Are we your "friends"?

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GladTidings said:
Would you say it is easy for you to, “make friends” with others and do things with them outside of work, church, etc.?
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Oh, no. It’s very difficult. But it’s easier when everyone has their context.

“This” is the group of people at church. OK, I need to contribute. OK, I’ll teach Sunday School. Voila, I’m now talking to kids, their parents, the other teachers. I’m active. Heck, I’ll sing in choir, too. OK, so now I’m talking to all the musicians, and the other choir members. It’s not like I’m going to invite them over to my house to play Monopoly, but they depend on me, and we have a good working relationship.

“This” is the group of people at work. OK, I can’t be a turtle. “Hey, today the canteen has mushroom and swiss burgers. Want to come along?” or “Wow, you look stressed. Is everything okay?” or “I’m going down to Reprographics to go pick up some stuff. Do you need anything while I’m there?” Again, our demands on each other pretty much ends when we clock out… but for those nine or so hours every day, we have a cordial relationship.

“This” is the group of people in the hobby. “Hey, do you need a hand with that?” or “I’m going to [place] afterwards for dinner before I go home. Do you want to come along?” or “Wow, I remember how things were a year ago. You’ve really made a lot of progress in [thing].” This is the one that has the most potential for growth, especially if your hobby involves any coordination on projects of one sort or another.

I really opened up when I was in a leadership position within my hobby. Not only did my leadership role put me in the position of giving public recognition and appreciation for everyone else’s contributions of x, y, and z, but it also made me rely on other people working behind the scenes. And it’s very humbling to know that people go through that time and expense to help make things smooth for you. You can’t just be stand-offish in that situation.

But in general, my pattern is to open a conversation-- and then be the listener, and contribute enough to keep the talk going and make the time pass. People like having the attention, and never seem to either care or notice that most of my dialogue is either encouraging noises or questions meant to encourage them to keep on going. They very rarely try to balance the talk-time by asking me for my perspective on anything… and as an introvert, that’s okay. 🙂
 
GladTidings said:
I’m not saying I have an overwhelming need to have real life friends. I have a wife, kids, three cats, and a dog. As well as work and church friends.

Also, my point was how face to face human interaction seems to be disappearing.
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Could it be that you expect a good deal more from your friends than your parents do?

The other question is how much you expect yourself to be a friend. Being a friend isn’t always finding someone you can be totally “yourself” with, if that means being so wrapped up in the way you like to act and the things you like to say or hear that you can’t be bothered to change the way you act in order to provide a sensitive friend to someone else or to lift their burdens by socializing with you.

On the other hand, if you’re just an introvert, you’re fine with putting yourself out for others but just don’t want to share your own burdens with anybody but your wife, your confessor and maybe your pets, there isn’t anything necessarily wrong with that.
 
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PetraG said:
Could it be that you expect a good deal more from your friends than your parents do?
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Good question, but, no, I don’t think so.
PetraG said:
On the other hand, if you’re just an introvert,
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Bingo. I am introverted, but sometimes I would like to have a close friend to share common interests, activities, without worrying about hearing a string of swears, complaints about women, etc.
 
Yes! I know exactly what you mean. I’ve also noticed that my parents have more friends than I do- and a very active social life- whereas my husband and I don’t.
 
Oh yeah I can really tell you have a lot of friends.
 
I love my middle school students, even the boys, but we can’t be “friends.” And that’s okay. They’re only welcome in my classroom at lunch if I invite them. Like my football players.
There’s another teacher or two I’m friendly with but other than that–who has time? I need my solitude, my study time, my time with God
 
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This is true of a lot of us who don’t have children either. I have a job, I’m dealing with/ have dealt with deaths, estate matters, elder care and looking after a number of animals. I don’t have time for people who make drama or are having a meltdown over little or nothing every two days.
 
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