I think to give it and then turn around and say ‘but I don’t want to be friends’ could really give a mixed message
YOu don’t need to say it with words, just actions. Move steadily away from listening to her personal problems and toward focusing only on work. Work out some ways to extricate yourself when she wants to talk about personal issues.
just made some excuse and let the friendship gradually fade out.
This is a course of action that will probably work best.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to give her something
YOu clearly have very mixed feelings about this relationship and are working out your own conflicts about how to relate to her.
Outisde of work I would tell her TMI (and she is the type that would get offending).
These are the kinds of things that friends talk about. I am not sure what this has to do with your religion.
She praises homosexual rights and tells me rudely that although I have a right to my religious beliefs I am wrong.
It sounds like you know you have a number of conflicting values but you have kept them to yourself, while still letting her get the idea that you are ready, willing, and able to listen to her talk about things that offend you.
And it really has never been my style to make excuses.
Now is a very good time to develop this important social skill. It is one of the ways you can avoid being painfully blunt, but also communicate important information.
When I don’t want to be with someone, if I make an excuse, the person sees through it.
Of course people do, and they are supposed to! This is the whole point of making the excuse. It is a subtle way of communicating one’s wants and needs that is designed to keep the peace.
I find excuses dishonest and insulting to the other person.
You might want to revise your attitude on this. It is really more confusing and potentially insulting to give mixed messages. At least if you are making polite excuses you can be consistent about the message.
How could I handle it gracefully. When I did try to politely talk about it she blew her lid.
This is exactly the purpose of polite excuses!
No matter how tactful I am, if the other person doesn’t co-operate, I can’t advancde the cause
This is not true. Although the relationship cannot progress without both parties cooperating, you can certainly continue to advance your cause and purpose whether she agrees to it, or not. And polite excuses can be quite tactful. Especially if they are consistent and repeated.