At my bachelorette party

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TarAshly:
…as far as the turmoil in my life, he is an escape from all of that. he is my sanctuary.
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With all due respect…that’s what I was afraid of. You can’t run away from your problems, they will follow you right into your marriage. It’s something that has nothing to do with age so much as opportunity to discover how to handle these things on your own instead of expecting someone else to rescue you or fix it for you. I write this with no intent to hurt you but so you assure yourself and your fiance the best start to a long, happy married life.
 
Island Oak:
With all due respect…that’s what I was afraid of. You can’t run away from your problems, they will follow you right into your marriage. It’s something that has nothing to do with age so much as opportunity to discover how to handle these things on your own instead of expecting someone else to rescue you or fix it for you. I write this with no intent to hurt you but so you assure yourself and your fiance the best start to a long, happy married life.
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Island oak, I respectfully disagree.

Marriage isn’t about handling things “on your own” it’s about handling things together. If you into marriage with the idea that you’ll be handling things on your own you’re already in trouble.

My husband is my refuge with things get crazy and like wise I am his. We both have issues we’ve brought with us into our marriage, we are each others biggest defenders and strongest allies. Marriage itself doesn’t fix anything. The grace God gives us through the sacrament helps us to get through what ever life dishes out. Whatever it is we deal with it together.
 
That being said, I don’t like bachelor/bachelorette partys. It just seems contrary to the whole idea of the upcoming marriage.

Yes pre-wedding jitters is normal, and no you won’t turn old and boring over night.
 
Yes, you will still have fun after getting married! Marriage is all about what you make it to be, and pray it to be. Take the time to spend together laughing and finding the humor in the little things. Establish your priorities, and recognize they don’t always have to be the “mature adult decision” - it’s okay to take a spur of the moment trip that will give you two an adventure together and plenty of memories, instead of spending that money on new furniture (or whatever the case may be.) Just make sure to cultivate lots of activities and interests that are fun to both of you, and to make the little things fun. Going out is great, but there will be points in your marriage where it isn’t prudent to do that or you don’t have time, so hopefully there are lots of other things you consider fun that you and your husband can do.

It can be scary when you’re getting ready to married - you’re losing the “single” part of yourself and becoming part of a couple permanently. From experience, it seems a lot scarier before marriage. There’s so much you gain from marriage that any sacrifices you might make from single life seem miniscule. And I’ve found there’s still plenty of room for spending time with single friends, within reason of course. If you’re still nervous about this, ask God for the grace to accept your vocation joyfully and you might offer your suffering for those in need of Christ in their marriage. Best wishes!
 
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itsjustdave1988:
Hmmmm… you said:

Going home to your fiance at night? I may be jumping to an incorrect conclusuion, but I still suggest the following article…

catholic.com/chastity/q7.asp
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I was thinking the same thing and I also may be assuming something that isn’t correct.

I don’t believe in bachelor/bachelorette parties either. I was just
re-married this past September and even though we are “old fogies” (in our 40’s), neither my husband or I had parties. Not to generalize, but when most people end up drinking they loose inhibitions and may do things that they will regret later on.

I agree with what has been said in regards to marriage…it definetly does not have to be boring! I love being married and even more so now that I have found my soul mate. This time I did not have cold feet in the least…I could barely wait until our wedding day.

I will say that I did make a mistake in marrying young my first time…and marrying a non-Catholic certainly did not help! I don’t regret the three children God blessed me with, but if I had to do it over again I would have taken more time making the decision to get married. If you are having doubts, maybe it is a sign to take a step back and try to figure out why.

God bless…🙂
 
TarAshly,
I just have to say, please don’t be discouraged about getting married. Follow your heart, you know what is right for you. Just because you have had problems in your life should never keep you away from making a commitment to your soul mate. Everyone has problems and yes it is okay for your husband to be your sanctuary! When I have problems with other family members or whatever, it’s so nice to be able to go home to my husband and be comforted by his love. When I got married I was only 18, 2 months out of high school. Everyone was against it and said we were too young and it won’t last. But we set out to prove them wrong. There’s no way other people can really know where your hearts are and/or how good you are for each other. All they can focus on is what’s on the outside, what they see. That’s why I say, do what you know is right and don’t listen to anybody else. Okay I’ve said my peace, I’ll go now. 🙂
 
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anjel13:
TarAshly,
I just have to say, please don’t be discouraged about getting married. Follow your heart, you know what is right for you. Just because you have had problems in your life should never keep you away from making a commitment to your soul mate. Everyone has problems and yes it is okay for your husband to be your sanctuary! When I have problems with other family members or whatever, it’s so nice to be able to go home to my husband and be comforted by his love. When I got married I was only 18, 2 months out of high school. Everyone was against it and said we were too young and it won’t last. But we set out to prove them wrong. There’s no way other people can really know where your hearts are and/or how good you are for each other. All they can focus on is what’s on the outside, what they see. That’s why I say, do what you know is right and don’t listen to anybody else. Okay I’ve said my peace, I’ll go now. 🙂
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I’m not married, but I can tell you that following your heart is not a good idea. Your heart can fool you, and our hearts are only human. Some things may seem right at first but turn to be evil. Some things might seem wrong at first but they turn out to be good. God knows what’s right for you and you should be listening to your conscience which is the teachings of the Catholic church. Your actions reflect what’s in your heart. I will be sure and pray for you.

Padre Pio “Don’t worry, work and pray.”
 
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bones_IV:
I’m not married, but I can tell you that following your heart is not a good idea. Your heart can fool you, and our hearts are only human. Some things may seem right at first but turn to be evil. Some things might seem wrong at first but they turn out to be good. God knows what’s right for you and you should be listening to your conscience which is the teachings of the Catholic church. Your actions reflect what’s in your heart. I will be sure and pray for you.

Padre Pio “Don’t worry, work and pray.”
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I’m sorry, but maybe me and you have a different idea of the definition of heart and conscience. To me your conscience is your heart (I’m not talking physical here), your gut instinct. You know in your heart (or conscience) what is right and wrong, and if you follow that in union with using your brain as well, you will be okay.

Our hearts are only human? Maybe our physical hearts, but not the part that enables us to love. To me that’s a part of the soul. It’s spiritual not physical. I know from experience, that if I would’ve listened to everybody elses advice when it came to getting married when I did, I would’ve made a mistake. Following my own heart (conscience, instinct) was right.
 
If I had listened to everybody else, I would definitly not be where I am now.

I even heard from some people that you have not lived until you have seen how many people you can sleep with in one night. YUCKY. I have a great answer, ONE, well unless you are pregnant because then you are always stuck to someone else.

Oh yeah Space ghost,
Six months from now I will be hot and not caring about blankets. But guys sure get grouchy at 3 A.M. when they wake up to you tugging on the blankets. Hee Hee

Kat
 
I understand what people are saying about bachelor parties, but the criticism is misdirected. I have been a part of a couple of bachelor parties and have been invited to one or two others that I unfortunately couldn’t go to. Here’s what we did for my brother’s bachelor party:

Got all the guys together and went and played paintball for the afternoon. After that, we went to his soon to be brother-in-law’s house, had a barbecue, and just hung out. I think some people were drinking, but we’re talking very minor amounts. Then, the night before the wedding some of my brother’s closest friends and I went to his apartment to spend the night with him. What did we do? In addition to watching some movies and enjoying each other’s company, we spent about an hour praying for my brother in preparation for his marriage.

Another bachelor party I was a part of started off with paintball (inspired, I think, by my brother’s party). We were asked to take some time several weeks before the party and write down our thought’s about how much the groom-to-be meant to us and what we valued about him, all of which was to be collected and put into a book that would be presented to him at his party. The evening activity largely consisted of playing video games at someone’s house and again taking time to pray over him.

Another bachelor party I was invited to but could not attend consisted of getting together with the groom-to-be and going to a Habitat For Humanity house and working there for several hours.

I think that bachelor parties can be a wonderful thing if they are done as a celebration of the life of the one getting married and a sending off celebration for the marriage to come. All this notion of enjoying the single life in one big last splurge should be done away with.
 
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anjel13:
I’m sorry, but maybe me and you have a different idea of the definition of heart and conscience. To me your conscience is your heart (I’m not talking physical here), your gut instinct. You know in your heart (or conscience) what is right and wrong, and if you follow that in union with using your brain as well, you will be okay.

Our hearts are only human? Maybe our physical hearts, but not the part that enables us to love. To me that’s a part of the soul. It’s spiritual not physical. I know from experience, that if I would’ve listened to everybody elses advice when it came to getting married when I did, I would’ve made a mistake. Following my own heart (conscience, instinct) was right.
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Your heart is only part of your conscience. Why? Whether you like it or not the teachings of the catholic church is your conscience and it guides your heart into understanding of the faith. I don’t listen only to my heart and brain I listen to what God tells me to do. Following your own conscience is heretical and is idolatry. I never said anything about our hearts being soley physical. Its not just a gut thing, you must follow the teachings of the church. Taking other people’s advice is a good thing because the older folks have been there and done that. Not all advice however is good. I think that not taking others advice leads to complacency and arrogance and leads to “the whole world revolves around me” attitude.
 
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bones_IV:
Your heart is only part of your conscience. Why? Whether you like it or not the teachings of the catholic church is your conscience and it guides your heart into understanding of the faith. I don’t listen only to my heart and brain I listen to what God tells me to do. Following your own conscience is heretical and is idolatry. I never said anything about our hearts being soley physical. Its not just a gut thing, you must follow the teachings of the church. Taking other people’s advice is a good thing because the older folks have been there and done that. Not all advice however is good. I think that not taking others advice leads to complacency and arrogance and leads to “the whole world revolves around me” attitude.
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I still don’t think you really understand what I’m saying. In my opinion, the gut instincts that you feel is coming from your heart. Me and you just have a different way of seeing things. But I’m a little confused…Why do you somehow think that getting married isn’t following the teachings of the Catholic Church? She’s getting married, her instincts tell her that it’s right, her heart tells her that it’s right, and the church also tells her that it is right. So what’s your point? I’m not trying to be rude and please forgive me if I am, but I just don’t understand where you are coming from on this issue. Yes listening to some advice is good, but all of those people don’t always know what is right for you, they know what is right for them, therefore sometimes you have to follow your own heart, instincts, conscience, gut, whatever you want to call it…in union with the Catholic church. I will say this again, as others have as well, if I took the advice that all of those “older, wiser” people gave me, I wouldn’t be married right now and I wouldn’t be expecting the miracle of life coming to me in February. So I think your wrong on this one, following others advice, especially in situations like this is not always a good thing. Following your HEART is. It is up to us as human beings to live and make our own mistakes. Living a life according to everyone elses advice/beliefs will only cause more problems.
 
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anjel13:
I will say this again, as others have as well, if I took the advice that all of those “older, wiser” people gave me, I wouldn’t be married right now and I wouldn’t be expecting the miracle of life coming to me in February.
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Ditto, not just my family but even my closest friends questioned my decision to get married. I am very strong willed and knew my own heart. Were extremely lucky considering the odds - you bet. But if I would have listened to them I would have missed out on spending my life with my soulmate, my bestfriend.

I will say this. Marriage is not easy. It’s not “I do” and “happily ever after”. Young or not so young people walk into marriage thinking it’s hearts and roses from now on. That your relationship will be different than everyone elses, that you won’t have those problems.

The are advantages and disadvantages whether you marry young or not so young. When your young, your still maturing, still figuring things out -expect changes in your spouse that you may not be fond of, or in somecases no change -which what your were expecting as you both matured.

For those who marry later your more likely to be set in your ways, have a harder time making changes and sacrifices that are required in marriage. More likely to say -this is the way I am, deal with it.

There’s no perfect formula except to keep your focus on Jesus, regardless on when you chose to marry.
 
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anjel13:
I still don’t think you really understand what I’m saying. In my opinion, the gut instincts that you feel is coming from your heart. Me and you just have a different way of seeing things. But I’m a little confused…Why do you somehow think that getting married isn’t following the teachings of the Catholic Church? She’s getting married, her instincts tell her that it’s right, her heart tells her that it’s right, and the church also tells her that it is right. So what’s your point? I’m not trying to be rude and please forgive me if I am, but I just don’t understand where you are coming from on this issue. Yes listening to some advice is good, but all of those people don’t always know what is right for you, they know what is right for them, therefore sometimes you have to follow your own heart, instincts, conscience, gut, whatever you want to call it…in union with the Catholic church. I will say this again, as others have as well, if I took the advice that all of those “older, wiser” people gave me, I wouldn’t be married right now and I wouldn’t be expecting the miracle of life coming to me in February. So I think your wrong on this one, following others advice, especially in situations like this is not always a good thing. Following your HEART is. It is up to us as human beings to live and make our own mistakes. Living a life according to everyone elses advice/beliefs will only cause more problems.
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Where did I say that getting married is against the teachings of the church? I didn’t say that. You can’t follow both your own heart and the teachings of the church. To me, to follow your own heart means that I want to do things my own way. Doesn’t work that way. Tar Ashley said something about flirting which is very sinful indeed. I’m not saying she shouldn’t marry. A bacherlorette party makes absolutely no sense and it seems as if she’s marrying for all the wrong reasons. But then again I’m not God and I don’t always have all the right answers. I’m only a human being.

Padre Pio “Don’t worry, work and pray.”
 
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TarAshly:
i had my bachelorette party on saturday and something has been bothering me ever since. the whole time guys were buying me drinks and asking me to dance and flirting and a couple even tried to kiss me. while nothing go too out of control, i found myself flirting back a little, and even wondering if i was going to miss this life. i went home that night (next morning sorta) to my fiance who was passed out (he had his bachelor party the same night) i remember just putting my arms around him and being grateful that i have him and this incredible love. the problem is that i have been wondering a lot if im going to miss my single life. i love this man more than anything in the world, he is the only one i want to be with. is this just normal cold feet? i dont doubt wanting to marry him and be his wife and he my husband for the rest of my life. but is it possible to still be young and fun and crazy at times when youre married or will i go from 21 to 40 in point 2 seconds? my next question is i have always been told that its best not to discuss your bachelor/bachelorette parties with the other. i KNOW he didnt do anything serious because my big brother and my best friend were with him and besides that hes just not that kind of guy, hes devoted 100% as i am to him. however i feel like i want to know what went on. no one will say anything but “nothing happened he behaved and came home to you dont worry about it” also hes asked me about mine and i respond to him the same way. things didnt get wildly out of control but i did flirt and dance and party a lot. i had a great time and i know he did to, however i tend to get really insecure about him with other women. not that i dont trust him or anything i just start comparing myself to other women who flirt with him and sometimes i come up with the short end of the stick. also i dont know how he would react if he knew some of the things that went on at my party. i wasnt unfaithful AT ALL, but i do feel a little guilty any advice?
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I can kind of relate… but for me it’s not a matter of missing being single to missing any kind of social life before meeting my girlfriend. 🙂 If I marry her, I KNOW I will sometimes feel unhappily tied down. (Neither my body nor my fallen nature is monogomous!) I guess what you have to consider is what is on the other side of the scales. Marriage isn’t an arrangement made just so the other can make the other happier on a daily basis… a puppy can do that. There’s commitment that enables unity. And maybe I’m alone these days, but I think the procreative stuff is cool too.

If you want to know about his bachleor party because you’re idly curious, no biggie. If you’re asking becuase you are looking for trouble… eeesh. The comparing-to-other-women thing is so… frustrating to guys.
 
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KittyKat:
If I had listened to everybody else, I would definitly not be where I am now.

I even heard from some people that you have not lived until you have seen how many people you can sleep with in one night. YUCKY. I have a great answer, ONE, well unless you are pregnant because then you are always stuck to someone else.

Oh yeah Space ghost,
Six months from now I will be hot and not caring about blankets. But guys sure get grouchy at 3 A.M. when they wake up to you tugging on the blankets. Hee Hee

Kat
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No sorry KittyKat. You can sleep with a lot more than one in one night. Several times I’ve slept with 3 girls in one night, at the same time. And there are few more wonderful feelings…than sleeping with my wife my 1.5 yr old and my 2 month old. (except “sleeping” with just my wife ;))
 
Perhaps you should spend some time in prayer discerning whether you are ready to marry.

As a deacon, I prepare couples for marriage and coordinate a Young Adult group in our parish.

Bachelor & bachelorette parties are just plain silly, in my view, they lead to all sorts of near (or actual) occasions of sin.

Besides, if your friends want to show you a nice time before you are married have them throw a shower for you or take you and your parents out to dinner.

You’ve got the rest of your life to consider marriage, it’s not something to jump into.

A good step to take if you are preparing for marriage is to make sure you and your beloved maintain separate living arrangements and remain pure for each other. The greatest gift you can give your fiance is your virginity.

God bless you,
 
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Diaconia:
Bachelor & bachelorette parties are just plain silly, in my view, they lead to all sorts of near (or actual) occasions of sin.

Besides, if your friends want to show you a nice time before you are married have them throw a shower for you or take you and your parents out to dinner.
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But again, the problem is neither with it being a party nor with it involving bachelors or bachelorettes. The problem is entirely flirting with sin in the context of such a party. What you describe in the very next party is a bachelor/bachelorette party without the flirting with sin.
 
timbo1980
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And there are few more wonderful feelings…than sleeping with my wife my 1.5 yr old and my 2 month old. (except “sleeping” with just my wife ;))

Sorry I wasn’t thinking about that as I do not have children yet. But was thinking about the pregnant thing as I was teasing my hubby about the third person sleeping in our bed:eek: 😉 .

Kat
 
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