Babies At Mass

[Karianne]

I am hardly what you would call a chicken if you were referring to me…but I have mentioned to a parent when their child almost run me over with a grocery cart (I can’t move that fast) and was told to"go to **** and MYOB." I would love to tell the parents of some of these children that their kids behavior is not acceptable but I am not about to be chastised by parents who think their children aren’t doing anything wrong in the first place.

:heart:Blyss

I tell the parents in the stores that their kid almost ran me over and that I live with a lawyer and I ask for their card.
So far, every parent has apologized profusely.

 

[dranzal]

You know, you could make an effort to introduce yourself to the difficult families. Then, after a few weeks, it may not seem so intrusive if you say something helpful to the kids.

As I said in the earlier post, we sit in the front row. I also try to help the choir during some of the songs during Mass. As we are in a cafeteria, the choir is only a few feet from our position in the front row. We know the people who routinely sit behind us. This last Mass, my impulsive 8 yr old boy kicked his CCD folder out from under his chair accidentally. It went up by the lector mike. He thought that was funny. His brother retrieved the folder and he did it again. I was glaring at him from the choir and had hoped he would get the point since this was a silent sit down part and I was reluctant to walk in front. However, the mom behind us asked me (with her eyes and gestures) if I wanted her to handle it and I responded with a nod. We are the Church Militant and need to train the new recruits. She told me after that she was worried I would be upset. I would be if some stranger from 5 rows back did something, but not someone we know who knows that, had I been sitting there, the child would not have dared such behavior.

On the other hand, there are specific children whose behavior is the reason we sit in front. Their parents give some effort, but have lost control of them in Mass and they are now teens.
I think the “don’t discipline your kids 'cause they will lose self esteem” movement has done a disservice to society.

 

[kim3260]

On the other hand, there are specific children whose behavior is the reason we sit in front. Their parents give some effort, but have lost control of them in Mass and they are now teens.
I think the “don’t discipline your kids 'cause they will lose self esteem” movement has done a disservice to society.

:clapping: Exactly! There has been a rash of unruly children since the “hippie feel good about yourself movement” They are even afraid to correct the little darling because his “self esteem” might suffer I actually heard once, “when he is upset he does this (screaming. destoying, kicking) so I let him “work through his feelings””
Real cute how will he work out “his feelings” at 25?

 

[netmilsmom]

I actually heard once, "when he is upset he does this (screaming. destoying, kicking) so I let him "work through his feelings""

Real cute how will he work out “his feelings” at 25?

Well golly gee whiz, when my kids need to “work out their feeling” I tell them to act their age and not like an idiot.

Do you think I hurt their self-esteem?
Good!
Some people fail to realize that children are born with an natural self-centeredness that we as parents must work to overcome so that they can be members of society.
Our job is not to make great kids but to make great adults.

 

[kim3260]

Well golly gee whiz, when my kids need to “work out their feeling” I tell them to act their age and not like an idiot.

Do you think I hurt their self-esteem?
Good!
Some people fail to realize that children are born with an natural self-centeredness that we as parents must work to overcome so that they can be members of society.
Our job is not to make great kids but to make great adults.

My husband had a self esteem builder–his belt All he had to do was to touch the buckle and my kids would get over themselves right away

 

[BlyssfulDreamer]

Wow! It is sure refreshing to see parents who realize that their little ones, although dear to them are not angels and must be steered in the right direction and their little egos will survive. My childrens’ did…

I wanted to tell that to a young “soccer Mom” type (no offense to soccer moms) at the grocery store the other day who decided to stop everything and leave her cart catty cornered in the aisle as she went over to junior and asked him to spell LOBSTER at the lobster tank. Never mind that I wanted to get through…she is saying in that darn sing-song voice…“Vincent, now how do we spell LOBSTER?” After I said "Excuse me"TWICE!! I said “How do you spell GET THE HECK OUT OF MY WAY?!” Instead of saying anything like “Oh, I am sorry” or even move her cart she says to the little darling…“Now Vincent get used to it you will meet many rude people out there.” I actually had to laugh…

:heart:Blyss

 

[kim3260]

Wow! It is sure refreshing to see parents who realize that their little ones, although dear to them are not angels and must be steered in the right direction and their little egos will survive. My childrens’ did…

I wanted to tell that to a young “soccer Mom” type (no offense to soccer moms) at the grocery store the other day who decided to stop everything and leave her cart catty cornered in the aisle as she went over to junior and asked him to spell LOBSTER at the lobster tank. Never mind that I wanted to get through…she is saying in that darn sing-song voice…“Vincent, now how do we spell LOBSTER?” After I said "Excuse me"TWICE!! I said “How do you spell GET THE HECK OUT OF MY WAY?!” Instead of saying anything like “Oh, I am sorry” or even move her cart she says to the little darling…“Now Vincent get used to it you will meet many rude people out there.” I actually had to laugh…

:heart:Blyss

Vincent how do you spell “MANNERS” —Bet Mommy doesn’t know

 

[BlyssfulDreamer]

Vincent how do you spell “MANNERS” —Bet Mommy doesn’t know

LOL Kim:thumbsup:

:heart:Blyss

 

[netmilsmom]

Vincent how do you spell “MANNERS” —Bet Mommy doesn’t know

Amen!

This is the point to this whole long thread.
Those of us that put in an effort still get looks because of those who don’t.

Honestly, when my girls go off, the looks and ticks don’t bother me. I know I put in an effort and I really don’t care who likes it or doesn’t. The proof is in the pudding, so to say.

Bet Vincent was really thrilled about Mommy forcing him to spell in the middle of the grocery store too. When he grows up and can’t take responsibility for his actions, he will blame her for his problems anyway.

But I bet he’ll be able to spell Lobster.

 

[JamesAnthony]

From your OP : ) Thanks to all who posted in reply ! Actually, I hadn’t felt like I was run off … I lost this page for a while, and only found it this morning. I appreciate those who understood that I was not feeling uncharitable toward all babies at all Masses-- indeed I am a friend to babies, believe me; I DO pray for patience and understanding and compassion. In fact, I don’t even give looks or make tsk-ing noises. The decibel level and activity in that front row is simply what gets me. I attend a Novus Ordo Mass mainly; I guess I wrongly expected my hour-a-month visit to the distant Tridentine Mass (when my schedule permits it) to be a respite from an often cacaphonous world. So I didn’t intend to offend those with children-- merely to ask for advice with coping, so I especially appreciate those who framed their responses compassionately and even humorously, without having resorted to telling me basically to “get over it.” Thanks again !

 

[SeekerJen]

I think I’m going to go through this thread and figure out coping mechanisms. I sat through a Mass this morning with a two-year-old behind me who didn’t understand the concept of “inside voice” and yet talked through the entire Mass, who spent half of the Mass kicking the back of my seat, and who crawled under the pew and grabbed at my feet while I was kneeling during the Consecration. I could have dealt with that better if the somewhat older child in front of me didn’t spend most of the Mass laying on the pew and kicking it to make noise, dangling himself half-way over the back of the pew to grab at things in the bookholders, or crawling around his parents during the consecration to audibly smack his older sister. Mom ignored most of it; after the first few smacks, Dad moved the sister off to one side, at which point the boy simply went behind dad to attack sister again. I missed about half of the first reading, much of the Gospel, most of the homily, and almost the entire Eucharistic prayer because I simply couldn’t hear them.

I’m not anti-child, nor am I anti-children-at-Mass. I realize that for every child who can’t or won’t behave, there are at least two dozen who are very well-behaved for their age. But for the ones who can’t handle going an hour without kicking or grabbing at other parishoners or fighting with siblings…well, we have a nursery and Sunday school. My parents did not tolerate such behavior. My husband’s parents did not tolerate such behavior. Somehow we managed to grow up without feeling stifled.

 

[BlyssfulDreamer]

I know what you are saying SeekerJen and it isn’t an easy situation. While I feel it is great for little ones to go to Mass, I think it is also very rude of the parents to let them behave in such a fashion. By letting them act the way they do the parents are raising children who are going to be a pain in the neck to the rest of society because they have not learned boundaries. I think when children begin acting up they should be removed and taken to the cry room…or whatever passes as such in your church. I have seen kids tear the Missalette into shreds…throw cheerios at other parishoners and generally behave like none other than brats. But, Mom and Dad are oblivious and I was the one who stayed after Mass to pick up the kiddies Cheerios from the floor, the pews etc.

On the other side, I have seen children who are the most well behaved and they are a delight. Some here say to concentrate on the Mass and whatever else happens we should not be paying attention to because of focusing on the Mass. I try and sometimes it isn’t the easiest thing to do when you are getting pelted with Cheerios in the eye.

:heart:Blyss

 

[michael0830]

Maybe I’m being a curmudgeon, but it seems to me some parents just want to showcase their children at mass, instead of trying to concentrate on the celebration of the Eucharist. Whether vocalizing unhappily or happily, the parents seem to think everyone will tolerate it because babies do that, and aren’t they cute? It’s very hard to concentrate on the mass when a mother (usually the mother) sits in front of you and holds her infant and keeps looking back and smiling to see if I’m enjoying the cuteness. They usually stop when they see I’m a totally disinterested audience, because my focus is on the altar, the priest and the Eucharist. Does this make me an old fogey curmudgeon?
I know when our kids were infants and they made a peep in church, I was mortified and either I or my wife would transport them to the vestibule post haste with as little interruption as possible.

Mike

 

[St_Gabriel]

I love the sound of a baby’s cry at the Midnight Christmas mass. It reminds me of the baby Jesus. A couple of years ago, my sister and her husband brought their new born to mass that night and guess what? He was squirming and crying a bit in our pew (near the end of mass). You should have seen the dirty looks the lady in frount of us was giving my sister and brother-in-law. She kept turning around. It really made my brother-in-law uncomfortable. They were really trying everything to quiet him down.

 

[Father_of_8]

As a father of 8 children ages 2 - 19, I’ve “been there, done that” and I’m also “still doing that”. Our children have been mostly well behaved, but we’ve had our challenging moments as well. I think what’s important is for everyone to think about how they can help others get the most out of Mass when they attend. As a parent, if one of my children is being a prolonged distraction to others, then I will take steps to stop the behavior or remove the child so that others won’t be continually distracted. As a fellow Catholic attending Mass without young children (which I do from time to time), I will smile and be understanding when someone else’s child is being a distraction. Children can be a distraction sometimes, but so can adults in lots of ways. We need to make Mass a welcoming place for people of all ages and types which is what the Gospels teach us.

 

[calvin1970]

Maybe I’m being a curmudgeon, but it seems to me some parents just want to showcase their children at mass, instead of trying to concentrate on the celebration of the Eucharist. Whether vocalizing unhappily or happily, the parents seem to think everyone will tolerate it because babies do that, and aren’t they cute? It’s very hard to concentrate on the mass when a mother (usually the mother) sits in front of you and holds her infant and keeps looking back and smiling to see if I’m enjoying the cuteness. They usually stop when they see I’m a totally disinterested audience, because my focus is on the altar, the priest and the Eucharist. Does this make me an old fogey curmudgeon?

Mike

I suspect that the mother is looking to see what her baby is looking at and not if you are enjoying the cuteness. At least that is what my sisters would always do.

Personally, I love having babies at Mass. They are such a wonderful celebration of God’s Love that I can’t bring myself to complain about them.

 

[Teeliumtrozzle]

I know it can be annoying sometimes, but if the babies love God and want to go to Mass, they should be allowed.They dont ought to bahave like that, though, so maybe they should wait till theyre a bit older.

 

[Father_of_8]

I’ve often wondered - instead of complaining about distracting children and people of all ages, why don’t we thank God that they’re at Mass and pray that everyone who isn’t at Mass will come? We should rejoice when anyone is at Mass and be sorry for anyone who isn’t.

 

[bpbasilphx]

As I have said in a similar conversation, I don’t need a cry room half as much as the mothers do.

I’ve noticed that the little ones, especially toddlers, are better behaved in a pewless church. They aren’t pinned to a pew where all they can see is wood and furniture. They are free to move around and look at icons and other things in the church without disturbing anyone. (There tends to be a brownian drift in such churches anyway.)

One priest told the story about concelebrating in a parish he was visitng, and never could figure out which children belonged to which parents, because every time he turned around (literally), the little ones were being held by someone else.

 

[FatBoy]

Okay… my intention is not to offend. Perhaps I’m just venting?
Today I attended a Tridentine Mass in Central Florida. (I prefer it to the Novus Ordo.) I’ve attended it on numerous occasions.
As expected, Mom and Dad and their four little children berthed in the second row, where everyone can see (and hear) them. (They have been at every one of these Masses that I go to, perhaps once every couple of months.) Dad read the Epistle, so apparently he has some intimate connection with this service.
As expected, the youngest child whined, cried, screamed, and babbled during the ENTIRE hour-- no exaggeration. The requisite shushing and hushing and bringing-to-the-back was performed, to no avail; and every time that little boy opened his mouth, my shoulders tensed. The entire second row was like a circus.
All I ask for is a beautiful Mass without distractions… I’d LOVE to be able to concentrate fully on the Consecration without experiencing evil thoughts towards children… ! It hasn’t happened in YEARS. I’m tempted to start attending Masses at the retreat center up the road-- just me and the monks.
Thoughts? Similar experiences? Should I grin and bear it? Should babies be barred from the Tridentine Mass? Should I worship with the monks? Should this family sit in the back? I would DEARLY love to devote my mind entirely to a Mass and experience it fully.

This sounds a little self-absorbed. You sound like a Protestant! Remember it’s not about you it’s about Him. If it distracts you then maybe you need to check the reasons why you are at Mass.

Blessings