H,
I have had the same thoughts on almost all your posts on this thread. I have also struggled with these issues as you have.
I just now thought of this, If at least 51% are NOT going to go to heaven then Satan has in effect won the war…then Jesus dying on the cross was not to save all men, but to allow a green card for a lucky bunch to get into heaven, ie Jesus wasnt really concerned with love, but more of an “Amazing Race” in which He only wants a few to “win”. That doesnt sound right to me.
I admit I have made such comments as “most are doomed”, I hope I wasnt the one who got you started on this.
Also about the sudden-death-after-mortal-sin scare stuff: I think that you always have to be on your guard, and also have faith that God wouldnt put you in that situation where in essence He waited for you to sin and then allowed you to die before confessing. You can confess in your dying seconds and be saved. You will always have a chance, God doesnt give one person a one up and not another. He isnt going to let someone who commits mortal sin every day confess and “get off the hook” because the guy lives one block from a church, while you try your hardest and only sin once, but because you are 3hrs away from a church you are doomed.
I know it is a hard issue and one that we cant fully grasp, and will never fully know as humans. This is a question of the ages and goes right along side with the famous “Why are we here, why did God create us?” questions. You cant go around thinking that God is out to get you and that He will leave you high and dry. As Christians, getting to Heaven is a hard road, but it isnt out of our reach, God didnt give an advantage to one genius and leave another half-educated person hanging.
There is a parable concerning what people do with what God gives them ( something along the lines of the guy with one coin, the guy with 10 and the guy with 100 coins), and if they made good use of those gifts, and with each gift comes responsibility. God isnt making it harder for you because you know more about Him than John Doe, in fact you should be glad that you can have such questions debated, that doesnt mean that John Doe’s chances are less than yours. It means that as you progress you mature into a better person who resists sin more, and teaches others. This was an important thread and you have helped many readers wake up and take their Christianity seriously.
The bottom line H, is that you need to calm down. This is scary stuff, but dont live in fear. In almost every time I fall into doom and gloom thought periods, I say to myself I will wait it out, pray , and have faith, and after a time it will blow over. This is God building you up during this time, be strong. We arent Jesus, we sin and are not perfect, every saint you ever heard of sinned some big sins. The Bible is the Mind of God given in human terms, no one can fully grasp it. All you need to do is your best.
If you feel sad about a sin just read Psalm 51, it is short and to the point. Take into consideration the major sins that David committed, and yet had enough faith to know God would forgive him. David didnt know about Jesus, you do, hold on.