Babies At Mass

[Karianne]

Thoughts? Similar experiences? Should I grin and bear it? Should babies be barred from the Tridentine Mass? Should I worship with the monks? Should this family sit in the back? I would DEARLY love to devote my mind entirely to a Mass and experience it fully.

The family should sit in the back, or the parents should remove the offender from the Church. It’s ridiculous to think that everyone should just tolerate a bad tempered minor.
HOWEVER, it’s my personal opinion that a lot of parishes could easily provide a ‘crying room’ for infants and toddlers or even a 50 minute baby sitting service for parents so that they too can benefit from the full experience. Volunteers could staff the room, there can be education, crafts, music etc, we’re not talking an all-day service after all!
A baby who is not yet seven does not have to attend Mass, therefore it’s not a risk to his soul if there is a place that he can be taken so that his mother can get some peace.
Some parents glory in bad behavior from their kids, they think it’s cute, I don’t.

 

[Karianne]

I started a thread right after I joined the forum about “Behavior at Mass” where it states alot of the things that you mnetioned above. There were alot of responses on in too, so I think behavior at Mass all the way around is abyssmal and it isn’t just the children…it is the adults too. Many people seem to have lost respect for the Mass and what it stands for (bliss)

Wow, come to think of it, you’re absolutely correct! The adults are just as bad, some even talk on their cellphones during Mass!

 

[Veronica_Anne]

Uh, how did a lay person read the Epistle at a Latin Mass? I think I just misunderstand you.

It’s only the Gospel that it must be the priest who reads it. Trained laypeople very often… if not always… are the ones who read the Hebrew Scriptures (“Old Testament”), the Psalm, and the Epistle.

 

[jmcrae]

They do not just smile. They literally play with them and it happens to many people at every Mass. Many people actually love kids and get a kick out of them and those people can be a distraction when they giggle. laugh and talk to my kids. Sheeesh, I am not a liar, nor do I ten to exageration regarding episodes that happen in real life.

Yes, I’ve seen this happen, too - a perfectly well behaved child gets teased by the adult sitting behind him, all the way up to the start of the opening hymn - then the adult starts to focus on Mass, and the kid starts wailing and crying because his playmate suddenly disappeared on him.

For the record, I have never blamed the child or the parents for that one, and I have actually said to people, “don’t tease the kids who are sitting in front of you; it’s hard enough for the poor parents to keep them well behaved during Mass.”

 

[Cranch]

Uh, how did a lay person read the Epistle at a Latin Mass? I think I just misunderstand you.

It’s only the Gospel that it must be the priest who reads it. Trained laypeople very often… if not always… are the ones who read the Hebrew Scriptures (“Old Testament”), the Psalm, and the Epistle.

Veronica Anne - I think you have misunderstood. Unfinished asks a valid question of the OP (a troll, by the way). In the Latin Mass there are only two readings, the Epistle and the Gospel, and they are never given by the laity.

 

[Karianne]

I do not have children so I did not have to use it, but I was the pianist in the choir directly adjacent to the cry room for many years. Lots of people spoke to lots of people about the cry room, believe me. The response always involved low diocisan services fund contributions.

It’s not that specific problem, it’s that, sometimes, when a child OR their parent is bothering someone at Mass, it doesn’t hurt to assume the BEST instead of the worst. MAYBE there’s a durn good reason that parent and kid aren’t in the cry room. You never know.

cecilia

I guess it never occurred to the mothers to clean the room themselves. Things have sure changed in the Church! Now the mothers want cleaning services and well as a crying room!

 

[BlyssfulDreamer]

Veronica Anne - I think you have misunderstood. Unfinished asks a valid question of the OP (a troll, by the way). In the Latin Mass there are only two readings, the Epistle and the Gospel, and they are never given by the laity.

How do you know they are a troll? They may have been over whelmed by the outpouring of comments directed against him. I am in numerous groups and sometimes people who are not used to being on forums get a little taken aback by the comments…BTW what does that have to do with his comments which are right on in my book.

:heart:Blyss

 

[BlyssfulDreamer]

Yes, I’ve seen this happen, too - a perfectly well behaved child gets teased by the adult sitting behind him, all the way up to the start of the opening hymn - then the adult starts to focus on Mass, and the kid starts wailing and crying because his playmate suddenly disappeared on him.

For the record, I have never blamed the child or the parents for that one, and I have actually said to people, “don’t tease the kids who are sitting in front of you; it’s hard enough for the poor parents to keep them well behaved during Mass.”

“Don’t tease?” Do you equate smiling as teasing…or was this person ACTUALLY teasing the child…in which case that person should learn how to behave around children. Teasing children is wrong.

:heart:Blyss

 

[BlyssfulDreamer]

This thread couldn’t have come back up to the top on a more “perfect” day. While at daily Mass today (school Mass) the priest was telling us about Our Lady of Guadalupe…he even had a picture and was explaining to everyone and in front of me is this Mom with her two little girls who chattered…one little girl was reciting her ABCs and “My name is Anna” and the other was whining because her raisins were left at home and Mom just sat there oblivious. The little elderly lady in front of them was trying and craning her neck to try to hear the priest and still Mom just sits. I love the kids…but Mom is the pits.

:heart:Blyss

 

[jmcrae]

“Don’t tease?” Do you equate smiling as teasing…or was this person ACTUALLY teasing the child…in which case that person should learn how to behave around children. Teasing children is wrong.

:heart:Blyss

Tickling him, waving coloured envelopes in his face, making faces at him, playing with his feet, picking him up, “flying” him and making “airplane” noises - and then just suddenly withdrawing and totally ignoring the child when the first hymn began to sound.

And everyone’s then all surprised that the poor kid starts to scream for attention.

 

[netmilsmom]

Tickling him, waving coloured envelopes in his face, making faces at him, playing with his feet, picking him up, “flying” him and making “airplane” noises - and then just suddenly withdrawing and totally ignoring the child when the first hymn began to sound.

And everyone’s then all surprised that the poor kid starts to scream for attention.

This is behavior that no adult should do in a church.
Yes, I fully agree. If the child goes off after that, no way is it the parents’ nor child’s doing.

And then people expect children to sit quietly? Like the parent’s can pull the batteries and the kids sit like a doll?

It’s like when my hubby chases our kids around before bed then expects them to settle down. The poor kids are human afterall.

 

[carol_marie]

This thread couldn’t have come back up to the top on a more “perfect” day. While at daily Mass today (school Mass) the priest was telling us about Our Lady of Guadalupe…he even had a picture and was explaining to everyone and in front of me is this Mom with her two little girls who chattered…one little girl was reciting her ABCs and “My name is Anna” and the other was whining because her raisins were left at home and Mom just sat there oblivious. The little elderly lady in front of them was trying and craning her neck to try to hear the priest and still Mom just sits. I love the kids…but Mom is the pits.

:heart:Blyss

At the risk of crossing over into the kids must be silent all the time at mass camp, I want to say that I sometimes wonder why parents don’t tell their kids to quit talking at mass? My kids, from 4 on up know that they are NOT to talk to me or anyone during mass unless it is VERY important (I have to go to the bathroom NOW) Mass is NOT the time to tell me what they want for lunch, tell me that the girl two rows up in in their class, show me they can say their ABC’s, tell me they they are hot… whatever - they know they must be QUIET. That’s the rules - period, which I follow as well. Some families carry on a running conversation - what’s up with that?

Now this has nothing to do with babies or toddlers at mass … THEY are a blessed work in progress.

 

[carol_marie]

The family should sit in the back, or the parents should remove the offender from the Church. It’s ridiculous to think that everyone should just tolerate a bad tempered minor.
HOWEVER, it’s my personal opinion that a lot of parishes could easily provide a ‘crying room’ for infants and toddlers or even a 50 minute baby sitting service for parents so that they too can benefit from the full experience. Volunteers could staff the room, there can be education, crafts, music etc, we’re not talking an all-day service after all!
A baby who is not yet seven does not have to attend Mass, therefore it’s not a risk to his soul if there is a place that he can be taken so that his mother can get some peace.
Some parents glory in bad behavior from their kids, they think it’s cute, I don’t.

I respectfully disagree with you. For starters, the minor was a baby - babies are noisy & unpredicatable & despite our very best efforts, it is impossible to keep them quiet all of the time. They still deserve to be in mass though, although most parents do remove them when they are creating an ongoing distraction. Most babies will learn to sit nicely after MUCH effort on the parents part by the time the child is 4 or 5 - some better than others. This training cannot be accomplished if the child is shuffled off to do crafts in the nursery for the first 7 years of his life. At 8 my daughter is making her first communion. She would be clueless about the significance & importance of this if she had not been attending mass.

Crying rooms are stinky & noisy - full of talking parents. No thanks.

I don’t know any parents that glory in bad behavior from their young children. But some parents are overwhelmed or just having a bad day - they need our prayers.

 

[netmilsmom]

I’m really beginning to think that many angst could be avoided if someone would police the parents in the cryroom, when provided.

Cryrooms should not be “Socializing Rooms”. If they are, they defeat the purpose.

 

[Marauder]

I respectfully disagree with you. For starters, the minor was a baby - babies are noisy & unpredicatable & despite our very best efforts, it is impossible to keep them quiet all of the time. They still deserve to be in mass though, although most parents do remove them when they are creating an ongoing distraction. Most babies will learn to sit nicely after MUCH effort on the parents part by the time the child is 4 or 5 - some better than others. This training cannot be accomplished if the child is shuffled off to do crafts in the nursery for the first 7 years of his life. At 8 my daughter is making her first communion. She would be clueless about the significance & importance of this if she had not been attending mass.

Crying rooms are stinky & noisy - full of talking parents. No thanks.

I don’t know any parents that glory in bad behavior from their young children. But some parents are overwhelmed or just having a bad day - they need our prayers.

:clapping:
Thank you for saying that I was trying to think of a charitable way to address that post and you hit the nail on the head.

 

[JMJDevotee]

At the risk of crossing over into the kids must be silent all the time at mass camp, I want to say that I sometimes wonder why parents don’t tell their kids to quit talking at mass? My kids, from 4 on up know that they are NOT to talk to me or anyone during mass unless it is VERY important (I have to go to the bathroom NOW) Mass is NOT the time to tell me what they want for lunch, tell me that the girl two rows up in in their class, show me they can say their ABC’s, tell me they they are hot… whatever - they know they must be QUIET. That’s the rules - period, which I follow as well. Some families carry on a running conversation - what’s up with that?

Now this has nothing to do with babies or toddlers at mass … THEY are a blessed work in progress.

I could not agree more. All of my teens know that from the time the door of the Church is opened until they walk through it after Mass there is absolutely NO talking. Not even to greet friends. We walk into the Sanctuary, find our seat and pray until Mass begins. The only variation from this is when the boys serve and they receive instructions from Fr.

Now my 4 year old has been in Church since he was 18 mos old. He has coloring books about Mary, the Mass, the Rosary, books on prayers, his rosary beads etc. No secular items are allowed. He used to bring a snack but now we don’t allow that.

He genuflects before the Tabernacle, which suprises many adults for some reason. He stands for the opening hymn, after that he can color until the Gospel, and again during the Consecration. He knows he is not allowed to talk, although at times he whispers his Hail Mary’s and Our Father’s on his rosary beads, which I feel is ok. He watches for Jesus to come during the Eucharistic prayer (we don’t have the bells so he watches). As he has grown older he has had to learn how to behave in Mass. When he does act up, I take him to the restroom and have a chat, then we go back to Mass. That happens rarely bc he knows his dad and I don’t play when it comes to Mass.

I am amazed at the group of kids I just finished teaching for 1st Reconcilliation. They still bring toys etc to Mass. It just bugs me. I told my class and their parents that will happen no more. If their child can sit still in a classroom at school, then they can sit still for 1 hour for Mass.

I find many parents take it for granted. The solemness of the Mass has left for some reason.

Pax Vobsicum

 

[netmilsmom]

I don’t know any parents that glory in bad behavior from their young children. But some parents are overwhelmed or just having a bad day - they need our prayers.

So what do we do if they are overwhelmed or having a bad day every week?

That is the point.

We had a baby sitting across from us last Sunday. He was a darling. He walked back and forth from us to his Daddy. I did my best to keep my children from encouraging him and I think the Dad appreciated it. He giggled and gurgled and was cute as the day is long. I really had no problem with the noises he made or that he walked in the aisle. He couldn’t have been more than 2.
However, when his noise level got to be more than appropriate, the Dad walked to the back.
God Love him.

On the other hand, at a later Holy Mass a friend of mine was seated with the mother who is always overwhelmed. It set off his kids.
What to do?

 

[JMJDevotee]

I’m really beginning to think that many angst could be avoided if someone would police the parents in the cryroom, when provided.

Cryrooms should not be “Socializing Rooms”. If they are, they defeat the purpose.

But most of them are…ideally it should be a room for infants who can’t control their crying or whatever. Instead most are filled with toys to distract the kids, who then fight over them and then the parents are distracted as well. If you have anything in that room, it should be a book or other religious educational items that promote the teachings of the Church. Like a book of common prayers or a picture missal. And there should be rules for each parent to follow.

Pax Vobiscum

 

[Cranch]

How do you know they are a troll? They may have been over whelmed by the outpouring of comments directed against him. I am in numerous groups and sometimes people who are not used to being on forums get a little taken aback by the comments…BTW what does that have to do with his comments which are right on in my book.

:heart:Blyss

I don’t know he’s a troll for sure. What I do know is the OP joined CAF, made one post about one of the most overheated topics out here and disappeared. A post, you will recall which included a tale of Dad sitting in the pew with his family *and *reading the Epistle at a Latin Mass, and this gem: Should babies be barred from the Tridentine Mass? His last CAF activity as shown in his profile was 28 minutes after posting, period. Done. By that time there were a grand total of two responses to his post. If that was enough to send him screaming, never to return, I’m sorry. If he had stuck around for my post #13, he would have read something fairly sympathetic.

By the way, the troll idea ain’t new on this thread:

#98

I hate to say it, but it may be possible that we have fallen victim to a possible troll. Again, it’s only possible, and I am not calling into question the veracity of the OP, but some things left me a bit confused…Anyway, I am not saying the OP did not experience what he posted, I am not calling anyone dishonest, but I am personally suspicious when people pop up out of the blue and their first post is a post on one topic that starts flames rolling and the then disappear never to be heard from again.

I hope I am wrong, but perhaps those who have participated in this thread can take a step back , calm down and just let this thread fade away instead of feeding the discord that satan desires to see among us.

#184

I don’t often post but I’m amazed by everyone’s attitude.

Everyone seems to be in agreement that it’s not the kids but the unwatched behavior that’s the problem. Posters need to take a breath and realize that everyone agrees on this.

Everyone also agrees that kids are kids. They make noise. Short of the first troll poster, no one said kids aren’t welcome. Posters need to take a breath and realize that…

In her first post on this thread, Veronica Anne was addressing a question from near the very beginning. My parenthetical comment was simply an attempt to give her a little thread history.

 

[Mommyof02green]

Our parish has a 5 pm Saturday Night Mass.
2 morning Masses at 9:00 and 11:00 on Sunday Morning.
And an Evening Mass Sunday Night at 5:00 pm.

During the Months September-May, on the first 3 Sunday’s of the Month, there is Kindergarten (5 year-old) CCD during the 9:00 AM Sunday Mass.

Every Sunday during the 9:00 AM Mass and 11:00 AM Mass there is “babysitting” for those parents that want to use it. However it is only for kids ages 0-5.

Of all the children there only about ½ of them go to the “babysitting”. It’s the parent’s choice. We do NOT have a cry-room. The back of our church has “glass walls” so if you are out in the Vestibule you can “see” and “hear” Mass. We do have chairs in the vestibule that can be used by parents/children: That is if the parents do not want the kids in the main church building itself… Some parents do this, because it’s easier. Also if the kids want to move a little they can, seeing they are not boxed into a little room.

Some parents have the children in the main church area, but if they get too loud they take them out into the vestibule to clam them. It works, because of the glass walls the children can see everyone and everything and get told this is how you need to behave. (Which I have done with my own kids time to time)

Our parish doesn’t seem to get bend out of shape over a child crying or mild interruptions. It is all taken as children especially babies, toddlers, and preschoolers will do these things. Most the crying can be quickly soothed and if it can’t then a parent gets up and leaves with the problem child.

We generally go to church with the extended family. So the kids tend to sit at the other end of the pew with Grandma and Grandpa or sit with their Aunts and Uncles. I find that kids tend to sit better when they are sitting with other people like Grandma/Grandpa. I have also found that over the years kids sit better when they are near the altar. This is because they can actually see what is going on. When they can see what’s happening they tend to be quieter.