Baby?

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Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

This weekend, while at a neighborhood bbq, my husband came behind me and hugged me from behind and told some friends that we were trying to get pregnant. And we probably are!
He lifted my shirt and rubbed my belly.
I asked him why he said that when we don’t know. He said he is sure of it because the sex has been so fantastic lately. He can tell.
It made me uncomfortable in front of my friends that he would say that.
What can I do?
 
Momof9inFL said:
Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

This weekend, while at a neighborhood bbq, my husband came behind me and hugged me from behind and told some friends that we were trying to get pregnant. And we probably are!
He lifted my shirt and rubbed my belly.
I asked him why he said that when we don’t know. He said he is sure of it because the sex has been so fantastic lately. He can tell.
It made me uncomfortable in front of my friends that he would say that.
What can I do?
Click to expand...
With all due respect,this sounds rather obnoxious.
 
Momof9inFL said:
Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

This weekend, while at a neighborhood bbq, my husband came behind me and hugged me from behind and told some friends that we were trying to get pregnant. And we probably are!
He lifted my shirt and rubbed my belly.
I asked him why he said that when we don’t know. He said he is sure of it because the sex has been so fantastic lately. He can tell.
It made me uncomfortable in front of my friends that he would say that.
What can I do?
Click to expand...
Do you find this amusing?
 
Tell your husband he is going against your wishes. Don’t have intercourse during the fertile times.

The bbq thing was obnoxious.
 
Momof9inFL said:
Thank you all for your (name removed by moderator)ut.

This weekend, while at a neighborhood bbq, my husband came behind me and hugged me from behind and told some friends that we were trying to get pregnant. And we probably are!
He lifted my shirt and rubbed my belly.
I asked him why he said that when we don’t know. He said he is sure of it because the sex has been so fantastic lately. He can tell.
It made me uncomfortable in front of my friends that he would say that.
What can I do?
Click to expand...
My initial thought in reading this is that your husband sounds like he is obsessed with having another baby. I think what he did at the bbq was thoughtless and, honestly, weird.

I really think you need to make your wishes known to him. It’s not all about him. This affects you too, and you need to tell him how you feel.

And at the very least, he needs to know the thing he did at the bbq made you uncomfortable and that he should not do anything like that again.
 
This is just me talking, but I would have regarded the barbeque performance as:
  1. a stunt
  2. obnoxious
  3. distracting me from the real issue, whatever it is
  4. pushy
  5. weird
    6. all of the above
He has put you on the spot.

Moreoever, you still haven’t told him how this unilateral decision makes you feel.

Moreover, he still hasn’t told you when he made that decision, why, and what he hopes to get out of it.

If I didn’t know better, I’d say it was a distraction script (from “The Script”). Specifically, the one called “I keep telling you to do X.”

Step 1: “You should do X.” {Note: X usually is neither good nor bad in itself. What it usually is, is time-consuming, and therefore a distraction.]

Step 2: Woman does not do X immediately, or at all, or worse, cannot do X.

Step 3: Man finds someone who will, or can, do X.

Step 4: Man grooms outsiders to accept the new someone, because the old lady did not do X. He had no choice; he is the victim. Poor man!

…

I’m probably wrong about that. If something was going wrong in your relationship, your gut would tell you and it wouldn’t go away.

But yeah, he did put you on the spot to pop out a baby. If you don’t, or can’t have another, people will assume it was your doing, not God’s.

He may just be wanting a baby (cute, will love unconditionally) as opposed to wanting to be a parent again (teenagers, anyone?)

Try asking him, “if it turns out that we two can’t have anymore, what do you think about adoption?” And since there’s a long line for babies, “what you do think about older children?” The adoption fairs are pretty full.

Alternately, he may just be having a mid-life crisis.

He may just be wanting a bass boat.

Which, by the way, are probably cheaper.
 
Hi all,

Update for you.
My wonderful, loving, sexy husband and I had a long talk about another baby a few weeks ago. He still wants us to try for one more and would like that to happen soon. I’m in agreement now after praying on it. I’d love to add another child to our family and I’m open to it. My doctor says it’s very much a possibility.
My husband says he loves trying and loves succeeding even more. I smiled so wide when he said that. It makes me so happy to have a wonderful partner in my life.
We’ve actively tried, but still waiting…
 
Please, and I say this with all charity, but it seems like your husband views his manhood in his ability to have sex often and procreate. I mean, three times in one day? No offense, but my husband is lucky if we have sex three times in a month due to my medical conditions.

And just because you think your husband is sexy is not grounds to have another child. I would hope some serious talk about the rigors of having another child after having 9 would factor in.

Take my view with a grain of salt if you wish.
 
Momof9inFL said:
Hi all,

Update for you.
My wonderful, loving, sexy husband and I had a long talk about another baby a few weeks ago. He still wants us to try for one more and would like that to happen soon. I’m in agreement now after praying on it. I’d love to add another child to our family and I’m open to it. My doctor says it’s very much a possibility.
My husband says he loves trying and loves succeeding even more. I smiled so wide when he said that. It makes me so happy to have a wonderful partner in my life.
We’ve actively tried, but still waiting…
Click to expand...
So happy for you! I’m glad you had a good talk and you are both on the same page! Since you posted this thread, I’ve had an update, too. We are now expecting 😃 I wish you well on your attempt at the “perfect 10.”
 
Momof9inFL said:
Hi all,

Update for you.
My wonderful, loving, sexy husband and I had a long talk about another baby a few weeks ago. He still wants us to try for one more and would like that to happen soon. I’m in agreement now after praying on it. I’d love to add another child to our family and I’m open to it. My doctor says it’s very much a possibility.
My husband says he loves trying and loves succeeding even more. I smiled so wide when he said that. It makes me so happy to have a wonderful partner in my life.
We’ve actively tried, but still waiting…
Click to expand...
momof9, I just want to throw a few questions your way, not to disturb your happiness but to encourage you to listen to your own heart. Your husband seems to view reproducing in a sort of obsessive way. It’s as though it means something to his manhood. That’s fine if you are equally motivated. It can happen that when a women passes through menopause, a man this motivated could react strangely. You are obviously in a happy, loving situation but you also have to feel like you are more than your ability to reproduce.

You may already have all these questions sorted out, but are you coping financially, emotionally and physically with the children? Are your support people happy to support you or experiencing hesitation at this news. (Husbands bbq revelations) Concerns about your capacity to cope are part of responsible parenting.

He sounds like a lovable guy but perhaps needing a calibration of relationship. It sounds like you might ‘come around to his thinking’ to make things better and that’s not always a good long term strategy.

Whatever happens, I pray God blesses you abundantly for your goodness as a wife and mother.
 
Yes, we are on the same page…absolutely.

I want another child, if God chooses to provide for us. I hope and pray every day.

On Christmas Eve, with all of the kids out with relatives, and the youngest down for the night, we had another great talk. We talked about us, about our lives, our union, our joy. We are so in sync…I cried when he told me what a great mother I am and how much he admires me.
I held his head in my lap for an hour, and we talked about family and getting pregnant. We both said yes again to trying very hard.We were intimate that night and I’m praying I am carrying our child.
 
Momof9inFL said:
Yes, we are on the same page…absolutely.

I want another child, if God chooses to provide for us. I hope and pray every day.

On Christmas Eve, with all of the kids out with relatives, and the youngest down for the night, we had another great talk. We talked about us, about our lives, our union, our joy. We are so in sync…I cried when he told me what a great mother I am and how much he admires me.
I held his head in my lap for an hour, and we talked about family and getting pregnant. We both said yes again to trying very hard.We were intimate that night and I’m praying I am carrying our child.
Click to expand...
TMI:eek:
 
Momof9inFL said:
Hi all,

Update for you.
My wonderful, loving, sexy husband and I had a long talk about another baby a few weeks ago. He still wants us to try for one more and would like that to happen soon. I’m in agreement now after praying on it. I’d love to add another child to our family and I’m open to it. My doctor says it’s very much a possibility.
My husband says he loves trying and loves succeeding even more. I smiled so wide when he said that. It makes me so happy to have a wonderful partner in my life.
We’ve actively tried, but still waiting…
Click to expand...
How lovely, I hope your prayers are answered.
 
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