Awkward question for married couples

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ineedofmercy said:
We’d likely have fun trying and if we can’t conceive it’s not a problem
We need more people who will adopt 😃
In a weird way I would be happy with infertility
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You are a very young man with no experience in this particular topic. 🙂 I will just say that infertility is not what you think it would be. But hopefully you won’t ever have to experience it anyway.

As for the original question, I think it varies with the couple, so not much point in worrying about it in advance. 🙂 Trust that it will all work out when the time is right.
 
I’m not hoping for it
But it wouldn’t be the worst thing like it is for some
I actually wanna raise a lot of little Catholics
Just wanna keep the faith going strong in a dying world
 
Just would like to point out that the desire for porn is unrelated to an appropriate or healthy desire for marital intimacy. It would really be best for you to refrain from marriage until you have been clean from the sin or pornograghy for at least one year. It would honestly be very unwise to enter into a marriage while knowing you’re struggling with this. As once you’re married it will then be the sin of adultery as well as porn! Additionally I will also add that from your future wife’s perspective this could possibly be a very difficult and emotional issue, one that she may feel quite betrayed if she remains unaware of your involvement. While I understand you may not wish to, it is quite wrong for you not to at least inform her that you are struggling with sexual immorality and impurity. Though I do strongly feel that she has a right and need to know the entire truth BEFORE she commits to marrying you, it is your responsibility to ensure that she understands the severity of your problem. Furthermore you must know that your temptation for porn with not diminish with marriage, in fact it often increases following marriage especially if done in secrecy. God Bless!
 
I have every intention of being better by then (I’m only 18 won’t be married for atleast like 4 years )
I will also tell any girl I date about this and I’m not hiding it from people I trust and feel will help me get out of it

My problem in this post is that if I overcome porn and get married
Than intimacy will be short (small concern in grand scheme of things but I like to have some hope)

i hope by the time I’m married I will be able to be patient to when I can I have sex with out being in a lot of pain waiting

I’m trying to go all of lent without masturbation and porn
It’s been difficult already because it was rough before lent
I need prayers
Will hopefully be going to confession today
 
I’m not sure I understand exactly what you’re referring to in worrying that your intimacy will be short? Are you referring to the act of sex taking a minimal amount of time to complete? Or that you will not have have many opportunities to be intimate with your future wife?

I really don’t think you need to be concerned about either at the moment. It will likely be short but frequent in the beginning and will go up and down throughout your marriage according to the desires of you and your wife! I would recommend that you discuss this with your future wife. Your comment earlier that you would be too shy to ask and would just wait for her to initiate is concerning though. Intimacy is much more than sex, sex is part of it but communication is absolutely essential. Talking, learning, and paying attention to each others needs. Ensuring that her needs are met for relationship, love, and romance etc and asking for her to meet your needs sexually as well as relationally etc. Marriage is about serving the other person not at all about ensuring that they serve us. God Bless you!
 
I would definitely talk to her about it and seems to be a perfect thing to do while dating
I was referring to minimal amount of time but not having it much also is sad to think about

I’m not saying I wouldn’t tell my wife if I wanted it
But I don’t wanna needy or make wife feel guilty if she’s not in mood is all
So I wouldn’t ask for it much (if she wasn’t into it)
But if my wife is into it then we’d have no problem but just make sure we don’t get out of control
 
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Don’t worry. You’ll work it out among yourselves when you marry.
It’s never really awkward with your wife I think.
Remember, by the time you have sex with her you will, ideally, already know and love her very much and be comfortable with each other.

Your job for now is to paractice abstinence so that it won’t be a problem if needed in marriage.
 
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Your feelings are exactly why it is important to discuss this prior to marriage. I would also note that while sex is of very high importance in marriage, it may not carry the weight it currently does in your thoughts right now, in the future. When we are young sex holds a disproportionate place of importance, one that it will not always hold. Having said that I want to empathize the importance of finding someone compatible with you, someone who has similar interests and beliefs.

For example finding someone who feels similarly about the importance of sex… There certainly are some who may say this is rather shallow. However for my husband and myself marital intimacy is of great importance, our marriage relationship in general is of great importance. I strongly feel that my relationship with my husband is the single most important relationship I will ever hold here on earth, before my children, parents, or siblings. The point I am trying to make, is that my husband coming to me with desires for intimacy (sex) that he feels are unmet would NOT be met with feelings of being burdened or annoyed! Quite the opposite in fact! In marriage we are called to serve the other, this includes sex among many many other things like packing lunches, folding laundry, making dr appointments, back rubs, picking up dirty socks and towels… I want my husband to come to me with his desires, I want him to feel fulfilled as well as desired by me. This is why communication is very important! Hope this helps… God Bless!
 
I recommend you read the Theology of the Body, in any of its various forms, the cd by Christopher West is a great source. There is nothing sad or dismal about a healthy sexual relationship within marriage… As the two of you grow together in your marriage your intimate relationship will grow along with you. It never stays the same! So while initially it may be a rather short experience, you both will learn and change, not to mention that just because its short does not mean it can not be frequent.

I really recommend taking the emphasis off “sex” for now though. Try to overcome your temptation for lust and objectification. Instead of focusing so heavily on this why don’t you try and fill your mind with discussions like those found in Theology of the Body. Which will hopefully help you see the true Beauty of the marital relationship and its foundation in Christs relationship with us through the Church. God Bless
 
You just described perfection to me
I likely would tell my wife every detail of what I’m feeling
Just I’m an apologizer😂 and hate to annoy people so if I did ask it would do something this
“Hey honey sorry but I would really love to do “this” soon sorry if you tired and I don’t wanna bother you”
Through this I can just imagine my wife laughing at how careful I’m being

I should probably stop looking at marriage as if I’m the only one who is going to have interest in intimacy
I gotta up my hopes a bit I guess😂
 
I’m trying to overcome the desire all together
Recently but not super recently I was making good progress but slipped and fell very recently for a bit

Now my goal is to go all of lent and go to confession (wether I mortally sin or not) on Divine Mercy Sunday
Been a dream of mine since I was 13 and discovered that what I was doing was sinful

Just of course my mind bombards me with silly questions about marriage because it’s scared of leaving this desire behind (potentially forever)

Pray I make it all or atleast most of Lent

I’m finally going to confession tonight and couldn’t be more relieved
 
Confession is such an immense gift for us all! I pray you are filled with Gods Mercy, Grace, and Love!

Again I cannot emphasize enough working on overcoming the temptation for lust and objectification, as it is incompatible with a truly intimate relationship in the future. Secondly you do NOT need to let go of all sexual desire! Just that which is disordered, a desire for sexual intimacy with your wife is NOT disordered. Instead it is good, it is what God designed for us. So try not to feel as though you must sacrifice all that is sexual, it is simply that you must replace this desire for lust and porn with a true Love for our Lord and Faith is His plan for you. Please looking those CD’s by Christopher West, I believe its called Naked Without Shame. Likely you could listen to a sample of it on YouTube or order tge digital version on Amazon. It would be an amazing resource for both you and your future wife to delve deeper into the beauty of our Faith and provide a solid foundation for discussions relating to your future. God Bless!
 
1W1G1F said:
I would also note that while sex is of very high importance in marriage, it may not carry the weight it currently does in your thoughts right now, in the future. When we are young sex holds a disproportionate place of importance, one that it will not always hold.
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This is definitely true. Before I was married I just couldn’t have imagined a situation where I would be married and pass up an opportunity for sex. But it doesn’t remain such a big concern when you’re married. It’s not even about youth and age.

I feel like one of the graces of marriage is to reveal the proper place of sex and its proper position in the list of priorities.

Remember that with marriage comes a huge amount of grace specifically granted by God to allow us to live that vocation.
 
ineedofmercy said:
I will also tell any girl I date about this
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We are not required to confess our sins to the people we date. Actually, it would be kinda skeevy if I were to go out with someone and he started talking about how much he uses porn.
 
Yes, but it should be discussed and disclosed before marriage. And preferably way before. There are a lot of wives out there who feel they should have known about their husband’s porn use.
 
IMHO, those with an attachment to the sins of pornography and masturbation need to work on remedying that sin before they ever discern marriage with someone.

When they do find a godly spouse-to-be, there is not a reason to disclose the sins of your past. I have no desire to know what sins my husband committed before we met.
 
If he is still involved in this sinful habit, by all means she should have the option to opt out!
 
Didn’t mean it like that
I mean if I trust someone and we’re dating
I’ll let them know I’m trying to be good basically

I’ve never had a like girlfriend (lots of I like yous you like me’s tho)
I’ve told some girls (2 in total)as a accountability partners
I’m like the guy girls talk to about what’s bothering them and I genuinely care and I’m not romantically attracted to them
So I trust them to know and if I dated someone I would likely trust them too
 
A guy should not have girls as accountability partners for porn.

When I was first starting to date the girl who would be my wife I lived with roommates and we had porn out all the time. Videos, magazines etc. On day my “girlfriend” was over and inquired about all the porn lying around (I know I’m dating myself here.) I told her it was no big deal. Well it was to her. She said " this will not be part of our relationship. I will not date a guy into porn." Now, I really liked her so right then and there i took a garbage bag and got rid of it all right in front of her. I understand how different it is with free porn at your fingertips at any moment but the point remains the same. Just stop. Just get rid of it in your life.
 
They’re just my friends and I’ve improved a lot by having someone to talk to instead of dealing with withdrawl alone
I have guys that know and help too

It’s not a problem to tell someone
 
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