Are my wife and I really married?

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dizzy_dave

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When my wife and I got married I was a lifelong Catholic and she was a Protestant. We did not have a Mass at the wedding. I heard that when a Catholic marries a non Catholic you have to get a dispensation or you’re not considered to be married. Does anyone know anything about this? (My wife converted to Catholocism 10 months after we were married). Thank you
 
No one here is competent to answer a specific question about your personal marriage situation. You should make an appointment with your parish priest, give him all the facts about your marriage and sacramental status of both of you, and let him guide you.

Objectively any Catholic who marries outside the Church (that means, not a church building, but without following specific Catholic laws on marriage) is not validly married. In a case such as you describe that means, getting permission of the bishop to marry a non-Catholic, having the marriage witnessed by a priest or deacon, etc. It does not matter if you had a Mass, it matters if Church law was followed.😛

Discuss this with your wife. It should have been brought up at the time she became Catholic, because she would not have been allowed to be confirmed if she were in an invalid marriage at that time. It is quite like a convalidation was done quietly at that time before her confirmation. It is even more likely that your marriage was valid from its inception if it was witnessed by a Catholic priest.
 
dizzy_dave said:
When my wife and I got married I was a lifelong Catholic and she was a Protestant. We did not have a Mass at the wedding.
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Whether or not you have a Mass is irrelevant to validity of the marriage.

Validity for a Catholic depends upon following the canon law requirements for a valid marriage. This includes the premarital preparation by the priest, permission for a mixed marriage, and if you were to be married somewhere and by someone other than a Catholic priest this required a dispensation from form. Of course it also depends upon freedom to marry, you don’t specify any prior marriages on either party’s part.
dizzy_dave said:
I heard that when a Catholic marries a non Catholic you have to get a dispensation or you’re not considered to be married.
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If a Catholic marries a non-Catholic, baptized person they must obtain permission for a mixed marriage.

If a Catholic marries an unbaptized person, thye must receive a dispensation from disparity of cult.

If a Catholic wishes to marry the non-Catholic party in some venue other than the Catholic Church in Catholic form, they must obtain a dispensation from form.

All of this could have, and should have, been handled by the priest who prepared you for marriage.
dizzy_dave said:
. Does anyone know anything about this? (My wife converted to Catholocism 10 months after we were married). Thank you
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Go talk to your priest, and obtain verification via your sacramental records. If all of these things were somehow completely missed during your marriage preparation and/or her conversion, it can be remedied now via convalidation or sanation.

Go see your priest.
 
I just wondered if anyone else had heard this same thing before we went to the priest. We were married in a Catholic church by a Catholic priest. Thanks for your reply.
 
I never heard of your case before. Did the priest know your wife was not Catholic?

It is my understanding that if a Catholic wishes to marry a non-Catholic, they have to get a dispensation for disparity of cult. This needs to be signed by the bishop, the priest, and the Catholic party.

I don’t know if a Catholic Mass is required in addition to the wedding ceremony.

It sounds like you need to talk to your priest. If you find out that there was some kind of mix up, I think you can still get the dispensation form filled out and then renew your vows.
 
if you were married by a Priest in a Catholic Church then the Priest most likely got the dispensation of cult, otherwise he would not have been allowed to officiate the ceremony. check with him and see what was done, i’m sure he can show you the documentation and will be happy to explain the procedure

I would find it very strange if the priest had performed your wedding without this document knowing that your wife was a non-catholic
 
dizzy_dave said:
I just wondered if anyone else had heard this same thing before we went to the priest. We were married in a Catholic church by a Catholic priest. Thanks for your reply.
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It is very doubtful that the Church would miss the fact that your wife was not Catholic.

If in fact that Church made a mistake (no dispensation), I’d speak to to the priest about it…I have no idea what the Church would do in a case like this. I personally would insist on a radical sanation if a convalidation were necessary, since it would not be the fault of the couple.
 
dizzy_dave said:
I just wondered if anyone else had heard this same thing before we went to the priest. We were married in a Catholic church by a Catholic priest. Thanks for your reply.
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Could your priest have handled this dispensation without your being especially aware?
 
My mom and the priest are very close and he knew my wife was not Catholic at the time of our marriage.
I actually heard a talk show on Catholic radio last week that said if you married a non Catholic that you were supposed to have had a dispensation. We did not know anything about that at the time of our marriage and never signed any papers either.
We are planning on talking to a priest about this but like I said we were wondering if anyone else had this happen to them. We have been married for 15 years and the thought of not having a valid marriage is upsetting. Thanks
 
dizzy_dave said:
When my wife and I got married I was a lifelong Catholic and she was a Protestant. We did not have a Mass at the wedding. I heard that when a Catholic marries a non Catholic you have to get a dispensation or you’re not considered to be married. Does anyone know anything about this? (My wife converted to Catholocism 10 months after we were married). Thank you
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if you had a wedding then of course you are married legally…

to make it a wedding in the eyes of god just arrange to have a blessing service in your church:thumbsup:
 
dizzy_dave said:
When my wife and I got married I was a lifelong Catholic and she was a Protestant. We did not have a Mass at the wedding. I heard that when a Catholic marries a non Catholic you have to get a dispensation or you’re not considered to be married. Does anyone know anything about this? (My wife converted to Catholocism 10 months after we were married). Thank you
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You may be sure, that when your wife was accepted into the Catholic Church, the parish which accepted her checked the validity of your marriage. Mass is just some new rite for the wedding, traditionally (almost) everyone married w/o Mass.
 
dizzy_dave said:
I actually heard a talk show on Catholic radio last week that said if you married a non Catholic that you were supposed to have had a dispensation. We did not know anything about that at the time of our marriage and never signed any papers either.
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A dispensation from disparity of cult is required if the other party isn’t baptized. If they are baptized non-Catholic then it is permission for mixed marriage.

The priest takes care of the necessary paperwork during the premarial investigation. Talk to your priest if it will make you feel better. I think you are upset about nothing, however.
 
1ke said:
A dispensation from disparity of cult is required if the other party isn’t baptized. If they are baptized non-Catholic then it is permission for mixed marriage.

The priest takes care of the necessary paperwork during the premarial investigation. Talk to your priest if it will make you feel better. I think you are upset about nothing, however.
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I was the non-Catholic in a mixed marriage. Mass was not celebrated at our wedding (conducted in a Church, by a Priest). I was asked to provide proof of my baptism, which I got by writing the pastor at the church I grew up in.

Years later, when I went through RCIA, somewhat surprisingly to me, the priest was able to easily pull up our marriage records and find the letter about my baptism. The church office had kept the letter, and presumably other records pertaining to our marriage. I would expect similar in your case. Would be easy to ask.
 
JHow said:
I was the non-Catholic in a mixed marriage. Mass was not celebrated at our wedding (conducted in a Church, by a Priest). I was asked to provide proof of my baptism, which I got by writing the pastor at the church I grew up in.

Years later, when I went through RCIA, somewhat surprisingly to me, the priest was able to easily pull up our marriage records and find the letter about my baptism. The church office had kept the letter, and presumably other records pertaining to our marriage. I would expect similar in your case. Would be easy to ask.
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Any time a couple asks to get married a file is started with their first meeting with the priest. That file will contain their interviews, their baptismal certificates, the results of any tests like FOCUS, etc. If the couple required a dispensation that file is sent to the Bishop with the request so that he can review it and make his decision.

A dispensation is not something the couple requests; the priest requests the dispensation and has to tell the Bishop why he believes it should be granted – after all, he’s the one who knows them. I’m sure that many couples aren’t aware that the priest does any of this. The Bishop then returns the file after signing off on the dispensation section. This file remains in the parish in case it should be needed.
 
dizzy_dave said:
My mom and the priest are very close and he knew my wife was not Catholic at the time of our marriage.
I actually heard a talk show on Catholic radio last week that said if you married a non Catholic that you were supposed to have had a dispensation. We did not know anything about that at the time of our marriage and never signed any papers either.
We are planning on talking to a priest about this but like I said we were wondering if anyone else had this happen to them. We have been married for 15 years and the thought of not having a valid marriage is upsetting. Thanks
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You are not the one who requests a dispensation, the priest who is preparing you for the marriage does that.

Was your wife baptized at the time? If she was, it’s possible that the priest didn’t even have to ask for permission from the Bishop. Here the priest is the one who grants permission, the bishops have delegated that to them.

As for signing papers, you likely had a couple of things pushed at you across the desk at the initial interview that you signed without even realizing it. The couple is usually interviewed, separately, under oath and once they’ve answered all the questions they sign the forms to indicate that they have answered truthfully. He would also have had you promise to do everything in your power to have your children baptized Catholic and raised in the faith – sometimes that’s a verbal promise, sometimes you sign a paper to indicate that you agree with that.
 
Since you did not need a dispensation and since the pastor most likely was in charge of giving permission there was really no need for the priest to say anything to you about dispensations and permission.
 
Really? That was a serious question? Someone Please explain to me how church law has anything to do with it? Seriously I don’t get it. Trying to understand this Catholic thing and for the life of me Church law baffles me. Where did they come up with an entire set of laws that have no relation so far as I can tell to the Bible - any Bible?:confused:
 
Beagleblue said:
Really? That was a serious question? Someone Please explain to me how church law has anything to do with it? Seriously I don’t get it. Trying to understand this Catholic thing and for the life of me Church law baffles me. Where did they come up with an entire set of laws that have no relation so far as I can tell to the Bible - any Bible?:confused:
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the laws concerning marriage are indeed based on the bible, beginning with the account of the creation of man and woman in Genesis, building on the commandments, and Christ’s explicit instruction on marriage. If you believe, as Catholics do, that he founded a Church on earth upon the apostles and invested her with his authority over the law, protected by the Holy Spirit, then you accept her authority to regulate marriages of her members.

OP has no problem, he simply either forgot or was not explicitly told, or did not think to ask, about the issue at the time of his marriage. He is fine.
 
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