At Odds with Our Priest

[twosweetgirls]

I still say to bring it up to your diocesan bishop (if that’s who is in charge of this priest). I know priests have a calling to serve, and yes, we should pray for them. . . but that doesn’t give them the right to treat someone shabbily as this priest has treated you, no matter his reason. As a PP mentioned above, perhaps you aren’t the only one who’s been treated this way.

I mean, yes, being a priest is his calling and identity, but he still has to answer to a higher authority (besides Almighty God, of course). And if something about him needs correcting–since you mentioned abuses in your parish–then you really ought to consider going to your bishop. It’ll give you peace of mind, if nothing else. Sending you hugs.

 

[pprimeau1976]

I think you might be a little off with this post. Priest ARE human and deserve a little time off, just like anyone else. Also, they deserve a little privacy, they aren’t public property. Plus, each priest has a different, God-given temperment. Some priests are shy and some are outgoing.

My priest is a private man. He prefers to live in his own condo rather than the rectory. He also likes to travel, and does guard his privacy.

I am not saying that a priest should not travel. However, I question the priests who travel without the collar both in a metaphorical and literal sense.

I am not saying we should not respect the fact that in his capacity as Pastor, the priest needs a break. Even God retreated in the desert! However, I know of priests who would write in the church paper that he would appreciate it if death was imminent before being called for anointing. I also know of another priest who made an excuse to a man, whose mother was in dying pain, that if he came to annoint her - she would freak out because she would think she was dying!!

Isn’t it a practice now for Thursdays to pray for priests?..yeah…I think a holy hour is in my future!

 

[dkoinzan]

I think we can all appreciate that we would all love to say, “I am taking a break and we don’t want to interupted.” Life doesn’t work that way. I am not complaining about this Priest taking a break. I only expect him to do his job. I had called to recieve the annointing of the sick as I lay in the emergency room. My blood pressure to low to recieve pain medication. I was holding my dead son in my hands. I understand that He was dead and couldn’t recieve Baptism, but it would have been nice to recieve a blessing for him. He was to busy nailing holes in the wall at a fund raiser project. It wasn’t his day off. Sacriments come first. Of course I forgive him. If Jesus can forgive on the cross, I surly can forgive. I just don’t know how to handle all of this or explain it to my husband who is not Catholic. If there was another priest to be had, I would have asked for him.

 

[JLSacred]

Trouble these days, in a shortage situation, that a priest is stretched very thin. A priest can’t always drop everything to meet every single crisis that a parishioner might feel that they need a priest for. Did you ever go to this mean priest and talk this over with him? Did you tell him how abandoned you felt? If so, what was his response?

 

[dkoinzan]

I have nicely tried to speak to this Priest. He yells about things that don’t make any sence to me. I have asked him to explain what he is talking about and he says I know. I can’t even repeat it because I can’t put it together. It is like there was one Priest last April and then his twin came in May. One day he was friendly and the next day he was angry. His whole person is different. He used to ask to come pray with us during the Divine Mercy Hour. There got to be quite a group of us that did an hour of adoration at 3:00 on Saturday. Then one day he quite. We asked if he would like to come pray and he alway had an excuse. Then he told us we could pray at the any more, so we asked if we could pray at 3:30. He allowed us to pray but wouldn’t come. I don’t know. It is crazy.

 

[JLSacred]

It sounds like your priest might need some intervention of some sort. Perhaps he is having a mental health crisis in his life. I agree that it might be wise to contact the Bishop with your concerns. You need to carefully document some of the fluctuations you’ve observed in his behavior that are troubling. Don’t make it a personal vent about your own hurts, but a letter of concern regarding some of the strange things you’ve observed in this priest. Maybe some others here can give you further, more specific advise.

I have nicely tried to speak to this Priest. He yells about things that don’t make any sence to me. I have asked him to explain what he is talking about and he says I know. I can’t even repeat it because I can’t put it together. It is like there was one Priest last April and then his twin came in May. One day he was friendly and the next day he was angry. His whole person is different. He used to ask to come pray with us during the Divine Mercy Hour. There got to be quite a group of us that did an hour of adoration at 3:00 on Saturday. Then one day he quite. We asked if he would like to come pray and he alway had an excuse. Then he told us we could pray at the any more, so we asked if we could pray at 3:30. He allowed us to pray but wouldn’t come. I don’t know. It is crazy.

 

[Mark_Robert]

There are jerks in every sphere of life including the church. Don’t let ANY individual even a man of the cloth affect your belief in Christ. The best you can do is pray for his conversion, forgive and move on. This situation isn’t worth your angst or resentment. Obviously he doesn’t fret over it. Neither should you. He’s a poisonous personality I’d stay far from.

 

[blessedstar]

I am very sorry for all of the trials and crosses you and your family have had to suffer. I hope it will be some consolation to you that you are in the Living Prayer of my life.

You are not alone in these goings on that you face. Priests were not born perfect, they are men like any other man and equally capable of sin. We can be led to expect more of them because of their office as Priest, but it is the office that is perfect and not the Priest. We should not expect perfect behaviour from our Priests but bear with them.

It is not always prudent to go to the Bishop and express concerns. The Bishop will defend his son and rightly so because many of them face false accusations and severe trials and a consecrated soul is more attacked than any other in this world. Moreso are they tempted than any other soul in the world.

I know in life I too have been mean. I am sure at some point you also have been mean too. This does not make it right what you have had to suffer, but it does show that none of us are beyond reproach.

If this Priest was my Priest I would pray unceasingly for him with the Living Prayer of my life. I would distance myself from him because there is no point in putting yourself in harms way. If it was absolutely necessary to deal directly with him I would humbly do so and treat him especially kindly and if you ever have opportunity to praise or defend him to your Bishop I would do so. I would only speak well of him to other people and speak only to my Confessor about him and in the trust of the seal pour out my sadness and hurt to Jesus in the Confessional. Jesus heals everything in the Sacrament of Confession. I would not let any man disturb your peace nor destroy your faith in Jesus even if that man is a Priest.

God gave you to that Priest as a sheep within Jesus’ flock and if that Priest neglects you then that is on his conscience not yours. Still he must strive to be the Good Shepherd especially protecting the little ones. I would plead for mercy for him.

I would not be driven out of the Parish because the Parish does not belong to the Priest it belongs to the people and the Priest is the shepherd, servant and guardian of it.

As for those who think they are in the ‘in crowd’ and think they have a hold over things within a Parish, then they are not the little ones whom Jesus loves so greatly. They exalt themselves and are seen to be ‘doing good’ and like to be favoured and consider themselves to be better than others in some way. Well they have done their good and everyone has seen it and everyone has noted who they are and what they do and they have had their reward, but your reward will be in heaven. You know that there can be a great deal of jealousy in Parishes and this is a great sadness, don’t be drawn into it and continue in a little way to please Jesus in your Parish.

Pray to your little saints in heaven, your children will help you, you have suffered in unconditional love so much for them and so they are very close to Jesus.

Unite all of these goings on to the Most Beloved Sacred Wounds of Jesus upon His Cross and hand it all into His Providence.Don’t worry about anything; everything will be alright.

The love and kindness of Jesus to you and your family.

In the prayer of my life.

 

[maryalene]

If this Priest was my Priest I would pray unceasingly for him with the Living Prayer of my life. I would distance myself from him because there is no point in putting yourself in harms way. If it was absolutely necessary to deal directly with him I would humbly do so and treat him especially kindly and if you ever have opportunity to praise or defend him to your Bishop I would do so. I would only speak well of him to other people and speak only to my Confessor about him and in the trust of the seal pour out my sadness and hurt to Jesus in the Confessional. Jesus heals everything in the Sacrament of Confession. I would not let any man disturb your peace nor destroy your faith in Jesus even if that man is a Priest.

I just want to echo this. I’ve been in a somewhat similar situation, and this is how I handled it. I think this is well said and excellent advice.

I am so sorry to hear about your children, and I do hope you are able to find the peace you need and deserve. {{{hugs}}}

 

[dkoinzan]

I do pray and offer up the pain he has caused as a sacrifice for him to love and serve God even better. I continue to wrap the sorrow of this year up as a gift to Jesus and in return I ask that graces be showered down on the Parish.

I have distanced myself from the Priest and, for now, the Parish. Confessors are few and far between here. I go to a very good Priest as often as I can. My confessor is retired and it is hard to catch up with him.

The hard part is trying to explain this all to my husband. He is not Catholic. I have nearly no support and the support I did have is affraid to even talk to me for fear what ever has happened to me may happen to them. Recently I had one person return to me saying that she thought I surely had done something very wrong because the priest was so angry with me. He had done the same to her and wanted to apologize, because now she understood. The things that have been said about me and my family are total lies and it hurts that the Priest would be saying them. He does know me better than that.

The lose of a child is hard. The lose of two, sometimes knocks me on my fanny and I struggle to get up and brush it off to move on. The knowledge that my body is not working as it should yet we haven’t been able to figure out why is, at times, scary. I can’t discuss to much with my husband because I don’t want him to get angry at the church and really be turned off to the faith. I really could use some support from the Church. I don’t want any titles, I don’t want any bells or whistles, and I don’t want any recognition. I just could have used some kindness.

Your advice is conformation that I am doing what I should. I am thinkful.

 

[blessedstar]

I was reading this earlier today: Taken from the book ‘The Little Flowers of St Francis’ by Raphael Brown (Franciscan Tertiary) The books bears the Nihil Obstat and the Imprimatur.

From the sayings of Brother Giles, Page 268:

’ Do not offend anyone. And if someone commits an offense against you, bear patiently for the love of God and for the remission of your sins. For it is much better to endure one serious offense without complaining than to feed a hundred poor people for many days and to fast every day for many days until the stars come out at night. What good is it for a man to despise himself and to mortify his body with fasts and prayers and watchings and disciplines and not be able to endure a single offense from his neighbour, for which he would receive greater reward than for those things which he bears by his own choice? And this is a warning sign, because his hidden pride is put to the test by the insult which he receives. Men expiate their sins more by bearing tribulations without complaining than by weeping.'

You do well and I am proud of you. You can always confine in a trusted Priest and/or close friend, everyone needs consolation and good counsel and of course you can always talk to Jesus and His Blessed Mother Mary, the Saints who desire you to do well and finish the race, your Guardian Angel who never sleeps and is always at your side through everything and ministers to and comforts you.

As for your husband say this, ‘You don’t love me because you always understand me and you don’t love me because you always think I am right. You love me because you love me as I am. I am so grateful for that and it makes me love you all the more. Thank you for supporting me in my faith even though you cannot see why I carry on as I do and your support means all the more to me for that very reason. I love you and I always will and thank you.’ (p.s. don’t forget the kiss and the hug! )

This does not demand anything of your husband and he will support you and continue to support you in your faith because he knows, you know, he loves you and you appreciate him. I assure you of that.

You will always have the Church here on CAF to talk to and I promise you that whenever you need to discuss this either in a thread or in a PM I will be here to talk with you as will many others and I will always keep you in my Living Prayer of life.

You are wanted, you do belong and I personally thank God for you!

Hold your head up high, smile and thank God for everything.

Only the bravest of Jesus’ soldiers and footmen, like you, carry the heaviest crosses and often they help others to carry their lighter cross; Jesus will give you every grace to do all that He asks of you.

 

[dkoinzan]

Blessedstar,

I agree with you and that is what I try to do. You have given me some excellent advise. I also think that to contintue have to much to do with this priest, enables him to continue to act in this way. I definately continue to pray and keep my distance. For my sanity, I need a break. Jesus wants us all to be saints, but he doesn’t call us all to be myrters. Jesus knows I don’t wish any harm to this man. I just can’t be a part of this right now. I have a family, a job, and I homeschool. Enough is enough. To continue to go to that parish would only feed the behaviors.

 

[anamchara]

I just could have used some kindness.

And you deserve this, there is no reason in the world for anyone to be treated in this way. I hate reading stuff like this because I know all too well the hurt that goes along with it and how much this kind of thing has driven people away from the church. I have read through this post and although I think It’s admirable to be forgiving and turn the other cheek, I also think there is no excuse for a priest to be playing politics and acting like a petulant child. When any priest acts this way they need to called on the carpet for it. Part of his job is to care for his flock and I’m getting sick of the old “well, golly they are human” yes, they can get cranky, ours does. And yes they are not perfect. But this is ridiculous. We have to draw a line somewhere.

Yes, we need to pray for those who treat us badly but we also don’t need to be someones doormat either, priest or not. I wouldn’t allow him to yell at me and I surely wouldn’t allow him to call me a lier.

I hope you find a better parish my friend, I can’t imagine the year you have had and then for your own Church to turn on you, good Lord.

You have my prayers of healing for the terrible loss you have suffered and the deep hurt this priest has made worse.

 

[blessedstar]

Blessedstar,

I agree with you and that is what I try to do. You have given me some excellent advise. I also think that to contintue have to much to do with this priest, enables him to continue to act in this way. I definately continue to pray and keep my distance. For my sanity, I need a break. Jesus wants us all to be saints, but he doesn’t call us all to be myrters. Jesus knows I don’t wish any harm to this man. I just can’t be a part of this right now. I have a family, a job, and I homeschool. Enough is enough. To continue to go to that parish would only feed the behaviors.

You do right and you do well. Keep a good distance between you and the Priest. You don’t need to say anything, just go away from him, you don’t have to put yourself in harms way.

Carry on in your little way serving, pleasing and loving Jesus and the best way you can do this is to be the good wife and mother that you are, pour yourself and your energies into this. Mother is one of the holiest vocations on earth, Our Blessed Mother knows this. No wonder then that mother’s carry so much sorrow in their hearts and the vocation of motherhood is attacked. You continue to love, protect and treasure the little ones even if it causes you suffering. Your children are blessed to have you.

The Holy Spirit will set all paths straight so pray to Him and wait on Him. Don’t worry, you will hear of change I assure you of that.

In my prayers

 

[dympnha]

I’ve read the original post a couple of times now and for the life of me I can’t understand what it is that you want from this priest. He might be avoiding you becuase he’s confused and/or cautious.

 

[dkoinzan]

Maybe try reading the rest of the post.

 

[SiouxAnne]

I am very sorry to hear about the lost of your children. I am also very sorry about how your parish priest is treating you.

I have also dealt with something similar although not as painful as you. I too am now looking for another parish because of the hurt my priest has caused me and my family. It is troubling because all I wanted was to go somewhere to get direction and comfort and instead I got yelled at and then ignored. Now I’m trying to deal with my situation without a spiritual leader. It is scary

I’ll pray for you to find what you looking for. Please pray for me.

 

[dkoinzan]

I am very sorry to hear about the lost of your children. I am also very sorry about how your parish priest is treating you.

I have also dealt with something similar although not as painful as you. I too am now looking for another parish because of the hurt my priest has caused me and my family. It is troubling because all I wanted was to go somewhere to get direction and comfort and instead I got yelled at and then ignored. Now I’m trying to deal with my situation without a spiritual leader. It is scary

I’ll pray for you to find what you looking for. Please pray for me.

I absolutely will pray for you. I had the honor of attending a beautiful Mass for Mother’s Day. The priest was wonderful! We were visiting relatives. It was in our diocese, so there is hope. I am fortunate in that I can attend the Carmelites Mass. It can’t be our home parish, but it allows us to see what priests are in the area. The Nuns are wonderful to us. They send my children and me letters and prayer cards. “God has something better than ever planned!” keeps coming to me over and over again. Priests are rearranged in June. Who knows what may happen. I am so sorry your priest acted so uncaring. I will pray for his conversion as I pray for my priest.