Baptist Husband doesn't want me to convert

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Hey, It’s been a while since I posted. Well, about a month ago I started my RCIA program and am loving it!!! However, last night I was speaking to my husband about a good friend of mine (who used to be pagan and is going through RCIA with me now Praise God!) who’s baptist wife is belittling him about becoming Catholic. My husband made a face and I asked him what it was for. He kept saying “Nothing” until I finally wheedled it out of him. He does not like me becoming Catholic either! He has never professed any problem with it before and it took me off guard. Now, my husband is very intelligent, but he is holding on to many misconceptions about catholicism. He doesn’t like all of the ritual involved. Thinks holy water and rosaries are superstitious. He thinks it’s all but pagan. He believes the churches are too fancy and the priests too adorned. I tried to tell him that it is a throwback to the old testament, and he countered with the fact that Jesus made the old testament obsolete. He doesn’t want to take away from me being happy, and it is definitely making me a better person, but he wants us to go to church together, but doesn’t want to go to Mass. I look at him as the head of the household and want to be a good wife… Should I stop going to RCIA because he doesn’t like it? Should I be dutiful and submit to him in this matter? Before I took the “leap” and started RCIA, I prayed about it. I prayed that God would show me that this was where I belonged. I have never gotten that I shouldn’t become Catholic. I do not want my husband and I to have such a great rift in our marriage, but I feel that I am right. For now, I will continue my RCIA, but if he insists I stop, what am I to do? I can’t go back to being baptist, but I want my husband and I to be one in every matter. But how can I be if my heart is not with the baptist way of doing things? I am praying that he will come around and perhaps become more educated on the subject, but I know how stubborn he can be, especially when one grows up hearing all of the overblown arguments against Catholicism. Advice and prayers welcome.
 
No, you should not stop RCIA nor should you refrain frorm becoming Catholic.

Looking to the fourth commandment, which discusses obeying (for children) and honoring (for adults) our parents, civil authorities, etc, the Church is clear that we draw the line at those things that are sinful or harmful. The Church holds the fullness of truth, and if Christ has called you to the Church, you should not ignore that call.

That does not mean you cannot attend Baptist services with your husband in addition to Mass if you think it will help your relationship.

The book When Only One Converts may be helpful, and your priest may have some practical advice for you.
 
Thank you. I plan on speaking with him this evening. I will definietly look into that book.
 
You do have a problem, one that I have some empathy for. May I suggest that you discuss this with the priest where you are in RCIA, even show him this post,and get his guidance. If you feel God lead you to this decision you must obey, but perhaps there is a way to do this without causing marital strife. Trust your priest. God bless you.
 
It’s just stressful. He’s always believed in God, but never was really devout and never really participated in hid faith. He’s had his doubts about the Bible (it was written by men, and how can we know that God was really speaking trough these men, we weren’t there.) and he’s only recently been a few times to church with his buddy. He says he felt uncomfortable because they ask where his wife is and they look at him weird when he tells them I’m going to a catholic church. I’m not saying I have been the best Christian, in fact, quite the opposite. It just feels like now that I’m going full force into this, he doesn’t want me to. Maybe he’s feeling left out, or left behind. I want to take him to Mass or to an RCIA class with me, but I know he’ll be stubborn and have something he doesn’t like or something he’ll complain about. I want him to know what I feel and why I love it. I’m just afraid… Plus, he’s shy around new people and I know he’ll feel uncomfortable and like people are prying into his business (they’re naturally open people at this church and want to know all about you.) I will pray for guidance, but I want him to know it’s not what he thinks it is.
 
Don’t you dare stop RCIA or the thought of converting because of anyone else! 😛 It is your soul that is on the line and your choice to make, not anyone else’s. I’ve found that often times, people who are so against the Catholic religion are against it because of ignorance and not knowing the truth about it. Perhaps if you share with your husband the things you are learning in RCIA, he’ll be able to accept it better. Having said that, though, at the end of the day, the choice is still yours and yours alone. Remember, you are not alone in this journey- we support you! 🙂
 
1ke always give great advice. 👍

Obviously I do not know you and have only your few posts to go by. But, to me, the fact that you had to “wheedle” this information out of him suggests to me that he wouldn’t “forbid” you from being Catholic. He wasn’t even going to voice his displeasure until you coaxed it out of him.

I dunno, I thought you might find that encouraging. :o
 
I have talked to him about it. He always asks how it was and if I learned anything and we talk about it. Maybe I haven’t been as detailed as I could sinceI didn’t want to force it on him. I just wanted him to see the example I’m trying to set. I’ll ask him to come to RCIA with me one Wednesday and see where it goes from there.
 
Joe_5859 said:
1ke always give great advice. 👍

Obviously I do not know you and have only your few posts to go by. But, to me, the fact that you had to “wheedle” this information out of him suggests to me that he wouldn’t “forbid” you from being Catholic. He wasn’t even going to voice his displeasure until you coaxed it out of him.

I dunno, I thought you might find that encouraging. :o
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Ha! that’s true. I suppose I knew in a sense where it would lead and I wanted to talk about it with him. I wanted to know why he didn’t like it and I got my answer. I just wanted him to see why I love it so much!
 
This may sound a bit weird, but think that you have a wonderful husband who only wants your happiness.

Consider how this situation has developed…The only reason that you know of his concerns/objections is because you - by your own admission - “wheedled it out of him” after he was reluctant to get into the issue with you. Why was he reluctant? Seems to me it is because he loves you and does not want their to be a problem. However, you insisted he share and he was not going to lie to you so now you have to deal with the consequences.

The main consequence is that, because you love him and don’t want him to be unhappy, you now have concerns as to whether you should move forward…

Do you see how all of these things are stemming from love? It is good that you have such a relationship with this wonderful man.

Now - having looked at how we got here…What to do???
You say that he has many misconceptions about the Church.
Well how can he learn that they are either wrong or not all that important?
Seems the best way is to have a wonderful wife who is learning and living the truth.

You mention that he was never really all that committed to the Baptist faith either, questions on the bible and so forth, and only recently started going to church “with a buddy”. Here too is a wonderful opportunity for you both to examine and learn together.

So - I would suggest that you continue with RCIA…since this is where God want’s you. Be open with your husband and tell him to be open with you. Tell him that since you are both on this journey to learn more and move closer to God, that It will be so much more enriching to learn together…Each bringing a different perspective…

Of course it is not an ideal situation, but it seems that, as much as you two care for each other this is very workable.

Peace
James
 
It’s true. We do love eachother very much. He is a great man who would lay down his life for me. In fact, this is the only major disagreement that we have. I didn’t mean to make him sound cold hearted when I said he was stubborn. He’s just very… opinionated. I did wheedle it out of him, which maybe I shouldn’t. However, luckily we are past the point in our relationship where we get defensive and shut down. ha! I think that is very good advice though. I will definitely try to bring that perspective in next time we talk about it. We are learning to Love God again. We both were “troublesome youths” and turned away from God. Now, we’re on shaky ground I suppose since we’re having to learn all over again. Like learning how to walk after a bad wreck. I definietly need prayers about the Spirit guiding my tongue and speaking through me when discussing this with him. Thank you.
 
MeganKichler said:
Hey, It’s been a while since I posted. Well, about a month ago I started my RCIA program and am loving it!!! However, last night I was speaking to my husband about a good friend of mine (who used to be pagan and is going through RCIA with me now Praise God!) who’s baptist wife is belittling him about becoming Catholic. My husband made a face and I asked him what it was for. He kept saying “Nothing” until I finally wheedled it out of him. He does not like me becoming Catholic either! He has never professed any problem with it before and it took me off guard.
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welcome! we’re so glad that you’re here and that your friend is also here and we all hold out hope that your husband will see the light as well!
MeganKichler said:
Now, my husband is very intelligent, but he is holding on to many misconceptions about catholicism. He doesn’t like all of the ritual involved. Thinks holy water and rosaries are superstitious. He thinks it’s all but pagan. He believes the churches are too fancy and the priests too adorned. I tried to tell him that it is a throwback to the old testament, and he countered with the fact that Jesus made the old testament obsolete.
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the church designs and priest’s vestments come from the roman empire (in the roman rite, anyway, which accounts for some 98% of catholics), not the old testament. the liturgy (or ritual, if you prefer) does, indeed, hail back to the old testament, which is important because it is the foundation of the new testament. sacramentals are attributed with great miracles that have been documented and proven (in the negative approval way that the church restricts herself to) and you can point these out to him if he thinks that they’re just objects of superstition. but, if he doesn’t like all that visual stuff (most protestants don’t), then you can point out to him that there are plenty of catholic churches that have very little of it, like the franciscans. they are just as catholic as the rest of us. this might help him to see that, like people, what we are is more important that what we look like.
MeganKichler said:
He doesn’t want to take away from me being happy, and it is definitely making me a better person, but he wants us to go to church together, but doesn’t want to go to Mass. I look at him as the head of the household and want to be a good wife… Should I stop going to RCIA because he doesn’t like it? Should I be dutiful and submit to him in this matter?
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no, because your duties to God take precedence over your duties to your husband. Jesus did warn us that following Him could set family members against eachother.
MeganKichler said:
Before I took the “leap” and started RCIA, I prayed about it. I prayed that God would show me that this was where I belonged. I have never gotten that I shouldn’t become Catholic. I do not want my husband and I to have such a great rift in our marriage, but I feel that I am right. For now, I will continue my RCIA, but if he insists I stop, what am I to do? I can’t go back to being baptist, but I want my husband and I to be one in every matter. But how can I be if my heart is not with the baptist way of doing things? I am praying that he will come around and perhaps become more educated on the subject, but I know how stubborn he can be, especially when one grows up hearing all of the overblown arguments against Catholicism. Advice and prayers welcome.
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my rosary intention for today will be for you and all converts. 🙂 one of my favorite books to quote from (especially to some of my atheist friends; you think protestants can be hostile to the church?) is a book called, ‘why do catholics do that?’ the tone is conversational and the author just skims the surface of these often verbose topics, so it is very good reading for some who might ask, ‘why do catholics do that?’

books.google.com/books/about/Why_Do_Catholics_Do_that.html?id=Lm7L8XJpcl8C

the best way to counter (or prevent!) him asking you to stop going to rcia is to ask him to join you in in the classes so that he can see what it is like, so i’m glad that you’re going to do that. his stubbornness against God’s church is not your problem, so just relax and try not to take responsibility for it. just pray for him and ask God to take care of it. jkrh makes some excellent points. your husband must be a very good man and you must be a very good wife to him. trust in your marriage.
 
I would advise compromise, a divorce of matters that you two primarily agree about is not worth it. The disagreement are about secondary beliefs between Catholicism and Baptists.

So celebrate common ground and a strong compromising marriage
 
the church designs and priest’s vestments come from the roman empire (in the roman rite, anyway, which accounts for some 98% of catholics), not the old testament. the liturgy (or ritual, if you prefer) does, indeed, hail back to the old testament, which is important because it is the foundation of the new testament. sacramentals are attributed with great miracles that have been documented and proven (in the negative approval way that the church restricts herself to) and you can point these out to him if he thinks that they’re just objects of superstition. but, if he doesn’t like all that visual stuff (most protestants don’t), then you can point out to him that there are plenty of catholic churches that have very little of it, like the franciscans. they are just as catholic as the rest of us. this might help him to see that, like people, what we are is more important that what we look like.

Ah, see, I was thinking about how God told them how to set up and decorate the temples and also when Aaron and his sons were given special vestments to wear.
 
MeganKichler said:
Ha! that’s true. I suppose I knew in a sense where it would lead and I wanted to talk about it with him. I wanted to know why he didn’t like it and I got my answer. I just wanted him to see why I love it so much!
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Megan, I believe in time he will see it and love you all the more because of the truth of your example. God’s peace and blessings to your marriage, Carlan
 
Also let him know that if he should join you in RCIA he is not committing to becoming Catholic. He can go for to learn what we believe.

I will be praying for your situation. You are blessed to have such a wonderful husband.
 
MeganKichler said:
the church designs and priest’s vestments come from the roman empire (in the roman rite, anyway, which accounts for some 98% of catholics), not the old testament. the liturgy (or ritual, if you prefer) does, indeed, hail back to the old testament, which is important because it is the foundation of the new testament. sacramentals are attributed with great miracles that have been documented and proven (in the negative approval way that the church restricts herself to) and you can point these out to him if he thinks that they’re just objects of superstition. but, if he doesn’t like all that visual stuff (most protestants don’t), then you can point out to him that there are plenty of catholic churches that have very little of it, like the franciscans. they are just as catholic as the rest of us. this might help him to see that, like people, what we are is more important that what we look like.

Ah, see, I was thinking about how God told them how to set up and decorate the temples and also when Aaron and his sons were given special vestments to wear.
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Maybe you could take your husband to mass at a Cistercian monastery. They are as plain as any fundamental church, if not more so.

Do you live in northern Lousiana maybe in the Sherveport (sp) area? Of course Catholhics are much more plentifull and accepted in southern LA.
 
andrewstx said:
Maybe you could take your husband to mass at a Cistercian monastery. They are as plain as any fundamental church, if not more so.

Do you live in northern Lousiana maybe in the Sherveport (sp) area? Of course Catholhics are much more plentifull and accepted in southern LA.
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I live in Rayville at the momoent which is 2 1/2 hours away from Shreveport. There’s only on little catholic church here that has about 15 members none of which are our age. I drive about 25 minutes to get to church (we used to live down the road from it - it’s where i take RCIA)
 
Your husband wants you to live your spiritual life according to his biases and misconceptions about the Catholic Church. Put it to him that way and ask if that is showing you the love and respect you deserve as his wife. You could also tell him that in return you are willing to allow him to remain a Baptist, even though it is a rejection of the Church and sacraments and complete bible given to us by Christ. 😉

Remember that the Catholic Church has an answer to all of these objections. He doesn’t get to object without hearing the Catholic answer to an objection. That’s only fair.

Good luck!
 
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