Arrogant Priest! Help!

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I posted before I read through the entire thread.

Quitting without notice, THEN writing a letter to the Bishop, would be childish and spiteful. I don’t care HOW annoying and nasty this man is (and he may well be very annoying and nasty) you should not do this to him. It will hurt the parish as a whole if you quit without notice and, trust me, the Bishop does not want to hear your complaints.

Jesus suffered all sorts of humiliations for our sake. He suffered them voluntarily! If you find that you absolutely cannot tolerate it, then please do feel free to find another job. Give as much notice as you can, and try to move on with as little rancor as possible.

It would be best if you could also pray for him and ask God to make him greater and you smaller. But just refraining from speaking and acting in anger is required of you as a Christian.
 
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OrthoCath:
misericordie,

Suck it up and be a man! You are lucky you have a priest; pray for him.
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Ortho,

A large part of a priest’s job is pastoral care, and priests are supposed to be the servants of their parishioners (that’s in the Scriptures), and that includes the people who work for them.

I’m sorry, but I do shudder to think of how quickly the heavenly party would have been cut short if I had run into this priest after God’s rather intricate “Rescue Mission” 15 months ago!

Although I’m dubious of the wisdom of bringing such a problem to a public (sic) forum when our correspondent has available a PASTOR and should have available a CONFESSOR or a SPIRITUAL DIRECTOR, the best we can do is to give him some ideas of avanues of approach to redirect this individual so that he might be the PRIEST that God meant for him to be, and someone who potentially drives people from His Church.

I realize, that as always, we are only hearing one side of the story. But does the Church have such a severe shortage of priests that people have to "Suck it up and be a man! " and that they are lucky to have a priest even when that priest forgets that the largest part of his Job Description is SERVANT OF GOD AND GOD’S PEOPLE??

I’ve met enough of those who do know that they are SERVANTS to know what a treat it is to have them. The question is how to redirect the priest in question (assuming our correspondent is accurate) so that that congregation will have that experience.

Meanwhile, let us pray for our Corespondent and the Priest he has difficulties with, that that relationship would not be permanently poisoned by anything either one says.

In Him, Michael
 
This priest is indicative of the type who runs good Catholic Christians away. No wonder our Evangelical brothers and sisters are benefitting. Arrogance of this one plus outraging child abuse have
just about killed us.

In our outreach to fallen away Catholics, we mention “priests who may have have offended you” which is sad in itself. This guy needs his rear kicked. He needs to go to finishing school, or to be planted in some Chancery office. He needs not be a parish priest. He is no shepherd. He’s just a man and he is obviously an a__.
 
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misericordie:
I respect your wanting to view all priests as perfect, but all you said here does not give any priest a right or any person for that matter to belittle people, and scandalize them by so doing. QUOTE]
I did not say they were all holy and perfect, I said they were overworked and underappreciated, and quite frankly if I had to work in an office of any business with people displaying an attitude toward management you exhibit I would not tolerate it for long.
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By all means–work for an arrogant jerk who treats you with contempt and then tell us why his conduct should be tolerated and his arrogance excused.
 
misericordie,

I have worked with maybe 75 men as a civilian and Had 5 different “bosses”
In the Military I had a number of superiors.

I found out that the ones who are overaggressive with their charges are USUALLY UNSURE OF THEMSELVES, they are scared. So they “bluster” to cover the fear up. Fear of mistakes, fear that the workers will find out that they are afraid of their job makes for a sad performance from everyone.

Then there are very few who are downright mean or stupid about manners. I had one boss who was not real sure of what he was supposed to do. So he was one who made “busy work” and threw his weight around. He was not effective - we dragged our feet.

I would tell a daughter of mine to be very polite, to give a smile once in a while and to do your job as it should be done. The whipper snapper may just be scared…make him feel at home. Give him a doughnut sometime.

Now, drag me out and shoot me. But I believe you can tame a wild dog. Treat them gently.:yup:
 
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Exporter:
misericordie,

I have worked with maybe 75 men as a civilian and Had 5 different “bosses”
In the Military I had a number of superiors.

I found out that the ones who are overaggressive with their charges are USUALLY UNSURE OF THEMSELVES, they are scared. So they “bluster” to cover the fear up. Fear of mistakes, fear that the workers will find out that they are afraid of their job makes for a sad performance from everyone.

Then there are very few who are downright mean or stupid about manners. I had one boss who was not real sure of what he was supposed to do. So he was one who made “busy work” and threw his weight around. He was not effective - we dragged our feet.

I would tell a daughter of mine to be very polite, to give a smile once in a while and to do your job as it should be done. The whipper snapper may just be scared…make him feel at home. Give him a doughnut sometime.

Now, drag me out and shoot me. But I believe you can tame a wild dog. Treat them gently.:yup:
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I agree, thanks.
 
Misericordie,

I have seen this so many times working for Church-sponsored ministries for the past 15 years, here is my advice:
  • Do not do anything unprofessional like quitting without notice. This will ruin your reputation and also hurt yourself spiritually. You enjoy serving the Church and should try to keep this job.
  • Do not start a letter-writing campaign to provincials, cardinals etc. This might work but will take years, and if he is as bad as you say, why let others suffer for so long? Sending anonymous letters every few weeks or months will ultimately do little to make you feel better until the superior has enough of a mail pile to recognize the problem.
  • Do not distract yourself from the true issue of his unprofessional rudeness with speculation about his flirtaciousness, laundry demands, etc. If you truly suspect sexual misconduct then of course it must be reported, but when you are mad at someone in authority it is so easy to focus on every characteristic you dislike. It can descend to gossip and lack of charity quickly.
The best thing to do is the hardest: Stand up to the bully! Literally say, “Don’t snap at me in such a rude way! That’s unprofessional and inappropriate when I am just doing my job to remind you of our deadlines.” A true bully will back off when confronted. He might actually apologize if he is dealing with his poor temper. These words have enough code language: “I know my rights and will stand up for them.” Say these words exactly if the rudeness recurs. In this day and age church ministries are not exempt from employee lawsuits, and they worry about this too. I AM NOT TELLING YOU TO SUE ANYONE, LET ALONE THE CHURCH. But a pointed reminder that you will not tolerate unprofessional treatment is fair and is the only thing that will work in the short term and immediately correct the problem. The fact that you use words like “unprofessional” and “inappropriate” alerts both the offender and the superiors that you will stand up for yourself and expect to be treated professionally in the workplace.

Don’t hold a grudge or gloat if the priest seems put in his place; be charitable and move on with life. True servant-leaders want to be corrected when they deserve it, but they don’t enjoy it any more than anyone does.

Be brave and stand up for yourself with simple dignity!
 
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Fortiterinre:
Misericordie,

I have seen this so many times working for Church-sponsored ministries for the past 15 years, here is my advice:
  • Do not do anything unprofessional like quitting without notice. This will ruin your reputation and also hurt yourself spiritually. You enjoy serving the Church and should try to keep this job.
  • Do not start a letter-writing campaign to provincials, cardinals etc. This might work but will take years, and if he is as bad as you say, why let others suffer for so long? Sending anonymous letters every few weeks or months will ultimately do little to make you feel better until the superior has enough of a mail pile to recognize the problem.
  • Do not distract yourself from the true issue of his unprofessional rudeness with speculation about his flirtaciousness, laundry demands, etc. If you truly suspect sexual misconduct then of course it must be reported, but when you are mad at someone in authority it is so easy to focus on every characteristic you dislike. It can descend to gossip and lack of charity quickly.
The best thing to do is the hardest: Stand up to the bully! Literally say, “Don’t snap at me in such a rude way! That’s unprofessional and inappropriate when I am just doing my job to remind you of our deadlines.” A true bully will back off when confronted. He might actually apologize if he is dealing with his poor temper. These words have enough code language: “I know my rights and will stand up for them.” Say these words exactly if the rudeness recurs. In this day and age church ministries are not exempt from employee lawsuits, and they worry about this too. I AM NOT TELLING YOU TO SUE ANYONE, LET ALONE THE CHURCH. But a pointed reminder that you will not tolerate unprofessional treatment is fair and is the only thing that will work in the short term and immediately correct the problem. The fact that you use words like “unprofessional” and “inappropriate” alerts both the offender and the superiors that you will stand up for yourself and expect to be treated professionally in the workplace.

Don’t hold a grudge or gloat if the priest seems put in his place; be charitable and move on with life. True servant-leaders want to be corrected when they deserve it, but they don’t enjoy it any more than anyone does.

Be brave and stand up for yourself with simple dignity!
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Thanks, sincerely the BEST advice till date. I sense this priest is very insecure and lacks self confidence: otherwise he would not be so angry all the time and would not be suspect of everything and everyone and would NOT feel threatened by a lay person as myself who too has formal theological studies. Nor would he constantly gloat that the laity are less than the priests.
 
As a priest with a reputation for arrogance 😃 I can offer little more advice then you have already received. Newbies are often unsure of themselves. But if he remains as he is then he will be the one leaving. Unhappy priests move around a lot. I remember a church secretary who always had images of the Sacred Heart around. Everyone who waited in her office for an appointment or just dropped by ended up hearing about how devotion to Jesus’ Heart would change their life for the better. She probably converted more people then the priest did.
 
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cestusdei:
As a priest with a reputation for arrogance 😃 I can offer little more advice then you have already received. Newbies are often unsure of themselves. But if he remains as he is then he will be the one leaving. Unhappy priests move around a lot. I remember a church secretary who always had images of the Sacred Heart around. Everyone who waited in her office for an appointment or just dropped by ended up hearing about how devotion to Jesus’ Heart would change their life for the better. She probably converted more people then the priest did.
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Thank you father for the great advice. I wonder WHY some priests have either no authority or just lots of AUTHORITARIANISM which is worse actually. Can you imagine? An authoritarian AND one who has clericalism?? One as he who sees all lay people as WYYYYYYYYYY inferior than he or just as ignorant? After all, HE is THE PRIEST, not the lay person. This is almost uncharitable and actually prideful. Is not pride the worse of the 7 capital sins according to Aquinas?
Thank you father though, i know you would be a priest i would admire, and respect for your humbleness and humility. There is not one great saint such as Saint Ignatius Loyola and Saint Farncis de Sales who did not have humility and humbleness. My three favorites: Ignatias, Aquinas and St. Theresa of AVILA.
 
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misericordie:
Hello all, I currently work in a Church rectory here in Manhattan, and it is run by a new VERY authoritarian NEW religious Institue. The Pastor is great: a little stoic but a patient and kind man: very considerate of his employees.
Things have changed though since a NEW assistant to the pastor was named (priest of the SAME Institute: about 31-32 years old). He is very beligerant and arrogant: he even told the poor woman who cleans that he wants his shirts hand washed. He GIVES orders like a Marine seargent and does not tolerate ONE mistake on the parish bulletin, etc. Many people of the parish have been taliking about his pompous attitude(and he is a RELIGIOUS priest) and he treats lay people as if they are WAY below him and stupid. Today I reminded him that the bulletin needed to be re-viewed by him (i prepare half of the bulletin) and he said: "I know!!! You don’t have to tell me!! In a very nasty way as an adult would speak to a child who just did something bad. I really am getting very frustrated at this priest, and God knows I am holding my temper BECAUSE I need the job at this time. But God knows I don’t know how long before I stand up and get in his face too.
The institute/order seems to train their priests(most) that we LAY MEN AND WOMEN are WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY below them. Is this okay?? Is this BAD example what Christ would do??
WHAT SHOULD I DO, please help me: my patience is shrinking.:banghead:
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Good news everyone!!! Yesterday I finally stood up to this guy, and told him that he is a priest and if he demands respect from me, he first needs to respect me. I told him to stop treating me like a kid, that he has that habit and it does not give a good example. He was kind of shocked to see me so angry and firm (i told him in a pretty loud tone). He since has been very kind, and has changed, oh boy, different guy now at least with me. Seems he knows I will not stand for it and WILL tell him again.:rolleyes:
 
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misericordie:
Good news everyone!!! Yesterday I finally stood up to this guy, and told him that he is a priest and if he demands respect from me, he first needs to respect me. I told him to stop treating me like a kid, that he has that habit and it does not give a good example. He was kind of shocked to see me so angry and firm (i told him in a pretty loud tone). He since has been very kind, and has changed, oh boy, different guy now at least with me. Seems he knows I will not stand for it and WILL tell him again.:rolleyes:
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I do welcome comments all. Thanks.🙂
 
👍 For right now,offer up your frustrations to the Sacred Heart of Jesus and ask Our Lady to knock some of the wind out of his sails so he’ll be less arragent.
 
Just as everyone on these boards are different, so are clergy and religious. They have a fine program at St Luke’s Institute back east with psychologists that help clergy and religious that need help dealing with people. I was told by a priest that most new priests have a bit of the John Wayne syndrone, but they mellow out in time.

plato3
 
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