Arrogant Priest! Help!

  • Thread starter Thread starter misericordie
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
M

misericordie

Guest
Hello all, I currently work in a Church rectory here in Manhattan, and it is run by a new VERY authoritarian NEW religious Institue. The Pastor is great: a little stoic but a patient and kind man: very considerate of his employees.
Things have changed though since a NEW assistant to the pastor was named (priest of the SAME Institute: about 31-32 years old). He is very beligerant and arrogant: he even told the poor woman who cleans that he wants his shirts hand washed. He GIVES orders like a Marine seargent and does not tolerate ONE mistake on the parish bulletin, etc. Many people of the parish have been taliking about his pompous attitude(and he is a RELIGIOUS priest) and he treats lay people as if they are WAY below him and stupid. Today I reminded him that the bulletin needed to be re-viewed by him (i prepare half of the bulletin) and he said: "I know!!! You don’t have to tell me!! In a very nasty way as an adult would speak to a child who just did something bad. I really am getting very frustrated at this priest, and God knows I am holding my temper BECAUSE I need the job at this time. But God knows I don’t know how long before I stand up and get in his face too.
The institute/order seems to train their priests(most) that we LAY MEN AND WOMEN are WAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY below them. Is this okay?? Is this BAD example what Christ would do??
WHAT SHOULD I DO, please help me: my patience is shrinking.:banghead:
 
In the first place save the all caps & punctuation for real horror stories, how will you express your outrage if he turns out to be a molestor or celebrates the sacraments invalidly? so far what you are talking about is management style and interpersonal relationships. Obviously these skills weren’t taught in his seminary, or he skipped those classes. If “everybody in the parish” is talking about his attitude and actions, I assume you mean all parish employees are spending time they should be working discussing their employers. Please react to “conditions of employment” issues in a professional context, and don’t use his shortcomings in that area to criticize him or demean him as a priest to others.
 
40.png
asquared:
In the first place save the all caps & punctuation for real horror stories, how will you express your outrage if he turns out to be a molestor or celebrates the sacraments invalidly? so far what you are talking about is management style and interpersonal relationships. Obviously these skills weren’t taught in his seminary, or he skipped those classes. If “everybody in the parish” is talking about his attitude and actions, I assume you mean all parish employees are spending time they should be working discussing their employers. Please react to “conditions of employment” issues in a professional context, and don’t use his shortcomings in that area to criticize him or demean him as a priest to others.
Click to expand...
The whol parish(most people are already doing that regardless if we critisize him) He is though VERY friendly in his looks and flirtatiousness with some women=all smiles there.
 
This sounds to me more like an employee/employer problem than a parishoner/priest issue. The avenues open are limited. Since a priest has authority in a parish as the boss of employees, there can be no effective appeal over his head. The most obvious solution is to find another job and not work for such a boss.

A less obvious, but possibly the best solution is to develop a working relationship. I have worked for some very difficult bosses and it sometimes takes a while to find a way to relate to them. It takes a balance of humility/suffering and standing up for yourself in a non-threatening way. To compound the problem, any advice you get from someone locally must not deteriorate to gossip.

It may be that this becomes a trial for you to force an interior development.
 
Sounds like my kind of priest! If you don’t want his goodly services, send him south please.
 
Have you talked to your pastor? It is part of his responsibility to teach this asst to be a good pastor when he’s on his own. And if you can, it may be worth talking frankly to the problem priest himself.

And I think we need to remember charity here; he may be very insecure in the job or with “employees,” he may be having outside problems, etc. So grab your cross, be polite, pray, and who knows, you may end up being part of the reason he turns out to be a great priest in five years or so.
 
misericordie,

Suck it up and be a man! You are lucky you have a priest; pray for him.
 
Please be very careful when preparing or replying to posts like these. Remember detraction and calumny are very serious sins. I should know I keep trying to rid myself of them hence the reason for alerting others.

God Bless,
 
Dear misericordie:

I am in RCIA.
is there anything in my life (big or small) that God wants me to do (or to correct) that I haven’t yet dealt with yet?
Unfortunately yes.

How patient is God going to be with me? How patient am I going to be with others? I try to remember to be patient and forgiving, because God may consider the measure I give out when He deals with me using His patience and mercy.

I am kind of new. But it seems to me that the following are good steps to take regarding people in your life:
a) Pray for them. Offer up a decade of Hail Marys for anyone that your mind dwells upon.
b) Pray to God and thank Him for putting this person in your life.
c) Put their name on your parish’s prayer list. In this case, you could add his name to the prayer list at a different church.
d) Fill out a card to have an un-announced Mass intention for that person.
e) Fill out a card to have an un-announced Mass intention for yourself.

You say your patience is shrinking. See James 1:2-4.

Also note this (something that I have found true for years): the things that bother you the most about somebody else are often something in yourself that bothers somebody else or God. So when you see a fault in somebody else, think about correcting the fault in yourself if there is one. And ask God to be patient with yourself – and realize that you must have patience with the other person and forgive them (so God will be patient with and forgive you).

Dittos to fergal:

It is never a good idea to say something bad about a Catholic Priest. And it is never a good idea to say something bad to somebody about their pastor, minister or rabbi – even if they are Protestant or Jewish. While a person is a member of a Church or Synagogue, that person is receiving from God through their Pastor, Minister or Rabbi. To attack a person’s Pastor is also an attack on the same person’s spirituality. Bad gossip about their spiritual leader may damage that person’s ability to receive from God through their spiritual leader. Perhaps this can even lead to a loss of salvation in that person. Instead, dwell on the good that is coming from that person’s religious experience. And then also talk about the good that you are getting from your own experience in the Catholic Church. The other person is more likely to be open to listening if they are not feeling attacked.
 
I mentioned this before in other posts…
I am a former parish secretary and am familiar w/ the “New Guy” syndrome.:rolleyes: That said, I have found that they are really only trying to find their place in a new parish. It was one of my responsibilities to take care of the bulletin, etc. Very often the new guy was critical… or at least I perceived them that way. Many times they were only trying to be helpful. I had to humble myself many times and yes, many tears…
An example of one, who ended up being a dear friend mine and of my family, attacked everything I did and even gave me his homilies to type…NOT part of my job description! :banghead: I prayed hard and long about this as I was about to quite my job. I went to him and apologized to him for any offenses I may have caused him unknowingly and that I was ready to hand in my resignation but I didn’t want to do that without giving him the benefit of the doubt… Well, let me tell you that was the best thing I could have done…he hadn’t realized how pushy he was and that he was really only trying to be helpful. From then on, I accepted his help and he in turn accepted mine.

He had so much to offer and I wonder what would have become of him if I hadn’t taken the time to talk to him? Some parishioners perceived him the same way I had and weren’t giving him a chance either… He is a fine priest and has been faithful and loyal throughout his priesthood and is in a high position in his diocese today.🙂
 
40.png
misericordie:
WHAT SHOULD I DO, please help me: my patience is shrinking.:banghead:
Click to expand...
I think you should keep doing what you are doing right now, and, with patience… Do this, and make this your offering to God. We don’t always understand the challanges that are put before us, but, there are those things that always remain virtues, like patience. Priest are human and need our prayers. My priest reminds us of this and lets us know how much we mean to his vocation. Sometimes people act like this because their defensis are up. Pray for him, and keep being paitent. It is okay to get frustrated by the human part of this priest.
 
If this situation gets worse, the letters will start coming in to his superior and an anger management course might be ordered.

May God bless you for your patience…
 
Deacon Tony560:
If this situation gets worse, the letters will start coming in to his superior and an anger management course might be ordered.

May God bless you for your patience…
Click to expand...
Some guys enter the priesthood for the education, etc, and well of course it is logical to wind up frustrated. Last year there was one just like HIM, and we found out this year that he left the priesthood all together and got married.:eek:
 
40.png
OrthoCath:
misericordie,

Suck it up and be a man! You are lucky you have a priest; pray for him.
Click to expand...
Well friend, the problem is that as long as there are frustrated (maybe sexually) priests like that, who treat ALL LAY PEOPLE like kids, then one CANNOT be “a man” in there eyes, but rather a little ignorant poor LAY person: they are the gods with a little g.
 
You could try praying to Saint Micheal outloud every time he does it.

You could try to talk to the priest first and than if he is truly unbreable. You will have to find another job. If it is your intent to be a good Christian. You will have to find unemployment elswhere.

You could also write the Cardinal but I would not advise this becuase it could back fire and make him even angrier. He could totally go off and something bad could happen or he could get fired.

My local parish has a priest that is totaly nuts. He just goes off on people all the time. I get tired of it alot and go elsewhere. The only reason I go is because its close but fortunately tehre are alot of Catholic CHurchs in the US. You can go online and find the times of a catholic CHurch near you…

With so many churchs it is truly a blessing you can go somewhere else and get minstered to. Jesus truly loves us.
 
Prayer is what is needed here. Keep asking the Holy Spirit to increase your patience, get rid of offenses (in terms of you being offended) and find peace.

You cannot change your boss, but the Holy Spirit can change you to be less offended, less frustrated, and change your attitude to be more adaptable.

Look, maybe God put you in this situation because YOU need to change? You can leave this job in an attempt to run away from a problem, but if it is something God is working to fix in you, then He is going to confront you with a similar situation - just with a different face.

I was not getting along with my boss. I hated every aspect of my job as regards to this boss - but I realized I could not change him and he wasn’t going anywhere. So I prayed hard, long and spent (still spend) daily time in front of the Blessed Sacrament asking for help to change me. Make me more accepting and less inclined to be offended when my boss is rude and abrupt.

Voila! I go to work now with a new changed attitude. It took a long time, but the Holy Spirit told me to change or be miserable. The choice was mine but He would help if I wanted help.

I selected the Help option and the Holy Spirit has worked hard in my life to bring me the peace I asked for.
 
More advice: The answer to scandal is personal holiness.

Offer up the stresses of your everyday life to God for this man. Spend the whole day trying to be the best “you” that you can possibly be as a prayer to God. Keep doing this. Use the opportunities that God provides through this very priest to offer prayers for him. If you have children, particulary small children, work extra hard to treat them with patience and love.

We are the spiritual children of the men whom we call “Father”. Like all parents, I bet priests get really annoyed from time to time with all the demands placed by all the needy, noisy, wild creatures that run around them being less than perfect. New parents sometimes don’t handle the stresses of parenting with grace.

Now, I will take my own advice, turn off the computer, and get back to parenting. This advice is much easier to give than to follow!
 
40.png
misericordie:
Well friend, the problem is that as long as there are frustrated (maybe sexually) priests like that, who treat ALL LAY PEOPLE like kids, then one CANNOT be “a man” in there eyes, but rather a little ignorant poor LAY person: they are the gods with a little g.
Click to expand...
I don’t think the sexual comment was necessary here. I know you are frustrated and I just want to offer another view which doesn’t diminish the fact that you are being mistreated - I believe you are.

It could be that his biligerent personality has nothing to do with his being a priest at all. There are certainly alot of lay people who talk down to and are insulting to other people as well. In fact, there are a few people who have no authority whatsoever and still act like they are better than everyone. In other words, I would blame the fellows personality (or lack there of) for his behaviour. I would say you have 3 options:
  1. Talk with him: you could ask him if there is anything you have done to offend him. (This could go 2 different ways - either he will give you a long list of what bugs him about you or he will realize that his behaviour is offensive.)
  2. Say nothing to him and pray that you will have the grace to tolerate it or he will have a conversion. (If you choose to stay you should not be complaining and gossiping/slandering him to others - staying and tolerating means its your choice, no one is forcing you. Complaining will just make you more miserable.)
  3. Find another job at another parish.
Hope this helps, I will pray for you.

God bless,
Debbie
 
40.png
Bill_A:
You could try praying to Saint Micheal outloud every time he does it.

You could try to talk to the priest first and than if he is truly unbreable. You will have to find another job. If it is your intent to be a good Christian. You will have to find unemployment elswhere.

You could also write the Cardinal but I would not advise this becuase it could back fire and make him even angrier. He could totally go off and something bad could happen or he could get fired.

My local parish has a priest that is totaly nuts. He just goes off on people all the time. I get tired of it alot and go elsewhere. The only reason I go is because its close but fortunately tehre are alot of Catholic CHurchs in the US. You can go online and find the times of a catholic CHurch near you…

With so many churchs it is truly a blessing you can go somewhere else and get minstered to. Jesus truly loves us.
Click to expand...
Thanks. Great advice: I am currently in the process of getting another job: when I leave the current one, I will just leave without giving this guy previous notice: I wonder if he will ALSO be able to handle being the receptionist of the parish while it takes him about 3-4 weeks to find someone? THEN, I will write the Cardinal!!, and will try to gather some signatures from some parish members who want to see him go too. I wonder if 50-100 signatures will influence the Cardinal to SUMMON his over, or his provincial???
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top