Arguing because of money

[jmcrae]

I am SOOOOOOOOOO mad!! The man finally contacted us and he’s telling us that he’ll only pay us the amount that the bounced check was for, and that any other charges weren’t his responsibility!!! I’m short $1490 because of this person not having enough funds and now he’s telling us tough luck!!!

Of course it’s his responsibility - what makes him think he can get away with writing bad cheques?

I’d be spitting nails by now, if I were you - I think it’s time for you to call a collections agency - maybe the sight of a big beefy debt collector on his doorstep will cause him to smarten up.

I’d also call his bank manager and let them know what’s going on. I bet they’ll review his credit rating, if they find out about this.

 

[yessisan]

Of course it’s his responsibility - what makes him think he can get away with writing bad cheques?

I’d be spitting nails by now, if I were you - I think it’s time for you to call a collections agency - maybe the sight of a big beefy debt collector on his doorstep will cause him to smarten up.

I’d also call his bank manager and let them know what’s going on. I bet they’ll review his credit rating, if they find out about this.

I just don’t know what to do. The fees the bank is charging us are ridiculous. I mean, $35 per transaction since the time we deposited that check. Minus all the deposits we made… it’s too much money for us. That’s over 2 wks of pay for me.

I don’t want to go agaist DH, but it certainly isn’t fair. It’s our money, it was for us to pay the bills. I was even counting on the extra money we were going to have left over to send in both installments of our property taxes so we didn’t have to worry about them in Feb again.

How can I contact a collection’s agency? I don’t know what to do. I don’t have money to pay for an attorney… I need to pay so much stuff right now… I don’t want to lose the only car we actually own. It took me lots of pain to pay it off. I got it when I was a FT student in college and got it paid off right after I married DH.

I’m getting so depressed.

 

[jmcrae]

I just don’t know what to do. The fees the bank is charging us are ridiculous. I mean, $35 per transaction since the time we deposited that check. Minus all the deposits we made… it’s too much money for us. That’s over 2 wks of pay for me.

Yes - bank fees are extremely high, these days.

I don’t want to go agaist DH, but it certainly isn’t fair. It’s our money, it was for us to pay the bills. I was even counting on the extra money we were going to have left over to send in both installments of our property taxes so we didn’t have to worry about them in Feb again.

No, it’s not fair at all - your husband deserves his wages, and he deserves them on time, in full. There is even a special curse in the Old Testament for employers who withhold employee wages; did you know that? (I can’t remember where it is off-hand, but it says something like, “Woe to him who withholds from the worker his due.”)

How can I contact a collection’s agency?

They should be in the Yellow Pages. (Call the Better Business Bureau to make sure the one you pick has a good reputation. Also ask them for references, and call the references.) They will charge a percentage of the amount that they collect. Don’t use anyone who asks you to pay up front.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t have money to pay for an attorney… I need to pay so much stuff right now… I don’t want to lose the only car we actually own. It took me lots of pain to pay it off. I got it when I was a FT student in college and got it paid off right after I married DH.

I’m getting so depressed.

You have my sympathies, and you are in my prayers. My husband and I had similar trouble a few years back, with an employer who didn’t want to pay. It’s miserable, because you hate to bring up the subject, but at the same time, you are doing a job for which you expect to get paid.

 

[vester444]

Ok. Deep breath. Take a deep breath.

You need to sit down with your husband and CALMLY explain to him that this is no longer a money issue.

yes. you read that right.

This is a trust issue. A security issue. A marital issue.

It no longer matters if this employer will pay fees, or not. Or whether or not his next check will or wont bounce.

You FEEL as if you are telling your husband what you NEED in order to feel safe, and secure (both financially and emotionally) and he is not giving you what you need. You need for him to make decisions that will make you feel safe as a wife. That will make you feel that you can TRUST him as the head of the home. Men CRAVE that responsibility, and he is probably sinking hoping that this employer will do right so that he will then be the hero as your husband.

Tell your husband that he can become your hero right now. He needs to quit this job immediately and find other employment - I dont care if its waiting tables or delivering pizzas. He needs to do something and RIGHT NOW to show you that he is taking responsibility for the situation you are in and that he is FIXING IT.

Men love to FIX things…tell him he CAN fix this. Tell him that you need his help. That you cant do this without him.

He needs to hear that from you. That you still believe in him. That this can get better and he has THE POWER to do it - right now.

I guarantee if you approach it like this you will get a better reaction than if you yell and scream or get mad at him.

He wants things to be better too, trust me.

You just need to tell him that while its scary to quit, the alternative is much scarier to you.

Good luck…

Vester

 

[duskyjewel]

You don’t need an attorney. This amount goes to small claims court (the overdraft fees, since he only refused to pay those).

You should contact the local district attorney and ask to file charges against this person. Bouncing checks is illegal, and the amount he has stiffed you on may be enough for a felony charge. Tell DH that you are dealing with this legally whether he likes it or not. Your husband is not dealing with reality, this person is royally screwing your family, and if your husband won’t be man enough to stand up and take care of it, then you have to!

You said it yourself… you can’t even feed your family without great difficulty because of this, and your husband doesn’t want you to take it to extremes?

 

[brittrossiter]

You’ve been getting a lot of inconsistent advice, not all of which I agree with.

First, breathe.

Second, do not hand over responsibilities for the bills to your husband. You need to work on “the bills” together, as husband and wife, and you need to be on the same page when it comes to money priorities. If you can’t get on the same page (e.g., whether or not to chase after your DH’s deadbeat creditor), then you have a marriage problem more than a money problem and should talk to your priest RIGHT NOW.

Third, a lot of your larger issues appear to be the result of disorganization and lack of planning. Overdrafts don’t happen unless you try to spend money that’s not there. You won’t ever try to spend money that’s not there if you’ve planned and budgeted ahead of time. That’s what your DH and you need to be doing on an ongoing basis - together. Do a budget for every paycheck, every pay period, forever. It works.

Fourth, I agree with you on the collection issue. You don’t need a lawyer and you don’t need to hire a collection agency. All you need to do is file a small claims lawsuit in small claims court. The filing fee is usually less than $40 and as long as you can provide your proof to the small claims judge you should win. If the guy truly does have thousands lying in a bank account, you can garnish said account to satisfy the judgment when you win. (I’m a lawyer, by the way, so I’m not just blowing smoke.)

Fifth, until you can get caught up, cut your budget as tight as you possibly can and concentrate on paying just the essentials (food, rent/mortgage, car gas, heat, lights, etc.) before anything else gets paid. If that means you have to cash your paycheck at the grocery store instead of the bank so the bank doesn’t snag their “fees,” then that’s what you do. If that means that some credit card doesn’t get paid, that’s fine too. When it comes to things like that, it’s far more important to keep your family fed and the heat on than to keep some credit card collector from calling. Once you and your DH can get above water and breathe again, then those other people can be dealt with.

Most important of all, pray, pray, and pray even harder. Money issues can be the downfall of many couples. Consider a devotion to St. Jude, given the desperate nature of your situation. I will certainly keep you and your DH in my prayers. He is and shall be.

 

[yessisan]

Third, a lot of your larger issues appear to be the result of disorganization and lack of planning. Overdrafts don’t happen unless you try to spend money that’s not there. You won’t ever try to spend money that’s not there if you’ve planned and budgeted ahead of time. That’s what your DH and you need to be doing on an ongoing basis - together. Do a budget for every paycheck, every pay period, forever. It works.

I agree with everything you said but this part. I had enough money in the bank, and had saving in the bank, I also have a CD account. We were paid our wages, so we thought we had money after 6 business days of the deposit, since DH had deposited 2 more items in cash inside the bank, and the receipt they gave him showed we had about $2000 available. I went ahead, thinking his check was cleared, and paid our bills, (the house mortgage had already been paid), we bought food, paid the health insurance monthly bill, paid car insurance… none of these bounced. Then, I got another bill from the insurance telling me they didn’t receive the money when it’s an automatic thing done by our bank, and I was going to print the proof. In 2 days of me not checking the bank account online, all the money was gone. We were supposed to have $1200 left. The bank charged overdraft fees for ALL transactions since the deposit of DH’s check and all the payments I had done were already paid for by the bank. They charged about $500 in fees, and took all my savings from my saving account to cover some of it. My saving’s account is just to pay for my taxes, so I deposit some there every pay period. That was gone too! I was Saturday afternoon so the banks were already closed. I couldn’t even get money out of the CD. The CD money is supposed to be for our property taxes, and for DH’s hospital bill. But we couldn’t even access that money to transfer to our account.

I am VERY GOOD at budgeting. I have a spreadsheet I update every day so I know how much money we spend. I keep it at work so I can check when I have time, especially after paying any bills.

 

[yessisan]

No, it’s not fair at all - your husband deserves his wages, and he deserves them on time, in full. There is even a special curse in the Old Testament for employers who withhold employee wages; did you know that? (I can’t remember where it is off-hand, but it says something like, “Woe to him who withholds from the worker his due.”)
I should use that on this man since he’s supposed to be a JW elder… That’ll teach him a Godly lesson.

You have my sympathies, and you are in my prayers. My husband and I had similar trouble a few years back, with an employer who didn’t want to pay. It’s miserable, because you hate to bring up the subject, but at the same time, you are doing a job for which you expect to get paid.

Thank you for your concern, words and prayers

Ok. Deep breath. Take a deep breath.

You need to sit down with your husband and CALMLY explain to him that this is no longer a money issue.

**We didn’t yell, he tried since he was getting mad at me, even last night whne I told him I’d report him to the congregation overseer (the main JW elder)… DH got furious, began screaming and saying "why do you bring religion up?!? Blah blah blah all I heard were shouts **

…You need for him to make decisions that will make you feel safe as a wife. That will make you feel that you can TRUST him as the head of the home. Men CRAVE that responsibility, and he is probably sinking hoping that this employer will do right so that he will then be the hero as your husband.

…He needs to quit this job immediately and find other employment … He needs to do something and RIGHT NOW to show you that he is taking responsibility for the situation you are in and that he is FIXING IT.

Men love to FIX things…tell him he CAN fix this. Tell him that you need his help. That you cant do this without him.

He needs to hear that from you. That you still believe in him. That this can get better and he has THE POWER to do it - right now.

I guarantee if you approach it like this you will get a better reaction than if you yell and scream or get mad at him.

He wants things to be better too, trust me.

**I tried, I really did, he just thinks this man will fix it for us. I was there all the times he spoke to him on the phone. He said he was going to tell him “pay or I’ll sue you” in a nicer way, but he just said, “Oh, well, I guess you can just pay me what the bank bounced and then we can see what to do about the rest. Could you ask your bank to pay it?” **

You just need to tell him that while its scary to quit, the alternative is much scarier to you.

Don’t worry, he had another job as soon as Monday. The only problem here is getting our money back.

You don’t need an attorney. This amount goes to small claims court (the overdraft fees, since he only refused to pay those).

You should contact the local district attorney and ask to file charges against this person. Bouncing checks is illegal, and the amount he has stiffed you on may be enough for a felony charge. Tell DH that you are dealing with this legally whether he likes it or not. Your husband is not dealing with reality, this person is royally screwing your family, and if your husband won’t be man enough to stand up and take care of it, then you have to!

You said it yourself… you can’t even feed your family without great difficulty because of this, and your husband doesn’t want you to take it to extremes?

Can you believe I didn’t even have $ for angel food ministries?

I wonder what has happened, he hasn’t called to see what the man said today. He was supposed to go complain at his bank and ask them to pay the fees we were charged. If they refuse, I will get no money. DH will not let me sue this man since he’s a JW elder. For all I care, I won’t tell him, I’ll go to court myself and file the suit. Another reason to dislike JWs…

At least we have a Mexican Catholic woman interested in the room. She came over last night. I absolutely** loved** her!!! One problem is that she has a cat , and I’m allergic to cats, and my dog loves to chase them and … I won’t go to what he’d do since I don’t know what he’d do… at least he stays outside… anyway… I’m praying to God this woman takes the room. She’s supposed to call us today to say if she will rent it. It all depended on her getting a job from an interview she was supposed to have today. She loved the house and the way we have it decorated (all with used furniture or furniture DH has built) , you would never believe you can find such wonderful looking things in a flea market or at a garage sale…

 

[jmcrae]

Third, a lot of your larger issues appear to be the result of disorganization and lack of planning.

I will tell you from experience that it doesn’t matter how good at managing money you are - you could be the kind of person who can create a week’s worth of meals on $5.00 worth of groceries - if it keeps being taken out of the account because the paycheque bounced (thus creating a negative balance, because of the bank charges), no amount of planning or budgeting can help.

I really don’t think this is a budgeting problem. I think once they start getting regular pay cheques from the husband’s new employer, things will start to look up.

 

[KCtheMommy]

I am SOOOOOOOOOO mad!! The man finally contacted us and he’s telling us that he’ll only pay us the amount that the bounced check was for, and that any other charges weren’t his responsibility!!! I’m short $1490 because of this person not having enough funds and now he’s telling us tough luck!!!

How dare he? I spoke to my bank and they are telling me I cannot use my debit card any more. I deposited my paycheck yesterday, and ran to get dog food, but I had to charge it in DH’s credit card since the bank is not allowing us to use my card! Then they said that they will no longer accept any form of payment with this person’s name on it for our account, and said he had to pay us in cash and that there is nothing the bank can do to help even though we’re the victims here! Now I don’t have enough money for the mortgage payment! I don’t have money to pay my 2nd installment for school. We couldn’t even buy bread last night for our dinner!!:crying: I can’t take this!!!

I want my money back!!! It’s not my fault that this man’s check bounced! :crying:

TAKE HIM TO COURT NOW. He is breaking the law. You can also sue for hardship and ruination of credit.

Small claims: go for $5000. You may only get the check and the overdrafts, BUT meanwhile you had to sell or lose things, even starve because of it. FILE TOMORROW.

 

[yessisan]

Well, he finally gave us a cashier’s check for the amount of the bounced check, and a letter from his bank stating it was the bank’s fault, that he did have enough funds to cover it.

DH called him about 20 times yesterday and the man finally turned off his cell sometime in the day. DH FINALLY got angry and around 10pm last night he called the man again and told him that if by this morning he didn’t have the money, he was personally going to go to small claims’ court and sue him. Well, 5 minutes later he calls back telling him he has the cashier’s check and that he could go pick it up. So he did, but he only gave us the amount that bounced and he said he didn’t have the rest of the money for the fees nor DH’s pay for his last 8 days of work. DH didn’t say anything. He thinks that letter from the man’s bank can work to get the fees overturned, but my bank said that might not even work!

If by tomorrow I don’t have that money, Monday morning I’m suing him w/o DH’s consent. I’m sick and tired of this!!! This man is so unprofessional. I don’t care he’s an elder from DH’s religion, I don’t give a hoot!!!

I just hope my atm card will work today. I don’t even have the means to pay for gas, except for credit cards, but I don’t want to do that. Since I had no gas, I had DH take me to BART (the metro) and he was late to work because his job is at another town. But at least I got to work and even though I hate it and dislike my boss, she never bounces checks.

Thank you all for helping me thru this. It’s been so stressful and energy draining. I finally was able to have an ok night’s sleep last night. Right after work we’re heading to the bank and see if the letter does anything. I just can’t believe DH is giving this man so many 2nd chances.

 

[jmcrae]

Well, he finally gave us a cashier’s check for the amount of the bounced check, and a letter from his bank stating it was the bank’s fault, that he did have enough funds to cover it.

DH called him about 20 times yesterday and the man finally turned off his cell sometime in the day. DH FINALLY got angry and around 10pm last night he called the man again and told him that if by this morning he didn’t have the money, he was personally going to go to small claims’ court and sue him. Well, 5 minutes later he calls back telling him he has the cashier’s check and that he could go pick it up. So he did, but he only gave us the amount that bounced and he said he didn’t have the rest of the money for the fees nor DH’s pay for his last 8 days of work. DH didn’t say anything. He thinks that letter from the man’s bank can work to get the fees overturned, but my bank said that might not even work!

It could work - let him give it a try, and if it does, then it’ll be easier than suing him. So, go ahead and have him present the letter from his bank to your bank, and see what happens. But if your bank rejects it, then you are going to have to sue him.

If by tomorrow I don’t have that money, Monday morning I’m suing him w/o DH’s consent. I’m sick and tired of this!!! This man is so unprofessional. I don’t care he’s an elder from DH’s religion, I don’t give a hoot!!!

Ah - I’d been wondering about that. (I kept trying to figure out why a Catholic man would pay special respect to a JW elder. )

I just hope my atm card will work today. I don’t even have the means to pay for gas, except for credit cards, but I don’t want to do that. Since I had no gas, I had DH take me to BART (the metro) and he was late to work because his job is at another town. But at least I got to work and even though I hate it and dislike my boss, she never bounces checks.

Yes, and there is something to be said for an honest boss, even if she is difficult, at times.

Thank you all for helping me thru this. It’s been so stressful and energy draining. I finally was able to have an ok night’s sleep last night. Right after work we’re heading to the bank and see if the letter does anything. I just can’t believe DH is giving this man so many 2nd chances.

I can’t, either.

 

[yessisan]

It could work - let him give it a try, and if it does, then it’ll be easier than suing him. So, go ahead and have him present the letter from his bank to your bank, and see what happens. But if your bank rejects it, then you are going to have to sue him.

Ah - I’d been wondering about that. (I kept trying to figure out why a Catholic man would pay special respect to a JW elder. )

Yes, and there is something to be said for an honest boss, even if she is difficult, at times.

I can’t, either.

You are so wonderful!!! Thanks for being there even though you don’t know me!

Oh and yes, DH is a JW (ex-Catholic ) but acts more Catholic than JW .

 

[kamz]

I sincerely hope things start looking up for you and your hubby, I see from another thread you are hoping to start a family… I will pray that these financial issues will be under control soon, pregnancy is hard enough without financial issues, take it from someone who has been there done that, not fun to be under extra stress while preggers, it just seems extra hard. I’ll hold you up in prayer that this will all get turned around, I can’t believe someone would do this to another person. I agree that over charges at the bank are crazy… I made the mistake one time a couple yrs ago and did bounce a check and wow… I never did that again… they make money on a persons mistakes.

Blessings to you!

Keep us updated… I pray this man does the right thing and pays you the money that is owed!

 

[yessisan]

I sincerely hope things start looking up for you and your hubby, I see from another thread you are hoping to start a family… I will pray that these financial issues will be under control soon, pregnancy is hard enough without financial issues, take it from someone who has been there done that, not fun to be under extra stress while preggers, it just seems extra hard. I’ll hold you up in prayer that this will all get turned around, I can’t believe someone would do this to another person. I agree that over charges at the bank are crazy… I made the mistake one time a couple yrs ago and did bounce a check and wow… I never did that again… they make money on a persons mistakes.

Blessings to you!

Keep us updated… I pray this man does the right thing and pays you the money that is owed!

We were delaying pregnancy for several things, including financial issues, but the money issue got better so we began ttc. Now we’re worse than when we were avoiding. I leave it to God’s hands, I know He will provide, He always does!

About the boss thing… I can’t wait to get off so I can go to the bank w/DH. I pray that they will overturn the fees. They know it wasn’t our fault, so let’s hope the person who helps us has a heart and does it.

 

[kamz]

We were delaying pregnancy for several things, including financial issues, but the money issue got better so we began ttc. Now we’re worse than when we were avoiding. I leave it to God’s hands, I know He will provide, He always does!

About the boss thing… I can’t wait to get off so I can go to the bank w/DH. I pray that they will overturn the fees. They know it wasn’t our fault, so let’s hope the person who helps us has a heart and does it.

That’s right, it is NOT your fault… I am praying that things turn out right for you, this guy can’t be allowed to get away with this, anyways, Pray that good will come from this, deep in your hubby’s mind… wheels will start turning as he see’s that this man is not a good person and he is an elder JW… it can be from God… one just never knows. I really hope you get your money back!!

 

[whatevergirl]

I’m so sorry this is happening to you. But, I agree with others about handing him the responsibility of paying the bills. I actually have that miserable job…how did I ever get appointed the CFO of our family? I am not even good at it…I mean, things get paid…no bouncing checks…but sometimes, things are late, because I forget…I am not the most organized person, and frankly, my husband is better with money and numbers than me. But, he thinks it’s an easy task…I said, ok, why don’t you do it for the next month? ha He looked at me like I had 8 heads.

We both work…and I have a system, as weird as it is…it works. It’s not easy…just talk to him, and make him see what you’re saying. Prayers are with you.

 

[yessisan]

Nothing can be done at my bank :crying:and this man won’t do anything at all! When we went to the bank, the lady who helped us was trying to give us our money back, but whomever I spoke to on the phone blocked any changes to our account, so no even the branch manager cour override the fees. :crying: They called the customer service line to see if there was anything they could do to help us, but they said no, that it wasn’t their fault and they weren’t going to do anything, not even writing a letter to the man’s bank demanding payment. :crying: I’m sooo depresseed, I’ve had the worst week of my life.

My husband called the man to tell him our bank said he has to speak to his and tell them they have to pay us, but he refuses. He told us that if we wanted to, that we can go to his bank and demand payment. He is so cold hearted. I tried telling DH to say something to this man, I wrote it on a paper so he’d remember he had to say something the bank told us, and he wouldn’t. He was just acting like a little scared cat hiding behind a couch. He won’t demand anything!!! When he hung up, I asked him nicely why he didn’t tell him the stuff I wrote down, and he said that he didn’t have to because the man wouldn’t care anyway. I asked why he couldn’t just have said it and see what the man would say and he got so angry, he began yelling at me, screaming at me, he was telling me to back off and to go to our room and stay there. :crying: I’m not a child, he cannot tell me to go to my room and think things will get better and disappear. I tried my best to keep my voice down and calm, and I told him I could tell the man, he got even more angry and punched a closet door so hard, I was afraid he’d either come at me or actually punch a hole in the door.

I’m so miserable. We’re still not talking. He treated me so badly. He thinks I’d yell at the man and cuss him out so he won’t allow me to explain the things to this person. My husband doesn’t speak English as well as I do, I can explain things better than he can, but he didn’t want to. Then he just grabbed his keys and left. I was left crying and didn’t know what to do so I called my mom. She thought he had hit me again… I explained the entire thing, that we didn’t even have money for food the past few days, nor for gas yesterday. She just tried to calm me down and asked that I contact a lawyer. So now, I have to sue the man and the man’s bank.

He still doesn’t want to pay DH for his work from last week. He asked if he could pay him when he gets paid for the next job he has lined up, and for God’s sake, DH didn’t say anything to him!!!

I’m sick and tired of having to be the one taking all the emotional strain and all the sleepless nights, and having the responsibility of taking action. He’s so immature!!! What do I expect? He’s 2 yrs younger than me, and I’m 26. He hasn’t grown up. He thinks things will get better by themselves. I’m tired of acting like his mother asking him to take care of his things, or calling the insurance company regarding the hospital bill. He likes people to do things for him. I want a responsible, mature man!!! I swear I married a little boy, and I’m not only saying this because I am furious! He is like this all the time. That is why I am in charge of paying the bills. If he was in charge, nothing would get paid and we’d have no money at all. He never looks at the online banking, he never looks at how much money is spent or how much money we have left. Who do you think found out we had no money? ME! Because I make sure we have money. Last night he wouldn’t even get off the couch to wash his own dish.

I’m so mad. I don’t know what to do, and now, my boss wants me to go help her clean her darn house again. I AM NO MAID! I didn’t go to college to help her do that! I’m tired of everything. The only thing that I have going well is school. I love school.

Sorry I’m going crazy here. I just can’t say anything to anyone so I feel horrible. I wish I could wake up from this nightmare. He’s been picking fights on me ever since we found out about the money being gone, and I have to pay for it emotionally. He’s taking it on me instead of taking charge and fixing the problem.

 

[whatevergirl]

I’m so very sorry that you in a bad way right now… I wish I could be there to help you in some way. But, Mother Teresa said something that has always stuck with me…“Deal with what is in front of you.” Right now, you cannot resolve your marital issues nor your husband’s issues with money, etc…right now, you have to focus on paying your bills. Do you have anyone you can borrow money from? Anyone at all? Don’t let pride stand in your way of asking for help. If there is no one…do you have any savings or 401k set up? If not, can you take out a small loan right now from your bank? (although with the NSF charges they may decline you, you never know)

I would concentrate on the money issues, then I would seek financial and marital counseling. Sometimes, we marry people knowing they are who they are when we marry them, and think marriage will change them. lol It doesn’t work that way. My husband and I have been through similiar things early in our marriage…and after 16 years, we have come to the realization that we need to meet one another half way–on all issues. You will get there…if you have love, then you can make it through. But, he has to meet you halfway.

I will leave you with something my husband told me a long time ago…that his dad told his mom once upon a time…“if all of your problems could be solved with money, you have no problems.” Ouch! But, whenever I have thought about times in my marriage when I was staying home with both kids, and my husband was working, and we were struggling…I remember those words of wisdom…and truthfully, there are many worse things than can go wrong in a marriage…in life, in general. So, remember …God loves you…He will see you through…And, give your worries to Him. He will guide you in the right direction…but first things first. Try to find someone to help you. You may be surprised who steps forward.

My prayers are with you!!!

 

[kage_ar]

So agree with the post above - deal with what is in front of you right now. If you need to borrow money from family or friends, then bite the bullit and do it.

Then, about the other issues. Wise words that hit me square between the eyes once - you have to realize that there are some things about your spouse, some problems, that will never change. Some problems cannot be fixed.

The decision is then yours, do you live with it or not. There are some people who are no good with money, not every man is the big strong provider, not every man will have a good job with benefits that will provide the middle class “American dream”.

If your husband is going to be exactly this way for the next 50 years, are you ready to live with it for the next 50 years?

Can people change, yes. Does God work miracles and help people change, AMEN. Is it a guarantee? No. Some people never change. The question then is, do you have the commitment and love to stick with this marriage for the rest of your life if he is going to be exactly this way forever?

I do not mean to sould harsh, but, the most positive mental attitude will not change the person who does not want to or cannot change. You can change yourself, and how you deal with the situation. Do some long thinking about the situation.

Know I am praying for you!