Asking for spiritual growth advice from those who've negotiated the PTSD obstructions in their spiritual journey

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I grew up in a very abusive home with physical, emotional and sexual abuse for the first 15 years of my life. I also have complex-PTSD and experience flashbacks. I am sorry you have similar experiences.

Don’t be surprised if you feel very strong emotions during Mass or Adoration. I think because I feel safe when in the presence of Jesus emotions I was not allowed to express as a child come rushing to the surface of my consciousness. It is a sign of healing.

You mentioned a desire to forgive your abuser. I struggled with this for years. It’s important to remember that forgiveness is an act of the will and when you tell God that you want to forgive or that you do forgive you may or may not feel any emotion at all.

Forgiving does not mean forgetting or condoning the abuser’s actions. You do not have to meet with your abuser face-to-face to say that you forgive them. You do not have to maintain any sort of relationship or any contact with the abuser. Forgiving means letting go of anger, hatred and bitterness that can impede your progress in spiritual growth.

Forgiveness doesn’t normally happen overnight. You will likely repeat in prayer many times your intent to forgive. Eventually you will experience a sort of peace. Ask Jesus to help you to forgive.

If you can, pray for the person who abused you. I found this to be particularly hard to do and when I first began praying for my abusers I felt like my prayers weren’t sincere. Again, don’t rely on emotions.

If you would like to PM me please feel free to do so.

I will pray for you.
 
@InvisibiliaNaCa I will pray for your and sincerely hope in God that things in your life will be better and that you find peace, happiness and joy. I’m happy you like our mother the Blessed Virgin Mary, she never fails to lovingly listen and answer our prayers. Don’t feel separated from others, I sometimes feel that way with folks at my parish that I have known for a lifetime. But when we do talk I find genuine catholic friendship and loving availability - which doesn’t change that we may be very different persons leading different lives. That is just the way it is, and we will find friendship and make connections as our life unfolds sometimes where we least expect it. Some of my best friends aren’t practicing Catholics, so I can’t connect well with them on our faith. It is harder than one might think making friends at our parish. But when we do, after some time, get to talk with our fellow parishioners we’ll find them having the same difficulties and being very happy to make a friendly respectful acquaintance with us. Most of the times, as always in life, it doesn’t develop into a intimate friendship but we feel happy at establishing a trusting acquaintance having as basis our faith and the practice of meeting at mass.

God bless you.

P.S. I like your avatar very much, Our Lord the Child Jesus embracing and kissing His mother Our Lady 😊😊😊
 
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It is commonly said that children do not come with instruction manuals. Nor does adulthood. But, some also say “bible” is an acronym, the LE is for leaving Earth. It seems you are embracing the holy teachings. Remember, we look at the Crucifix and see the wrongs we committed and the punishments we rightly deserve in him (Jesus Christ). He took them not only for you, but also corrupted caregivers also, for it is written, do not forgive that caregiver and neither will you be forgiven. And it is written, Jesus prefers one who casually says they are a sinner to he or they that seem to profess understanding of him with great faithfulness and do not show it in their heart. Do not fall for the trick which has been presented for you for it is when you deny the caregiver was made in Gods image that you deny the same of yourself.

In my many travels, the cure is to try and forgive to be forgiven and pray the next world is not as they were to me. Pray for the forgiveness of those who your sins resemble for both of your sakes, disposing of those sins in confession. Forgive yourself for your wrongs and then you can forgive yourself for having suffered. Then, you may find peace and forgive them.
 
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You are right. Jesus in communion moves me to silent tears of pure joy! Mass, the rosary, are beautiful moments.!

Thanks
 
I have to admit that i didn’t see Jesus as loving him too. Dying on the cross for him too. I’ve intellectually spoken words of forgiveness. When I’m not in PTSD mode , I also feel that way. But, I’ve never seen Jesus on the cross for him. I saw him as married to the other side. An evil non human in the guise of a human. Will pray about it.
 
Lol. I tried calling to make an appointment to see the priest on the 1st. I made that appointment yesterday. Not sure why I’m scared. No good reason. But I will follow thru. Thank you all.
 
“Take it easy”…Our relationship with a priest develops “over time” just like with anyone else. Of course, the priest will have plenty experience in facing folks he has never seen before, seeking him out for whatever reason…Making an appointment is a good idea, personally I know the fixed schedules for confession (when there are fixed schedules at the parish) and try taking advantage of it when I can.

Don’t worry. I don’t think you are scared, perhaps just a bit anxious…That is perfectly normal, I’ve been talking with dozens of priests for years so it all becomes normal usual casual business. And the priests are very special friends for the faithful that get to know them.
 
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