Atheist friends?

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frangary

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I have a bunch of friends who are atheists, and they’re all really cool except for the fact that they don’t believe in God. Or Jesus. Or the Virgin Mary. 😑 My mom says I should sever ties with them, but I really like them, so is it a sin to keep them around?
 
frangary said:
I have a bunch of friends who are atheists, and they’re all really cool except for the fact that they don’t believe in God. Or Jesus. Or the Virgin Mary. 😑 My mom says I should sever ties with them, but I really like them, so is it a sin to keep them around?
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Please listen to your mom.
 
No it should certainly not be a sin. People are people. If they are nice, then they are nice. Their belief system should not be a factor in your opinion of them. Basing your entire view of a fellow human being on whether or not that person is a catholic is shallow and mean. It is entirely up to you of course, but it really is not kind to abandon good friends just because of their views on life. They are just as entitled to their own view as you are.
 
I have friends who range from devout Catholic to agnostic to atheist. Personally, I don’t see anything wrong with having atheist friends as long as they are good, ethical people. The fact is that you will encounter all sorts of people in this world who have different belief systems. I don’t think you should stop being friends with someone because they don’t share your religious beliefs.

However, if you find them threatening your Catholic beliefs or if they become hostile to them then it is time to head for the exit. After all, why would you remain friends with someone if they actively insult you?
 
I’m wondering how old you people are who are advising against the advice of a mother who has this child (or teenager’s) best interest as far as his/her eternal salvation is concerned. I’m thinking that you are children too. The advice you are giving is unwise.
 
My college roommate and very good friend for 25 years is agnostic on his best days, but he is the one person I can utterly depend on, no matter the temptation, no matter the circumstance, no matter the difficulty involved, to always, always, always do the right (most moral) thing in any situation. —*more than any Catholic, Lutheran, Hindi, Methodist, or Anglican or Presbyterian friend I have.
 
It’s certainly not a sin to have, or hang out, atheists. However, one of the ten commandments is to honor your father and mother.

That being said…

Why is it that your mother is asking you to completely sever ties with them? Those are strong words. Are they influencing you negatively? Do they drink? Use drugs? Do other illegal and/or immoral things?

Do you have Catholic friends? Are you spending more time with your Catholic friends than your atheist friends? It is generally a true statement that we become like who we surround ourselves with, which may be why your mother is concerned.

I would tell your mother that you will respect her wishes, but would like to understand why she is asking you to completely sever ties with them. Ask this RESPECTFULLY and SINCERELY, not in a combative or negative matter. Then it might be easier for you to understand why it is that she has made such a suggestion. 🙂
 
Annie39 said:
I’m wondering how old you people are who are advising against the advice of a mother who has this child (or teenager’s) best interest as far as his/her eternal salvation is concerned. I’m thinking that you are children too. The advice you are giving is unwise.
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How do you KNOW this is a teenager or child asking this question? I’ve looked at the profile, and NOWHERE does it say how old this poster is!

People can be good people without having faith. Why should they be cut off? Perhaps the OP’s example of faithfulness will rub off on the atheists, and someday a seed will be planted…you never know!

Jesus did not hang out with only the upstanding, righteous people of his time. He hung out with some rather unsavory people! The OP says nothing about these even being “unsavory”! All the OP says is they are atheists.

Perhaps more information is needed.

It gets rather dicey to “forbid” someone from hanging out with someone anyway. “Forbidding” makes the object seem more fun and desirable.

Do you really think every single person this person will meet, like, and/or hang out with his/her life will ALL be Catholic?!? Please!

My sons go to a Catholic High School. My sons are also friends with Jewish kids, atheist kids, Catholic kids, Lutheran kids, and kids who are just plain confused and searching. I’ve met all of these friends…they are all great kids who all have great hearts, are courteous, good students, kind, and compassionate. So my boys should cut all of them out of their lives just because they are not firmly set in Catholicism at this point in their lives?!? Wrong.
 
Catholic90 said:
How do you KNOW this is a teenager or child asking this question? I’ve looked at the profile, and NOWHERE does it say how old this poster is!

People can be good people without having faith. Why should they be cut off? Perhaps the OP’s example of faithfulness will rub off on the atheists, and someday a seed will be planted…you never know!

Jesus did not hang out with only the upstanding, righteous people of his time. He hung out with some rather unsavory people! The OP says nothing about these even being “unsavory”! All the OP says is they are atheists.

Perhaps more information is needed.

It gets rather dicey to “forbid” someone from hanging out with someone anyway. “Forbidding” makes the object seem more fun and desirable.

Do you really think every single person this person will meet, like, and/or hang out with his/her life will ALL be Catholic?!? Please!

My sons go to a Catholic High School. My sons are also friends with Jewish kids, atheist kids, Catholic kids, Lutheran kids, and kids who are just plain confused and searching. I’ve met all of these friends…they are all great kids who all have great hearts, are courteous, good students, kind, and compassionate. So my boys should cut all of them out of their lives just because they are not firmly set in Catholicism at this point in their lives?!? Wrong.
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Catholic90. I know because I’m a mom. I have raised boys to men. Moms and dads “forbid” all the time or at least should do so. Sometimes tough love is needed. Several people here have actually advised a minor against obedience to his mother. Even Jesus was obedient to his mother and HE CREATED her. The Lord forbade Adam and Eve in the garden and that made the object seem like more fun. Did that prevent the Lord from forbidding?
 
Yes Annie but just because a mother says something does not mean she is always right. I’m sure she has her child’s best interest in mind, but when you forbid the child from being friends with a certain group of people regardless of the content of their character, you are actively encouraging an intolerant attitude towards those who don’t share your specific life view. That’s not fair. I have friends who are atheists and they are amongst the most compassionate and moral people I have ever known. More so than most of my catholic friends.
 
I think the OP has to play this by ear. I’ve had atheist friends who stayed friendly and supportive of me for what I am.

But you really have to dump those who try to undermine you. In the end, what you ARE, your faith, is simply essential and vital to you.
 
Annie39 said:
Catholic90. I know because I’m a mom. I have raised boys to men. Moms and dads “forbid” all the time or at least should do so. Sometimes tough love is needed. Several people here have actually advised a minor against obedience to his mother. Even Jesus was obedient to his mother and HE CREATED her. The Lord forbade Adam and Eve in the garden and that made the object seem like more fun. Did that prevent the Lord from forbidding?
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Then what would you say if your child came home with a Jewish, Muslim, Protestant, Hindu or Buddhist friend? Surely in our increasingly pluralistic N. American societies we will run into folks with very different belief systems. This does not make them “bad”; the Natural Law is written on the hearts of all men and women of good will. Including non-believers who, one may find, are often people themselves searching for the truth, but are victims of poor formation on the part of their parents. What a missed teaching opportunity if you forbid your children to mix with such kids!!!

Only total insecurity would compel one to ask a child to completely isolate him or herself from the real world. Or is it a cop-out from having to actually try to explain the real world to the child?

I am glad you weren’t my mother. I’m 51; I grew up Catholic in a Jewish neighborhood but my father was Anglican, and my parents taught me not only to tolerate other belief systems, but to respect them. That in essence is also what the Church teaches us.

Tough love is indeed called for in many circumstances and I myself as a parent have used it. But forbidding friendships was only very rarely invoked and that only in cases where there was questionable behavior on the part of the friends or their parents. Not because of their beliefs. In fact I never really needed to invoke it too hard as my kids themselves often recognized situations they were not comfortable with and quietly dropped the friend.
 
Annie39 said:
Please listen to your mom.
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ethical_honesty said:
No it should certainly not be a sin. People are people. If they are nice, then they are nice. Their belief system should not be a factor in your opinion of them. Basing your entire view of a fellow human being on whether or not that person is a catholic is shallow and mean.

No. It’s called discernment. And the OP did not say mom objected to the friends not being Catholic.

It is entirely up to you of course,

Not if the OP is living at home, is a minor, and wants to uphold the command to honor mom.

but it really is not kind to abandon good friends just because of their views on life.

They are just as entitled to their own view as you are.

Of course they are. But if you take this logic too far, you can justify just about any abhorrent opinions: “Pedophiles have every right to abuse children”. Somewhere, someone really, honestly holds this as their opinion. Sure, they are ***entitled ***to it, but…get the point?
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I’m appalled by the responses in this thread, other than those that urge the OP to listen to his mom. OK, I’m presuming the OP to be a minor, and if I’m mistaken, “response 2” below applies.

If the OP is a minor, listen to mom. She may be right or wrong, but she is your mother. When you become an adult, you can make exclusive choices on who you hang with. Besides, if they’re worth hanging with, they’ll still be around for you when you’re older.

It sounds like mom is concerned about their influence on you. Every parent should feel the same about their kids. She also doesn’t feel that you’re ready yet to be a potential (positive) influence on them. Mom is a better judge of this than anyone on this forum and perhaps the OP as well. Whether she is a good judge of the OPs character, susceptability to influence, etc is not our business.

Response 2:
If the OP is 18 or over, still, mom has good advice. Unless you’re rock-solid in your faith, be very careful as to how you choose your friends. We all are influenced by others’ beliefs in one way or another, and mom is obviously concerned about which type of influence you may get from your choice of friends.
 
Did Jesus avoid contact with non-believers? No? Why? Could it be that isolating ourselves from the non-faithful does nothing to spread the faith?

You can’t lead be example if you hide from those in need of leadership.
 
If every Christian left the side of a non-believer then who would witness the Gospel to them? Many young atheists are not really atheists at all but those who are just making a statement in their search towards the mysteries of life.

Now, that being said, if the OP is a minor then more information is needed and to err on the side of caution I might suggest that he/she listen to his/her mom. But to leave a friendship solely based on one’s beliefs is prejudice and not taking into consideration the whole of the individual. If there are other factors involved then by all means sever the friendship since I’ve seen many Catholics that I would not want my kids to hang around.

If this is a minor who is easily influenced about faith issues then perhaps mom is right and, for now, make other friends. The real issues here is with the OP and his/her stance on the existence of God and not the external world view. If the OP is rooted in his/her faith then keep the friends and be a positive role model for them. If not, then follow mom’s advice for your own good… teachccd
 
For a stable, mature adult, one who has a wide range of friends - who has many friends who support him in his Faith, Athiest friends are no problem.

For an impressionable person, one who wants to fit in and be “cool”, for someone who has no other friends - this is a huge danger.

If you are living with mom or if she is supporting you with money, honor her and obey her.
 
Annie39 said:
I’m wondering how old you people are who are advising against the advice of a mother who has this child (or teenager’s) best interest as far as his/her eternal salvation is concerned. I’m thinking that you are children too. The advice you are giving is unwise.
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Perhaps we should rephrase the statement to be, “create a dialog with your mom about why you can’t be friends with an atheist.” I certainly didn’t want to suggest that a kid or teenager should do whatever he/she wants regardless of what his/her parents’ say. Always listening to your parents is important, but I feel that a healthy parent/child relationship also means that the child shouldn’t be afraid to ask “why?”
 
I think it all boils down to the OP not giving enough information. What is the reason behind his mother’s opinion ?

If the **only reason **is the fact that those friends are atheists, then I believe that she might be very wrong. However, I suggest talking to her, trying to show her that atheism does not equal evil.

There might be other reasons, though, and then it becomes more complicated, depending on those reasons.

In any case, I’ve grown up surrounded by atheist friends. Not only that, but friends who would drink, smoke, engage in premarital sex, swear, and so on.

And guess what ? Those people are still my friends, even though I’m in the process of converting to Christianity. Why ? Because they are good people.
 
OraLabora said:
Then what would you say if your child came home with a Jewish, Muslim, Protestant, Hindu or Buddhist friend? Surely in our increasingly pluralistic N. American societies we will run into folks with very different belief systems. This does not make them “bad”; the Natural Law is written on the hearts of all men and women of good will. Including non-believers who, one may find, are often people themselves searching for the truth, but are victims of poor formation on the part of their parents. What a missed teaching opportunity if you forbid your children to mix with such kids!!!

Only total insecurity would compel one to ask a child to completely isolate him or herself from the real world. Or is it a cop-out from having to actually try to explain the real world to the child?

I am glad you weren’t my mother. I’m 51; I grew up Catholic in a Jewish neighborhood but my father was Anglican, and my parents taught me not only to tolerate other belief systems, but to respect them. That in essence is also what the Church teaches us.

Tough love is indeed called for in many circumstances and I myself as a parent have used it. But forbidding friendships was only very rarely invoked and that only in cases where there was questionable behavior on the part of the friends or their parents. Not because of their beliefs. In fact I never really needed to invoke it too hard as my kids themselves often recognized situations they were not comfortable with and quietly dropped the friend.
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Just for the record, I’m glad I’m not your mom as well. However, I’ll tell you what; I had your unwise attitude when I was raising my children. One of my boys brought home all kinds of people that I turned a blinds eye to and both he and I have lived to regret it. He is now adult and reaping all kinds of grief that he sowed with the help of his stupid mother.
 
Annie39 said:
Just for the record, I’m glad I’m not your mom as well. However, I’ll tell you what; I had your unwise attitude when I was raising my children. One of my boys brought home all kinds of people that I turned a blinds eye to and both he and I have lived to regret it. He is now adult and reaping all kinds of grief that he sowed with the help of his stupid mother.
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What I learned at my parent’s knees was discernment. And what my kids learned is the same thing.

What I find far more important than what belief system their friends adhere to, is to get to know their parents. We live in a rural area; so until my kids were teens and had their driver’s licenses, we had to ferry them everywhere as no friends lived within walking distance. It was pretty easy when dropping them off or picking them up, to chat with the parents and get a feel for the family situation. Moreover when you know the parents, and one of their friends is up to no good, it’s easier to pick up the phone and have a chat.

All of my kids have sound friends. Some are Protestant, some are non-believers, and some are from Catholic backgrounds.

There is probably more to the OP’s mother’s viewpoint than meets the eye though. If their idea of fun is to chase girls, get drunk and party, that’s one thing. If on the other hand they are sports-minded, that’s another.

A mother that would put a blanket ban on all atheist friends though, is doing the kid no favor.
 
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