Are we wrong?

[OutinChgoburbs]

JeffAustralia:

It’s up to you both entirely. If you feel like being kind and forgiving? Then of course this is a good thing, and very Christian of you. If you can avoid feeling anger and resentment toward him, then you’re doing very well. BUT remember that you need to honour your marriage and your Church. If you DO invite him, you need to make some conditions very clear. Insist that he shows respect for your marriage by behaving respecfully, and assure him that he’ll be given his marching orders well and truly if he plays up. To do any less would be to do your marriage and your Church a disservice.

Exactly. But if she feels as if she is being impinged upon in any way, or that her Faith is being insulted, she should NOT be forced to invite him, or even see him again.

 

[SemperJase]

Roman_Catholic:

He said that she was asking to far in advance and to ask him again when the wedding got closer because as of right now he wasnt sure if he wanted to go. He said that right now he wouldnt know the person that would be getting married because she is so different than the daughter he knew.

My advice hasn’t changed. From your original post it seems you describe the same behavior from her father that you state here.

I ask again, why would you want him at the wedding? More importantly why would she want him at the wedding?

I think you would do your fiance a great service by not pressuring her to keep trying to have a relationship with this man. Your heart was in the right place. It would be good if they could mend their relationship. At this point he has made it clear that the relationship you want for them is not possible.

She should first stop allowing herself to be manipulated by agreeing to his demands that you can never be with her in his presence.

As for the wedding, let it drop for now. It is possible that a year from now the reality that his daughter is getting married may help give him a change of heart so that he wants to be there. At this far away time it is just a theoretical possibility to him and therefore he doesn’t have to treat the idea seriously.

She made the comment to me that maybe it would be better to sever ties altogether for the sake of her faith. I didnt know what to say, frankly I am at a loss of words and am tired of the whole situation with her father.

My impression from all this is that you would like to fix the problem. That is just how we men are. But you can’t fix it. Stop encouraging her to see this abusive man. He hasn’t shown any indication he will change. You and your fiance can be charitable and let him know you are open if he ever wants to share your life, but until that time there is no use on trying to force the issue.

Should we ask again closer to the wedding,

If he has a change of heart, yes. If he still disapproves of you as her husband he should not be invited. I’m still interested in why she would want him there if he is treating both of you this way? What purpose would it serve?

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

I noticed this thread after you said you had left it so I didn’t answer. In case you still are taking advice, my thought is: with his behavior it certainly wouldn’t be objectively wrong for her to not invite him. But if she is torn, or really thinks she might regret that someday, what about a conditional invitation? It could be worded something like this:

“You’re my Dad, and of course I want you at my wedding. But if you refuse to acknowledge the groom, and show me nothing but disrespect for my faith, then how can I have you there, and for that matter, why would you want to go? After all, it is a Catholic ceremony, cleaving me to this man. If you are willing to meet and accept this man as my future husband, and if you are willing to not mock my faith at the ceremony and reception, then I would be honored to have you there.”