Attending Get-Together for Homosexual Couple

[misstherese]

I find it sad that someone would break off ties with a gay friend because they’re afraid that even “being around” them is going to send the message that they approve. Is that what it means in the Catechism when it says about gay people that, “They must be accepted with respect, compassion, and sensitivity”?

That’s not the reason I broke ties. I broke ties because almost every conversation involved his sex life and requests for advice on his relationships, which I did not agree with but was too afraid to speak up about after my conversion because it would have resulted in an explosion. My telling him that I felt I was called to religious life gave him an expression of disgust, after which I told him he could visit me but I couldn’t visit him, to which he replied with a tone of revulsion, “I don’t want to go to a nunnery”. I was shocked. From then on, we saw each other less because I figured we had nothing in common.

St. Francis De Sales says not to have companions that are worse off than you spiritually. It would be better if someone were at either the same level or above you. This is Catholic teaching. Friends influence you.

 

[Allegra]

I propose that shunning someone for the sole reason that they are in a gay relationship could be tremendously scandalous in and of itself. Most people are aware that the Catholic Church teaches that homosexual acts are wrong. Many also believe that the Church teaches that gay people are hell-bound by their nature and deserve to be hated, bullied, discriminated against, and the victims of violence. Actions that associate Catholics with the “God Hates F$#@” crowd also produce scandal. Actions that emphasize the love and mercy of Christ are much better.

 

[Allegra]

I can honestly say that in the category of homosexual sin, my innocence is perfect.

 

[ShowersofRoses]

I ain’t perfect, but at my age I have a fairly good idea what tempts me, what doesn’t, and what to do when I experience temptation. So I know which “sinners” might lead me into sin, and which ones will have no influence on me. If I cut myself off from my lesbian colleagues for fear that they might contaminate me, that certainly is not going to bring them closer to conversion.

By the witness of my life, and the experience of the love of Christ through me, I hope to win souls for Him that He may be loved. St Teresa of Calcutta once said, “It is not enough for us to say we love. We must put our love into a living action.” Bit difficult to do that if we’re never around anyone.

I love your response here, Gert. This is what I also took away from the Summa quote. I also have a good grasp on what would tempt me or not.

It’s ok for someone to attend a gathering with sinners if they know that they’re not tempted to go along with that sin. Jesus hung out with the prostitutes and tax-collectors because He wasn’t tempted or contaminated…rather He was a Light and a witness to them.

I don’t think we should shun sinners just for the sake of making a point. Otherwise, we should all go live in our own little cave. We’re meant to be in the world but not a part of it. Loving those who are separated from the Church is the best way to live our lives for Christ. We are all sinners and need love and compassion.

However, a weaker brother who would be tempted at a particular gathering should refrain. An alcholic should stay away from parties with alcohol if it’s too much of a temptation.

And someone struggling with chastity should not attend the gay wedding reception if it makes him more likely to be discontent and yearn for a same-sex union himself.

Since there are strong arguments on both sides, even among the clergy, I say follow your conscience about it.

In this particular case, I wouldn’t attend since they are explicitly celebrating the marriage with a rainbow cake and rainbow decorations. I don’t think I could stomach that, just as I’d be uncomfortable with any other blatant celebration of sin.

But that’s just me…someone else might go and be able to separate the couple from the party and not be conflicted about supporting them.

If they were my close friends, I’d still love them and hang out at other times, but my conscience wouldn’t let me attend their celebration of gay marriage.

In this case, they’re not even your close friends–they’re your dad’s friends. Hang out with them later if you enjoy their company and it makes your dad happy. But I don’t see how you’re obligated to attend the reception.

 

[Seagull]

Wow.
Ignorance - is bliss !

 

[TheLittleLady]

Priests make mistakes.

We are to follow the teachings of the Vatican, of the Bishops, if a priest gives contrary advice, he is mistaken.

I cannot fathom a priest telling a parent to shun their children because those children sin.

 

[Allegra]

I also suspect that those who are ready to part ways with anyone they know who is gay would be far less enthusiastic about shunning a sinner in a department that they were less than perfect in. I don’t hear people bragging about how they refuse to speak to their children until they cease with all forms of gluttony, or how they won’t attend their cousins’ birthday because they haven’t sufficiently repented of gossip or losing their temper. I suspect those who feel complete justified in shunning gay people would happily sit down to lunch with someone they knew used pornography and thought nothing wrong about it. It’s really easy to be self-righteous about a sin you have absolutely zero interest in committing.

 

[TheLittleLady]

The thing is, priests can have opinions that are wrong.

Your pastor is the one who is charged with care of your soul, charged by your Bishop and the Pope.

We are discouraged from running about “priest shopping” til we find one who says what we want to hear.

 

[LisaB]

I’m glad you asked a priest, and I agree he gave you excellent advice.

There is a difference between associating with sinners (i.e., attending a BBQ where they will be present, getting together to study for a test, etc) and celebrating their sins (I.e., this event, you saw the decorations, what else could it be?). This goes for all sin, not just homosexuality.

Your family, as important as it is, comes after God, not before. It is far more important to please God than to please your family.

In practical terms, I can’t imagine that a young adult not attending a party for his parents’ friends is really that big of a deal. If asked why you aren’t there, they could simply say you are out doing your own thing, which is a normal thing for young people to do.

 

[ShowersofRoses]

Your child being gay is not a crime. If you shun them, you’ll just drive them further away from the Church and from God. No, I wouldn’t want my child to live a gay lifestyle. I would be down on my knees praying for them. But we should we doing that anyway…like Job, offering up sacrifices for his children. We aren’t privy to our children’s secret sins.

I’ll always support my kids, no matter what. By the time they are adults, they are responsible for their own actions. We can’t put them in time-out for being naughty. It’s likely they will not stop their sin just because we disapprove. We can be a witness to them, but it’s between them and God and we need to pray, pray, pray for the Holy Spirit to move them.

 

[Eddie18]

Being gay (the act) and being a serial murderer are both mortal sins in the eyes of God, and either person dying in that state would lead to their condemnation. So yes, I consider one just as serious as the other.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Being gay (the act) and being a serial murderer are both mortal sins in the eyes of God

“Being gay” and having sexual relations with a person of the same sex are two different things.

I, as a non-gay person, am more than sexual relations.

 

[Eddie18]

They are all mortal sins regardless. Notice these verses from Scripture condemn both the effeminate, and liers with mankind:

“Know you not that the unjust shall not possess the kingdom of God? Do not err: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, Nor the effeminate, nor liers with mankind, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor railers, nor extortioners, shall possess the kingdom of God” 1 Cor 6:9-10

 

[TheLittleLady]

People in unrepentant mortal sin cannot go to heaven. Yep, I think we all know that.

Being gay is not a sin.

 

[ShowersofRoses]

Gertabelle, let us simply pray that those who make big speeches about shunning their children either do not have any children or are lucky enough to have children who either don’t commit any big sexual sins, or manage to completely hide said sins from their parents.

It is pointless to argue with someone who thinks he’s so right that he would endorse committing such harm upon his offspring. Prayer is the only constructive response.

In this vein, I thought I’d offer a book suggestion Where Does a Mother Go to Resign? for those who are struggling with the knowledge that their kids are living a gay lifestyle. I’ve read it a few times even though I don’t have experience with this situation, just because her writing is so helpful for anyone going through suffering.

Barbara Johnson suffered the crippling of her husband, the deaths of two of her sons, and the homosexuality of a third. This was written back in 1979, so obviously there was not the abundance of help or understanding we’d hope to find nowadays. She’s not Catholic, but she has some wonderful advice for those who are going through trial by fire.

She also had to make the choice whether or not to shun her son, and she most emphatically chose not to. In fact, her son disappeared for 11 months after she found out, and it was agony for her. She kept loving him all along until he felt safe enough to come back.

 

[Cruciferi]

My dad’s best friend from high school and best man in his wedding came out as gay a while ago

I know my dad will be disappointed and hurt if I do not go.

I don’t believe it’s a sin to attend; however, your father cannot expect you to like his friends. He’s a close friend of the family but you’re not obligated to make him your friend.

breaking a frriendship”

The OP doesn’t need to consider this man his friend. It’s his father’s friend.

I wouldn’t go, mainly because I dislike social gatherings where I know few people.

That is a very good reason! The parents can attend; however, I don’t believe that the children are in anyway obligated to attend.

My aunt who will be at the event just sent me a picture of a the decorations she set up: rainbow flags and a rainbow cake.

Yeah, that’s a bit much for me…

They would not be able to drop the subject and when I did wrong, they would bring up how I am judged these people and then am myself sinning.

They should have some respect for your personal beliefs.

If your parents threaten you with punishment

If you’re an adult in college, your parents can’t punish you.

 

[anon10271182]

And of course, none of us are perfect. Those who use the “Christ ate with sinners” argument to justify attending such celebrations misidentify themselves with Christ. I identify myself with “the sinners.”

Any personal relationships I seek will be with those I perceive as holier than me–and there are plenty of those folks.

 

[SeriousQuestion]

He was actually trying to convert them.

 

[angel12]

As the quote states, if you are totally certain there is no fear of perversion on your part, by all means try to help the person. But you’ll notice the quote refers to those people as “the perfect”, and the majority of people are not perfect and will be susceptible to falling.

You make it sound as though someone can “catch” being gay. Not true.

 

[SeriousQuestion]

You have to read what he said in context.