Arguing/Rude With Mother

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To set the stage and avoid any possible confusion I am 18 years old. I will be 19 in September. I am in college, and I got straight As in the first semester. I live with my parents. My parents are non-religious liberals. I am a Catholic social and fiscal conservative with libertarian views on some things. My mother is a big time news watcher, and I feel she has been brain-washed by MSNBC and friends with false information caused her to foster an anti-Catholic views towards priests (she often “jokes” about pedophile priests.) 😦

Now that the stage has been set, my frustrating tale will begin: Me and my mother are always arguing politics. I have tried many things, such as changing the topic (my mother says stop changing the topic) as well as ignoring her arguments (that’s really hard because I am a very outgoing person.) We disagree on practically everything political and we also disagree on some things that aren’t political. In the end of many of our arguments she often says I was rude to her, or I feel I was rude to her. I don’t want to be rude, but I can’t help it. Try as I might, I always seem to forget that I don’t want to be rude when we are arguing. 😊

What are some tips on getting out of arguments without giving into the others, often misinformed, argument? Also, how might one correct such a person’s incorrect views? How might I stop being rude as well?
 
Melodeonist said:
To set the stage and avoid any possible confusion I am 18 years old. I will be 19 in September. I am in college, and I got straight As in the first semester. I live with my parents. My parents are non-religious liberals. I am a Catholic social and fiscal conservative with libertarian views on some things. My mother is a big time news watcher, and I feel she has been brain-washed by MSNBC and friends with false information caused her to foster an anti-Catholic views towards priests (she often “jokes” about pedophile priests.) 😦

Now that the stage has been set, my frustrating tale will begin: Me and my mother are always arguing politics. I have tried many things, such as changing the topic (my mother says stop changing the topic) as well as ignoring her arguments (that’s really hard because I am a very outgoing person.) We disagree on practically everything political and we also disagree on some things that aren’t political. In the end of many of our arguments she often says I was rude to her, or I feel I was rude to her. I don’t want to be rude, but I can’t help it. Try as I might, I always seem to forget that I don’t want to be rude when we are arguing. 😊

What are some tips on getting out of arguments without giving into the others, often misinformed, argument? Also, how might one correct such a person’s incorrect views? How might I stop being rude as well?
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I think you had a very similar thread recently…
 
Melodeonist said:
To set the stage and avoid any possible confusion I am 18 years old. I will be 19 in September. I am in college, and I got straight As in the first semester. I live with my parents. My parents are non-religious liberals. I am a Catholic social and fiscal conservative with libertarian views on some things. My mother is a big time news watcher, and I feel she has been brain-washed by MSNBC and friends with false information caused her to foster an anti-Catholic views towards priests (she often “jokes” about pedophile priests.) 😦

Now that the stage has been set, my frustrating tale will begin: Me and my mother are always arguing politics. I have tried many things, such as changing the topic (my mother says stop changing the topic) as well as ignoring her arguments (that’s really hard because I am a very outgoing person.) We disagree on practically everything political and we also disagree on some things that aren’t political. In the end of many of our arguments she often says I was rude to her, or I feel I was rude to her. I don’t want to be rude, but I can’t help it. Try as I might, I always seem to forget that I don’t want to be rude when we are arguing. 😊

What are some tips on getting out of arguments without giving into the others, often misinformed, argument? Also, how might one correct such a person’s incorrect views? How might I stop being rude as well?
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Disarm her by putting your arm around her and say something like:
  • “we may not agree on politics, but you sure make the best apple pie!”
  • “I can see that you really care about gays/abortion/etc but have you ever looked at it this way?”
  • “I sure love you Mom”
    🙂
 
Melodeonist said:
What are some tips on getting out of arguments without giving into the others, often misinformed, argument? Also, how might one correct such a person’s incorrect views? How might I stop being rude as well?
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The way to get out of arguments is to stop putting yourself in situations where they will happen. You do not have to debate with, point out one’s incorrect views, or differing ideologies, especially when that person is your mom. You don’t need to prove her wrong, or prove your point. She is not interested, and no amount of “schooling” from you will change her. What you need to be is respectful. So don’t even “go there” on topics you (and we) already know you disagree about. “Let’s just agree to disagree.” “We already know we don’t agree, so let’s not rehash this, mom.” “I really don’t want to discuss this topic.” And then don’t.
 
Practice your noncommittal replies. It’s not your job to change your mother’s mind - and it’s probably not going to happen. Smile and say “mm-hm” and continue about doing whatever you were doing. If she asks you directly say “I’d rather not get into that, mom.”
 
I absolutely agree with Irishmom2. Every word.

Chances are fair that your argumentation is just not going to be compelling to your own mother when dealing with core beliefs. She changed your diapers when you were a baby. She’s not going to take you half as seriously as one might hope.

In fact, I think our closest family members are the absolute hardest to evangelize for those reasons, and it often takes an outsider or a third party. I believe that applies to religion, and also to political ideology.
 
Hi Melodeonist,

I would not engage in the kind of conversations that gets into an argument with her.

Here’s something to think about: She could just as easily avoid those conversations with you, too, so there may be something about them that she may be subconsciously engaging in with you.

In other words, there may be something about them that even if she says that she finds them rude, for whatever reason, she still engages in them with you.

One of you has to “step up though,” and has to change the pattern if you want them to stop, in my opinion, so if I were you, I would just not engage with her.

You can even simply tell her, “It seems like we just go around in circles Mom and we just seem to argue whenever we discuss subject X and I don’t want to do that anymore so I would like to talk about subject Y now.”
 
It wouldn’t matter if you were 30 and from the shallow end of the gene pool.
She’s your mom.
Stop arguing with her.
It’s bad form and also very disrespectful.
If she starts up with a conversation that is upsetting to you, leave the room.
Simple.
 
pianistclare said:
It wouldn’t matter if you were 30 and from the shallow end of the gene pool.
She’s your mom.
Stop arguing with her.
It’s bad form and also very disrespectful.
If she starts up with a conversation that is upsetting to you, leave the room.
Simple.
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If she’s anything at all like my mother, leaving the room or changing the subject also count as rudeness.
 
Just acknowledge you received her opinion and don’t try to refute it. That’s it. Let her live in her own world.
 
Actions always speak lauder than words. Just be the best person you know how to be and be a shinning example in the dark. Never…ever…argue politics or religion until you become the President or the Pope. God does not want you to argue. He wants you to be.
 
Melodeonist said:
To set the stage and avoid any possible confusion I am 18 years old. I will be 19 in September. I am in college, and I got straight As in the first semester. I live with my parents. My parents are non-religious liberals. I am a Catholic social and fiscal conservative with libertarian views on some things. My mother is a big time news watcher, and I feel she has been brain-washed by MSNBC and friends with false information caused her to foster an anti-Catholic views towards priests (she often “jokes” about pedophile priests.) 😦

Now that the stage has been set, my frustrating tale will begin: Me and my mother are always arguing politics. I have tried many things, such as changing the topic (my mother says stop changing the topic) as well as ignoring her arguments (that’s really hard because I am a very outgoing person.) We disagree on practically everything political and we also disagree on some things that aren’t political. In the end of many of our arguments she often says I was rude to her, or I feel I was rude to her. I don’t want to be rude, but I can’t help it. Try as I might, I always seem to forget that I don’t want to be rude when we are arguing. 😊

What are some tips on getting out of arguments without giving into the others, often misinformed, argument? Also, how might one correct such a person’s incorrect views? How might I stop being rude as well?
Click to expand...
Who is paying for your classes? Are you still living at home (using their utilities, eating their food)?
 
I agree with Lax16. In addition to the non-committal remarks, add, “Excuse me, mom, but I need to go do ___________.” Then, go do it, so you aren’t lying.
 
Find a way to live on campus or get a student apartment where you get a break on rent. They have arrangements like that at ASU. You probably could share an apartment with other students.

It would help you achieve peace.
 
Smile, listen to her rant. While you are smiling, pray.
Often, when no one opposes them, and they get the bad stuff out they hear how bad it is.

Then you must live your life to glorify God.
 
Melodeonist said:
What are some tips on getting out of arguments without giving into the others, often misinformed, argument? Also, how might one correct such a person’s incorrect views? How might I stop being rude as well?
Click to expand...
You don’t need to argue with your mother in the first place. Forget the nonsense about being an “outgoing” person. Be a tactful person instead. Pray for your mother several times a day. Ask her to pray for you.
 
At 19 you have decades of your own research ahead of you into aspects of fairly recent church history that are less publicised by the church.

You may have partly welcomed the opportunity to become a social and fiscal conservative to get out of your mum’s emotional vice, though it’s probably a rather good stance on other grounds. 😉

Be a lateral thinker, I expect your mum’s views are quite thought provoking deep down, which certainly doesn’t mean you have to go off at the same tangent she has.

It’s also excellent that she has a sense of humour, slightly risque though it might be! 😉

Mental space is as big as the universe (in its field of enquiry), even if living space sometimes isn’t!

Your dad’s views probably differ from your mum’s, and she would rather not risk her marriage. She sees you can “take it” (even when you take it badly).
 
Thank you all for the tips and replies! 🙂

I will try leaving the room my mother is in if she starts discussing politics or the like.

One thing I would like to mention is that we always forgive each other after we argue. Even though we disagree very much on some things, we both love each other very much most of the time.
 
robertmidwest said:
Who is paying for your classes? Are you still living at home (using their utilities, eating their food)?
Click to expand...
Does that mean she has to agree with her Mother??? If so, I would call that blackmail. I thought we were supposed to raise our kids to think for themselves.Where does her Dad stand in all this. I would just refuse too argue. But be polite about it no matter whose is “paying the Bills.” God Bless, MemawGod Bless, Memaw
 
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