Atheist-Christian relationships

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I think that would be very hard to work, because it’s a disagreement about what’s most important in life.
 
Treat as you should any first date, with respect. Listen to her, enjoy it. Try not to argue beliefs.
 
It won’t work. Maybe you should find a nice atheist girl instead, if there is one.
 
CeaselessMedik said:
(How) can they work? I see a Christian girl Friday.
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Why wouldn’t they work?

Though it should be brought up in casual conversation a few dates in that neither of you will actively try to convert the other. (Prayers and/or hoping doesn’t count). My wife knows I’m a nonbeliever before we dated, while she is of course Catholic.

To be honest I don’t think either of us can truly grasp why the other believes (or lacks belief) the way the other does, but there is nothing antagonistic about it for the most part.
 
It depends upon what each is looking for in a “relationship.”

If by this is meant simply two people having couple-related fun together for a relatively short time, there should be no problem. But if either (or both) are envisioning that the “relationship” would go much farther, then the differences in belief would become more important when major crises develop in either life.

ICXC NIKA
 
CeaselessMedik said:
(How) can they work? I see a Christian girl Friday.
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Depends on what you mean by “work”. In general when two people who have diametrically opposing worldviews try to date, it rarely “works”. They are just too different and they find it to be a deal breaker, sometimes early on and sometimes only with a lot of heartache after they’ve invested a lot of time and effort.

It can “work” when neither of the two people is really very serious about their faith or non-faith position. It depends on what you think it means to “work”. People who are fine to coexist without a deep connection at a spiritual or philosophical level may find it works. For other, such a situation would be unsatisfying. It wouldn’t “work” for me on a lot of levels.

A Christian who really is only a Christmas/Easter or cultural Christian could “work” with a non-believer if they really aren’t too concerned about going to church or raising their kids religiously. A non-believer and a practicing Christian could “work” if the non-believer is more on the ambivalent side and is OK with the Christian taking the kids to church and their partner going to church regularly.

A non-practicing Christian and a non-practicing whatever (Jew, Muslim, etc) could work just fine. My non-practicing kinda Christian brother and his non-practicing Jewish wife do Christmas and Hanukkah and Passover and Easter with the families. But not really in a religious way, more in a cultural way.

Whenever two people seriously practice their religions, or in the case of a non-believer seriously practice their non-belief (i.e. no Christmas tree is coming in my house…), then it rarely “works”. Ever. And, in such cases, it is best to walk away from a serious compatibility deficiency rather than try to make it “work” or to ignore the serious issue and pretend it isn’t a big deal or to hope the other changes (or worse, to be under the delusion you can change the other).
 
1ke said:
So, how have you two agreed to raise children? I think that’s where the rubber meets the road.
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We don’t have kids yet.Basically I won’t stop her from raising them Catholic. But we will not “force” them into confirmation.

Frankly, I don’t mind my future kids being raised in a religion, that much. It will help them relate to others since most people are religious. But I do demand that they have a choice in the matter at some point.
 
CeaselessMedik said:
(How) can they work? I see a Christian girl Friday.
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You have 276 posts here and no religion listed. Are you atheist?

I think it all comes down to how people treat each other. Sorry to say, but some of the ‘good Catholics’ I’ve known, including my ex husband (annulled) have behaved far worse than some non-believers.

A few weeks ago, I met a man for coffee. He’s very staunchly atheist, and was a great guy, easy to talk to, cheerful, happy, seemed very willing to accept that I’m very devoutly Catholic, said his ex wife was very Catholic and he helped raise her children in the Catholic faith and went to church with them every Sunday.

Then he also said he thinks the only reason anyone believes in God is because they’re 1) irrational and illogical or 2) afraid of death.

I could easily accept someone who doesn’t share my faith because I’ve already seen that what someone calls themselves doesn’t necessarily tell me what they really live. But when someone, no matter how ‘accepting’ they think they are of my faith, tells me I’m either irrational or a coward–well, no matter how nice they are, that isn’t going to work long term.

The reverse is true, too, of course. The best relationship I’ve ever had, in some ways, was with someone as different from me as a person could possibly be. But we respected each other. He admired and encouraged my faith and I respected where he was on his own path and didn’t try to force anything on him.

I think an atheist and Catholic can work together, if they both have a great deal of respect and love for each other and aren’t making blanket generalizations about what each other’s beliefs and those who hold them.
 
Whatever you do, don’t wear a fedora or say you’re feeling euphoric
 
So far the two examples we have on this thread of actual non-believer/believer relationships seem to include what I would call supportive non-believers. Although it’s totally my own term, a sympathetic or supportive non-believer is one who is OK with those in his/her family practicing religion or whose own non-belief maybe borders on belief or their non-belief inspires ambivalence toward belief of others or who has a view that it really doesn’t matter.

One example has agreed not to hinder raising the children in the faith, and the other expressed active support and participation in raising the children in the faith.

I think it is typically the non-believer who compromises their non-belief in the mixed religion relationship, from what I’ve seen anecdotally on these boards.

In a two religion or two denomination household, it can go either way but one or the other compromises what they believe. A poster who used to post on here a lot and argue with me that mixed Christian households can “work” just fine was arguing from the place of her being a practicing Lutheran and her husband being a non-practicing Catholic supportive of her being Lutheran and raising children Lutheran. A few years later, the husband had a reawakening of his own faith and all of a sudden it didn’t “work” so well anymore.

I maintain that it only “works” when both parties are non-practicing or one of the parties is completely ambivalent or willingly compromises on their own belief system.
 
I can only assume she’s either a very lukewarm “Christian” or–she’s determined upon your salvation.
 
1ke said:
So far the two examples we have on this thread of actual non-believer/believer relationships seem to include what I would call supportive non-believers. Although it’s totally my own term, a sympathetic or supportive non-believer is one who is OK with those in his/her family practicing religion or whose own non-belief maybe borders on belief or their non-belief inspires ambivalence toward belief of others or who has a view that it really doesn’t matter.
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Can’t speak for others, but the ambivalence comes from the opinion that one isn’t converted to a particular faith, but that presented with said faith and experiencing it one either believes, doubts, or disbelieves. Therefore, there’s nothing to be against as long as they aren’t “forced” into it beyond a certain age.
I maintain that it only “works” when both parties are non-practicing or one of the parties is completely ambivalent or willingly compromises on their own belief system.
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I’d say that once the inane “if no god then why not go on a killing/raping/pillaging spree?” topic is debunked, all that remains is the issue of whether or not the Christian in the relationship can accept the possibility that their spouse might not join them in heaven. But for the most part I’d say there are plenty of “lukewarm” Christians whose initial objections stem from an odd pov (imo) regarding the required source of morals.
 
GEddie said:
It depends upon what each is looking for in a “relationship.”

If by this is meant simply two people having couple-related fun together for a relatively short time, there should be no problem. But if either (or both) are envisioning that the “relationship” would go much farther, then the differences in belief would become more important when major crises develop in either life.

ICXC NIKA
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I think this is key, as well. I went out a few times with a very nice guy who said he was agnostic. He was good-looking and incredibly easy to talk to. He didn’t pressure me to go beyond my comfort zone and never asked me for more than what I wanted to do. I thoroughly enjoyed spending time with him.

However, it became clear after several dates that it just wasn’t going to work out because we were both looking for something different in a relationship. I was looking for eventual long-term marriage, and he was not quite so convinced. I also realized that I wanted to find someone who could understand me in my faith, and he couldn’t do that. Doesn’t mean he was necessarily a bad person, just that we were not going to find what we were looking for in each other.
 
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