Are devout Catholic women going to be less interested in me because I don't have a high paying job?

[chevalier]

Sunny coastal southern California. Beach views, too!

And freeeee-dam, and tequila and pouting southern belles and all the corporate litigation in the world*, and Chinese bars. And liberal bar admission for non-citizens.

• They all get formed in Delaware but they all litigate in California.

…And I always wanted to learn Spanish.

Where’s my refugee boat?

This summer, one of my favourite destressers was playing a computer game, on a wide screen, where I could speed along the California (sorta) coast in a loud cop car with lights on my roof. I could even call a copter to assist. That was sweet.

 

[JackieMom]

And freeeee-dam, and tequila and pouting southern belles and all the corporate litigation in the world*, and Chinese bars. And liberal bar admission for non-citizens.

• They all get formed in Delaware but they all litigate in California.

…And I always wanted to learn Spanish.

Where’s my refugee boat?

This summer, one of my favourite destressers was playing a computer game, on a wide screen, where I could speed along the California (sorta) coast in a loud cop car with lights on my roof. I could even call a copter to assist. That was sweet.

No Southern belles, but a lot of surfer chicks! And yes, Spanish is kind of a must.

 

[Iheartcoffee]

I wouldn’t worry too much about what a “devout” Catholic woman will expect from you in a marriage. It varies by the person. As a very devout Catholic woman myself, I would have to urge you not to rule out the Catholic women that will work outside the home, too. Devout doesn’t always mean she will demand that you bring home the entire paycheck. There are many of us out there that believe marriage means you are a team and the work that needs to be done in or outside the home just depends on the circumstances. It would be nice to not have to work while pregnant or with young children, but if the circumstances call for it then it’s not the end of the world.

For instance, my husband and I both work right now. When we have kids we will weigh the pros and cons of each of our jobs and determine how to arrange schedules and jobs to fit with family. My husband has even considered nursing before so that he can have a secure, well-paying medical field job that allows a flexible schedule so he can have the opportunity to spend some time at home with our future kids. His dad died when he was a baby, so I think he wants to make sure that he will be a big part in our future kids’ lives.

During our pre-cana sessions we were asked to decide upon a game plan if we had a special-needs child that required constant care. We agreed that rather than saying one of us would absolutely stay home and the other would work, we would have to tailor the plan to the current job situation. The parent with the better job and/or the better health insurance would probably continue to work more, while the other parent would look after the child more often. If we go into the marriage demanding that one spouse handles the home and the other works we could close opportunities and paths that God might call us to. We’re a team, and I wouldn’t marry a man that couldn’t raise children properly so I trust him to be able to jump in there and take care of them if “traditional” roles just aren’t our calling.

Don’t forget the Proverbs 31 woman. She wasn’t content to leave all the earning to her husband. She was quite the businesswoman and it did nothing to detract from her femininity.

 

[Iheartcoffee]

I wouldn’t worry too much about what a “devout” Catholic woman will expect from you in a marriage. It varies by the person. As a very devout Catholic woman myself, I would have to urge you not to rule out the Catholic women that will work outside the home, too. Devout doesn’t always mean she will demand that you bring home the entire paycheck. There are many of us out there that believe marriage means you are a team and the work that needs to be done in or outside the home just depends on the circumstances. It would be nice to not have to work while pregnant or with young children, but if the circumstances call for it then it’s not the end of the world.

For instance, my husband and I both work right now. When we have kids we will weigh the pros and cons of each of our jobs and determine how to arrange schedules and jobs to fit with family. My husband has even considered nursing before so that he can have a secure, well-paying medical field job that allows a flexible schedule so he can have the opportunity to spend some time at home with our future kids. His dad died when he was a baby, so I think he wants to make sure that he will be a big part in our future kids’ lives.

During our pre-cana sessions we were asked to decide upon a game plan if we had a special-needs child that required constant care. We agreed that rather than saying one of us would absolutely stay home and the other would work, we would have to tailor the plan to the current job situation. The parent with the better job and/or the better health insurance would probably continue to work more, while the other parent would look after the child more often. If we go into the marriage demanding that one spouse handles the home and the other works we could close opportunities and paths that God might call us to. We’re a team, and I wouldn’t marry a man that couldn’t raise children properly so I trust him to be able to jump in there and take care of them if “traditional” roles just aren’t our calling.

Don’t forget the Proverbs 31 woman. She wasn’t content to leave all the earning to her husband. She was quite the businesswoman and it did nothing to detract from her femininity.

 

[Evania]

My experience with that is interesting. Until I became catholic I used to think that all women really valued money (or financial stability at least) more than other traces of personality. Including catholic women. I really did.

The thuth is that being a devout catholic nowadays makes you more attractive to devout catholic woman than you can imagine.

Just think how much your faith is important to you, and how much it is important to find a person who will support this faith, live it with you, and pass it on to your children. It’s the same on the feminine perspective.

My point is, being a teacher or not, your real competitors for truly catholic women are truly catholic men. These are the ones they will be looking at first, and that means that just keeping your faith is one of the most valuable goods that you will ever had.

So, I would say: Choose whatever career that you want, be a faithful servant of God, and He will provide you a good wife and whatever resources you need to build your family with her!

Amen!:yeah_me:

 

[Wonderette]

If you’re a good Catholic man, and you make enough money to support a wife, I don’t think that any truly good Catholic women will be less interested in you. If they are, you don’t want them around anyway. If they are so particular, they are simply being selfish and have other motives for being around you than being in love with you.

 

[WildCatholic]

If you’re a good Catholic man, and you make enough money to support a wife, I don’t think that any truly good Catholic women will be less interested in you. If they are, you don’t want them around anyway. If they are so particular, they are simply being selfish and have other motives for being around you than being in love with you.

But what does that mean “make enough money to support a wife” A starting teacher in my state makes between 28,000 and $32000 per year. Some might see that as too low. Especially if they want to be a stay at home mom

 

[JackieMom]

But what does that mean “make enough money to support a wife” A starting teacher in my state makes between 28,000 and $32000 per year. Some might see that as too low. Especially if they want to be a stay at home mom

If they see it as too low, then they will move on from the relationship. What you don’t want is to marry someone who wants more than you can provide and will nag you about your income. If everyone is honest about what they can offer and what they expect, you’re all good!

 

[Evania]

If you have the qualities of someone who would make a good husband and father, no smart woman will pass you up.

 

[Anglewannabe]

Since you asked for opinions, here is mine. Mind you I am 43 and of a different generation than the woman you would date so perhaps younger women have different ideas.

I grew up in a society that told me it was much harder for women to have an education and a career. So, in the back of my mind, there is always the though ‘if I had all the odds stacked against me and can earn more than a man who had all the odds in his favour, what is up with that’

Not to say that if I got to know him it is a deal breaker, but it does cross my mind

Now as for the actual amount of money. It isn’t what comes in, it is what goes out. For example, I discipline myself to always pay cash for everything. I did without a car and took a bus for years. (which is a big reason I am still OK financially even though I have not worked in a year)

So, when I dated men who would have car loans and drink 3 beers in a restaurant when they had an hour to kill before a movie and 1 beer would have suffice, yes they were dumped.

Or when a man wanted to get married and immediately buy a house and 2 cars and so what if there is debt, my wife will pay half when I was more than willing to live in an apartment and have one car to save a big down payment for a house, yes he got dumped.

The low salary can be a turn off, but if you manage your money wisely, a woman could prefer your budgeting skills over your salary. But that is NO guarantee because if she worked hard to earn a lot more than you, she may feel ‘I gave up my dream job for a good income and expect the same’

 

[jeannetherese]

Making less money will make you less attractive to women who value money more than they value you. Find a girl who doesn’t wear makeup or high heels. They’re lower maintenance. If she like to garden, and likes old cars, even better!

There’s some sensible advice.
The standard of living is so high in this country these days, that it is sometimes too easy to forget that only a generation or two ago, a three bedroom house might contain seven or eight children.
You might find that some of the devout women out there will be excited to be married to a man who will have skills and training that will help to support homeschooling their devout children. The kids can help with the garden and learn home canning and baking as part of their education.
Good luck and may God bless you in your career and your vocation. Amen.

 

[WildCatholic]

Since you asked for opinions, here is mine. Mind you I am 43 and of a different generation than the woman you would date so perhaps younger women have different ideas.

I grew up in a society that told me it was much harder for women to have an education and a career. So, in the back of my mind, there is always the though ‘if I had all the odds stacked against me and can earn more than a man who had all the odds in his favour, what is up with that’

Not to say that if I got to know him it is a deal breaker, but it does cross my mind

Now as for the actual amount of money. It isn’t what comes in, it is what goes out. For example, I discipline myself to always pay cash for everything. I did without a car and took a bus for years. (which is a big reason I am still OK financially even though I have not worked in a year)

So, when I dated men who would have car loans and drink 3 beers in a restaurant when they had an hour to kill before a movie and 1 beer would have suffice, yes they were dumped.

Or when a man wanted to get married and immediately buy a house and 2 cars and so what if there is debt, my wife will pay half when I was more than willing to live in an apartment and have one car to save a big down payment for a house, yes he got dumped.

The low salary can be a turn off, but if you manage your money wisely, a woman could prefer your budgeting skills over your salary. But that is NO guarantee because if she worked hard to earn a lot more than you, she may feel ‘I gave up my dream job for a good income and expect the same’

So your’e saying I should wait until im 30 LOL, I know it isn’t that old. I just have this big fear of marrying late. I have a brother with autism and a sister with a weak immune system because my parents married later…
Anyway, how am i supposed to get girls to like me with my low salary now. I mean it is easier here in the midwest than a lot of places on $30,000. Still, I feel like its a disadvantage, especially when I won’t have much else going for me. Also, a lot of money saving options aren’t available. Sure I know not to eat or drink too much or not to spend foolishly. But living on the Great Plains, drives of more than an hour are common.

I’m not trying to nitpick you guys and I know God will find a way to make it work.

 

[Sarabande]

So your’e saying I should wait until im 30 LOL, I know it isn’t that old. I just have this big fear of marrying late. I have a brother with autism and a sister with a weak immune system because my parents married later…
Anyway, how am i supposed to get girls to like me with my low salary now. I mean it is easier here in the midwest than a lot of places on $30,000. Still, I feel like its a disadvantage, especially when I won’t have much else going for me. Also, a lot of money saving options aren’t available. Sure I know not to eat or drink too much or not to spend foolishly. But living on the Great Plains, drives of more than an hour are common.

I’m not trying to nitpick you guys and I know God will find a way to make it work.

Ok… this stood out to me. If you believe that about yourself, women (and people in general) will pick that up and they won’t be interested. You have to believe that you have a lot going for you. Your worth is not based on how much money you make. Let me tell you something. No amount of income will make up for the lack of confidence a man or woman has. Believe in what you have to offer as a person.

 

[gardenswithkids]

…I just have this big fear of marrying late. I have a brother with autism and a sister with a weak immune system because my parents married later…
Anyway, how am i supposed to get girls to like me with my low salary now. I mean it is easier here in the midwest than a lot of places on $30,000. Still, I feel like its a disadvantage, especially when I won’t have much else going for me. …

I’m not going to advice you at what age to marry or suggest you rush into marriage, but don’t blame your brother or sister’s issues on your parents’ late marriage! People who marry earlier and have children at younger ages sometimes have kids with issues–and people who marry earlier can have children at later ages too. I married in my twenties and had children in my twenties, thirties and forties.

And forget about getting “girls” to like you. All you need is* one woman* who likes* you–not your money!* So if you think *you *don’t have much going for you, then work on you. Money might help make a man a more interesting marriage prospect to some women, but few women want a man just for his money.

If you want to attract a nice, devout girl, then work on growing in holiness. Holiness is attractive. Read about some of those saints who lived as hermits in the wilderness, having forsaken all material wealth, and you’ll see people still went searching them out in their solitude and poverty because,* holiness is attractive*!

Stop blaming. Stop feeling disadvantaged. That’s not attractive. Work on you. Find some interests. Become interesting. Become holy.

 

[Sarabande]

Stop blaming. Stop feeling disadvantaged. That’s not attractive. Work on you. Find some interests. Become interesting. Become holy.

 

[PatriceA]

I’m not going to advice you at what age to marry or suggest you rush into marriage, but don’t blame your brother or sister’s issues on your parents’ late marriage! People who marry earlier and have children at younger ages sometimes have kids with issues–and people who marry earlier can have children at later ages too. I married in my twenties and had children in my twenties, thirties and forties.

And forget about getting “girls” to like you. All you need is* one woman* who likes* you–not your money!* So if you think *you *don’t have much going for you, then work on you. Money might help make a man a more interesting marriage prospect to some women, but few women want a man just for his money.

If you want to attract a nice, devout girl, then work on growing in holiness. Holiness is attractive. Read about some of those saints who lived as hermits in the wilderness, having forsaken all material wealth, and you’ll see people still went searching them out in their solitude and poverty because,* holiness is attractive*!

Stop blaming. Stop feeling disadvantaged. That’s not attractive. Work on you. Find some interests. Become interesting. Become holy.

Great advice.

And as far as the age you may marry, just remember God’s timing may be completely different than what you want. His timing is always perfect, and it may be time to get thee on His path and worry less about the timing you want.

 

[WildCatholic]

I’m not going to advice you at what age to marry or suggest you rush into marriage, but don’t blame your brother or sister’s issues on your parents’ late marriage! People who marry earlier and have children at younger ages sometimes have kids with issues–and people who marry earlier can have children at later ages too. I married in my twenties and had children in my twenties, thirties and forties.

And forget about getting “girls” to like you. All you need is* one woman* who likes* you–not your money!* So if you think *you *don’t have much going for you, then work on you. Money might help make a man a more interesting marriage prospect to some women, but few women want a man just for his money.

If you want to attract a nice, devout girl, then work on growing in holiness. Holiness is attractive. Read about some of those saints who lived as hermits in the wilderness, having forsaken all material wealth, and you’ll see people still went searching them out in their solitude and poverty because,* holiness is attractive*!

Stop blaming. Stop feeling disadvantaged. That’s not attractive. Work on you. Find some interests. Become interesting. Become holy.

Well I am interesting if I say so myself But the reason I bring up my parents is that problems happen to older mothers. Its a scientific fact. Not that i’m against having kids with autism or whatever since all children are a gift, but lets just say I don’t want my kids to suffer just because mommy and daddy got married in their 40’s. I understand its in God’s hands but if God knows i’m worried about it, won’t he find a solution (granted a solution could be I learn to accept that i’ll be married at 40). I guess it also stems from the fact my dad, who was 45 when married, died 16 years later. If my parents had even met 5 years earlier it would have been so much better for us.

But it didn’t happen. I guess i just got to suck it up, man up and all that other macho stuff.

 

[johnsmith2025]

It’s great that you’re being practical about this, instead of being like so many who would say, “Well, we’ll find a way, I’m not worried about it.”.

I can tell you that, having known a number of teachers, how they talk in public about their career is often the opposite of how they talk about it in private – many are bitter, regretful, and feel like they are in a thankless, pain-in-the-neck, low-paying job, and they feel bad that they wasted away so many years when they could have been doing something more rewarding. Unfortunately, being the typical school teacher doesn’t pay 100-200 K per year like a dentist or CPA would, for example. … ( And it might be noted, the majority of things taught in school are useless in real life; math and English are about the only useful school-learned things, and even then, it doesn’t take 12 years to learn the life-required elements of math and English. ) Plus, the majority of things people need to know to live life are not taught in any school.

It may not sound nice, but nothing can substitue for money – everyone needs it, and the less one has, the more difficult life is, including the part about getting together with a potential romantic interest.
Probably you’ve never seen a drop-dead-gorgeous woman with a man who made $30,000 per year.

No doubt you’ll get lots of opinions on this, but really there is no one particular rock-solid answer or solution to this. Sometimes in life we have to make a choice and not be able to have both. If we could always have everything we want, the world would be perfect.

You may want to re-consider whether teaching is the way you want to go, when you could do so many other things that are more satisfying and pay much better.

 

[JackieMom]

Well I am interesting if I say so myself But the reason I bring up my parents is that problems happen to older mothers. Its a scientific fact. Not that i’m against having kids with autism or whatever since all children are a gift, but lets just say I don’t want my kids to suffer just because mommy and daddy got married in their 40’s. I understand its in God’s hands but if God knows i’m worried about it, won’t he find a solution (granted a solution could be I learn to accept that i’ll be married at 40). I guess it also stems from the fact my dad, who was 45 when married, died 16 years later. If my parents had even met 5 years earlier it would have been so much better for us.

But it didn’t happen. I guess i just got to suck it up, man up and all that other macho stuff.

If your parents had met 5 years earlier, you probably wouldn’t have been born. Many people start their families in their 30s. No one here has suggested you wait until your 40s to have children. It seems like YOU are worried that a teacher’s salary won’t support a family in the way you’d like. Is it important to YOU that your wife be able to stay home, that your kids go to private schools, that you take vacations, that you have a certain quality of life? If these are things YOU want for your potential family, change careers now while you have that freedom.

 

[WildCatholic]

It’s great that you’re being practical about this, instead of being like so many who would say, “Well, we’ll find a way, I’m not worried about it.”.

I can tell you that, having known a number of teachers, how they talk in public about their career is often the opposite of how they talk about it in private – many are bitter, regretful, and feel like they are in a thankless, pain-in-the-neck, low-paying job, and they feel bad that they wasted away so many years when they could have been doing something more rewarding. Unfortunately, being the typical school teacher doesn’t pay 100-200 K per year like a dentist or CPA would, for example. … ( And it might be noted, the majority of things taught in school are useless in real life; math and English are about the only useful school-learned things, and even then, it doesn’t take 12 years to learn the life-required elements of math and English. ) Plus, the majority of things people need to know to live life are not taught in any school.

It may not sound nice, but nothing can substitue for money – everyone needs it, and the less one has, the more difficult life is, including the part about getting together with a potential romantic interest.
Probably you’ve never seen a drop-dead-gorgeous woman with a man who made $30,000 per year.

No doubt you’ll get lots of opinions on this, but really there is no one particular rock-solid answer or solution to this. Sometimes in life we have to make a choice and not be able to have both. If we could always have everything we want, the world would be perfect.

You may want to re-consider whether teaching is the way you want to go, when you could do so many other things that are more satisfying and pay much better.

I honestly don’t know what i’m good at though. I’ll admit the worst thing about me is that i don’t like to make decisions. I often ask others what I should do. A lot of it stems from wanting to be “normal” and “cool” since I was kind of a different kid back in the day. Anyway I loved history and geography, of course everyone said “you should teach it” thats what i did. While I loved the subject, I was indifferent about a few other things. But I stuck with it. I thought it wouldn’t be hard to find a job since I was a really smart guy and did well in school.

However, student teaching was a nightmare. I couldn’t relate to kids. I worked hard but it seemed really stressful. Of course I stuck with it because I though that i’d come this far that I should continue. Now, I can’t find a job and work minimum wage at a grocery store while substitute teaching. I honestly don’t know what to do.

While I’m a devout guy who does go to mass, there isn’t much else to do since I live in a smaller town and I don’t have much money for gas to drive to other places. I still apply for teaching jobs since I’ve heard people say its different in the classroom when its yours. But i almost wish I could go back and do something else. I just don’t know what. I’ve always loved history and geography, but i’ve never had other real hobbies. I like sports a lot. I also played video games but other than being really intelligent, I don’t have much else to bank on.

Anyway, I guess this connects because I just feel sometimes like i’m lost. I see my friends doing all these things and it works for them. They get married and have kids or go to interesting places. Don’t get me wrong I try. I’ve applied to be a totus tuus teacher for my diocese as well as a masters program where i’d get my degree while having tuition paid for and job experience, but it seems like things never work out even when I pursue it. I know people will tell me to pray, but it just seems like its God’s will for me to struggle now.

I’m not trying to get pitty. I guess I’m just telling my story and how i just feel lost. I know i’m called to marriage and family, but it seems like it will never happen. I just wish God could literally speak to me and tell me… in fact command me what to do. While i’m young and this is an advantage, I feel like my life is over before it begins. I try to stay positive, but it feels like i’m just going to end up some minimum wage loser like I always feared I’d be.

I guess my only consolation is God loves me and I love him. I have a good faith and want to grow more. I just hope my faith can get me through whatever comes.

Thanks