Are doulas silly?

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Feanor

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OK that’s the question. I am a therapist and I feel like I can tell my wife “You’re doing a good Job,” “I’m so proud of you,.” “You are being so strong.” etc…etc.

I can also get ice chips or water (if permitted) for my wife- I really can! I can tell doctors- "We prefer this or we want to know about that. . . "

So are doulas kind of a silly thing? I can see them being helpful for some couples where culturally the father is very uncomfortable with the process of childbirth but really.

What do you guys think?

Is it kind of a “granola” thing?
 
Traditionally, women have helped women through labor and delivery. Of course husbands can be GREAT at supporting their wives (mine is, for instance), but a doula can offer that experience and point of view that a husband just can’t. For many women this is reassuring. If your wife wants a doula, don’t feel put out, help her find one that both of you are comfortable with. If she feels better about labor and delivery, then she is more likely to get through it easier. It’s a win-win for everyone!
 
Personally, I never liked the idea of having someone other than my husband go through the labor process with me. To me, it was a *private *thing… something *special *between husband and wife… and some random person just didn’t seem to fit. I don’t “get” the need for a doula, but that’s just me. 🤷
 
Thanks Jennifer,

I think we are going to do it ourselves- I am just curious about this profession or para-profession.

I have read about it in the Bible of childbirth “What TO Expect When You’re Expecting” and then again on this strange doc. made by Riki Lake about alternative birthing.

Some stuff in the doc. was interesting- about the attitudes that led to the over-use of the episiectogmy (sp?) and how the male outlook of medicine has done some harm to modern birthing practices. And I was oblivious to the horror of birthing in the 40’s or was it 30’s- where they tied the woman to the bed because they gave her some drug that caused violent muscle movements.

But then some stuff was just plain weird. Like at some homebirths not only was the mother under the water but the dude was IN THE WATER TOO and NAKED!! Their was other weird stuff as well it is interesting none-the-less and on netfllix instant play.

I would like to hear about more insights as to the doula or other tid-bits about opinions on alternative birth practices.
 
I’ve seen the Business of Being Born. I think it’s a fairly accurate statement of where birth is today…docs tend to rely too much on technology and not just let the woman birth her baby. I say this as a woman who has had 6 all natural hospital births. I had to fight for them to some degree. The medical profession is all to eager to “take” the birth process from the mother–managed is the word. Midwives assist birth, Doctors/nurses manage births. Anything that allows the woman to take control of her birth, be that her husband or a doula or a midwife is a good thing.

As for water births, I’m not into that, but I’ve heard for women with back labor or hard labors, they are great pain reducers. The husband usually gets in to support his wife. I don’t find it weird, I just never wanted to give birth that way.

The most helpful thing for a laboring woman is to stay moving as much as possible and stay out of the hospital until labor is very active.
 
A friend of mine said that the doula was the best money she and her husband ever spent.
 
Before I got pregnant I thought they were kind of an unnecessary granola thing to. After all, my husband will be there right? But I’m considering it because what if labour goes on for a very long time? There’s no sense in both of us being exhausted. Plus, neither of us has done this before- it might be comforting to have someone who has witnessed, if not experienced, many births herself to be a reassurance. For me it’s about taking some control and avoiding interventions. Im not 100% sure yet but those are the reasons that are making me consider it.
 
I only had a doula for my third birth, but I would do it again (and would have liked it for my second birth) in a heartbeat. My husband liked the idea of somebody being there with me in the event that he needed to go home to check on the kids (my ILs came to watch them), or if he had to go into work (which ended up happening, and he nearly missed the birth!).

My doula had a lot of experience with natural and hospital births, and she was just a wonderful, calming presence. She was also there to get food for my DH or myself, so he didn’t have to leave, or to be able to go grab a nurse if we needed one, or to “interpret” medical stuff for us. I honestly believe that without my doula, my third (12 pounder) would not have been born naturally, with no painkillers.
 
My DH wasn’t terribly helpful when it came to labour. He hated seeing me in pain and wanted to sleep so he could be awake and alert when the baby arrived! (I went into labour in the middle of the night) As it was my DH slept in the cot shortly after we arrived at the hospital and woke up about an hour before I delivered. My sister was my labour coach and I preferred it that way! Had I not had a wonderful supportive sister, I would have loved a doula.
Doula’s aren’t just for backrubs and ice chips, they also advocate for a woman’s birth choices to the hospital staff when she’s feeling vulnerable and know a great many techniques for pain management that husbands might not know. I think for a first time mother who is desiring a natural child birth that a doula would be a great asset!
 
My husband was wonderful for all three of my deliveries. The first one was very difficult and he helped me through each difficult contraction (I was on pitocin).

The only time I wished he wasn’t there was when in labor with my third I begged for drugs, I screamed for drugs…and he told the nurse that I was just being silly and I didn’t need anything. I think I used some rather foul language at that point and threatened him with bodily harm. But maybe about 10 minutes after that I delivered our daughter with one push. So I guess he was right.
 
Joann, I hope your husband realizes how lucky he is to be alive :bigyikes: Mine most certainly would not have survived such a gaffe during coaching my labors. :rotfl:

As far as doulas go, I think it’s entirely up to the woman and her husband to decide. I have a lot of friends whose husbands just can’t give them quite what they want and/or need during labor. That’s not an indictment of the husbands----just like anything else, some make better labor coaches than others. Some are able to be empathetic and some are not. Some seem to know what their wife will want next and some don’t. Some women simply want the help of a woman who KNOWS what it feels like to go through what they are going through.

Like Em, I felt very strongly it was an experience I didn’t want anybody to be present for except for my husband and myself and a minimum of necessary medical personnel. I actually hesitated to go with a midwife because I was afraid she would be all over me—be rubbing my back, holding my hands, etc, etc. (I’m not into all of that stuff when I am in labor and mostly want to be untouched not talked to). But I was pleasantly surprised when I told my midwife what I wanted, and she was totally hands off with me. Yet I knew she was within reach if I needed her, and she was amazing at reading my cues.

I wouldn’t take it personally if your wife wants a doula. Giving birth was such a wonderful experience for me each and every time—I think a laboring woman should be able to have all the help she feels she wants/needs to help give her that experience, and if that means a doula…go for it!

Lauren
 
My understanding of doulas is that they are not only there for emotional support, but physical as well, such as helping the woman into better positions, preventing tears, etc. But if you can do all that, by golly, go 'head lol.
 
Well I’m of the unassisted birth type, but for the typical couple I think a doula can be a great thing, they can be middle person for the parents and the birth attendants and can advocate for the parents on issues that they had previously agreed were important but that in the moment you might be too distracted to remember. It’s so easy to just go along with birth attendants when you are in the throws of labor. I certainly wouldn’t call them silly.
 
Why not just call them a birth helper? Doula - good grief - it’s almost as annoying a word as docent. I’d love to volunteer at a local museum since I am a history buff, but they can just call me a guide. I like plain terms myself.
 
From the DONA website:

dona.org/mothers/index.php
<<The word “doula” comes from the ancient Greek meaning “a woman who serves” and is now used to refer to a trained and experienced professional who provides continuous physical, emotional and informational support to the mother before, during and just after birth; or who provides emotional and practical support during the postpartum period.

Studies have shown that when doulas attend birth, labors are shorter with fewer complications, babies are healthier and they breastfeed more easily.>>

It is a plain term, just in Greek…
 
I don’t think you understand what a doula does and what their purpose is. You are drastically reducing her value to a gopher (go for ice, go for hand holding, etc.), which is not what they are and it is incredibly disrespectful. A doula is a third-party person who speaks on behalf of the mother and the father. It has little to do with how comfortable/confident the mother or father is. You may be positive that you can handle everything a doula does, but, when push comes to shove, you really have no idea how you will deal with until it has already happened. She knows how she would handle it because she’s done it before. The idea is to have that support and help in advance, even if you may not need it. Remember, once you’re in the delivery room, you can’t change your mind.

Think of it like an attorney. They give you advice, encouragement, help, support, and will speak up on your behalf the instant things may go sour, without holding back. They can document everything through written and photo record, while you may be too busy or preoccupied to do so. They are well educated and have gone through rigorous training to help you. They represent you, not the other party and have nothing to lose by standing up for you. Think of a courtroom. Would you rather have an educated, experienced attorney representing you or would you rather try to represent yourself?

Here is a really good description of what doulas do: childbirthsolutions.com/articles/birth/doula/index.php

Here is a really good quote from that site, which I think addresses your concerns here:
Sometimes a father may feel uncomfortable with hiring a doula, fearing that she will take over his role in the process. Doulas provide an atmosphere of safety and comfort, as much for the woman’s partner as for the woman herself. With a doula present, the pressure on the father is decreased and he can participate at his own comfort level. Fathers often feel relieved when they can rely on the doula for help; they enjoy the experience more.
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That said, I have never met a mother who regretted hiring a doula. If they didn’t use one on a previous birth, but used one on a later one, they have always said they wished they knew about them before or hired one then. Everyone who has used them once will use them every time after. I have not had a child yet, but I already have the doula directory in my area bookmarked.

If this doesn’t convince you to let your wife hire one if she wants to, maybe the statistics will: childbirth.org/articles/stats.html
 
Em_in_FL said:
Personally, I never liked the idea of having someone other than my husband go through the labor process with me. To me, it was a *private *thing… something *special *between husband and wife… and some random person just didn’t seem to fit. I don’t “get” the need for a doula, but that’s just me. 🤷
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So you had a home birth without doctors or other nurses present? Just the two of you?
 
My doula made it very clear to my husband that she was not there to take his place. She completely understood that some husbands do feel as though they’re being relegated to the sidelines. The only time she was right up by my side was when my husband had to run into work for an hour–right when I was going into transition–and then she was my labor coach. The rest of the time, she merely was there and occasionally offered advice as far as positioning on the birth ball (the baby was face-up, which can make pushing more difficult for the mom), and she did indeed go to get us food when we were hungry, or step out to find a nurse when he had questions.

Yes, with our first baby, my husband didn’t like the idea of a doula. With the second, he was more open to the idea, since he thought he might have to step out to go home and check on our oldest, at home with his parents. By the time we had our third, our second child was still just two, and required more hands-on care, and was not verbal, so he felt nervous about him being at home without us (with my in laws and a sitter, but still). And he didn’t like the idea of me being there without somebody on our team, so to speak. So he was very open to the idea of somebody knowledgable and supportive being there for me if he had to leave. It was the best money we ever spent.

Still, if this is your first baby and you have no other obligations that might take you away from the hospital during the birth (no other children, your job lets you completely take the time off), then a doula might not be neccessary if you read up on birth and are a supportive partner.

I think doulas are an excellent resource for birthing moms, and should not be discounted. But every couple has to make the decision for themselves, depending on their circumstances.
 
Oh- if my wife wanted a doula she would get one.
She will have whatever she wants in that process I assure you. Well, except having her mother and sister there-

But then again I am lucky she doesn’t want that!

I began this thread not to offend but to be educated! THanks, everyone who has contributed.

I have read that doulas cannot provide medical opinions. What is known about this. I also know that they can rub the FATHERS back- That is awesome!👍
 
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