Attention Singles and looking: Is smoking really a deal-breaker for you?

[Mirdath]

Not if you both smoke

 

[jmcrae]

I was reading on a Catholic singles website that smoking would be considered a deal-breaker in a their search for a potential spouse.

Isn’t that a little harsh? Smoking, while physically bad for you, is very addictive and hence EXTREMELY hard to break. I could never discount a person JUST because they might smoke.

Think of the extra amount of housework - smoking is filthy. The previous tenants at our place were smokers, and (ten years later) we are still cleaning tobacco out of the walls and ceilings. Horrible stuff! [where is Mr. Yuck when you need him?]

 

[puzzleannie]

I am not likely to ever be dating again in my lifetime, but if I were the answer would be yes. A person who cannot respect his own body is not capable of respecting me. Besides I have asthma the result largely of growing up in a household of smokers and working with smokers for 20 years, before the law allowed any respite for non-smokers subjected to the vile habits of others.

 

[tapiocapudding]

I’m not single, but I’m married to a man who is currently quitting smoking mostly cause we’re about to have a baby. It wasn’t a deal breaker when we first started dating (obviously) but I think it would have been a real problem in our relationship if he insisted on smoking indoors or didn’t have good oral hygiene.

 

[historybrat]

For me smoking is an absolute deal breaker. Both my parents were chain smokers when I was growing up. Both parents have health issues because of it. My mom is highly addicted, and has COPD. What did she do when she found out she had COPD? She excused herself and went outside to have a cigarette. Out of three children, two of us have asthma because of it. When my parents divorced and moved away, I helped clean their houses. Layers of ashes were everywhere. It was three months after I moved out before the smell of smoke left my clothes. And on top of all of that its expensive.

I would rather have a healthy guy, a clean house, healthy children, and extra money.

Historybrat

 

[Jessamy]

I was reading on a Catholic singles website that smoking would be considered a deal-breaker in a their search for a potential spouse.

Isn’t that a little harsh? Smoking, while physically bad for you, is very addictive and hence EXTREMELY hard to break. I could never discount a person JUST because they might smoke.

Sure, smoking is addictive. But every single person in this day and age knows that smoking is addictive and horrible for you BEFORE they begin smoking. Yet they choose to do it because it’s “cool”. I therefore think it isn’t harsh to consider smoking as a deal breaker because it says a lot about the kinds of choices someone makes.

Now if a person were trying to quit smoking and had become more responsible since they first made the decision, I might consider dating them. But they would not be allowed to smoke near me. It makes me sneeze, the smell is disgusting, and I don’t wish to compromise my health to be with someone.

I really do not think this is unreasonable.

 

[mercygate]

This thread is very interesting. I’m old enough to remember when the kinds of responses I am reading here would have been considered completely off the mark. EVERYBODY smoked – well, almost everybody. There were ash trays in the conference rooms of the medical school I work for.

Non-smokers who objected to the stench were considered rude if they mentioned it. Goody-two-shoes. Spoilsports.

Thank God all that has changed!

 

[chevalier]

Interesting! The quote is from a concert transcript:



Topic? I’ve dated smokers and would again so I guess it’s not a deal breaker.With that said it’s not my preference. The health issues, the cost, the potential for conflict (because you are going to smoke outside, not in the house).

It’s interesting how smoking is rather common where I live now (rural midwest) in comparison to others areas I’ve lived that very few of my friends or guys I dated smoked. So, if I were to date anyone around here it’s very likely that he’s a smoker. It’s already pretty slim pickin’s around here. If it were a deal breaker well, let’s just say what’s left over is the deal breaker :nope:

Hehe. Thanks.

Well, smoking a lot indoors, especially connected with a liking for cigarette smoke in an unventilated room, that would be a problem. With my asthma, I can’t stand that. Generally I avoid visiting people whose houses make you feel sticky within a couple of minutes. Wouldn’t like the same in mine, although personality is more important than that habit. I would, however, work on convincing the person to drop the habit, I think.

 

[whatevergirl]

I was reading on a Catholic singles website that smoking would be considered a deal-breaker in a their search for a potential spouse.

Isn’t that a little harsh? Smoking, while physically bad for you, is very addictive and hence EXTREMELY hard to break. I could never discount a person JUST because they might smoke.

hi COM!

I married a smoker–but he has now quit–praise be to God. I don’t see anything wrong with that being a deal breaker. Everyone has the ‘right’ to choose what he/she will be able to live or not live with …and if smoking would be too much, then it’s their choice. I have gotten into numerous disagreements and downright arguments with my husband, especially when the kids got older…as I want him to be a good role model. “Don’t smoke kids,” (but I do it) just doesn’t fly to me. So, if a person feels that he/she doesn’t want to deal with the problems that might come along from marrying a smoker…then, maybe he/she shouldn’t. But, it’s a person’s right to choose who he/she wants to marry. When you’re exploring your options, it’s ok to be picky.

 

[Bataar]

I wouldn’t want to date a steady smoker. I’m a casual cigar smoker (2 - 4 a week) but I wouldn’t want someone who burns through several packs a day.

 

[childofmary1143]

Usually when I start a thread I am lucky to get into double digit responses so this is so huge for me.

I want to thank everyone for their honesty and candor here. I have learned a lot here and perhaps its my age that has factored into that as I am 38 and it didn’t seem so long ago where as a kid I would be in a car with my parents and brother and sister all smoking.

If my opening post seemed a bit judgmental then I apologise. I have learned a lot but I still don’t know if I can make smoking a deal breaker though.

This HAS been the most educational non-religious thread I have ever read here!

Thank you and please feel free to continue to post here.

 

[Catholic90]

I am 44, and while I am not dating, smoking WOULD be a deal breaker. In fact, when I was dating 20 years ago, smoking was a deal breaker then!

Smokers smell bad! They taste bad, too! The smell gets in everything and is nasty. I would never want to raise children with second hand smoke. It makes my eyes burn and my throat sore.

Not to even mention the expense!

I have raised my children to be aware of the dangers of smoking. They have all done reports on the poisons in smoke. They hate the smell. Their uncle used to smoke, and while they loved their uncle, they hated the fact he smoked. When he would come to our house and step outside to smoke, they would tell him how bad it was and how he was a “dummy” for doing that. He eventually quit! He told us he realized how right the kids were, and he did not want to be a “dummy” in their eyes!

 

[JadensMom]

I would never date a smoker, ever. I wouldn’t want to be widowed early! Both my grandmother and great-grandmother were both widowed in their fifties due to their chainsmoking husbands passing away from lung cancer. I don’t want that to happen to me!

Plus I wouldn’t want to kiss a smoker. The smell is unpleasant.

~Jaden(name removed by moderator)

 

[OSUbride0708]

The smell of smoke grosses me out. I am also allergic to smoke. I’m not so sure I’d want to date someone with an addictive personality either. Harsh as it may seem, no one can think that smoking won’t make them unattractive to some.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

Usually when I start a thread I am lucky to get into double digit responses so this is so huge for me.

Isn’t it nice when that happens?

**Since you are still open to various opinions I would like to delve into the addiction aspect of it a little more…

Yes, smoking is a very powerful physical and psychological addiction. Yes, it is a very difficult habit to break. But it can be done. When? When the person has enough motivation and support.

My mom was a smoker. She started back in the day when it was just something everyone did. Back when the doc told her that it wouldn’t harm me at all for her to continue smoking while pregnant or when i was a baby/child.

She quit after her first major asthma attack that almost left me motherless. She quit after that. But even with the direct threat of death it wasn’t easy. She struggled. She succumbed to the cravings. But then she would resolve to quit again. And again. Until she did it.

Now she feels terrible about smoking during pregnancy and my early childhood. For all of the chronic respiratory infections, ear infections, and tonsil surgery I had to go through before I was even 4. But I don’t hold it against her. She didn’t know any better. Now that she knows better she would never make the same choice again.

So when assessing someone’s character (which is very important when choosing a spouse) I think it is very prudent to take into account struggles with addictions. I would much rather be married to someone who had the strength to beat an addiction than to one who hides behind excuses to continue.

The same can be said of porn addictions, which to me seem to be the modern day equivalent of what smoking was 30 years ago. “everybody’s doing it”. “it’s not harmful to you or anyone else”. “It’s cool/fun”. “It’ll make you popular”…blah blah blah…

When looking for a spouse one really needs to consider character… in today’s age of information I would have to question the character of a man who thought smoking was a good choice and not quitting was acceptable for a husband/father. But of course that’s just my own opinion.
**

 

[lifeisbeautiful]

Simply put, it MAY be a deal-breaker for some; but not for everyone.
We’re individuals and as such,we all have our own set of personal deal-breakers.

My :twocents:

I agree. I didn’t marry a smoker, but if dh would have been a smoker I would have married him anyways With that being said, I have never tried a cigarette and my preference was prolly non-smoking, but certainly not a deal-breaker (though chain smoking would have prolly turned me off). If you are asking if it should be a deal breaker if one is Catholic, my answer is no. It can be for some because of their personal preferences, but there are good Catholic spouses out there that are smokers. For me things like views on contraception, premarital sex, the Catholic church in general, etc were much more important.

 

[CarrieH]

A smoker would have to be awfully special to make it through my “smokers need not apply” rule. I dated a smoker some years ago, and as a non-smoker, I hated having my clothes and hair stunk-up with his cigarette smoke. Let the smokers date each other and leave me alone, thank you. I’m not allergic, but one of my cats is. I found that out when I burned some incense, and the poor kitty coughed and hacked until I opened the window and aired out the house. (And BTW, cat-haters or cat-allergic men also need not apply).

 

[CarolAnnSFO]

Smoking (anything) would be a deal-breaker for me. I’m too allergic to be breathing it (and a bit asthmatic, as well). I don’t even want my cats breathing it. Plus, it makes your house, your clothes, and everything you own, stink.

I’ve seen landlords have to tear out all the carpeting and practically rip the walls down to the studs after heavy-smoker tenants leave. I had the misfortune once to have to sit, at the symphony, next to a woman whose clothing simply reeked of stale cigarette smoke (she looked lovely, all done to the nines, but the effect was lost the minute the odor reached my nose). Ugh. Once, on a business trip, I got a hotel room that was obviously one of the “smoking rooms” (it was late at night, and the place was otherwise filled up, so I didn’t have much choice). Double ugh!

 

[Magicsilence]

Although I have never, and will never smoke, I did used to like the smell from my grand-dad’s old pipe, though he passed away many years ago.

As for dating a smoker? No way. Not a chance. Same goes for any sort of alcohol problem.

There was a girl in my class at university, very pretty face, but a slightly hoarse voice. She left the building after class, and lit up a cigarette.

Any attraction that was previously there vanished immediately. Seems like its wired in for me

 

[JustAnotherThou]

Deal Breaker for me. I could list all the reasons, although I think almost all of them have already been listed.