Are doulas silly?

[moonletters]

We live in the Midwest, and I totally see where the poster ahead is coming from. My mom has given birth three times, only once with an epidural. She never had a doula, but she’s a tough woman and I don’t even know if she would have needed one, lol.

Anyway, for her last child, my youngest brother, my mom made up a contract (not with a lawyer or anything) that all of the nurses and doctors that were going to be in the room had to sign if they were going to be there. She is a nurse herself, so she knows the system I guess, and wanted to make sure that every one there was going to respect her wishes. She had things like if she cursed, the nurses were not allowed to tell her to be quiet, her husband would not be forced out of the room for any reason (that happened to my dad when my little sister was being born, he wasn’t doing anything wrong, the doctor at the time just felt that he was “in the way”), the doctors could not push any subject if she had already said no, unless she requested it, etc.

I think I’ll get a doula, myself, alongside my mother and DH when I get married. Though this is a bit preemptive, I’m not getting married for another year!

 

[Granny_D]

I LOVE that mother… who made everyone sign her Birth Plan…
I post a “sample” Birth Plan to my clients…and ask them to make their own…and then make copies for the Hospital Staff and one for me and one to keep by her bedside…

The worth of a Doula cannot be measured… Even if a Doula did nothing… her presence changes the atmosphere… for the hospital staff, for those on the birth team and most importantly for the mother.

I do believe that mothers benefit from having another “experienced” woman be at her side… throughout the whole labor, delivery and until baby and mother are successfully breastfeeding and bonding.

Each birth is unique, even for the same mother. I take each birth and each mother on a minute by minute basis… Eliminating stress to the extent that it is possible is my major focus. Mothering the Mother is what I know I can do and that in turn helps the father and any other friends or relatives present. I never take over the father’s role… and in the case of home births, I will also help with the other children… if they need to be fed or helped the laboring mother knows I will do that and that helps her focus on her job… If the father needs encouraging, I do that so that he can help his wife, something that both will remember forever. If the midwife or doctor needs mother to move or relax I help her do that… everything that is possible to do… and is needed for a safe, happy and sacred birth… I do.

Granny

 

[Cracker_Mom]

I don’t think Em had an unassissted birth, but there are people who do that…

I had 2 babies that way but not by choice. The midwife didn’t arrive in time.I wouldn’t plan it that way on purpose but have to say it would be my choice if I could somehow know there would be no complications-which of course is impossible.
I think the word “doula” sounds kind of silly.A certified nurse midwife is a good choice for home births.
I guess if you have to go through the hospital routine it is wise to have an advocate.
I’m like one of those old cows that heads up to the farthest corner of the pasture to have her calf so she can be left alone.Just leave me be & let me concentrate.
Births have become a bit like sideshows recently.

 

[EvelynEVF]

.A certified nurse midwife is a good choice for home births.
I’m like one of those old cows that heads up to the farthest corner of the pasture to have her calf so she can be left alone.Just leave me be & let me concentrate.
Births have become a bit like sideshows recently.

I’m with you as far as being alone, but a doula still makes me feel a bit more secure until the midwife gets there!

In my state CNMs cannot do homebirth without physician approval, which means there are exactly 2 homebirth CNMs in the whole state

 

[Granny_D]

There is a difference between a CNM and a Professional Licensed Midwife. The CNM cannot do home births or birth center births in most if not all States… The Professional Midwife does both home births and Birth Center Births…and transfers her clients to a hospital if need be.

The CNM has to follow hospital protocol and also her boss, the doctor’s (usually a surgeon) orders. So if you really want to have as natural as possible type birth… you have to know the difference between these types of midwives and their limitations.

Granny

 

[Cracker_Mom]

There is a difference between a CNM and a Professional Licensed Midwife. The CNM cannot do home births or birth center births in most if not all States… The Professional Midwife does both home births and Birth Center Births…and transfers her clients to a hospital if need be.

The CNM has to follow hospital protocol and also her boss, the doctor’s (usually a surgeon) orders. So if you really want to have as natural as possible type birth… you have to know the difference between these types of midwives and their limitations.

Granny

This wasn’t our experience in our part of the country but perhaps laws have changed in the last decade?More restrictions on midwives?

 

[Granny_D]

In many States… Home Births attended by a Midwife are ILLEGAL
Other States have laws that are under review every ten years or so
meaning that even if Homebirths with Midwives are legal…they can be made ILLEGAL at the “drop of a hat” so to speak.

Granny

 

[Cracker_Mom]

In many States… Home Births attended by a Midwife are ILLEGAL
Other States have laws that are under review every ten years or so
meaning that even if Homebirths with Midwives are legal…they can be made ILLEGAL at the “drop of a hat” so to speak.

Granny

Well, guess we were blessed to live in a more progressive state.I feel sorry for moms elsewhere.So much for freedom of choice.

 

[EvelynEVF]

Cracker mom, if you live in Florida, I think you’re ahead of the curve. I know South Carolina is, too. East and west coasts are pretty good, but the midwest is awful for birth options.

 

[Jennifer_J]

A doula doesn’t deliver. She is there just for support…a doula could be a certified nurse midwife, but usually not.

 

[moonletters]

In many States… Home Births attended by a Midwife are ILLEGAL
Other States have laws that are under review every ten years or so
meaning that even if Homebirths with Midwives are legal…they can be made ILLEGAL at the “drop of a hat” so to speak.

Granny

So are any type of home births illegal in these states? What if you didn’t get to the hospital on time?! What if you didn’t want to go to the hospital, couldn’t afford it, etc.?

 

[Cracker_Mom]

Cracker mom, if you live in Florida, I think you’re ahead of the curve. I know South Carolina is, too. East and west coasts are pretty good, but the midwest is awful for birth options.

Sorry to hear that re. the midwest.

 

[EvelynEVF]

The location is legal. It’s the attendant who is illegal. If the pizza guy had arrived in time to catch my babies, he would have been fine. The crime was hiring a trained, experienced professional.

 

[Le_Cracquere]

I’m married to a certified nurse-midwife, and if you want to darken her mood, just say the word “doula.” She sees their value in many situations, doesn’t consider them “silly,” and thinks they’re often valuable in conjunction with a doctor, but they’re generally a bad mix with CNMs. Precisely because nurse-midwives are able to provide the sort of time, support, and understanding that a harried OB-GYN may not have the luxury to, they make the doula’s function largely redundant. It also means that the doula is often in the CNM’s way. So if you’re using a doctor, bully for you & your doula! If you’re using a CNM, though, might want to consider skipping the doula.

 

[moonletters]

The location is legal. It’s the attendant who is illegal. If the pizza guy had arrived in time to catch my babies, he would have been fine. The crime was hiring a trained, experienced professional.

Thanks for answering my question!

 

[CountryMom27]

When I became pregnant with our first, I read a ton of books but I found myself leaning away from traditional methods and forging my own path. I left my OBGYN and went with a practice of certified nurse midwives (CNM), and I decided to hire a doula for my labor. I knew my husband would be by my side and a great coach - but I wanted to have a strong feminine spirit with me as well. My mother died many years ago and I felt this great gap in my life that was accentuated by becoming a mother myself.

My doula was also a midwife (but not a CNM so she couldn’t deliver the baby at the hospital). When my labor went completely in an opposite direction - I became preeclamptic and my son went into fetal distress, so I had an emergency c-section. My doula was with me right up until we went into the OR, and my CNMs were in the OR with us.

In the end, I was happy with my decision. My doula was there for me and for my husband - to help us in this incredible journey. When we were “picking our team” for DS2, I stayed with the same midwives but chose not to have a doula since I was no longer nervous and frightened about labor. But at my first birth, having this incredibly nice, soothing, supportive, CALM person with us, helping us, was wonderful and I would highly recommend it. She was never intrusive, never in the way. Oh, and labor & delivery - not exactly an intimate moment between husband and wife!

There are nurses, doctors/midwives, interns (though I banned them from my birth), techs, all sorts of people coming in at all hours. If this is what your wife wants, I’d really recommend that you go with it. The doula will not take your place - no one can - but believe me, you can use all of the help you can get.

As for waterbirth - be open to whatever works. Sitting on a birthing ball, squatting, standing, walking, laying down… you never know what’s going to work for her and what she’s going to feel comfortable doing. Follow her lead, encourage her to listen to her body, ignore the doctors (for the most part) and just let her birth the child.

GL!

(by the way, second child - loads of complications prenatally, scheduled for a repeat c b/c of my preeclampsia, went into labor the day before and had a surprise VBAC - quiet, nice, gentle, with just my MW, a nurse, DH and myself). You just never know. Birth plans - ha - it’s what the baby wants and needs.

 

[Granny_D]

Wonderful to hear you had a “surprise” VBAC… that is the beauty of not being “on the clock” … you can have surprises…

Everyone has their own idea of whether or not to have a hospital or home birth… Same is true about a CNM or a Doula. (sorry to hear that Doulas cause neg. emotions in some CNMs)

Women have had birth assistants since time immemorial. St.Elizabeth had The Blessed Mother, who by the way, appeared to a man trying to get help for his laboring wife, and told him the baby was born and his wife fine. Upon his return, his wife described the same woman he had met…with her sleeves rolled up…She had helped deliver their son…as a MIDWIFE…no doctor around…

Anyway, it is a personal choice and one that just might make a difference to some women and their babies… What happens at birth does impact both the mother and the baby for a long time.

Granny

 

[EvelynEVF]

Can you tell us more about this? I’ve never heard it before, but what a great story. My first midwife (syncretistic Catholic) told me that Mary was present at every birth.

Women have had birth assistants since time immemorial. St.Elizabeth had The Blessed Mother, who by the way, appeared to a man trying to get help for his laboring wife, and told him the baby was born and his wife fine. Upon his return, his wife described the same woman he had met…with her sleeves rolled up…She had helped deliver their son…as a MIDWIFE…no doctor around…
Granny

 

[Granny_D]

I have the Holy Card of the Pregnant Madonna in Gdansk-Matemblewo, Poland. On the back it explains that it is a statue in the Sancuary of Gdansk-Matemblewo, Poland

According to tradition, in 1790 pregnant Virgin Mary appeared to save the life of a father lost in a forest. during this winter day he went to get help needed for his wife in difficult labor. At the same time, Mary came to their home and helped with the delivery. Mary played a role of a MIDWIFE, IT IS SYMBOLIZED BY THE ROLLED UP SLEEVES.

MOTHER OF GOD, SAVE ALL CONCEIVED CHILDREN!

The Blessed Mother would be considered a “direct entry” midwife
not a Certified Nurse Midwife. So this is another reason that I love home births… Once you have attended a home birth you can see why it is to be desired… However, if that is not possible and the child is loved by the mother who wants the best possible birth for her child then wherever she births… is a sacred spot and Jesus, Mary and St.Joseph are involved… Mary in a special way because it is a “woman’s work” as is a Midwife or Doula

Granny

P.S. I am a Doula to our local Unwed Mothers…and even those who don’t want to have a baby… are changed and touched by the sacredness of birth. Sadly, the industrialization of birth has made it traumatic for many mothers and the scars are not just on her body…but in her mind and psyche… and many decide NEVER TO DO THAT AGAIN… I hope that my presence and skills will help the mother to want to do “that” again.