Are some people not meant to find love?

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scapularkid8

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I’m 19, a guy, and I’ve never kissed a girl or had a girlfriend. It’s kinda upsetting because I know that I’m not unattractive and I’m not a boring person in the least. Am I just meant to be single forever and never find someone?
 
You are very young. God will let you know when the time is right for love. That is if God wills for you to be married. It may just be that this time of confusion is a way of God wanting you to have this longing as a means of purification. A way for you to grow in spiritual maturity in a time when lust and immorality, not to mention the incurable diseases that are a consequence of it, is the name of the game in this world.

It’s an ugly truth, so consider yourself very fortunate that you value your innocence, and keep abandoning all your worries into God’s hands. He loves you.
 
How’s it going, scapularkid8. I saw this thread and it broke my heart a little bit. 😦 Every guy has been where you are. And one day we met a girl and started kissing and we wondered what we were so worried about in the first place.

I’m going to resist going into lecture mode, but I want to say a few things that may or may not be true for you, but they are true for a good many people, so just think about it.
  1. A friend of mine once theorized that **every guy has at least 5 girls at any given moment that have a crush on him and he doesn’t even know it. Keep an eye out for girls that you catch looking at you, but turn away when they notice you looking back. There are at least 5, and you probably already know 2 of them.
  2. What does a woman really want? If you believe Chaucer, the answer is “sovereignty,” but really that’s only when you get married. 😃
  3. Another friend of mine said that what a woman really wants in a man is Christ. The problem is that many girls your age don’t know that that’s what they really want, or they don’t want to want that even though they do, which can be positively infuriating. So they date the apes and hang the Man of God out to dry. It can feel like a kind of martyrdom.
Here’s the good and bad news all rolled into one: being a disciple of Christ, especially in today’s world, sets you apart from the crowd. Also, you’ve said that you’re discerning a vocation, and girls can sense that. There also might be something that you’re doing unconsciously that sends out a vibe that says “I’m not sure who I am yet–give me space.” Lots of variables to consider there.

I assume that you probably over-think things (like me, like many contemplative men). College-age guys often just go where the wind blows them, and girls mistake that for confidence, when really it’s just obliviousness. Girls just fall into their laps and they could care less. But you are not that guy. You play by a higher set of rules, so you’re going to have to be patient and trust in God’s Will. But in the meantime, there are 5 girls out there right now who are praying to God that you will notice them and come over and say “Hi. I’m scapularkid8. Weren’t we in SOC102 together last semester? Hey, what are you reading there…”
 
Conversely, **every girl has about 182 guys that have a crush on them **(give or take) **at any given moment of which they are accutely aware, and only 7 of them are remotely close to being able to commit to a relationship, and of those 7 only **1.394 **are brave enough to start up a conversation. 😃
 
Nom_the_Wise said:
Conversely, **every girl has about 182 guys that have a crush on them **(give or take) **at any given moment of which they are *accutely ***aware, and only 7 of them are remotely close to being able to commit to a relationship, and of those 7 only **1.394 **are brave enough to start up a conversation. 😃
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What kind of Statistics course teaches these figures?? haha
 
Every man is made for love. Every man is called to love. Every vocation of man is founded on, sustained by, and oriented to love. And God is love.
 
We are supposed to love God first and foremost. I would rather be a life long celibate, like I am currently and will be till death, than be with the person I married. I also subjected a child to this person and will struggle till the end to teach my child the correct way to love God, neighbor, and a spouse, amidst the worst of nominal religiosity. Just because you love someone doesn’t mean someone doesn’t want to use your love for their own selfish desires. Trust in God and date, that is what it is for. 2 years minimum and look closely for red flags.
 
Take heart…up until about 2 months ago I was hearing the same message from my 25 year old son. But I believe that he has found his true love…she was right there, working with him for the past 2 years. They had a great friendship (which I believe is the best basis for love) and never saw each other as being anything but friends until the right moments came along. They are like to halves of a whole! Best of all she’s 5’10", a good compliment to his 6’6".
Just remember, you are young, give God time. He will lead you where you are supposed to be!
 
scapularkid8 said:
I’m 19, a guy, and I’ve never kissed a girl or had a girlfriend. It’s kinda upsetting because I know that I’m not unattractive and I’m not a boring person in the least. Am I just meant to be single forever and never find someone?
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Only if you have a calling to a vocation that requires celibacy, which of course is possible.

But, otherwise, don’t worry. I didn’t have a real girlfriend until I was 25. My wife never had a boyfriend before we met (she was 28, I was 33).

God Bless
 
Earnest_Bunbury said:
2 years minimum and look closely for red flags.
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I wholeheartedly agree with this. In fact, I feel that if someone is as committed to you as you are to them, the norm should be to wait four years before marriage.

St. Gianna Molla knew her husband for less than a year before they married; but given that this is a saint we’re talking about, she definitely had the wisdom and faith to know who she was getting involved with!
 
Tiny issue: I’m not attracted to women!

…maybe I should have mentioned that 😃
 
scapularkid8 said:
Tiny issue: I’m not attracted to women!

…maybe I should have mentioned that 😃
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Well, that could be an indication of a calling to a celibate vocation.

I’ve heard of many people who were called to the religious life say they were just never interested in dating. Not that they had any disordered attractions, just their interests led elsewhere; i.e. to the religious life.

God Bless
 
Musicadmirer said:
I wholeheartedly agree with this. In fact, I feel that if someone is as committed to you as you are to them, the norm should be to wait four years before marriage.

St. Gianna Molla knew her husband for less than a year before they married; but given that this is a saint we’re talking about, she definitely had the wisdom and faith to know who she was getting involved with!
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I strongly disagree with dating 4 (or even 2) years, unless the couple is very young.

Once people are in their 20’s, I think 6mos-1 year of dating, and a 6 mo. engagement is more that ample. Waiting longer just encourages sin, and lack of committment (which is rampant nowdays).

For my wife and I, we went from first meeting to marriage in just shy of 11 mos. I knew she was the one within 3 mos. When you know you know.

God Bless
 
If one keeps having an “I can’t” or “I won’t ever” type attitude about it they might miss out on their blessings. Gotta have faith in God and leave it in His hands. Don’t let anyone tell you or make you feel like your doomed to be single or anything like that because again with it you got to trust in God not in man. Don’t trust into personal opinions and all that because God knows your path not us. Follow your heart man and keep God first. Hope this helps! 👍
 
scapularkid8 said:
I’m 19, a guy, and I’ve never kissed a girl or had a girlfriend. It’s kinda upsetting because I know that I’m not unattractive and I’m not a boring person in the least. Am I just meant to be single forever and never find someone?
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That makes two of us
 
hxcCatholic413 said:
That makes two of us
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Three.

Ok, so I’m a girl. And I’m nearly 18.

Don’t tell me I’m still young. I know that! I’m tired of hearing it!

I just have a hard time trusting God, you know? That’s probably one of the things I struggle with the most. I just wish I knew my vocation…I would be open to whatever God has planned, but it would heal my heart a whole lot faster and easier if I didn’t have to guess. Know what I mean?

Of course, it doesn’t help that I’m a hopeless romantic anyways. :o
 
abort73catholic said:
Three.

Ok, so I’m a girl. And I’m nearly 18.

Don’t tell me I’m still young. I know that! I’m tired of hearing it!

I just have a hard time trusting God, you know? That’s probably one of the things I struggle with the most. I just wish I knew my vocation…I would be open to whatever God has planned, but it would heal my heart a whole lot faster and easier if I didn’t have to guess. Know what I mean?

Of course, it doesn’t help that I’m a hopeless romantic anyways. :o
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I know how you feel on that and it’s a hard struggle. Just keep in mind that He knows your heart and He’s there even when you don’t think so. I’ll keep you and everyone on here in my prayers. :grouphug:
 
scapularkid8 said:
I’m 19, a guy, and I’ve never kissed a girl or had a girlfriend. It’s kinda upsetting because I know that I’m not unattractive and I’m not a boring person in the least. Am I just meant to be single forever and never find someone?
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This is EXACTLY the situation I’m in. I’m a 19-year-old girl who has never been asked out on a date or kissed. I’ve had plenty of crushes, but they never amounted to anything. I don’t consider myself to be unattractive…and I think I’m a good person. It’s just so frustrating nowadays, I guess. I can assure you that the type of guy that good girls want to marry is the one who follows Christ. To me, there is nothing more attractive than someone who genuinely loves and obeys the Lord, no matter what society says to the contrary. That takes courage and commitment. Just keep trusting God, and He will reward your patience and faith. We’re young, and a lot can happen - especially when we’ve got God our side. It’s not easy, but I’m sure it will be well worth the wait.
 
abort73catholic said:
Of course, it doesn’t help that I’m a hopeless romantic anyways. :o
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Me too! I’m a hopeless romantic, and it’s killing me, lol. I see all my friends develop these serious relationships, and I guess I’m just wondering when it will be my turn.
 
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