Problem: I am 17 years old, just graduated from high school., and in my first year at college. I donāt want to get married until I am at least 20, if then. I would like to go out with different boys now and then, but I donāt want to be tied down to steady company-keeping. This seems to be all but impossible today. If I am seen at a party with a certain young man, no one else will ask me for a date unless it becomes publicly known that I have broken up with that particular boy. In other words, if you go out once or twice with a certain boy, everybody else seems to think you are already bound to that person for good. Do I have to either give up dating boys entirely, or else stick to one during my whole college career?
Solution: We have heard complaints about this unfortunate social condition repeatedly. It is not a healthy thing at all. It is even responsible for some unhappy marriages because the young people involved had little chance to become acquainted with anybody but the first partner they happened to take out.
The responsibility for this situation may be traced to the fact that there is so much exclusive dating and regular company-keeping among the very young, even in the early years of high school. Some school authorities and even parents seem to think nothing of permitting freshmen and sophomore high school students to have their āsteady dates.ā Since that is so common, it is natural that many young people should feel that by the time a person reaches college, he or she must have a āsteadyā, or must want to make a āsteadyā of the first partner that comes along.
If you really are serious about not wanting to get married for several years, and about making the most of your chance at education, the best thing by all odds would be to do very little dating. If you go out often, even with different persons, you may find yourself in love before you know it, no matter what different plans you have laid. Giving up dates, which should not be too difficult for a 17 year old freshman, would obviate all your worries about people taking it for granted that you are all but engaged when you go out with a boy. If you do accept a few dates, you should courageously ābuckā the tradition that you have to stick to one partner. Let each boy know that you are not starting anything by going out with him; that you shall remain free to accept dates from others; and that you are not going to let anyone ārushā you.
Taken from Questions Young People Ask Before Marriage by Donald F. Miller, C.SS.R.
Basicly there is no exclusivity until someone asks to marry you and you accept, ie. exclusivity does not need to start until you are engaged.
