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catechumen08
Guest
Hi, I didn’t know where else to post this, and this forum looked like the most appropriate one. Maybe we could get a “Singles Life” subforum? Anyway, I wanted to ask, are girls ever nice to guys for no reason?
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sanctareparata
Guest
Well, I’m nice to a lot of guys just because I like them. As friends.
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catechumen08
Guest
Oops, sorry, I should clarify a bit. I meant for single guys and single girls.
Personally, I’m nice to everyone, guy or girl.
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kedera
Guest
In the Club House, there’s a Singles Club house 
…and yes I am nice to guys, because I like to be nice
. Has this ever been misunderstood and interpreted as “interest” or made them interested? Yes.
…and yes I am nice to guys, because I like to be nice . Has this ever been misunderstood and interpreted as “interest” or made them interested? Yes.
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lizaanne
Guest
I should certainly hope so! Yes - when I was single I would be nice (by this I assume you mean friendly) to single guys. But there is a vast difference between being nice and coming on to someone. Sadly some guys can’t tell the difference, and things can become awkward.
~Liza
Yes - when I was single I would be nice (by this I assume you mean friendly) to single guys. But there is a vast difference between being nice and coming on to someone. Sadly some guys can’t tell the difference, and things can become awkward.~Liza
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Sina
Guest
Depends on the girl I guess. I made friends with guys better than with girls ( we get all catty with each other at times).
Sometimes girls are nice cos they like you. Sometimes they are nice because they want to be your friend. Sometimes they are nice to guys because they are in a good mood. It varies I guess?
Now, when a guy is mean to a girl ( I am talking in secondary school ) does that mean he actually has a crush on her?
Sometimes girls are nice cos they like you. Sometimes they are nice because they want to be your friend. Sometimes they are nice to guys because they are in a good mood. It varies I guess?
Now, when a guy is mean to a girl ( I am talking in secondary school ) does that mean he actually has a crush on her?
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shannyk
Guest
Of course. Do you need a ‘reason’ to be nice? Shouldn’t we be nice to everyone in general just because?
Yes. Still yes. Girls are not always thinking about the fact that they are single, nor are they always ‘looking’ if they are.
Ditto. Can’t tell yo how many times this has happened to me. I think there is just a difference in the way men and women interpret things.
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catechumen08
Guest
Yea, I saw that thread, but I think that one is mostly for introductions. I agree with what you said about it misinterpreted as interest. I’ve been at both ends of it. I’ve mistaken “niceness” as interest and I’ve also had girls mistake my “niceness” as interest. But in the end, everyone is appreciative when you’re being nice to them for no apparent reason.In the Club House, there’s a Singles Club house
I agree. But some girls can send out conflicting messages, and that’s when it gets very confusing for the guys. And on top of that, women are subject to changing their mind at any given time!I should certainly hope so!
~Liza
Guys get “catty”?
How do you tell the difference? Can a single guy and a single girl really be friends? I’ve tried it, didn’t work out so well.
Haha! In that case, most definitely!
Very true!
Haha, this is exactly why it’s so confusing for the guys!
Hahaha! Are you all just being nice to me?Ditto. Can’t tell yo how many times this has happened to me. I think there is just a difference in the way men and women interpret things.
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beckers
Guest
Nope we’ve hard some pretty interesting discussion in the clubhouse about how hard it is being single sometimes and the struggles.Nothing is off limit. come join us. We need some new blood and we are going to hit 1000 post soon which means a new thread!
As for guys and girls being friends. It is possible as long as the lines are drawn. I have lots of guy friends from church. I have had to learn that my playful “hey sweetheart” and “darling” are only okay for a few guys because we have established that we nothing but friends BUT there are a lot guys i would never say this too. A) we do not know each other well enough to have establshed the boundries b.) it would send possible wrong signals to either the guy or other people C.) They don’t have the right personaility to take the affection in the right way.
As for girls being confusions Guys are just as confusing to understand!
I personal like a guy to be direct. i am not going to assume anything until he says something or makes a move.
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catechumen08
Guest
Interesting! Maybe I’ll pop my head in one of these days!
Yikes! I don’t think I’m cut out to be one of your “darling” or “sweetheart” friends. Personally, I’d consider that to be flirting of some kind. Harmless flirting? Perhaps, perhaps not. I think it’s much easier for girls to place guys in the “friends basket” than it is for guys. Guys tend to think every single girl’s a potential “target”. I guess it’s biological or something.
Basically, when I consider a girl to be strictly a friend, I wouldn’t do anything with her that I wouldn’t do when I’m married or with a guy friend. Does that make sense?
Yea, I’ll admit to sending out mixed messages sometimes, but not nearly as much as I’d like to think that girls do.
I’m always direct, but realize that it’s not the easiest thing in the world for guys to do. If it were easy, it wouldn’t mean anything; if it were hard, then the guy might not work up the nerve to do it. Nice catch-22 there, no?
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Eliza10
Guest
I am nice to guys because I just want to be nice. Especially if it is someone I see over and over again in my life - a neighbor, co-worker, someone from Church. My “goal” would simply be that I desire to have positive aquaintence-ships in my life. In fact, if I was attracted to the person in a “more than friends” way, I would likely be reticient, not wanting to give that away. I am not saying this is the “right” way to be, its just that its how I am.
But, you know, there are* both* men and women around who have a deep-seated psychological abnormality called Narcisism, which is a socially functional disorder. Because we live in Narcissistic-promoting society, these people get along very well in it. And they are only nice if they want to get something from you, whether that’s a relationship or another thing. It is not always easy to pick out who these people are. Over time it comes out. Frequently the shallowness of their connection to you is not revealed until well after their connection to you is established.
…http://orage.mjp.brown.edu/mjp/images/Luini/headwoman.jpg
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beckers
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It’s hard to explain the langauage thingy because edown here in Texas those two terms aren’t the same terms of edearment that they may be in other places. I have grown men at restuarants and who call me on the phone and say sweetheart and darling. Cowboy manners i guess. But for me to use any term it’s used on very few men (less than 5 or 6) who i’ve known for longer than a year and someone who is totally off limts. And your comment #2 is the reason why I don’t have a lot of people that i use those terms with.
I want a man to not be overly pushes but be direct. If your interested in me then don’t play games. Ask me out for coffee or email me and call me. IBecause the longer i try to figure out what your signs mean then the more chances are that i am going to get them wrong and it may mean that i talk myself out of dating you. if i am not interested i am going to tell you and if we decide that it isn’t going to work then don’t pull the whole stop calling less or making excuses. You were man enough to pursue me now be man enough to end it.
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rayne89
Guest
When I was single I was nice to guys, friends with them and then they’d ask me out and everything would be weird after that. Some of these guys were friends of my then ex-boyfriend (who is now my husband by the way). That really used to annoy me. My policy was I didn’t date my friends ex-boyfriends or my ex-boyfriends friends. My experience was it was very hard to be nice to single guys without them wanting something more -I was still nice but guarded.
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whatevergirl
Guest
of course…i think that there are women and men who like to ‘use’ people, but plenty who don’t.
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Nevarlander
Guest
I is a nice.
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catechumen08
Guest
Haha, see, that’s exactly what confuses guys! If you don’t send those subtle hints, we’re never gonna know!
Haha, I’m too good to be narcissistic! I agree, though, with what you said. Choose your friends wisely.
This is interesting. I’ve been referred to “hon” a lot in Illinois before I moved out here to the East Coast. I used to not like it, well, I still don’t like it, maybe it’s me, it just sounds, you know, makes you feel like you’re a kid.
Agreed. I always let a girl know when things don’t work out. Would be kind of cruel and irresponsible otherwise, in my opinion.
Yea, I know exactly what you mean. The key for guys is to express interest without overtly expressing it. It’s an art, really. Actually, it’s more like testing the waters. If the water feels right, then dive right in!
I agree. I’m fortunate in that I have not yet met any women who just wanted to use me. I’m very appreciative of that.
Haha! I can tell!
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chevalier
Guest
Misinterpreting kindness or courtesy as interest is not a male speciality. Women sometimes seem to have a knack for taking courtesy as an act of courting and will think things just because you pull the chair or help with the coat. It sometimes annoys me when they start acting all hard to get and I wasn’t remotely thinking about that kind of thing. I suppose it stems from narcissism or lack of experience. I can excuse the latter since people honestly get little opportunity these days to practice manners and girls don’t get enough samples to learn how to react to a guy actually being a gentleman. But narcissism I don’t take well.
As for girls being nice to guys, my experience is that they are often cold and matter-of-fact direct because they don’t want to be confusing. In order to avoid sending mixed signals, they prefer to be too harsh rather than too blurry.
The other side of the coin is that girls are generally more comfortable around friends. If they like you, they will relax, they will be less cautious and careful with terms of endearment and other such addresses, they will hug or cuddle and they will even care less to cover up. Frankly, whether with men or with women, such things often depend on the looks of the friend or overall attractiveness. Besides, friendship seems to be different between genders than within one gender. For example, guys will not normally hold hands in any circumstances, while a female friend comforting a male friend, will. Or the other way round. Cheek kisses happen between genders or between girls, but not between guys. Could come up with more examples but anyway.
Besides, women are more situational than men are. Guys are more into thinking in absolute terms and women tend to respond to situations… although there is no strict rule here. Sometimes they don’t like you instinctly and then they go to great lenghts giving you the hint.
As for being nice exclusively when it pays, that’s a modern thing and not limited to any one gender. Same for being nice only when in a particularly good mood. Both genders do that. Personally, I hate when people flirt to get something and even that is done these days.
As for girls being nice to guys, my experience is that they are often cold and matter-of-fact direct because they don’t want to be confusing. In order to avoid sending mixed signals, they prefer to be too harsh rather than too blurry.
The other side of the coin is that girls are generally more comfortable around friends. If they like you, they will relax, they will be less cautious and careful with terms of endearment and other such addresses, they will hug or cuddle and they will even care less to cover up. Frankly, whether with men or with women, such things often depend on the looks of the friend or overall attractiveness. Besides, friendship seems to be different between genders than within one gender. For example, guys will not normally hold hands in any circumstances, while a female friend comforting a male friend, will. Or the other way round. Cheek kisses happen between genders or between girls, but not between guys. Could come up with more examples but anyway.
Besides, women are more situational than men are. Guys are more into thinking in absolute terms and women tend to respond to situations… although there is no strict rule here. Sometimes they don’t like you instinctly and then they go to great lenghts giving you the hint.
As for being nice exclusively when it pays, that’s a modern thing and not limited to any one gender. Same for being nice only when in a particularly good mood. Both genders do that. Personally, I hate when people flirt to get something and even that is done these days.
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valient_Lucy
Guest
Yeah, they can be. Is this a specific situation, or just a general question? As another poster said, some guys can’t tell the difference between a girl who is being nice and coming on to him, and that can actually differ from girl to girl. So without knowing more about the situation, it’s hard to say. Some girls are more flirtatious, and others are more kind hearted. It might help to watch the way she interacts with other guys in her life, if she flirts or is kind to everyone.
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Eliza10
Guest
I wrote: “In fact, if I was attracted to the person in a “more than friends” way, I would likely be reticient, not wanting to give that away. I am not saying this is the “right” way to be, its just that its how I am.”
You responded:
But, speaking of myself in a different time, if I were attracted to a man, I would withdraw that into myself partly because, for one, its too easy to see what I am thinking/feeling and I want to keep those feelings to myself - for many reasons. Like, maybe that person is not what he seems, and observing him without engaging will give me time to learn more of who he is. Maybe he is unavailable, and I don’t want to be sending out hints, so, I keep to myself and later an answer to that will be revealed. If those things are cleared, and also time and patience did not make these feelings go away (they weren’t just fleeting), then I might get closer to his proximity, where he has a chance to notice me, or engage in conversation if he wants, and then I would notice how eager he seems to be to engage with me.
I don’t know if that helps - I was trying to help. It was actually hard for me to write, because I had to work at remembering how I am. Its been so long.
By the way, you attributed this quote to me, Eliza10:
You responded:
Well actually in my life right now I prefer to ignore such impulses, and do not want to put out any hints that might mislead someone. Because right now I am in a place of inner healing after a failed marriage.
But, speaking of myself in a different time, if I were attracted to a man, I would withdraw that into myself partly because, for one, its too easy to see what I am thinking/feeling and I want to keep those feelings to myself - for many reasons. Like, maybe that person is not what he seems, and observing him without engaging will give me time to learn more of who he is. Maybe he is unavailable, and I don’t want to be sending out hints, so, I keep to myself and later an answer to that will be revealed. If those things are cleared, and also time and patience did not make these feelings go away (they weren’t just fleeting), then I might get closer to his proximity, where he has a chance to notice me, or engage in conversation if he wants, and then I would notice how eager he seems to be to engage with me.
I don’t know if that helps - I was trying to help. It was actually hard for me to write, because I had to work at remembering how I am. Its been so long.
Oh, I wasn’t thinking of you at all. I was thinking that you wrote your query because you had been subject to girls who are nice to you only because they want to get something from you. But maybe that wasn’t your motivation for asking.
By the way, you attributed this quote to me, Eliza10:
I want a man to not be overly pushes but be direct. If your interested in me then don’t play games. Ask me out for coffee or email me and call me. IBecause the longer i try to figure out what your signs mean then the more chances are that i am going to get them wrong and it may mean that i talk myself out of dating you. if i am not interested i am going to tell you and if we decide that it isn’t going to work then don’t pull the whole stop calling less or making excuses. You were man enough to pursue me now be man enough to end it.
But that is from** beckers**, not me. (I know it gets tricky with those scissors and paste.
…http://americanart.si.edu/images/1983/1983.90.198_1b.jpg
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shannyk
Guest
This is very true. There are many women like that and I also (being a woman myself) find them very…annoying
(that’s the nice way of saying it ). Personally, if you held a door for me or pulled out a chair, I’d think you were a gentleman; nothing more.I think the difference is…some women think every man would want her if given the opportunity(narcissist). Me, I don’t generalize and think every man is looking for an ‘opportunity’ with me. Plus, I just genuinely like men and find them easy to get along with and fun to talk to so, that’s why I’m ‘nice’. Actually, if I were interested in someone, I probably wouldn’t talk to him all that much:blush:
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