real. The sounds around them that you and I hear as normal are like screeching noises. They hurt their ears? If you were 2.5 would you calmly ask people to be quiet, or might you flip out? Sensory issues are not up for debate as to whether or not they exist. What people see is a child who is acting out and needs to be properly punished. That is very sad.

I have NO idea if this is the case for Serap’s son. He may or may not have sensory issues. If he does, it is best that she get an evaluation now so she can help him cope. Because he does in fact have to learn to get a long. And that’s generally not by traditional methods.

 

[AthenaC]

Not much to add, Serap, except that the other posters are very wise. And also that tantrums are normal. Don’t validate the trantrum, let him work it out himself and learn that the behavior is not appropriate.

Is this the high-needs child you are still nursing? If so, that probably helps him. Good luck.

 

[Rainaldo]

LOL!

Well, in my world my child may have to wait several days. Daddy works VERY hard, and has very long hours. He often leaves before they get up, and home after they go down.

Trust me, it’s ok if a boy respects his mother’s authority.

In the case that Serap presents, based on her descriptions of her child in other posts, and what I’ve personally experienced I would strongly recommend an evaluation.

The child is 2.5 years old. How he physcially feels when he gets upset really might not have much to do with his father putting him in his place. And if he actually has sensory issues, then his father doing so could be extremely damaging. Not only to the child and his ability to cope, but also to his relationship with his father for the rest of his life.

This is actually what I meant above. I’m sure her son looks perfectly normal. And he may very well be. But if he has sensory issues, it’s important to deal with them in a productive manner.

To be more extreme, if there were something obviously wrong with him. Obviously had autism or something, would you recommend the same. Have dad put the autistic child in his place? Have dad put the mentally challenged child in his place?

The thing is most people can’t see the sensory problems a child has. They are very real. The sounds around them that you and I hear as normal are like screeching noises. They hurt their ears? If you were 2.5 would you calmly ask people to be quiet, or might you flip out? Sensory issues are not up for debate as to whether or not they exist. What people see is a child who is acting out and needs to be properly punished. That is very sad.

I have NO idea if this is the case for Serap’s son. He may or may not have sensory issues. If he does, it is best that she get an evaluation now so she can help him cope. Because he does in fact have to learn to get a long. And that’s generally not by traditional methods.

I’m going to disagree with you. Partly because I am a man. We men know all about you ladies’s world.

And no, it’s ***not okay ***that a boy be under his momma’s authority.

I’m sure you live in a sweet-smelling world where everything happens according to schedule, but … real men do not live that way.

 

[Arlene]

I’m going to disagree with you. Partly because I am a man. We men know all about you ladies’s world.

And no, it’s ***not okay ***that a boy be under his momma’s authority.

I’m sure you live in a sweet-smelling world where everything happens according to schedule, but … real men do not live that way.

Umm, I thought the commandment was to honor your father and your mother, not just father. Doesn’t the Bible say "Children, obey your parentS? And like you said, real world does not always happen according to a schedule when dad keeps regular hours. What about dads commuting during the week and only home on weekends? What about deployed spouses? What about spouses working opposite shifts so someone is always home to be with the children? Are you saying boys shouldn’t be taught to obey mom? Wow.