Awkward moments during mass

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Okay, so this didn’t actually happen DURING Mass, but I’m still chuckling about it.

I’m not a good morning person. Now that I’m no longer in the parish adult choir (sings at 10:30 Sunday Mass), I’m lucky if I can roll out of bed, shower, and dress for 12:30 Mass. All too often I’m running into the 1 pm Mass at another local parish at the last minute. 😊

So Saturday night DH and I went to a wedding. We stayed at the hotel that night because we had to drive the bride and groom to the airport at 6 am. We went home from there, and DH went straight back to bed. I figured that since I was already up, I’d shower and dress and go to 8:30 Mass, then come home and nap. I did this, barely managing to stay awake through the readings. When I left, Father was standing in the courtyard greeting people with “Good morning” or “Good to see you” or “Have a nice day”. When I came up to say Hi and to shake his hand, he said (without missing a beat) “Wow! You’re here early today!” :eek: 😊 😃
 
These may not be all that awkward, but they were rather strange. DH and I attended a different church that we have never before attended last night. During the second reading Philippians 4: 6 - 9 it started out by saying “Have no anxiety about anything”. Father must’ve thought that was funny, because he let out a little laugh. Then he was getting ready to end the Mass and began to make his announcements. He stops and says “ok, time for you to sit down, it’s my turn now” I didn’t see who he was referring to, but it got so quiet you could hear a pin drop! Definitely awkward!
 
sskelly said:
At a local mass a few years ago, the young priest’s forgettable homily was about when Christ descended to hell. As a finale, he said he thought it would be a good idea if we all told each other to go to hell at the “sign of peace”. The lady next to me and I just exchanged disgusted glances and said peace be with you. I go to the Latin mass now.😦 :mad:
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Oh my goodness :eek: I surely hope there were complaints about that and that he was set straight!!! Wow!

edited to add:
I wonder how many people actually DID tell each other to “go to hell”! :eek:
 
We once had a priest who was adamant that people not leave Mass early. One day a teenager got up and tried to sneak out early and the eagle-eyed priest shouted “Oh look! There is a young man so eager to get out and preach the Good News that he is leaving early to do it! God Bless You!” Can you say embarrassed?😊 Poor kid.
 
We once had a visiting priest at our parish. He always adds a sort of extra exchange of peace at the beginning of mass which once proved very useful. He had asked that we turn to one anther and greet each other in Christ’s name and I looked around. I suddenly realized that no lecture had processed in with the priest. I sidled out of my pew and walked up to the priest and asked ‘do you have a lecture’. He looks around and says ‘I don’t know, where would they be’. I said ‘They should have processed in with you’ and his reply was ‘well then I guess not’ very nonchalantly. By this time I was feeling really embarrassed standing in front of the entire congregation holding a conversation with the priest. It felt like I had forgotten to go to confession and was asking for a quick absolution.

I asked if he wanted me to go get the book (internally hitting myself for forgetting the proper name for it) and he said sure, still completely unworried. So I quickly walk all the way to the back of the church through the door to the small vestibule scan around to find ‘the book’, pick it up and walk (too quickly but at least I elevated the book), and served as lecture without having read the readings in advance. After the second reading I took the prayers of the faithful with me to read in my pew and was really tempted to take the priest’s homily notes just to see what he’d do.
 
I know this thread is old but it’s just too amusing not to share my experiences as well.

Before I was Catholic I was at mass with my dad. There were three Nuns visiting and they sat in our pew. When it was time for communion I was mentally thinking ‘get out of the way when the nuns come back’. Well, something distracted me and I didn’t stand to let the nuns back in the pew. So they squeeze past me and the last one gave me a very angry, condescending look. I was basically convinced I would go to hell. My dad comforted me with ‘she probably wasn’t really angry but they were probably cloistered’.

One more. My parish once had a substitute priest who was apparently involved in missionary work. His homily seemed to take forever but none of us knew what to do so we just sat patiently and listened. When mass was over I looked at my watch and it was ONE HOUR past the usually get out time. So an ordinary mass had taken two hours! I’m not even sure the priest realized his homily was an hour or more long.
 
One year at the church I attended, and where I was an alter server, we had a lot of trouble with the Easter Candle. The old one broke in two when we put it on the stand, (the kind with a big spike) and so we ordered a second. When it came, it shattered. By that time, it was nearly Easter and we called every Church and other place that might have one, all to no avail.

Finally, the night before the service the sacristan made a repair of the first candle - it was quite neat and invisible.

The Easter Mass there was quite long, over two hours. As it happened, I was the server standing closest to the candle. Just before we were to process out, it started to fall into two pieces! I lept forward and grabbed it before it fell, and spent the final hymn trying to squash the thing together. I had no luck, and so in the end, I blew it out before we left the sanctuary, which seemed wrong, but better than setting the church on fire.

I felt very self-conscious as I stood up there holding on to that candle.
 
We have at least one Lector who always seems to get the reading that he announces as a letter to the “Fillipians”.
 
zab said:
We have at least one Lector who always seems to get the reading that he announces as a letter to the “Fillipians”.
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I don’t understand you. That’s how it’s said, isn’t it?
 
This past Sunday I believe they ran out of consecrated hosts. Infact, I saw the priest break one communion in half to give to two children. They took it. I saw one girl turn around and give her mom a confused look. When the priest went back to the other end of the communion rail I noticed he kept looking back. I was in the side wing so I couldn’t see everything. At one point, the last family of 5 or 6 were told by the usher to just go sit down. 😦 I don’t know what happened after that.
I alternate between Latin Rite and Eastern Rite. At the Byzantine church, communion is bread IN the wine and it is scooped out by a “spoon” (forgot the official name) and poured into your mouth. So you have to open your mouth wiiiiiiiide and hold your head back. Well, I was at a Latin Rite Mass, and I receive on the tongue. This was during “swine flu pandemic” season earlier this year. I got a bit confused and while I had my mouth opened, I did NOT stick out my tongue. So the priest, trying NOT to touch my mouth, tried to drop the host in my mouth but, uhm… I closed it. The host fell on my shirt. :eek: I got so freaked out I quickly picked it up and put it in my mouth. I could see the priest WANTED to pick it up but he didn’t want to touch me due to the… uhm… location of the host on my blouse.)

After Mass I went up to him and I REALLY TRIED NOT TO CRY, but it was of no use. I burst out in tears. He pulled me aside and told me I hadn’t stuck my tongue out. And he even made me laugh. :o I was freaked out about it FOR DAYS. I even posted here on CAF.

Now, I make sure I have the proper position for receiving communion depending on the Rite I am in. LOL! 😃
 
GodIsGracious said:
This past Sunday I believe they ran out of consecrated hosts. Infact, I saw the priest break one communion in half to give to two children. They took it. I saw one girl turn around and give her mom a confused look. When the priest went back to the other end of the communion rail I noticed he kept looking back. I was in the side wing so I couldn’t see everything. At one point, the last family of 5 or 6 were told by the usher to just go sit down. 😦 I don’t know what happened after that.
There is a condensed consecration for that very situation. The priest should have used it.
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Mel_Stones said:
GodIsGracious;5470292:
This past Sunday I believe they ran out of consecrated hosts. Infact, I saw the priest break one communion in half to give to two children. They took it. I saw one girl turn around and give her mom a confused look. When the priest went back to the other end of the communion rail I noticed he kept looking back. I was in the side wing so I couldn’t see everything. At one point, the last family of 5 or 6 were told by the usher to just go sit down. 😦 I don’t know what happened after that.
There is a condensed consecration for that very situation. The priest should have used it.

GodIsGracious; somewhere on the net there is a video of a situation very similar to yours (the one that involved dropping the Host) and the priest went after the Host, meaning down the lady’s shirt, before he fully thought.
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Hrm. I wonder if he may have. I don’t know. I was off to the left wing of the church and couldn’t see everything. :o

And as to the video, I saw it! Some kind soul posted it in my thread here on CAF where I was freaked out about having the host fall. Here’s the thread:

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=335186

The video you mentioned is linked in that thread.
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My class in Catholic school was chosen to sing a particular song during a morning mass. Our teacher had us practice and practice to the point of driving us all nuts with boredom. I mean, how many times did we need to practice? Well…boredom breeds trouble I guess, because someone decided to change the words, “blessed is the fruit of Thy womb” into “blessed is the Fruit of the Loom”. After getting away with the change of words during practice, several of us went so far as to actually sing it that way during the morning mass, even giggling when that part came up. Nobody ever noticed! Back then it was pretty funny, but now thinking back on it, it was really disrespectful. 😊
 
zab said:
We have at least one Lector who always seems to get the reading that he announces as a letter to the “Fillipians”.
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paperwight said:
I don’t understand you. That’s how it’s said, isn’t it?
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zab said:
It is supposed to be Philippians, the accent is on lip
Phi·lip·pi·ans (fi lip**′**ē ənz). It should not resemble Fillipinos.
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I’m still confused.

We had a visiting priest one Sunday, and during his homily, he interrupted it so calmly and told a couple sitting in the front row “You won’t find my sermon in the bulletin, you can put that away.”

Another time, just a few weeks ago, there were some tourists (always tourists in this area). A bunch of people, right after the final blessing, decided that now would be a good time to leave through the side door, before the priest proceeded out of the church. He just stared at them all leaving. I’m noticing them leaving, and the priest staring, and my grandfather says to me “The priest is looking at them.” Well, I lost it. I didn’t need somebody to point it out. Somehow though, it was a silent laugh, but visible. One lady just looked at me as she was leaving as if I was this horrible person for laughing in church. Yeah, I shouldn’t be laughing. But I’m thinking “turn around and look at who’s watching you leave.” He had one of those mean stares too. You could just tell he wasn’t happy.
The deacon was singing along, until he realized that the priest wasn’t singing. So then they both were staring.
 
My boyfriend taught me that I can go receive a blessing, instead of the host since I haven’t done RCIA yet, but he didn’t add the little detail that it had to be from the priest. One time I went to mass alone at a new parish and when the time came I went up to get my blessing. My line was leading to a woman giving it out so when I went up there and did the x across my chest she looked at me confused. She asked me if I wanted the host and I said no and just walked away. I was so embarrassed I just kept walking past my seat and out the door.

When I told the story to my boyfriend I guess he didn’t hear the part that I didn’t go up to the priest so he told me that that parish probably just didn’t do the blessing. Four months later we are talking about this topic and that’s when I finally find out that I have to go up to a priest. Luckily I didn’t try that again with a eucharistic minister because I would have been even more embarrassed!
 
zab said:
It is supposed to be Philippians, the accent is on lip
Phi·lip·pi·ans (fi lip**′**ē ənz). It should not resemble Fillipinos.
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Oh, I see what you mean now. Your original way of writing the ‘crime’ i.e. ‘Fillipians’ didn’t really convey this. Perhaps ‘Fillee-pee-unz’ would have been clearer?

We used to have an old chap who referred to the Holy Spirit ‘hoovering’, which in the UK means using a vacuum-cleaner. Nice image.
 
w2bp88 said:
My boyfriend taught me that I can go receive a blessing, instead of the host since I haven’t done RCIA yet, but he didn’t add the little detail that it had to be from the priest. One time I went to mass alone at a new parish and when the time came I went up to get my blessing. My line was leading to a woman giving it out so when I went up there and did the x across my chest she looked at me confused. She asked me if I wanted the host and I said no and just walked away. I was so embarrassed I just kept walking past my seat and out the door. End QUOTE

You poor girl!

I have to say, the fault was with the E.M - she should have risen to the occasion and said something like ‘May the Lord bless you’ to save you that.

But it might have been that the priest was very strict about them not giving blessings, though, and she was just checking that it wasn’t anything she could deal with before she whispered to you to join the priest’s line.
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I have an iPhone and my ringtone used to be the sound of a duck quacking. One day during daily Mass, I had forgotten to turn the thing off, and my dad called me … as I was on the Communion line… “quack… quack… quack…”
 
zab said:
It is supposed to be Philippians, the accent is on lip
Phi·lip·pi·ans (fi lip**′**ē ənz). It should not resemble Fillipinos.
Click to expand...
We’ve actually had a reading from a letter of Paul to the Filipinos before and it was all I could do to not burst out laughing. Our pastor is Filipino and I saw his lips twitch when she said it. So far we’ve never had a letter to the Fallopians, which I understand has happened in more than one parish.

Thessalonians often comes out wrong too.
 
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