Are retreats worth the time

[1Lord1Faith]

The only person I’ve ever shared a room with on retreat is The Husband. In all other circumstances, I want to be alone. If I can’t be, then I don’t go. It’s a deal-breaker for me.

I’ve heard some people say the same thing. So many in fact that I’m left scratching my head. I don’t get it. It’s a retreat not a permanent living situation.

On the other hand, I’ve slept next to people who snore loudly, and it’s hard to get to sleep. But I’ve nevertheless enjoyed the experience of living closely with others for a small period of time.

 

[tafan2]

Count me as one more person who would consider it a deal breaker.

 

[blackforest]

Guidance is great. But it’s hard to know what kind of “guidance” I get until I’ve signed my check and rolled out my sleeping bag. If you can recommend some good ones, I’m all ears. And all earplugs. For the snoring.

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

One of my favorite retreats is to go out to the abbey and hang with the monks. A few days of following their rhythms of prayer, silence, Mass, perhaps some reading or a walk around in nature is revitalizing.

 

[tafan2]

I believe that the idea its hard to know the kind of guidance one will get ahead of time is another unfortunate side effect of the Curscillo, ACT, etc style retreats. I will likely attend an Opus Dei retreat in the next couple of years, they are very open about what its like. Of course, I attend their monthly evenings of recollection now, so I am familiar. But outside of those secretive ones, I think most Catholic orders and such will be very open in telling you what the focus will be and what its like.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

I’m still trying to figure out where to go on retreat. I was hoping to do it next month, but that looks less likely since I might be losing my spiritual director.

I’m really apprehensive about having my first retreat be unguided, but I’m also really apprehensive about a guided retreat being less than orthodox or requiring a lot more extroversion than my introverted self can take. I get anxious in malls for crying out loud. I have to be able to withdraw and recover when I get overwhelmed or I just shut down.

 

[PetraG]

My experience is that your retreat may not have the reason you thought it had when you started, but you want to have a reason you are there. They aren’t magic. They’re work. There is interior upheaval involved. A lot of people I know understandably get very tired and take spectacularly long naps while they’re on retreat. If you’re ready for it, though, dedicating a large block of time to your spiritual life without the distractions of the rest of your state in life and your usual ways of relaxing can (paradoxically) be rejuvenating. It is kind of like the effect of pulling over, stretching your legs and getting your bearings when you’re on a long trip. It can totally change your journey, and it can do that even when it doesn’t change the direction you’re going. Obviously, though, it doesn’t necessarily work that way when you “pull over” and without knowing why you were pulling over or if you don’t deliberately choose a suitable place and time to do it, taking your particular situation into account.

 

[LisaB]

Guidance is great. But it’s hard to know what kind of “guidance” I get until I’ve signed my check and rolled out my sleeping bag. If you can recommend some good ones, I’m all ears. And all earplugs. For the snoring.

I would recommend the retreats preached by Miles Christi, if the location works for you. They are solidly orthodox.

 

[blackforest]

I have to be able to withdraw and recover when I get overwhelmed or I just shut down.

That’s one of the factors that scared me away from Cursillo. I asked if I could bring a book and my knitting, and my sponsor-to-be just laughed and laughed . . . . Apparently you’re not allowed a waking minute to yourself on those.

The lack of structure and guidance doesn’t have to be intimidating. The first thing I did when I got to my room was sleep - a rich, long daytime nap that a busy mama like me never gets. I read a biography of St. Francis. I went to Adoration. I spent additional time in the chapel. At sundown, I fixed a bread-and-soup dinner in the kitchen, (I’d been fasting that day), and then knitted for awhile in silence. (Prayer can be as much about listening as talking). I read again and went to bed early.

Another thought: I might look into some of those day-time retreats that allow you to go home at night. It’s easier to “bail” if it gets too smothering or overwhelming. Then the only snorer I’d have to hear at night is my husband. And unlike a randomly assigned bunkmate, he’s kind of cute when he snores.

 

[po18guy]

Like adult diapers, it Depends. The nature of the retreat should address either a lack in your spiritual life, or a hunger. Who is teaching/preaching the retreat is less important, but still a consideration. At what venue? Some are more conducive to prayer and reflection than others.

You might go to the website of the retreat center and read the reviews and comments if they are posted. Years back, I attended a silent retreat and found it valuable. There is far too little silence in our world, in our faith.

With a little due diligence and pre-planning, I think that you will both benefit from it as well as look back on it with appreciation.

 

[UpUpAndAway]

I’ve heard some people say the same thing. So many in fact that I’m left scratching my head. I don’t get it. It’s a retreat not a permanent living situation.

On the other hand, I’ve slept next to people who snore loudly, and it’s hard to get to sleep. But I’ve nevertheless enjoyed the experience of living closely with others for a small period of time.

I suppose it depends upon individual circumstances. When I’m on a silent, individually guided retreat, solitude is a central part of the experience—so much so that the retreat center I go to for these retreats only offers single accommodation. Even married couples who come on retreat there must stay in separate rooms.

All of the retreats I’ve been on except one have been individual, silent and either guided or unguided. Being on one’s own is a key feature of the experience. A group retreat in which fellowship and human interaction is a principal component is a different situation, one that lends itself better to accommodation sharing, but that’s rarely been what I’m looking for on retreat. Others are, and that’s great. I’m glad such retreats are available for them. I’m also glad the individual retreats with private rooms are available for people like me. It’s all good.

I don’t scratch my head at other people’s retreat preferences. We are all different, in different places on the spiritual path, and have different challenges in opening up to the Holy Spirit and thus growing closer to God.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

The lack of structure and guidance doesn’t have to be intimidating. The first thing I did when I got to my room was sleep - a rich, long daytime nap that a busy mama like me never gets. I read a biography of St. Francis. I went to Adoration. I spent additional time in the chapel. At sundown, I fixed a bread-and-soup dinner in the kitchen, (I’d been fasting that day), and then knitted for awhile in silence. (Prayer can be as much about listening as talking). I read again and went to bed early.

I’m mulling it over. I have found a monastery for this private retreat. It certainly sounds better than a guided retreat where I’d have to be “on” the whole time.

I think a lot of people don’t realize how stressful social events are for those who are truly Introverted.

 

[HopkinsReb]

I have trying to decide whether or not to attend a Catholic retreat in the future.
Most of the retreats I have seen call for a person to devote three days and two nights away from home.
It is hard to work around my work schedule. But doable.
I am interested in the experience of you CAF brothers and sisters who have attended a retreat in recent years. What was your experience?

I can’t speak from experience, but I can speak from desire, as I’m planning to do a silent retreat this summer at a nearby abbey.

Life in DC is so fast-paced and stressful, I can’t wait for a weekend of silence and contemplation. I rarely get five minutes of either – and I don’t even have kids yet.

 

[DisorientingSneeze]

I’m going on a silent mini retreat this Saturday. Mini= no overnight. I’d love more than one day of silence but with the ages of our kids right now, I’ll take what I can get. I’m so excited. Silence! What’s that?

 

[CelticWarlord]

What was your experience?

I have taken many personal retreats to a monastery about 90 miles from where I live. I highly recommend the experience. I had no set schedule or a plan of things I wanted to do other than just be there and attend some of the sung prayers. The rest of the time I spent reading or walking. Every trip has been an outstanding time for me.

 

[Horton]

That’s one of the factors that scared me away from Cursillo. I asked if I could bring a book and my knitting, and my sponsor-to-be just laughed and laughed . . . . Apparently you’re not allowed a waking minute to yourself on those.

Actually you are given quiet time in Cursillo. Time to visit the chapel if you want to pray, to go to your room and sleep or read, or just some quiet time for reflection.

For those who have never done a Cursillo it’s not really fair to disparage them just because you are unwilling to do one yourself. Giving others advice about a retreat you are negative about but have never tried isn’t very charitable.

 

[Horton]

Retreats are not “social events”, they are retreats. No one is required to be “on”. It’s not a party, it a time to relax and let God work in you. In every retreat I’ve been to I get much better results if I get myself out of the way and let God work.
re·treat
/rəˈtrēt/
3. a quiet or secluded place in which one can rest and relax.
synonyms: refuge, haven, resort, asylum, sanctuary, sanctum sanctorum; *
** a period of seclusion for the purposes of prayer and meditation.
“the bishop is away on his annual retreat”
synonyms:seclusion, withdrawal, retirement, solitude, isolation, hiding, privacy, sanctuary.

 

[blackforest]

It’s neither advice nor disparagement. Cursillo would not be a good match for me personally based on what my own sponsor described. My sponsor was supportive and understanding when I backed out. It is interesting that your experience with Cursillo was so radically different than my sponsor’s. But this isn’t something to take personally.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I have considered doing a silent retreat or any other one where you spend the time mostly on your own or with a spiritual director, and the focus is on “prayer, not share”. I have not actually done this yet. It’s a “bucket list for the future” thing.

I personally don’t want to engage in ANY retreat that involves a lot of group sharing, being run from pillar to post with a schedule of activities, getting up way early, or “surprises”. I am an only child, was always pretty solitary, and having to spend enforced “group time” without significant personal break time, in any activity, drives me nuts. The closest I have come to that in years is when husband and I did our Pre-Cana weekend decades ago; it was a series of group meetings with a little time for personal reflection and breaks to discuss as a couple. Before that, in high school, I did a group retreat with a bunch of girls from my class, as it was required by the school. It didn’t go well and I didn’t enjoy it and don’t ever want to do that again.

Oh, and the fewer “rules” the better, for me. Reasonable rules excepted of course.
“No talking after lights out” = fine
“Don’t bring a book or your knitting or your cell phone” = are you kidding me? Not fine.

 

[mrsdizzyd]

it a time to relax and let God work in you.

For some of us, it isn’t possible to “relax” and “let God work” if we are constantly being bombarded with things that require social interaction (unless we are allowed to retreat and regroup). Instead of focusing on God, we focus on meeting the social obligation of the experience. It takes real concerted effort. That’s what I mean by “on”.

I don’t mean “social” in terms is casual socializing at a party. Of course a retreat is not a party. Of course it is something designed for our spiritual growth. When I say “social”, I mean “social” in terms of the act of interpersonal communication.

If you don’t have this struggle, I can understand why you can’t relate to what I am saying. For you it is natural/just a fact of life. I just ask that you accept that what I am talking about is a real issue for many many people in this world.