Asking guests to leave

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My son and my grandson live with us. Son brings his girlfriend over to visit frequently, and she brings her 18 month old.
Around about 10 PM, I start hinting that it’s time to take the child home to bed. Our house is small and my husband and I would like guests to leave at a decent hour. Also I don’t think my grandson is getting enough sleep. My son usually takes them home around eleven.(She doesn’t drive.)
My son is not very open to suggestions and tends to get angry.

I’ve tried telling my son that most people expect guests to leave by 9 PM at latest. He says that’s just my opinion and not true of his friends. That’s probably so, since they’re all twenty-somethings. When I was young I used to hang out with friends until all hours, but middle aged and older people don’t do that.
Would it be rude to speak to the girlfriend about this?
 
turn the tv & lights off @ 10 pm & head upstairs to bed

your son (along w/ his gf) will be in in the dark

i think they’ll’ve gotten the hint
 
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He he ☺️ yeah.

What about playing that one song… Hit the Road Jack?
 
I think you have to talk it over with your son. You could say it would please you greatly if guests could leave by 9 pm if possible. He might come back with, “That’s just too early and it’s not going to work for me.” Then you calmly repeat the same thing, “Nevertheless, it would please me greatly if guests could leave by 9 pm.” Try this broken record routine. It only works if you don’t get angry. Does your son try to please you in other matters?
 
i don’t even get it; don’t they (son & gf) have anywhere else to go?

how old are they? do they have jobs? why are they “hanging out” in your house late at night?
 
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“Sorry guys. I really need to go to bed now. Goodnight.”
I get to the point these days. I care less what others think.
 
my only problem with this is that perhaps son & gf want the parents to go to sleep & leave them alone in the house; so they can do God knows what
 
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sorry, but i smell something rotten in the state of denmark
 
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I think it would be inappropriate to talk to the girlfriend. Talk to your son. In my day it was “My house and my rules.” and if she doesn’t leave by 9 then she can’t come over the next x number of days.

I think you are very generous to have your son and grandson living with you. live with you and it’s rude to you to have a girlfriend AND an 18 month old at your house that late and it’s probably a much better plan for the child if they go home and the child gets to bed at a decent hour.

God Bless.
 
so son & grandson live at mom’s house

gf (w/her own 18 month old) come over & “hang out” late into the night

very complicated
 
Viki, whether guests customarily leave at a certain time is not what the discussion needs to be about.
A consensus for departure time, based on generational customs, will certainly end in a stalemate.
You are correct, while clearly in his mind, he is correct because, yes, many of his generation keep late hours, therefore to his mind, you are unreasonable. (You’re not, of course.)

The real question is about personal respect and consideration, not about generalities.
Unfortunately, your son is now accustomed to view the issue in generalities so now you appear unreasonable to him.

What you son needs to consider is his parents’ needs for rest and peace while living in your home.
You are getting older. you need your sleep, and not only does your son have an active 18-month-old child in your small house until 11 pm, this is customary for the couple.
It isn’t fair to you both, and also not fair to the child, whose sleep patterns are not being wisely considered and sensibly established.
Either they don’t realize this is important, or their concern is primarily themselves.

What does one do when adult children are…being honest…to selfish to consider others?
Where respect and consideration don’t freely come from people, and they defend their selfishness/thoughtlessness with anger, the others in their lives are at a disadvantage, which makes it difficult to give a positive answer to you.

You can look up the disadvantages a child caused by inculcating bad sleep habits in a young child, and try to pass that information on kindly and respectfully to the young ones.
and you can bring your appeal to the personal.
“Dad and I need more sleep, this is a small house, please could you drive your girlfriend home earlier.”
And maybe provide research backing up the claim that people need more quiet and sleep as they grow older…but your son may or may not be open to those valid points.

Or the other posters’ answers may serve the purpose, but I think you wouldn’t naturally follow any abrupt unexplained method. You wouldn’t be keen to jeopardize your relationships with your grandchild, his mother and your son… You look quite sweet in your profile picture.

I think it’s probably not a good idea to speak to the girl. If she doesn’t work out for herself that their behavior impacts on you and your husband’s freedom and sleep, and impacts on her child’s sleep wellbeing, she may not take kindly to your saying anything which appears like a reproach whether intended as one or not, and your son will possibly be angrier than he already is with you.

Can your husband not help you find a way to deal with the issues as they affect him as well as you?
Hopefully it won’t be too long before your son is self-sufficient.

God bless you all
 
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Viki63 said:
I’ve tried telling my son that most people expect guests to leave by 9 PM at latest. He says that’s just my opinion and not true of his friends.
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“Nevertheless, I expect all guests to have left by 9pm.”

You could speak to his girlfriend, but it’s your son who has the problem. You’re being completely reasonable, and he’s being quite disrespectful IMO.
 
Viki if you need to come here to work out what needs to be done then the problem is likely not something we can help you with.

I think the issue is not so much what is a reasonable time, the issue is that its your house and you in the end make the rules.

Be firm and polite. If he doesn’t like it advise him it may be time to move out.
If you do not see this as a possibility then it seems you are really his border.
 
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Better to not leave it too long to address,sometimes it can become a bigger thing than it really is and the longer it’s left the more emotional it might become.
I’ll say a prayer it goes down well.
 
Viki63 said:
Our house is small and my husband and I would like guests to leave at a decent hour.
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Whether it’s your son, his gf, or anyone else, this is your house and it’s not unreasonable to ask that guests please leave by 10 pm so you and your husband can turn in. If son wants to stay up late with his gf, maybe he can go to her place. If not, maybe he can get his own apartment.
 
Viki63 said:
Would it be rude to speak to the girlfriend about this?
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I don’t think speaking to his girlfriend is the way to go. This is between you and your son- it is up to him to respect your rules and communicate them to her.

I think you should probably stop “hinting” and be more direct. Tell him that his girlfriend and her baby are welcome, but need to leave by x time. You have let him argue the point with you, but if you want to enforce the rules, you don’t need a reason (such as “that’s what most people do”). Just “this is my house, and this is how it is going to be”.

Even if most twenty-somethings stay up late to socialize, being a parent makes that a bit different. Kids need parents who are well-rested, and 18 month old children need to be home sleeping before midnight!
 
I agree with everyone else that it is your house, your wishes should prevail whether your son likes it or not. Personally, I would address the son and girlfriend together. Explain that the grandson needs to be in bed at the same time every night whether the girlfriend is visiting or not. And that you request that any visitors leave by X time in order that you and your husband may sleep in peace. Furthermore, if this arrangement is not satisfactory to them, they should all make plans to live elsewhere. That’s the deal, not up for negotiations.
 
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