Awful Coworker- please help my spirit deal with her

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We are praying for you. Please pray for my wife as well? We lost our son, 23 year old police rookie to a self inflicted head wound two years ago. Yesterday her boss told her “it’s been 27 months, get over it”
Now wife doesn’t want to return to work. We need prayers and advice if anyone would have some please.
Thank you and Pax Christi.
 
Oh my gosh CSWalkins, I’m so very sorry. How the enemy has his captives to attack us in our weakness. This woman at work is ofcourse insensitive to say the very least and any HR rep with a heart would understand reporting her. Who wants that extra drama when grieving. I read your post aloud to my husband, we stopped what we were doing and he said such a prayer for your situation.
We pray God’s peace in your lives, I’m so sorry for your loss. Only the Lord can give strength dealing with this life. So sorry again
 
I’ll pray for her. You may want to report this to Human Resources as well.
That was WAY over the line of acceptable behavior.
 
Who’s she related to? I have found that when a person in any work place seems to have carte blanche for horrible behaviors there is a tie to someone higher up[.
Find out who THAT person is.
 
If you are going to report this keep documentation and don’t keep it on site. If you try to explain the comments, the behaviors, they will sound petty to someone who isn’t experiencing it. They need to see the pattern of behavior that shows that she is targeting you (or others) and that productivity is reduces. Don’t talk about how it make you feel, either, nor exaggerate as in, “she makes a federal case out of everything,” because she isn’t doing that literally.
pianistclare said:
Who’s she related to? I have found that when a person in any work place seems to have carte blanche for horrible behaviors there is a tie to someone higher up[.

Find out who THAT person is.
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^ This.
 
I would reccomend going to the person and telling her everything you think about her behavior honestly. If you do that, you have fulfilled your duty as a Christian, you saw evil and pointed it out. If she curses at you, or starts yelling at you, or will be mocking what you said, just leave, it will have its impact only then. You shouldn’t discuss anything with her unless she shows genuine good will, just inform her and leave it at that.

You don’t have any obligations to actually torture yourself by approaching her constantly. If she doesn’t change a slightest bit, it shouldn’t concern you. Pray for both of you and people affected by her behavior. Pray also to God to reveal what is it inside of you that enables her to affect you so badly. In every attack of such a nature there has to be something which allows such an attack to happen. In my case it often has been a desire for revenge, or a desire to change somebody, a desire to “win” with such people, or just being fascinated by the sheer audacity of some people. And many more, for every single situation it can be different. Fighting with such people is only bringing you down. Once you get over that, and admit your weakness in the face of such behavior, there will be nothing the person can attack inside of you. Then you just have to avoid such environments (or avoid paying attention to it if you can’t) and pray for those who behave that way, and for those who suffer because of them.
 
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Wow thank you all, I didnt intend to hijack this post. Thank you for the advice and prayers, I will share with my wife and decide what to do next (other than pray and offer up to our Lord). God Bless!
 
That’s an excellent point on documentation. I had a former boss who sent really nasty emails.
Even someone who didn’t know the situation would read them and say “wow, that’s a terrible way to speak to someone”.
If there are emails, forward them to yourself at home and keep a file.
 
Thank you so much for this, it is true I have wondered why i can’t just ignore her rudeness and not let it be a reflection on my value as a person. Thank you
 
momof2angells said:
Hi. In a nutshell my coworker is a woman who is mean, talks to herself, curses under her breath constantly, tells our other coworkers blasphemous things about Jesus (she did that one time). I reported her a few years ago for her unprofessionalism, she used to get really mean and nasty to me. My boss and HR never did anything. Well, we have a new internal boss now that knows her but probably does not know the extent of her bad behaviour and I don’t want to be the person to bring up problems to the new boss. However, I will report directly to the new boss starting in November and my coworkers terrible behaviour affects my work. I have to be careful how to approach her to ask her a question because she might be in a mood. SHould I mention it again to the new boss or wait to see if she does any changes , I wonder if I should tell her her constant rudeness made me report her a few years ago. I can’t stand another day of working with this woman, it affects me so much, she is horrible. Today I heard her curse that something smelled disgusting (I was having lunch, we sit next to eachother) and she’s affecting me. It’s been 4 years of this. Should I wait until I"m asked? Any advice is appreciated. I cant find another job because my children have benefits tied to this one. Thank you all.
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I know the type , they are miserable and they want to make you that way also, to bad you can’t use earplugs at work.
 
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Little things can make a big difference.

The lunch thing. I am super sensitive to smells. If someone heats up beans in the microwave I have to step outside for a bit (and I like beans, the odor grosses me out). Boiled eggs, tuna/fish, curries, cabbage, peanut butter, broccoli these are fairly odorous foods. Honestly, I rarely eat lunch and the smell of someone eating right next to me would make me nauseous!

Does your workplace not offer a break room where you can eat? It is simply good business to keep food/drinks away from paperwork and/or computers. If your business does not have a break room, ask your manager if you can help scope out a good place for one.
 
Thank you so much for your replies, I really appreciate them. It was acruelly a bag of barbecue chips. When i heard her comment I immediately closed it with tape and put it in my drawer. She made me nervous! I usually take my hour lunch outside as I sit all day and enjoy the walk
 
I’ve had two blowouts with coworkers. The one guy didn’t like the fact I was promoted. We had a brief exchange and didn’t talk for weeks. The other guy was convinced no one liked him and would regularly blowup and make accusations. Well, the owner tried a group intervention: me, the manager, my coworker, and the owner in the back room. I called him (my coworker) mentally deranged and then me and the manager walked off the premises together 😁 He was eventually fired for theft!
 
Isn’t that always the way…the sane people get blamed, and then years later you find out what’s REALLY going on!
 
Some have suggested bringing up religion. I do think that in this situation there are other issues to deal with first, and that the woman sounds as if she would be very unreceptive, and could increase her hostility once she realizes it upsets you. While she is so hostile, talking about religion could make you seem righteous and therefor alienating.
It could do more harm than good, As St Francis said, “All … should preach by their deeds”.

My son lived in a house where one young man was invariably aggressively rude to him.
Mt son who was always a likeable young man was hurt and rather oppressed by it, this unprovoked rudeness and nastiness.
I told him about Saint Therese, how there was an old sister who was cranky and difficult, and no one enjoyed assisting her.
Saint Therese made a point of not just helping as required, but doing little kindnesses, and would give the old nun her ‘very best smile’. It took a while, but the old nun softened.
My son took that on board, and without expecting any improvement or reward, he began little courtesies, something as simple as greeting him in the morning with a coffee and a quietly kind attitude. He kept it simple

He came to me some weeks later with one of his delighted smile,
Mum, I took your advice, and today he’s apologized for his past behavior, and he’s become pleasant to me.

People who are unpleasant and cranky usually become so for a reason, and it usually has something to do with unhappiness.
Treating the woman with respect and quiet cheerfulness, not expecting immediate results, not losing hope, not stopping because of further episode from her. It is best to treat a person as a child of God, who is damaged and needs nursing back to health, but quietly, patiently, rather than immediately coming up against her bitterness and resentment that will cause her to react badly to religion.
Later, you may be able to do that.

Now is for being the true, warm, kind Christian yourself, a witness of God’s love for her.
 
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However if she has proven unresponsive to kind greetings and acts,
other things she says and does indicate there could be some illness,
perhaps mental of some kind,
some deterioration,
and in respect for everyone,
rather than just go with a verbal mention in which a supervisor might only catch part of your message and think you are just being difficult,
I’d write a clear report so that you can lay everything out clearly and sound professional rather than personal.
Not because I’m hurt or angry,
but because the woman may need proper duty of care.Bosses don’t see all that goes on,
and deserve to know if their workforce is operating in a toxic environment,
as well as hopefully, anyone who may be ill or even on the cusp of some kind of dementia, which sometimes reveals itself in the anger, rudeness, and poor body care and circumspection.
 
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Hi Trishie, I love St. Therese and have read her story of a soul twice now, I actually carry it with me most days. I really appreciate your post and most especially because it was St Therese example that led things between us to get better! I kept being kind and eating m6 hurts and it worked for a while but then she began being rude agaim, out of the blue. For years now. I’m nervous to speak to the new boss but she asked me for IDEAS on front office, I was thinking of adding this staff portion at the end of our meeting so I don’t go right into it but the truth be told that is the most important issue because my coworker and I have not spoken on days, she’s older than me and resents me which is apparent. I’m in my forties
 
Then I guess she won’t stop resenting you, she’s older and probably afraid, and life has probably been tough…but you have challenges too, and don’t need all this agro.
Poor soul, to make herself so unhappy…
If you feel unable to discuss the difficulties, and feel unable to speak at this time, it could be a good idea to keep a record, so you can report with everything clear in your mind. We can pray that your new boss will make an opening herself, for instance regarding how things are working in your office space. You are obviously a lovely person who wouldn’t seek to cause any upsets or conflicts, so this is a very difficult position for you.

With the new boss, I guess you need to know how she approaches things, what her mindset and attitudes may be before you jump in., but what’s happening isn’t right. It’s not healthy for you, and it’s not healthy for the coworker to get away with the behavior. To leave it to continue only confirms her in it, a kind of unintentional ‘enabling’ of the bad behavior.

You poor girl. It’s not fair is it. You don’t need this stress, so for your health and peace you can’t leave it to long. May God give you to know the moment, and the words, and the courage to speak effectively regarding this oppressive matter.
Much of my childhood, I carried Saint Therese’s autobiography in my schoolbag, from Primary school. I smiled at your admission that you do.

Warm wishes, and m yprayers
 
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I don’t mean to say she resentse because of my age, just that she acts like she hates me to be honest. She’ll literally stare at me up and diwn, one time I asked her if everything was ok because she was eyeballing me head to foot (I wear a suit most days) . I really hate complaining to my new boss but this may be my only opportunity and at the same time, this is what conflicts my heart, I don’t know if Jesus is asking me to bear it without saying anything. Thanks to all who have lent an ear
 
Maybe you should love her to death. 🙂 That would probably drive her nuts. Well, I mean, more so. It would freak her out for awhile anyways.
 
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